• Member Since 10th Jun, 2012
  • offline last seen May 18th

Jay Cruiz


T
Source

Currently being rewritten to fix all grammar issues and story inconsistency



I always thought life was a bit dreary and after losing everything I had nothing to live for. So after an unfortunate accident whilst drunk I find myself here in Equestria, I think is the name, with a butt load of talking cartoon like talking ponies. They have magic, which is nearly impossible for me to do, but still attainable, but that isn't the strangest part. I have conversed with a deity of light, one of dark, one of love and another of chaos, but that isn't the strangest part. I met the saviors of this place, The Elements of Harmony, six fun loving and caring mares. And the worst part is I think I fell for one of them.
My name is Evan Wright and I am now living in Equestria.

Art BOZE-JP
Edited by zubafa and as of 2/24/2013 MLP Lover
As of 2/1/13 Proof read by Nekosama321, Cold Spike, and The Grim Reaper

Chapters (7)
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Comments ( 311 )

I'm trying a new spin on HiE, just as a temporary thing.

Dafaq....??? Idk what the Tartarus I just read, but it....was decent....? Do you need an editor or pre-reader bro:trixieshiftright:?

Nekosama321
Indeed I do, I always post the first chapter without any e\ditors or proof readers and build up from there

Hmmm.

First thoughts - I'm not usually a huge fan of HiE stories - especially those that begin with the "death" of the human - but what the hay - I'll give it a try.

~~~~~
After thought -

Not bad. Not bad at all. The writing was fairly clean, with no howling errors that leapt out at me. A big plus.
I REALLY liked the linguistic issues - so that's also a win.

I think I'm going to track this one...

Aru

Well... description kinda scared me (some glitches, not to mention using suicide as a way to end up accidentaly in equestria...). But it's.... good. For now you have my interest in the story. Especially things about language. I never liked idea that ponies really talk in english ;)

Edit: Oh,oh... inspiration from some of my favourite mature writers? uuu... fav, to have it on "eye"

Did you just randomly type letters when he was hearing them speak?

Well its all going to be eplained later on so dont stress too much

1831259
Yes and no. I wanted it to sound strange and melodic.....wait yeah i kinda did

Comment posted by Jay Cruiz deleted Feb 20th, 2013

Hmm. Not sure if want? Sod it, I'll toss a fave and a like at you.

1831469
well with the number of faves i received in the nlast hour I would be crazy not too. :pinkiehappy:

You did well... his coming into the world was not original in the slightest lol, but in this case it does not matter. Language barrier is handled fine so far, I just hope you fix it in the way I wish other stories would...... COUGH WRITING DOWN HIS ALPHABET UN COUGH :ajbemused:

1831554
that was one idea I was toying with, but i haven figured out what I want to do yet

My freaking god! I cant believe the feed back on this. Wow. Just Wow.
:rainbowderp::derpytongue2::pinkiehappy:

1831864
Me surprised, its been up for like three hourss and already over fify faves :rainbowderp:

I dunno about the random typing to emulate a new language. I'd have been much lazier and used a simple rot13 cypher so I could secretly know what I had the ponies speak.

But aside from the cliched entry into Equestria, I find myself really liking this one. He doesn't instantly understand ponies, he's not slinging magic around, he certainly didn't show up with guns and a laptop in the middle of the Everfree forest and was quickly beset upon by a manticore.

It's almost rare to find a HiE where it's just an average person tying to deal with something extraordinary.

I'm enjoying it so far, I would like to see where it goes. :moustache:
Also that image is awesome.

1831922
Oh trust mw I know what they are saying, i will tell you all eventualy but its better for you not to know for now

.......What the blueberry hotel fuck! Seriously guys? Seventy Faves? You have to be shittin me. I cant thank you all enough, this is litterally the fastest favorited thing I have ever written on here. like holy crap.... just wow

You talk about doing something new, then you have the human shipping with RD. I swear she gets shipped more than any other pony

1832727
True, i should have stated new for me, but this isng going to go the way most fics do. Beleive you me

Well it's one thing for a language barrier to be a hindrance to your protagonist, but for us readers it's just annoying to not know what the hell they're saying. Any story that uses a language barrier, should switch pov's so the reader knows what the hell is going on. If this was written in second person it would make more sense to leave the reader in the dark, however it's not, so I would like to know what is being said on both sides.

Well that's my only peeve as of now, so I'll be looking forward to more.

1834389
I completely understand that, so expect a little more english shall we say, in the next chapter

the gun he used was it a gat
if you know what i mean

1838508
Mere coincidence. Almost anything that relates to the real world, language wise that is, is pure coincidence.

1840673
I'm pretty sure you will love the next chapter, the unicorns name is mentioned and some other things are told too............

dude i wish i had pinkies 4th wall breaking skills so i jump through my computer and give you a hug :pinkiehappy:
you are the only author (who ive read so far) who has put a language barrier betwwen us and for that i thank you...oh and is that german im reading cause it sure looks german or did you do random button mashing time

1842631
I was kinda button mashing, any and all resemblences to an actual language arre coinceddence

I am liking this! I wonder how he will come to understand their language though.....:trixieshiftright:

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