The griffon king screws up. He found an ancient artifact, and ended up summoning a very strange creature into the magical world of Equis. Lucky for him, the creature was in a coma. After a year, the creature starts to stir, and the king decides it would be a good Idea for a lonely griffon by the name of Gilda to show this creature around its new world.
(A first person fic focusing on a tracuer, somebody who does Parkour or Freerunning, and his journey through the politically hostile land of Equestria, and its surrounding Nations. A fair warning, it is a strong possibility that there will be a few grammar mistakes, but I will do my best to minimize that. Please comment, and critique. I welcome both positive, and negative view points, and please enjoy.)
Very good haven't seen an HiE like this before *Claps hands* Well played well played can't wait for the next chapter
nice story bro
+ fave
You have my undivided attention.
Never seen a HIE fic like this before, fav
Finally I find a Gilda x human
Well, this is certainly something I haven't seen before, I'll have to keep an eye on this.
About time there is a human/Gilda romance story. Plus it seems good. I will be watching this.
Good luck with all of your endeavors.
Wow finally a parcour person in equestria and a badass one at that.
Nice, faved and liked.
Human x Gilda! YES!!! Gilda needs some love dammit!
Just curious, but just how did they maintain his health and physique? After a year in coma, his muscles after that much disuse would go through atrophy and be almost impossible for him to lift his hand to his face, let alone making all these jumps and rolls.
Granted, it wouldn't be much of a parkour story if the main character had to spend years in muscle therapy and the likes, but just wanted to point it out.
It's fine so far, and I want to see what course this will take.
1816621 I plan to further explain that later in the story. I actually plan to make this a major issue later in the story.
Quick tip: If you apologize for mistakes at the start of a fic, or in its description, the readers will be on alert for them, and be slightly more annoyed if/when they find them. A better tactic is to grab someone who points some out in the comments as a potential editor.
That being said, that was a very interesting pitch, and I shall now read.
1817356 I appreciate the tip, and I understand where you are coming from... in fact, I planned for it. The more mistakes readers find, and point out, the more aware I am of my faults, and I can then work on those faults.
1817511
My greater point is that such apologies are more likely to make people simply stop reading the fic, rather than help you fix it, as since you have already apologized, they think you're done fixing. Its a subconscious thought, but is there nonetheless.
Suggestion: Get rid of the "vocabulary" section at the beginning, because it isn't attractive to us readers. Instead, demonstrate the definitions of those terms through storytelling. That is, "show, don't tell" what they mean.
...Well for one, If he was in a coma for a year he would've wasted away and been unable to do parkour...
1817511 Tu parle Francais?
So... am I to assume that he ran horizontally across a wall for over a minute?
MOAR MUST HAVE MOAR NAOW
oh and love this hie so please keep up the good work
1819028 Nope. I had more, but that might have been cut by accident. Thanks for making me aware of this.
1818442
médiocrement
1818422 It will be explained later, and it is actually a big part of the story.
1818042 I will do that. I added in the vocabulary at the last second because I didn't have a chance to explain it within the first chapter, nor did I have the time to type a second chapter.
1821412 :D
Moi ici.
1821395
Lol, any time, as long as you keep updating.
Why/Where does he suddenly get a full set of human cloths and a pair of sneakers?
and why doesint he question how he is able to suddenly move so well after not being able to move for so long?
and it seems like there should be a bit more questionable about how he's in another world and different creatures and what is equestria
But besides all that it looks good!
1839417 Gilda brings him his clothes that he had on when he arrived in Equestria, and the rest is answered with a phrase a good friend of mine once told me, and a phrase that will be heard later in the story... "To be crazy... to be insane... to be completely mental... it is just the same as being alone... in the dark."
Kraken was alone for a year... surrounded by darkness. I shall stop myself there before I spoil too much of the story to come. Take this as kind of a teaser.
This is some wicked shit, my friend. Do continue!
Kraken had better start running. Gilda's gonna be on the warpath with the Prissy comment...
What the hell is up with Gilda sister? Did she has a thing for apes? Also, Did Kraken will met the rest of the main 6 or he will just continue to piss Gilda off?
1884615 The sister will be explained in the next chapter, and as for the mane six... I plan on having them meet up in the future, but it may be awhile.
I need moar MOAR! you defy this Russian from a new chapter I will send you to the gulag with no vodka
Great story can't wait for next chapter
I just wish there were more Gilda stories
LoL! Hillarious attidutes! Update soon!
Oh I do want to know how he will escape from Gilda.
1885024 I'm debating whether or not I should add the comedy tag. What do you think?
So that makes two gryphons with soem pdd attraction to him. I am guessing it is the muscles.
1886377 You're in for a surprise if that's what you think.
1886402
True, though how I came to my conclusion is understandable. Both times he was without a shirt.
1886438 I agree, and your guess was completely understandable, but it's a bit weirder then that....
1887474
I am pretty sure it won't be that wierd, whatever the reason why he is being found so attractive is.
*minutes
*cowered
*borderline
1890653 Oh god, I can't believe that slipped past me! Thanks for pointing that out. (I fixed it, and thank you.)
1891439
I believe you meant manner unless you happen to be talking about a mansion.
1926696 I've been studying old English, and my spelling is sometimes not up to par... forgive me for the mishap, and I shall try and better my spelling.
The story feels rushed, and his lack of reaction to most events along with running so soon after waking up are flaws of the story that have made me lose interest.
1959069 Honestly speaking, I agree... but I wasn't trying to get much attention with the first few chapters, as far as I see it, I'm still writing the prolog... I'm sorry you lost interest, but the reasons you stated, besides the story being rushed, is so I can set up some plot, and action later on... I've got a plan, but I haven't been able put a lot of effort into this hobby of mine.... I have bills to pay and that requires money so.... yeah. Comeback to this story in a couple of weeks, and then tell me your opinion... or you can settle with your decision, I'm not you.