• Member Since 10th Feb, 2013
  • offline last seen Jul 27th, 2017

Gron


T

Steve Murray, the first human who discovered alien life, landed alone on Equestria.
A new world, familiar and alien at the same time.
Now he has to adapt his life to the new environment.


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Co-authored/Co-written and edited by JBL
Proofread by Tofty

Set in an alternate universe. Takes place in Season 3, ignoring Twilicorn.
Earth time is 2013 in regards of culture/music/movies/games. Technology is more advanced, especially in space travel. Don't try to overanalyze in these scenes.

Chapters (27)
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Comments ( 759 )

Alright next chapter now comrade!

2328192 2328162 I'm working on it. It's very nice to see that you like it. Unfortunately I'm going on holidays in 4 days (yeah I know great timing right after starting a story) and I got a lot of things to do and will not be able to finish the next chapter until then but will take my tablet with me and hopefully find some time to write on it.
I haven't written much yet because I want some more feedback as this is my first story ever.

Ohhh okey well i can wait four days or more :rainbowkiss::rainbowkiss::rainbowkiss::rainbowkiss::rainbowkiss::pinkiehappy:

No Twilicorn? have a thumbs up:raritywink:

2328756 I didn't use Twilicorn because I don't know how to handle her not because I dislike her.
My profile picture may show something else but Twilight is still my favorite pony. :twilightsmile:

Dude, this starting to look like a great opening to an epic story. Be looking forward to the next installment.

2328784
I'm uber happy that you're not using Twilicorn. Nothing against Twilight or anything, its just that I prefer to think that there's more potential with her being normal.

2339508 Thank you. I'm not sure about the potential but I have no idea how it changed the status quo so far.

The next chapter is finished but needs a lot of editing and some small changes, as I am not quite happy with it yet. It will be about 6-7k words long. I hope you will like it.

2339521
Actually I believe its more on the lines of the appeal rather than the potential of Twilight still being a unicorn.

You're writing this on your tablet?

:yay: :yay: :yay: :yay: another Chapter of Awesomeness well what you wrote about the alicorn seems kinda understandeble so yeah

Long Live The Revolution!

2362892 Nope I write it on a normal PC. But I'm on holidays now and couldn't finish the last chapter at home so I made the last editings on my tablet. It's not very nice to write long things on these things so I hope I didn't mess up to much in the editing. It's so much easier at home but I didn't want you to wait 2 weeks if the chapter is 99% ready.
Won't start a new chapter until I'm home though.

YAY, Update! :pinkiehappy:

The Alicorn stuff is fine to me.
The Chapter was good, we get to know Steve better at got some insights in his thougt-process...eseses? :rainbowhuh:
It's also nice to know that you didn't took the "Mankind is a bitch"-Approach.:pinkiesmile:

So then, awaiting next chapter.

Please can I have some more:duck:

2402771 Soon. Progress came to a halt right now. Fell sick and can't write anything productive (you can see the outcame of writing on medicine on my other story :facehoof:) so I haven't written a single line over the last few days for this story. However I'm going to be back home soon and I have much more time for writing then. I expect to update next week, hopefully on thursday the latest. :twilightsmile:

this story blows so much dick!

2446210 Anything specific you find wrong about it? I could try to improve it.

Yay, Update!

...uh, yeah, I got nothing to say this time.

This story shows promise, bit this chapter in particular is rife with quite a lot of errors. Words, letters and commas missing, oddly structured phrases (particularly with dialogue or inner thoughts), and words being used in the wrong tense. Weirdly though, these only seem to have started after you switched to the POV of the ponies. I would suggest going over this section with a fine comb, and after you've done that, get someone else to do so too. A lot of the time you'll miss errors that you write down because your mind subconsciously replaces it with what you meant to say when you read it back to yourself.

2446810 Thanks for the notice I'll have a closer look at it tomorrow.

Some grammar problems, but I enjoy this story quite much nevertheless :P

You know what? I really, really like this story!:twilightsmile:

if english isn't your 1st language, then where are you from man?

2479586 Yeah there will be a bit more in the future. I thought it would be the best to make the AI not too serious. The change of the AI behaviour is explained by the "own will" AI's have and the more they learn the more they change.
I believe this gives me the most freedom to describe her "character"
Oh and nice car you have there as a profile pic :rainbowdetermined2:

Not bad considering that English isn't your native language

2485022 thanks! Made the car myself on Forza 4, (Toyota Trueno AE86) and I like the story quite a bit, it's just my opinion but I'd like to see more chemistry between the main character and Rainbow Dash, but she is undoubtedly my favorite pony, but whatever way you decide to take the story I'm sure it'll still be pretty great, and I'll keep reading.

Sarah...I love you:rainbowlaugh:

2517353 Sorry, no youtube access in space. She doesn't know what love is.

Shit's getting better. More!

e: no offense ofc.

JBL

“I’m sorry, you are not in your world anymore.”

When Celestia said he wasn't in his own world anymore, did you mean to say he wasn't in his own universe? :unsuresweetie: They were going through space, it's pretty obvious he wasn't in his own world! I also didn't really...... like for a better word... how accepting he was of Luna's invading his dream, a normal human reaction would have manifested itself a bit stronger, although I get that he doesn't want to rage in front of the leaders of another world. I didn't think he would just move on so quickly from it. I'm hoping that this won't be a story where all kinds of crap happens to the protagonist and he just shrugs them away and promptly forgets about them. :facehoof:

"Hey Steve, sorry about bucking in the face and knocking out all your teeth!"
"Ah, no worries, I like eating soup anyway." :facehoof:

By all accounts, he should be steaming mad when he wakes up that Celestia pulled him into this universe, not all passive and accepting. Sorry for the rant but I've seen it happened way too many times before.

Aside from that, it was a pretty good chapter, can't wait to see what you do next. :twilightsmile:

2532377 I was struggeling with the words there. In this case world was not refering to a planet but to the universe.
And yes he will go on a little rant. For now what's preventing him from getting really angry was that he has to play nice, for the sake of the mission. Now this no longer counts. I should have clarfied it further in this mind that he just acted nice and friendly.

Thanks for the note I'll edit it.
I rewrote this whole scene a few times and didn't really notice that I completely left this point out completely.

“It’s okay… I feel fine,” he mumbled.
“Okay... maybe not,” he was able to say before he passed out on the floor.

I love it :rainbowlaugh:

JBL

2532450 Maybe you should change the word 'world' and replace it with 'universe' to avoid confusion.

“I searched the databases and found some articles about Trolling and it sounded… interesting.”

Sarah and Celestia are going to have a REALLY good time. :trollestia:

Woo, update! :pinkiehappy:

Well, Celly sure do has a hoof for screwing up things. :twilightoops:

Hmm, that leaves the questiono, if all humans would have those fuzzy memories of a dreamwalk from Luna :rainbowhuh:

Oh, and obligatory:
MOAR! :flutterrage:

The first thing he should do is go back to his ship and get some guns and blow out Celestia's brains ......... or he could just lay the verbal smackdown on both princesses, shocking everyone in the room, storm off from the castle and go back to the forest and stay until he cools down..... yeah that might be just a bit better! :rainbowlaugh:

2532377 Lmao I've got a better one:
"Hey Steve, sorry for stabbing you with my horn and castrating you."
"Nah, it's not like I was going to have children anyway :rainbowlaugh:

Yeah I don't like overly passive human characters too.

Whoo I am liking this story a lot, favourited without hesitation. One thing though, Sarah for some reason is starting to remind me of HAL 9000... and that's never a good thing! :pinkiecrazy:

2532994 Any reasemblence is unintentional. In this case I really mean it, as I only know this HAL from it's name. Never saw the movie/read the book.
Thanks for the fav :yay:

JBL

I know you said English wasn't your first language so I thought I would point out some of errors in your work.

„Rise and shine!” Sarah greeted, as cheerful as her robotic voice allowed her to.

"Rise and shine!"

It grow larger in a series of images

It grew larger

Did I talk to it? he asked himself, trying to filter words from the noises

Did I talk to it, he asked himself, trying to filter the words.....

so he checked his image in the mirror one last time.

appearance might work better than the word 'image'

“There comes the rest,”

I think you mean something along the lines of "There the others are,"

who rule over the country.

who ruled over the country

the countries who still have a monarchy.

the countries that still had a monarchy

Unfortunately he couldn’t spectate the town further

he couldn't observe the town further

Maybe there’s a confusion?”

That line sounds sort of awkward, I really don't know how to replace it

“I’m appreciate your understanding,”

"I appreciate your understanding,"

I didn’t even knew if you noticed me or not, so I kept following you. But then something unexpected did happened

I didn't even know...... something unexpected did happen.


PS: Normally I despise song lyrics in stories, but since that's one of my favorite songs, I'll forgive you! :pinkiehappy:

Fantastic job with explaining the magic, it was really deep and it has some logic behind it instead of like oops! the princess fucked up! And now you're here.
Great chapter, and keep on goin, this story is great! :rainbowkiss:

I love this story!:rainbowwild:

2533236 Thanks for the list! I'll edit it once I get home! Much appreciated.
I don't plan on including any more song lyrics, don't worry

And a big thanks to all of you for the feedback. :rainbowwild:

JBL

Glad to help. By the way, do you think you could pull off a chapter by the 10th? I've got exams three days in a row before I get a break, so it would be cool to have a chapter just waiting for me :pinkiesmile:

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