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// Chapter 18 - Now STOP! Snuggle Time! 
// Story: Contact 
// by Gron 
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The first thing Steve noticed as unholy consciousness gripped him was how shitty he felt. It might seem like a pretty obvious conclusion to arrive at, but his brain was still trying to revive itself. He could almost hear the rusty gears in his mind beginning to sluggishly creak along, their metallic grinding seeming to echo through his head. Despite his best efforts to clutch at the sweet embrace of nothingness, his mind had sadistically decided that he deserved no mercy and that it was time for him to wake up. Apparently it had also decided that the best way to do so was by inflicting as much internal pain as possible, signalled by a dull, rhythmic throbbing in his head, it was faint at first but increased in its tempo until it felt like there was a five hundred pound monkey stomping around inside his head, clanging a pair of cymbals in as chaotic a manner as possible.
 
He slowly cracked open his bleary, gritty eyes before slamming them immediately shut. Apparently someone had decided that sunlight should be allowed full access to the room, and the harsh rays of the sun took delight in bearing down on him in all of their searing glory. Even that brief moment when he had opened his eyes left him feeling as though his corneas had been pierced with a hot branding iron, leaving him feeling dizzy and causing bright spots to dance across the insides of his eyes. A muffled groan escaped him as he tried to wet his parched lips, but his tongue and indeed his entire mouth was dry. He swallowed reflexively only to dimly take note of the fact that his entire throat felt like it was full of sand, leaving him swallowing air to compensate for the need of water. He could smell his own breath, causing him to wrinkle his nose as the faint odour of stale alcohol, food, and even vomit permeated his breathing space. Breathing in deeply, he found something began to tickle his nose, and he squeezed his pillow tightly in annoyance. He nestled deeper into it, determined to wake up at a more tolerable hour, preferably when the overweight monkey in his head had tired itself out. It was when he heard a short, high-pitched squeak that he reluctantly decided to be brave and open his eyes. Hesitantly cracking them fully open, he dimly became aware of his surroundings. In doing so, he made a series of relatively important discoveries.
 
The first thing he noticed was that he was lying atop what looked like some bed sheets spread onto the ground. That small nugget of information also served to finally hammer into him that he was no longer in his ship and was in a strange room he had not seen before. Another thing he was forced to acknowledge was that his back had begun to flare up in pain, no doubt due to the fact that he had slept on the ground, with only a few thin sheets separating his body and the floor, leaving it feeling quite stiff.
 
However, all that paled in comparison to the realization that the thing that was ticking his nose was not dust or a piece of loose string, but the mane belonging to a particular pony. Then came the dull shock that the thing he was curled up and snuggling into was not a pillow like he first thought, but a warm, fuzzy, extremely soft pink body. But no, despite all that, the most jarring part had to be that the mare’s body – for he refused to believe otherwise – would press and wiggle against him in such a way that a certain part of the male anatomy also began to stir from its slumber and rise up against the firm ministrations being dealt to it.
 
“Bleughaaaa…. Wait…. What? was all he was able to process. Perhaps he might have been more articulate if his brain hadn’t already been reeling from the shock. The poor thing had already been combatting the raging headache rampaging through his head and now had to face this unexpected scenario.
 
To complicate matters even further, to his growing horror, the delightfully warm body he still had his hands wrapped around pushed back against him once more, causing him to groan, only for the mare – whose mane still took up most of his vision – to suddenly pull away from him and spring up. Startled, he quickly sat up as well and pulled the covers over his lap, groaning slightly as his stiff back flared up again, protesting about his night on the floor.
 
“Gooood morning, Stevie!” a way too cheery voice blared out. Or at least that was what it sounded like to his poor head, causing him to massage it with shaking hands.
 
“P-Pinkie?” he rasped out, his dehydrated throat making him sound like a long time chain smoker. Indeed, it had been the same mare who was now bouncing in front of him that he had been… cuddling with.
 
“Yeperoni, that’s me!” she cheered, bouncing behind him before wrapping her hooves around his torso and squeezing so tightly that he began to gasp out loud, a rapidly depleting oxygen supply and some ribs that would surely be busted if she kept on the pressure to add to his woes. I’m never ever never ever never drinking again, he vowed silently.

“P-Pinkie… ca… can’t b-breathe,” he managed to choke out, already managing to feel lightheaded already. A-At least now I’ll g-go back to sleep and pretend this n-never happened, he thought faintly. Fortunately (or unfortunately) for him, the pair of hooves quickly released him, allowing him to suck in a few deep, ragged, yet oh so precious mouthful of air.
 
“Whoopsie. Sorry about that, Stevie.” She grinned sheepishly, patting him on the back and causing him to wince. "It’s just that I never knew you were sooo good at giving hugs, I just had to give you one back in return! Seriously, you could probably win first prize at the annual Equestrian Hugging Championship.  Believe me, if it’s one thing I know, it’s hugs. Well, and cupcakes. Oh, and rocks, and hot air balloons and…” She babbled on, oblivious to the confused human trying to collect his scattered thoughts.
 
“Just where the hell am I?” was his first coherent thought since Pinkie’s assault. He didn’t want to fully open his eyes again, not trusting the sun to treat him with kindness. All he could see was the side of a small bed, its sheets all tousled and dishevelled, as though someone had spent a restless night between them. Turning his head to the other side, he found that there was a large wardrobe there, meaning he was currently wedged between that and the bed.  Its contents were fully exposed due to its door being open. Inside, he spotted what he assumed to be different outfits and apparels, though some of them made little sense to his addled brain. There was a yellow dress thing that was covered in black polka dots that had a frilly, puffed up collar, reminding him vaguely of a clown’s costume. There was a very short miniskirt that would leave little to the imagination, though he doubted that would be the case on a pony. Next to it were two pom poms, leading him to believe it was all part of some weird cheerleader getup. And was that a… black latex suit?
 
Shaking his head, which he immediately regretted, he turned back around to face Pinkie Pie, who was still talking about something to do with… macaroni? It was one small mercy that she was standing in front of him, partially blocking the sun from directly striking his face. Of course, there always had to be a caveat, the problem was that she was no closer to him than before, and he was afraid that she would notice a certain part of him still standing at attention and throbbing like his head. He folded his legs beneath him, adopted a sort of poor lotus position while gripping the covers, pulling them closer to his lap and hopefully concealing himself from her curious eyes.
 
“Umm… Pinkie? Can I ask you something?” he stammered, hoping to draw her focus to his face and nowhere near the area below the belt.
 
“Suuuuure, you can ask me anything!” she cheerfully replied. At least she was doing as he had hoped, though it was starting to creep him out that she began to concentrate only on his face, a small smile seemingly permanently etched upon her lips.
 
“Where exactly am I?” he asked, shifting his gaze away from Pinkie, his eyes catching a drawer that seemed to be filled with…. socks.
 
“Ohh, that’s an easy one! Right now you are in my room, also known as ‘Pinkie Pie’s room.’” She twirled around once before resuming her stare. “It is located in the top floor of Sugarcube Corner which itself is located in the town of Ponyville within the Kingdom of Equestria on the planet E—“
 
He held up a hand, cutting her off. “Okay. Thank you, Pinkie. That was very… accurate.” She just nodded her head once, though she seemed awfully pleased with herself.
 
“No problemo! Anything else?”
 
“Yeahh… Can you tell me whyyy exactly I’m in your room?”
 
“Weeelll you see, after you were all like ‘Victory for Mankind!’ last night, you kinda sorta fell off the table and you weren’t getting up. Twilight was all like ‘Oh my gosh! Is he okay?’ Then she ran up and started to shake you.” Pinkie gave a very good impression of her friend’s reaction, worry and panic prominent on her face, even exaggerating slightly as she shook her hooves wildly back and forth before continuing. “Then you woke up and was like ‘Wazzat? Noooo. Gooo awayyyy.” He had to admit that her impression of him being drunk made him wince.
 
“And then you fell asleep again, and Rainbow Dash started laughing like this—’’ She began rolling around on the ground while flapping her hooves in the air and laughing raucously before jumping back up and continuing.  “Then Twilight was all frowny and worried and said ‘What are we going to do? We can’t go through the Everfree, not at this hour.’ And theeen – are you ready for it?” He just nodded dumbly, not knowing what else to say. “Then Fluttershy yelled out ‘Yeah, because he’s a fat flabby flanks!’ And then we were all like—“ She gasped theatrically, staring at him with shock, her lower jaw looking as though it was just about to detach itself and fall off. “—Well, except for Dashie, who started laughing harder. And thennnnnanananana Fluttershy said ‘Oh no, I-I didn’t mean that! I’m so so so so so sorry! And then she ran up and started shaking and apologizing and then I said ‘Silly Fluttershy, Stevie’s sleeping; he can’t hear you!’
 
“Then Rarity walked up and said, ‘I do believe that this fine gentlecolt should stay the night with one of us,’” Pinkie declared, adopting a formal tone while gesturing with a delicate hoof. She then started giggling and puffed up her chest, her grin almost blinding him. Or maybe that was just the sun. “And then I said ‘Oh oh oh! Me me me! I’ll take him!’ And then Twilight said that was a really good idea since you wouldn’t have to go far, which made me happy since whenever Twilight tells me I have a good idea it always makes me happy. So then everypony said goodbye and went home. I cleaned up downstairs a teeny tiny bit before I brought you up here. Aaand that’s the story of how Steve came to my room!” she finished with a flourish, panting slightly.


Steve, for his part, could only stare at her, mulling over her words, trying to make some semblance of sense of it. So, I spent the night here. But why am I on the floor? And how did I end up with Pinkie Pie next to me? he thought, feeling his face heat up slightly.
 
“Umm… Pinkie?”
 
“Yes, Stevie?”
 
“How come I’m on the ground?” Another memory wafted up from when Pinkie had been crushing his ribs, turning them into paste.
 
“And what did you mean by that thing you said about hugging? And how did we… end up, you know… here?” He gestured to the sheets that covered the floor.
 
He could have sworn that Pinkie Pie blushed, though it was hard to tell under that thick, pink coat. She trotted up to him, giving him a soft smile while looking up at him almost… shyly.  She strutted around him, going out of his line of sight before she stood directly behind him. He felt two hooves resting on his back, and he flinched both from the suddenness of the action and because Pinkie’s head appeared over his shoulder and peered into his face as he turned towards her, the pain in his back making sure he couldn’t simply ignore its presence.
 
“Wellll Steve… after the kind of night we had on that there bed, it’s kinda not in any condition for us to sleep in… if you know what I mean,” she whispered dramatically in his ears, causing him to stiffen even more.
 
“No… no, I-I don’t think I do,” he stammered, feeling the heat of the warm body behind him press down even further on his back.
 
“I guess you could say that you and I had our own private after party on the bed,” she whispered huskily, causing his stomach to drop and his throat to clench, making him feeling slightly suffocated.
 
“Y-Y-You don’t mean,” he choked feeling the tiniest bit of panic starting to well up.
 
“Oh yes I do. I’m so happy you did it with me. Did you… Did you know that you were my first?” She nuzzled his neck as he felt his heart almost stop and his stomach clench, the pent up breath he had not even realize he was holding whooshing out of his body as he started to cough. Almost unperturbed, she continued, her voice almost sounding dreamy. “Usually I do it by myself, either early in the morning or late in the evening. I can *heh* get pretty loud, and I didn’t want to wake the twins or the Cakes up. Although there was one time I did it when the twins were watching and… it was kind of exhilarating, though it was sorta embarrassing afterwards.” She smiled serenely after her confession, oblivious to the slightly hyperventilating human.
 
“That was the first time I’ve done that with somepony else, and I’m happy I did it with you, looking back. It was so unexpected. I mean, I was trying to get you on top of the bed, but I was kinda having some trouble. Not that I think you’re fat or anything,” she added hastily, thinking he might get upset. At that point, he was too numb to even begin to feel insulted.
 
“And then all of a sudden, I just felt something grabbing me, and when I looked around, there you were hugging me.” She sighed softly, the gentle wind causing him to flinch slightly. “And then you whispered how you wanted to do it with me right there on the bed.” He felt the weight from his shoulders being lifted off as Pinkie trotted over back in front of him.
 
“I mean at first I was a little scared since I haven’t done it with any other ponies, much less a human,” she said once again. “But I was kinda sorta curious about it, and so I said yes. You were really gentle about it at first, but I got a little impatient.” She grinned somewhat embarrassedly, a strange look for this particular mare. “I have to admit that you were really good though. I mean, the whole bed was shaking, and all the springs were going squeak squeak squeak squeakity squeak. I kinda got worried that the bed might break since there was the two of us on it. But I guess I got caught up in the moment so I stopped worrying about it and just… let go. Oh oh oh, it was so exciting! It was like having a chocolate strawberry peach vanilla banana pistachio peppermint lemon orange butterscotch ice cream cone just exploding in my tummy!”
 
“Phew! I was so tired afterwards, but you just fell asleep. Granny Pie told me once that stallions would do that, but we couldn’t fit on the bed, so I just dropped some blankets on the ground. I could hardly move the way my legs were shaking like some gloopy jello. Then I had to drag you aaalllll the way over here, so that the sand pony could put us to sleep. I was just about to fall asleep and you just grabbed me again. I said, ‘Silly Stevie, we can’t do it again’, but you were just sleeping. I guess you just wanted somepony to hug, and I have plenty of hugs to give. But you didn’t even let me give you one!” She pouted before giggling again. “So that’s why I gave you a big one just now, and here’s another!” Before he could react, she bounded over and gave him another big hug, though she was much gentler this time. “So what I wanted to say is… thank you.”
 
He couldn’t move, couldn’t even react at first from what he had just heard. How could he? I did it… I did it with Pinkie… I did it with a pony…. He felt like he was going to throw up at first, feeling slightly nauseated, though that could have just been the after effects of last night’s drinking. Mixed in there was the slightest feeling of revulsion and anger. The disgust was for him doing it with a pony, and the anger was towards the mare in the same room as him. Pinkie Pie must have known that he wasn’t in his right senses when they did that, and yet she still went ahead and took advantage of him. The worst thing he felt, however, was the shame. While Pinkie had been whispering the story of their night together, he had become painfully erect and still remained so even now, even after all that he had been told, unable to control it, much less do anything about it. Unbidden images of what she had described played across his mind, taunting him, teasing him, honeyed words sultrily promising the sweet aches of pleasure. Along with the memory of her fuzzy body pressing up against him, he found himself trembling slightly, feeling wholly overwhelmed by everything that had occurred in such a short space of time. No… no, I-I’m not attracted to p-ponies… That was just an in the moment thing with Rainbow Dash… This… this is not happening, he thought, trying to force some more conviction into his thoughts. A particular part of his body certainly disagreed with him.
 
“Stevie? Is everything okay?” Pinkie gazed at him, concern shining from those big, blue eyes, her happy mood rapidly diminishing due to the clearly agitated human. No I’m not alright! What kind of idiotic question is that? he screamed at  her inwardly, though not a word left his mouth. What am I going to do? Should I tell someone something? Are there even laws against what she did? His thoughts swirled around him, leaving him feeling almost powerful to stop them.
 
“No… No, I don’t think so,” he blurted out before he could stop himself. Pinkie was immediately at his side, rubbing his arm in what was meant to be a comforting gesture. For him, it took all his willpower to not flinch away, though why he refused to after all he had heard confused even him.
 
“I had a feeling you wouldn’t be.” She sighed, looking pensive.
 
“You… You did?” he croaked, staring at her disbelievingly. Why am I even in this room still? I should be running down the streets screaming. Though I wonder just how many ponies would believe me…
 
“Sure. I mean, I know it was a spontaneous thing we did, like throwing balloons at the train or trying to catch that those eels from Ghastly Gorge so we could race them, but I should have known there would be trouble after. She shook her head, seemingly disappointed in herself. “After all, I knew you weren’t feeling yourself. What I’m saying is that… I should have known that jumping on the bed when our tummies were full of Applejack’s cider would be a bad idea.”
 
For a few moments, not a word was spoken in the room, the only sound coming from a window as it creaked loudly. Meanwhile, the pony busied herself drawing faces on the dust on the floor while the human tried valiantly to close his jaw that hung open, yet was unable to do so after several attempts. Then…
 
“Pinkie?” he said quietly, catching the attention of the mare.
 
“Yes Stevie?”
 
“What…. did you just say?”
 
“I said we shouldn’t have been bouncing on my bed last night. Well, technically it was early in the morning, but still.”
 
“Uh huh. And when you say bouncing, what exactly do you mean?”
 
“Well, I mean jumping and hopping and flying up and down on the bed, silly.” She booped him on the nose, Steve unable to stop her as his limbs seemed to be glued to the corner he was huddled in. “What else could I mean?”
 
That got him out of his daze, as he tried to think of a way of explaining to her what he had been thinking that didn’t involve him just saying ‘Oh you know, I just thought you just took advantage of me while I was sleeping and had sex with me so much that we damaged your bed. Sorry about the misunderstanding. No harm done, right?’ He snorted to himself; the potent powerful properties of sarcasm helping him focus.  “Oh no… it’s nothing…” he lamely said.
 
Silence reigned for a few moments before he broke it. “Hey Pinkie?”
 
“Yesss, Stevie?”
 
“When you said last night was your… first time, what did you mean?”
 
“Ohhh, I meant it was the first time I jumped on the bed with somepony.” She let out a frustrated huff. “You know, whenever I asked, everypony kept turning me down. One time I asked Rarity to do it with me, and she started making all these strange noises like—” She started spluttering and coughing, sounding like a mixture of a cat trying to hack up a hairball and a man being violently exorcised. “Then she said how I shouldn’t be asking other ponies to make my bed bounce! The nerve!” She harrumphed, turning her nose up in the air. “I gave her two less sprinkles on her cupcakes the next time she visited!”
 
He sighed, feeling the tension within him shatter at her words.  Just Pinkie being herself, I guess. My heart wouldn’t be able to take more misunderstandings like that though! He passed a hand over his face that had become sweaty.
 
“Pinkie?”
 
“Yes Stevie?”
 
“Why exactly was it so important that someone jumped on the bed with you?”
 
She let out a horrified gasp, looking at him with wide, round eyes. “You don’t like jumping on beds?!”
 
“Err… well I haven’t done that since I was a kid. It just seemed like it meant a lot to you.”
 
“Wellll…. it’s kind of a personal story.” She peered up at him as though sizing him up. Nodding briefly to herself, she trotted up to him and plopped down directly next to him. Since he didn’t have to worry about a particular problem any longer, he stretched his feet out, his muscles almost audibly thanking him in their relief. “Buuut I’ll tell you it if you want.”
 
“Sure, I guess.” He scratched his head, wincing as he brushed his hand against a small bump.
 
“Well you see, when I was just a teensy weensy little filly, I used to live on a rock farm with my parents.” That made him pause his poking.
 
Rock farms… about par for the course, I guess, he thought. He broke off his musings as she continued her story.
 
“Things weren’t all rainbows and cupcakes back then, but Mom and Dad did their best to bring me up right and made sure that there was enough for everypony to eat at the end of the day. They would take me out and teach me how to tell when certain rocks were ripe enough and how often they needed to be in the sun.” She waved a lazy hoof in the air. “I never really liked it because it was sooo boring, but I knew that they needed me to learn it, and they would tell me how proud they were of me. That made me really happy, happy like when you get the bestest present on your birthday. And for a while, that was enough. Then my sisters were born.”
 
She shrugged her shoulders nonchalantly. “Things became kinda hard for everypony, and Mom and Dad had to stay out more and more while I had to take care of Limestone and Marble. I mean, I know now why they had to do it, but I used to get so angry and act like a big meany pants sometimes when they didn’t have time to play with me. It was always ‘Not right now, Pinkie’ or ‘Maybe next time, Pinkamena’ or ‘Why don’t you go and take care of your sisters?’” she said in a gruff voice, a heavy scowl etched on her muzzle.
 
He wasn’t sure whether she was doing an impression of someone or if that was how she was reflecting her mood. She must have seen something in his expression since she was quick to add, “I know, I know; you probably think I’m being silly. I know why they did it, and it wasn’t like they didn’t love me. I guess I still feel kinda bad because they were working soooo hard to take care of all of us, and I was only thinking about myself.”
 
She was mostly quiet for a few moments as she stared out of the open window, humming every now and again to break the monotony of the silence. “I used to feel so… stifled there sometimes. Not the nice kind of stifle, like when somepony is giving you an extra special hug that makes you feel all warm.” Steve had an inkling of an idea how that felt, though all he had felt was pain. “Dad used to get really really angry sometimes when I did anything silly. I thought he might turn into dust if I surprised him one day with something fun.” She chuckled quietly, though it wasn’t quite her usual one that was so merry and jolly.
 
“Everything was work work work work, and no time to play. I remember watching the clouds, wishing I could reach them and fly around like that, all free in the sky… The only time I used to really go all out was when we used to visit Granny Pie. Oh, she used to bake all kinds of yummy cookies and cupcakes and fudge and sugarcake just for us. And she used to want us to dance, though only I really did. I sometimes saw mom and dad dancing by themselves when they thought nopony else was watching.
 
She shook her head. “Sorry, I’m getting distracted. Anyhoof, Granny Pie had this huge bed; I mean it was so big, it was ginormous.  At least I thought so when I was a filly. So one time when we were visiting Granny, my sisters had to get their own room since they had gotten bigger. At first I was angry since I got kicked out on my flank for them, but then I was super extra happy with sprinkles on top when Granny said that I was spending the night with her. That meant I had the chance to sleep in her bed! It was so comfy and warm; I felt like I could have melted and become the bed!” She grinned goofily, caught up in the memory. Steve for his part remained silent, content to hear some of the past of one of the few ponies that actually seemed to care for him.
 
“It really really was one of the best nights ever. Then in the morning, I was trying to wake her up, but she just kept sleeping. I kinda sorta got a teensy bit scared, and I just started shaking her and jumping up and down to shake her awake, and I just kept going. I saw when she opened her eyes, but I was having so much fun and couldn’t stop! And she just kept on watching me until I almost landed on her and she was all like ‘Bwaaah!’ I thought she was going to get angry with me and wouldn’t want me to stay with her, and I would have to sleep in the rock shed that was in the back of the house.” She frowned momentarily before beaming. “But then she started laughing, so I started laughing too. She said she was happy that I was happy and not all frowny and sad. You know what the best part was?” She invaded his personal space for the umpteenth time as she stretched forward, her muzzle nearly pressing against his face. Hastily, he nodded. “The best part was when she said that I could bounce on her bed whenever I wanted!”
 
“So that’s eeexactly what I did. Every time we visited Granny Pie, she would watch me while I bounced on her bed. One time Dad caught me and I knew he was going to yell at me, but Granny just told him to hush. He got kinda red in the face and left us alone. Bleh!” She stuck out her tongue, the almost universal sign of childish disdain. “It always made me a little sad that she couldn’t come play with me, but she said her back used to hurt her really bad, so I was okay with it.
 
“Then one day, I just sorta… stopped. Of course Granny noticed, because she was just that good, and she asked me why I didn’t want to do it again. I told her that I couldn’t keep having so much fun by myself, and that it was selfish of me to do it when she couldn’t; how it felt like I was being mean to her. She pulled me on her lap even though I was just a tiny bit too big, and she said she was very happy just being able to watch me while I did it because she felt young again. She pointed to the bed and asked me what it was. I was a bit frightened because I thought she had gone loco in the coco, but then I felt bad for thinking such a mean thing about Granny. So I told her it was just the bed and how she was being silly, and she laughed again. Did I tell you how much I liked to hear her laugh? It was kinda scratchy and sounded she could just cut you up, but it sounded like the nicest thing to me. I’m getting distracted again, right?” He silently nodded, caught up in the seriousness of the story despite her having her moments.
 
“Granny said the bed wasn’t just a bed, and I got really excited cuz I thought it was maybe a rocket ship or a time machine in disguise, but Granny said it wasn’t any of that, so I felt kinda disappointed. But then she looked me straight in the eye and gave me a big smile and said how the bed was a source of fun. I was confused and told her that I already knew that. Then she said how her bed represented how even the simplestest things in life could give joy and happiness to anypony, as long he or she was willing to look for it and allow it. She said how one day I would be able to share things like that with my friends, things that nopony would really think to be fun unless you had somepony to share it with.
 
She cocked her head at him, shooting him the most serious look he could ever remember her giving in the short time he had known her.  “I’ve tried to do exactly that with all my friends,” she said quietly. “I’ve shown Twilight how you could make the snapdragon root’s pods go pop pop pop like fireworks when you put them in water. Sometimes me and Dashie play raindrop racing whenever the place gets all rainy and gloomy. I totally let her win sometimes though. I’ve done all sort of things with the girls, and we’ve had a lot of fun together… but I’ve never bounced on a bed with them. I know they probably thought that I was being stu— I mean, I was being silly, and that I was just doing it just for doing it, but I wasn’t.  It’s kinda my way of remembering Granny Pie, so whenever I do it, I think back on all the good times we shared, and how it felt when I was a silly filly jumping on an old bed.
 
She leaned on him before wrapping her hooves around his midsection, squeezing him gently. “That’s why I was so happy that you did it with me. I know it might not seem like much, but I was really really happy that I could share it with a friend. Even if it is a kinda weird, smelly, sometimes frowny alien friend.”
 
He just squeezed her back and patted her mane, causing her to squeak cutely. He didn’t say anything because he really didn’t know what to say. She then surprised him even further by giving him a quick peck on the cheek before releasing him and stepping back, that small, contented smile back on her face. He couldn’t see his own face right then, but judging by the heat emanating from it, he was sure he had at least a small blush on his cheeks.
 
“Well, that wasn’t awkward at all,” he joked; Pinkie also joined him in laughing thankfully. “Umm… Pinkie?” he timidly started off, unsure how to continue after that unexpectedly heavy story. “Just so we’re clear… we didn’t do anything but jump on the bed, right?”
 
She adopted a thoughtful expression, causing a few flutters of anxiousness to run through his body despite himself before she answered, “Nope, nothing else I think. Why? Were we supposed to do something else?”
 
“Nope, just making sure.” He grinned light-heartedly to sate her curiosity as a wave of relief washed over him and he finally allowed himself to completely relax. He tried standing up, but his feet had gone almost numb from sitting in the same position for so long. Combined with his now troublesome back, he stumbled as he tried to take his first few steps for the morning and would have fallen if Pinkie hadn’t propped him up with her body. Nodding at her in thanks, he took a few steps to try and get the blood flowing back into his legs. Despite not moving much since he had woken up, he still felt somewhat dizzy. Never drinking again, he swore once more.
 
“Hey Pinkie, could I, ah… use your bathroom? I know it’s abrupt, but you were right about me smelling.” He smiled good naturedly. Of course he wasn’t about to mention that his bladder was about to cause him to embarrass himself and leave them with a big mess to clean.
 
“Oh sure you can! In fact, I absolutely, positively insist!” And back came the grin that he had come to associate with the mare as she pointed to a door at the end of the left side of the room. “You go on ahead, and I’ll get you a nice, soft, fluffy towel.”
 
“Thanks Pinkie. I really appreciate it, and everything else too.”
 
“Awww, if you keep that up, I’ll have to just keep hugging you.” She gave him a lopsided grin. “Now shoo!”
 
“Yes ma’am!” He chucked and started hobbling over to the door. Not two steps later did he nearly fall before catching himself. He could feel the intensity of Pinkie’s eyes as she stared at him, almost daring his body to try and fall again.

“Hey Stevie?”

“Yes, Pinkie?”
 
“Do you want help getting in?”
 
“No, Pinkie.”

“Okie dokie.”


***


Within the lower sections of Canterlot lived the working class ponies of the city: the maids, the delivery ponies, the street artists – those who took pride in putting their backs into their work to do their jobs well. Their homes weren’t all stately marble, stone pillars and imported crystal but were mostly of a simple design of wood and concrete. Nevertheless, they tried to maintain them the best they could, so that anypony who would visit them would be comfortable and feel at home.
 
Despite their humble nature, the building that was located at the end of their district made the ponies living there both immediately feel better about their own homes and wrinkle their noses in distaste. Three stories tall, the red bricks that made up the exterior were crumbling, often showering those foolish enough to wander past it with pebbles. With blackened walls that seemingly had never been introduced to a coat of paint and covered with thick ivy, it was a wonder that there was any pony foolish enough to live there. It was even more unbelievable that within it were the main operations for one of the most read newspapers in Canterlot.
 
Inside the building was slightly better. The open room was divided into tiny cubicles hosting all sorts of cameras, papers, and files that took up most of their desks. All through the room one could hear the loud rumbling of the presses as they chugged along, causing any of the ponies who milled about in the room to raise their voices if they wished to have even the semblance of a conversation. Occasionally, a few puffs of smoke wafted up from the basement to try and stifle the occupants of the room, and loud flashes followed by the spewing of profanities from the photography room were the norm.
 
Amidst all the activities taking place within the room, one group of ponies were huddled around a desk. A large, brown, earth pony stallion, his coat greasy and his mane unkempt sat there, rifling through a heap of different papers. A battered fedora lay on top of his head, and he chewed upon the blackened tip of a cigar as he drummed a meaty hoof on the table to a beat that only he knew.
 
“Alright, this is what we’re going to do. Hey hey, quit yer yapping, ya bums,” he gruffly called out, causing the ponies around him to immediately cease their conversations. A few meek mutters of ‘sorry boss’ fluttered through the air from some of the newer hooves, while those who had been part of the operation simply rolled their eyes. “Silver Script, I want you to tackle the courts today; see if there’s anything worth more than a pint o’ stale piss that we can slap in tomorrow’s papers.” A silver mare with a pink mane and an unravelled scroll for a cutie mark nodded and trotted off, levitating her saddlebags from her table as she passed.
 
“Fine Dining, there’s some sort of Heh-tinke and Petty Bucks… or something like that.” He peered at the paper, trying to pronounce the name before shrugging. “Anyway, there’s some kind of cheese love fest thingamajig down at Grana Padano’s mansion later today. The good thing is that it’s open to the public. That’s your kind o’ fetish, ain’t it?” He tossed the sheet at a navy blue unicorn mare with a neatly braided mane, who merely wrinkled her nose in faint disgust as she caught it with her magic and perused it briefly before sending it over to her own cubicle.
 
“I’ll have you know that it is pronounced Petit Basque which comes from Prance, and Hirtenkäse, a Germaneighan mountain cheese that—“ she began tartly before her boss cut her off with a lazy wave of his hoof.
 
“Baby, unless you’re going to pour some of that melted cheese on me and use that sharp tongue to lick off every drop, I really don’t care.” He leered at her and winked lewdly in an exaggerated fashion.
 
In return, the mare merely snorted in faint indignation, already having weathered most of his insults during her tenure. “Sorry, I like stallions who don’t actually smell like they bathe in a dumpster. Besides, I’d probably need a month to get the taste of ash out of my mouth.”
 
She turned and trotted off, though not before he got in a parting shot. “No wonder you can’t find one with standards so high. Keep that up and you’ll end up old and alone.” She merely swished her tail as she left the group. He grinned at his assistant, who was shaking her head. “Gods, I love me this job. Alright, maggots, listen up.”
 
He waited until they settled down again before continuing, “The Awesome and Obese Princess Celestia is hosting some sort of fancy shmancy party in her ‘Royal Gardens’. You know, the one which is so freaking amazing that we have to capitalize their first letters every time we print something about them.” He grinned inwardly to himself as he saw some of the younger reporters shift nervously as he insulted their leader. Heh, it’s always fun when they aren’t totally jaded and cynical, he mused, puffing on his cigar even more. “According to the little info I got, it’s gonna be this big shindig that’s gonna have the who’s who of society. I hear Sapphire Shores is going to do some sort of duet with Octavia, and that’s the only thing I was guaranteed of. There’s speculation that most, if not all ambassadors within the capital will be invited, and you know there’s going to be the usual hoof lickers and brown-nosers which you colts and fillies know as the noblestallions and mares of society.” He turned around from the crowd of ponies at his desk, gritting his teeth as his gaze hardened. Breathing in deeply a few times, he turned back around, adopting his half serious, half smirking look.
 
“Problem is that the press ain’t allowed in. Hell, we weren’t supposed to know about it. Guess we aren’t soo-fees-tee-cated enough for ‘em.” He tipped his beaten up fedora at the crowd as he stretched the word out, his Detrot accent becoming more evident as he did so. “So I’m gonna need details: who exactly is going to be there, pictures, their entire conversation if you can get it. I don’t care how you do it as long as it won’t come back to bite me on the ass. Slip the guards some coin if you want, or fuck it out of ‘em.” As expected, that earned him some reddened cheeks while others merely rolled their eyes.
 
“Right. I’m going to need more than one of ya on this one, so I’ll let you volunteer first.” Several hooves shot up, and he looked over at them, nodding in approval. “Alright, Harper and Bright Quill can have a look around the castle; see if you can get lucky and find a place where you can get a few shots in without being noticed. Paper Thin and Tran Script, check out the nobs’ houses, see if you can make their staff talk for a bit more coin. He walked over to one of the unassigned stallions, his overbearing presence causing the younger pony to back away instinctively. “Ho ho ho, well well, Ribbon Twirler. I guess I know what you’re going to be doing, eh? Guess some lucky guard is going to have himself a good time, eh? A bit o’ heat between the sheets? Rumble in the jungle?” Before the stallion could stammer out a response to his snickering colleagues, he waved him off. “Like I said, I don’t care how you do it as long as you get it done. Now get out of here, you bozos.” The ponies in question gathered their belongings before heading out, the trembling Ribbon Twirler the first to leave.
 
“Alright you schmucks, listen up…” He proceeded to assign the rest of his active reporters to different beats, some within the city while a few were given assignments outside of Canterlot. Soon the crowd thinned out around the desk he had appropriated until only his assistant was left. Satisfied, he rolled his shoulders a few times in a futile attempt to relieve the stress that had settled there before heading back to his office where, without the racket from the other room. He tossed his hat onto his battered desk before jumping onto his rickety chair which squeaked loudly as he rocked back and forth on it. He closed his eyes for a few moments and allowed the mask that he usually wore to slip, allowing the tiredness that came with his profession to become evident on his face. He could hear Page Turner shuffling some papers that were on his table before she cleared her throat.
 
“Talk to me,” he said, not bothering to open his eyes.
 
“Mister Wheel from Wheelie’s Pizza has asked that he run his new ad at the old rate even though—“
 
“Tell Wheelie he’s got to cough up more dough if he wants his ad to go through.” He chuckled briefly at his weak joke. “Damn thing is about twice the size of the last one. Friend or not, he’s gotta pay.”
 
“Very well then, Chief.” Page Turner set the paper aside.
 
“So… talk to me,” he said once again.
 
“That was the only thing that needed to be addressed now, Chief.” She stood at attention in front of the desk, her face devoid of any emotion. News Flash knew better, though.

“No it ain’t. You’re angry at me about something,” he shot back, grinding out the remains of his cigar before proceeding to rummage through the drawers in his desk, looking for a fresh one.
 
She cleared her throat, narrowing her eyes almost imperceptibly. He was still able to notice it. Yep, she was boiling. “Some of the staff have been rather agitated by some of your less… tasteful remarks as of late,” she dully noted, staring past him.
 
 “I’ve already told you; they need to grow the buck up and grow a thicker skin, that’s all.” He lit his new cigar, taking a few deep puffs to settle himself. “Look, if this is about Ribbon, I’ve already told you that even if he’s a fag—“
 
“The more accepted term is coltcuddler,” she growled, slamming a hoof on his table, earning it another dent to add to its collection. “Do you even know how much trouble we could be in if they ever decide to grow a pair? Discrimination, sexual harassment, and openly mocking the princesses could bring anypony from either the Royal Guard to the courts down on our heads! Hell, you’re just about one lawsuit away from being wiped out, and you know it!” She jabbed a vicious hoof in his direction.
 
News Flash, on the other hoof, simply watched her with impassioned eyes, having already gone through the same song and dance multiple times. “As I was saying before being so rudely interrupted,” he said, rolling around her words as though she had never uttered them, “I don’t particularly care if he is a coltcuddler or not.” He grimaced as though even uttering the word left a bad taste in his mouth. “As long as he’s able to do his job, I don’t care what he does in his own private time.”
 
“And what about Fine Dining?” she challenged hotly.
 
“Fine and I go back some. Believe me, she doesn’t need you to fight her battles for her. Try getting her riled up and that fine, suave voice of hers disappears pretty quickly.” He chuckled, causing Page Turner to grit her teeth in annoyance.
 
“And what about the others, hmm? The ones that come crying to me about how you’re an asshole, how you’re out to get them, how you’re just trying to wring every bit of life out of them to use it for your own goals?” She leaned over the desk, glaring at the stallion, who took it all without batting an eyelid.
 
“And every bit of it is true,” he calmly responded. “Look, we both know what our jobs are. I have to keep this craphole from going under, and you get to hold their hooves and tell them how horrible I am but don’t actually mean it. I’m doing them a favour.” He stood up from his chair and began pacing, the amount of smoke emanating from him showing just how agitated he was becoming. Then again, he had always said Page Turner brought out the worst in him. “They come in here all bright eyed and full of ideals. It’s my job to strip them of all that until they learn to keep their own opinions to themselves in pursuit of the goals of this place.”
 
“Yeah yeah. The truth.” She snorted derisively. “The truth has gotten us in more trouble than we needed. Like the time you exposed that noblestallion’s affair? Or how that company was using shoddy parts for their equipment? Like it or not, the law doesn’t always like or agree with the truth.” She flopped down onto her chair, the fire and rage that had fuelled her outburst exhausted as she looked just as tired as he.
 
“Well, that’s been a problem of our precious Princess of the Sun ever since I’ve known myself. Always coddling her sycophants while ponies who can’t defend themselves get used and abused.” Page Turner sighed, having heard the speech in several different variations over the years they had known each other. Now she merely shook her head whenever he started mouthing off against Princess Celestia. “Well, it’s my job to expose the truth, whether they like it or not.” He slammed his hoof down upon his desk.
 
“You find a way to make the truth pay the bills and stop the Royal Guard from hounding us, and I’ll agree with you there.”
 
“What a coincidence that you should say that. I might have just the thing.” He pulled open the last drawer of his desk and pulled out a single photograph, sliding it across to Page Turner. She picked it up and squinted at it. It was heavily blurred and seemed to be singed slightly. From the ponies wearing armor, she could guess that they were the Royal Guard, along with some other ponies. The main point of interest, however, was the tall creature that was in the middle of them. At first glance it seemed to be a diamond dog, but it seemed too thin and didn’t seem to have any great amount of body hair. Maybe some sort of gorilla?
 
“Just what the hay is this thing?” She peered at it quizzically, trying to make sense of it all. In response, he smirked, glad to see her interest piqued and her anger at him at least momentarily displaced.
 
“That thing apparently arrived on the train with the Bearers of the Elements of Harmony and marched right into the castle with Celestia’s pets. I’ve heard all sorts of rumours that range from it going on a stroll through the city to threatening to kill old mares. And this… this is the only proof we even have of its existence! He snorted angrily, feeling himself getting riled up. embracing it. “Nopony is talking. I can’t find anypony who was there to witness its arrival to either confirm or deny its existence. None of the guards are talking, there haven’t been any sort of press releases from the Royal Courts. Hay, even staff at the train station have been replaced. ‘Sorry sir, but they’ve been transferred to the Crystal Empire to help train new workers,’” he mimicked in a singsong voice. “What a load of crap! Anypony with half a brain can see this is a cover up. A plot. A conspiracy. Call it whatever you like, it’s happening.” He took a few deep breaths to calm himself, allowing Page Turner to chime in.
 
“Or maybe it’s because nearly nopony will have anything to do with us because of your ‘in your muzzle’ methods,” she commented dryly. He ignored her, snatching the photograph from her hoof.
 
“It doesn’t matter. I want answers, and I want them soon. Whatever this thing is, it’s going to be big. And I plan on cashing in on it.” His smirk returned.
 
“Oh really? And how do you plan to do that?” She looked at him dubiously, an eyebrow arched.
 
He beamed at her jovially. “In this business, my dear Page Turner, sometimes you have to flush out some of the lies to get down to the truth. Fortunately, I know just how to do that.”
 
She merely groaned, slumping down in her chair. “I think I’m going to need a drink for this.”
 
“Me too, Pagey, me too.”

“I told you to stop calling me that.”



***




Steve stood slightly hunched in the shower, letting the cold water pour all over his body, rejuvenating it and helping with the hangover. He had spent several minutes fumbling with the controls, trying to get the water to come out. He had to end up calling Pinkie over to show him how to operate it. She had cheerfully done so, only asking him if he would be showering with his clothes on. As he had tried to explain his situation, a spray of water had squirted out from the showerhead and got his clothes slightly wet. Fortunately, it had been nothing too serious and wouldn’t cause him to go without clothing for the day, though Pinkie had profusely apologized afterwards. He had accepted it and told her there was no problem, and she had proceeded to bounce back out, the door closing with a click.
 
As he was wont to do, he had been doing some retrospection; in this case, spending the past few minutes trying to recall what had occurred at the party last night. He could barely remember what had happened after they had started drinking. All he could remember was something about giving a victory speech atop a table. That had led to him musing about the information that Pinkie had willingly shared with him about her past. It contrasted so wildly against the mare he had known for an admittedly short period of time that he found himself still trying to wrap his mind around what she had divulged.
 
It was of some shame to him that he had realized he had subconsciously cast her in some sort of one dimensional mould. From their initial encounter, he had seen her as just a happy go lucky sort of pony, one whose entire life seemed to revolved around parties, her friends, and sweet treats, a perpetual sweetheart who kept on smiling for everyone around her. Certainly, some small part of his mind feebly tried to defend this, and she had done nothing to dispel the notion. While last night had been the first time he had seen her look sad and disappointed, it had only been because so few ponies had chosen to attend her party. Her behaviour this morning had struck a chord in him, mainly because of how melancholy she had been while recalling her past, the wistful and sometimes regretful tones that blended into her voice made for a sharp contrast to the usually energetic mare. The fact that that had surprised him had played on his mind since. The only thing he should have been surprised at was that she had chosen to share an intimate moment of her life with him and seemingly not her friends. On a subconscious level, he knew that she was an intelligent per… pony, one who would have had different emotions and various experiences that would have shaped who she was today. And yet here he was painting her with a broad brush.
 
Sighing, he closed off the shower and stepped out, reaching for the towel Pinkie had provided. The entire bathroom area was surprisingly utilitarian: no mess anywhere or hundreds of beauty products lying around, and neither were there any balloons or streamers like he had first envisioned. Drying himself off with the towel before wrapping it around his waist, he headed to the small mirror above the sink.
 
The first thing that caught his attention was how haggard his face looked. His slightly damp hair hung over his forehead, and his bloodshot eyes stared back at him dully, tiredness from his lack of sleep evident from the bags under his eyes. Running a hand through his hair caused a short burst of pain, causing him to wince. Upon closer and careful inspection, he located the tender spot. It was a small but sensitive bump at the side of his head. Just slightly poking it caused it to throb in pain, augmenting the headache he had woken up with which had only now begun to recede. He recalled something Pinkie had said… something to do with him falling off a table while being stone drunk. Shaking his head slightly at his foolishness, he moved away from the mirror and began redressing himself as quickly as possible. While doing so, he noticed the bruises that had begun to form where Pinkie had tried to squeeze the life out of him. Poking one tenderly also caused him to wince reflexively, and he decided he would have to have a talk with her about any future spontaneous shows of affection. The last thing he wanted was broken ribs.
 
Just as he was about to zip himself up, he heard someone knocking on the door. “Steve? Stevarino? Stevearambamalama?” he heard Pinkie call. “Is everything hunky dory in there? Did you get stuck? I can help pull you out if you want. Unless it’s some sort of human tradition. Is that like a kind of human holiday or something where everypony has to get stuck on the toilet and the first pony out gets a prize? Heeey, wait a minute!” Her voice sounded indignant to his ears. “You’re the only one in there, so only you can get the prize! Or are you?!” She gasped loudly, shock and surprise clear in her voice. “Are you having a competition in there with other ponies and… you didn’t invite me?! I thought you were my chum, my compadre, an old buddy old pal old friend of mine?!”
 
Rolling his eyes while his mouth twitched in amusement, he pulled the zipper up and opened the bathroom door before she could work herself up into even more of a frenzy, and for him to avoid hurting her feelings somehow without him even saying a word.
 
She marched into her bathroom with a purpose, a dangerous glint in her eyes. She looked around the room frantically, alert for any sudden movements. “Alright, where are they?” She eyed him suspiciously, pointedly raising her eyebrow.
 
Resisting the urge to chuckle, he tried to remain as straight faced as he could. “There isn’t anyone else here, Pinkie.”
 
“Uh huh, that’s what they all say.” Sighing, he patted her head and hobbled out, his back still bothering him, although the shower had helped.
 
“Everything alright, Stevie?” she asked as she followed behind him.
 
“Yeah yeah… guess I didn’t sleep too well last night.”
 
“Oh… well, you could always take a nap if you want,” she declared brightly.
 
“Well… I guess so. What will you be doing?”
 
“Oh, I have to go to work soon. Mr and Mrs Cake always give me a few hours off in the morning after a party, but I try to go down as early as possible.”
 
“Well… okay then…” He eyed the tousled sheets on the ground, not particularly relishing having to sleep there again.
 
Pinkie must have caught his expression as she said, “You can sleep in my bed if you want. It’s suuuper comfy.” She waggled her eyebrows at him.
 
He looked at the bed, noting specifically how the legs seemed to be slightly bent. “Hmmm, I don’t know. Didn’t you say it was damaged?” As the words left his mouth, the realization finally struck him, and he resisted the urge to both cringe and facepalm simultaneously. It was basically because of him that her bed had been damaged in the first place. Good job, moron. You put one of the few ponies who actually don’t seem to mind being around you out of a place to sleep. Sighing in embarrassment, he turned to face her. “Hey… uh… Pinkie?” he began awkwardly, “Listen, I’m really sorry about the bed. If you want I cou…” he trailed off. Could do what? Buy her a new bed? Nope, I don’t even have a cent on me here. Fix it? With what materials? I guess I could try and get one of the beds from the ship and bring it here, but I doubt I could carry it all the way…”
 
Fortunately, Pinkie stepped in to interrupt his self-recrimination, cheerfully saying, “Oh, it’s no worry. I mean, I was just as responsible for it. Mister Cake can fix it up lickety split. Or if he’s too busy, I could always get Hammer Time to do it in no time at all. Oh, he’s the repair pony in Ponyville,” she explained, seeing the confused look on his face.
 
“Oh… well, if you’re absolutely sure,” he said uncertainly.
 
“Absolutely, positively!” She was resolute, saluting for some reason.
 
Walking over, he sat down upon the bed gingerly, testing his weight upon it. As he did, a thought came to the fore. “Hey Pinkie? If the bed was strong enough to sleep in, how come you didn’t just leave us there?”
 
In response, she giggled as she said, “Silly Stevie. If I did that, then I wouldn’t have had any place to sleep last night.”
 
“Oh… right,” he smiled sheepishly, feeling stupid for even saying that. Did he really think himself that entitled that she would put herself out of her own bed for him?
 
She shook her head as she explained, “You see, there wasn’t enough room for the both of us, and I didn’t want you to get all cold by sleeping alone. And when I spread the blankets on the ground, you just grabbed me, remember?” No, not really, he thought. “But now that I have to go to work soon, you can have the bed all to yourself!”
 
“Now then, that’s enough talking. Let’s get you all tucked in.” She also hopped onto the bed and pulled the sheet back. “Now, in you go!” Reluctantly, he eased back onto the pillow and stretched out. She was right: there was little room for another pony to fit comfortably on the bed. Quickly, she pulled the covers over him and beamed. “There we go! Do you need anything else?”
 
He shifted around, trying to get more comfortable. While the bed was soft and pleasant to lie on, his feet hung over the edge if he stretched them out fully, forcing him to have to curl up slightly. “Umm… Yeah, everything is good.” He reached out to grab the pillow, finding it a tad too hard. 

Seeing what he was doing, she hurried over, saying, “Oh no no no no! You lie down right there and let Uncle Pinkie do it.”
 
“I’m just feeling a bit under the weather, Pinkie. It’s not like I’m an invalid or anything,” he muttered. It wasn’t like he was trying to be ungrateful, but still…
 
“But suppose when you tried to reach for the pillow— GUMMY!”
 
Eh? “Gummy?” He felt Pinkie’s hoof dive under the pillow, before moving back out, causing the hardness to vanish and his head to sink into the pillow.
 
“So this is where you’ve been hiding! Steve, I’d like to introduce you to my pet alligator, Gummy.” She jumped back in front him and held out something small and green, two beady eyes staring at him.
 
“A-A-Alligator?” he stammered. He knew Pinkie had some strange habits, but he didn’t think owning man eating animals were part of that.

Pinkie gave him a knowing look. “Hehe, everypony has that reaction when they first meet Gummy. Don’t worry, he’s harmless. He wouldn’t hurt a fly. Look, he doesn’t even have any teeth!” As if to prove her point, the creature clamped his jaws onto her nose tightly, so that no matter how hard she shook him, he still remained locked on. “He’s just a sweetheart, isn’t he? He must have been sleeping under the pillow all this time. Here, do you want to play with him?” She pulled the alligator off her face with an audible pop before dangling it in front of the slightly terrified human’s eyes.
 
Okay, deep breaths; it’s just a small harmless animal that resembles something that can rip you from limb to limb. He reached a hand out to the creature, but it wriggled out of Pinkie’s grasp before scampering down onto his chest and wriggling under the covers. He could feel it running back and forth along his legs, and he kicked them up frantically, trying to get the thing off him. Oh shit oh shit oh shit!
 
“Gummy! You come right back here, mister!” With that, Pinkie also dived under the covers. He could feel both of them as they scampered over and around him, and he reached down under the covers, trying to grasp one of them futilely. He felt the claws of the alligator hook on him as it climbed atop his lap. That was his only warning before Pinkie jumped up, taking the covers with her before she launched herself onto him as well, causing the air to whoosh out of him. Peeping into the covers, he saw Pinkie holding down her pet triumphantly as it tried getting away from her. “Silly Gummy. Now isn’t the time to play catch!”
 
He shook his head, bemused. Maybe he should be more upset or confused, but right now, all he felt was sleep trying to get a hold of him, despite attacks from alligators and pink ponies. “Good job, Pinkie.”
 
That was when the door creaked open noisily, and he saw two ponies staring at him, their jaws ready to fall out in shock.
 

***

“A-Are you sure about this, h-honeybun?” the voice squeaked, sounding almost odd coming from a stallion.
 
“It’s alright, Carrot. We just have to make sure Pinkie’s alright,” Cup Cake reassured her husband as they gingerly climbed the stairs to Pinkie Pie’s room. When they had gone down to the bakery area that morning, they had discovered the remnants of Pinkie Pie’s party from last night. There were still streamers and confetti everywhere, and one of their tables was overturned. Cup Cake had made a mental note to give a gentle reminder to the younger mare to make sure to take better care of her messes. Celestia knew that getting angry at her would not end well for all parties. At least she had done all the dishes, so that was one problem out of the way.
 
Still, it had struck the older mare as rather strange, since Pinkie would usually clean the entire area and leave it in an even better condition than before. Then they had found the note she had scribbled that said how she was taking the alien up to her room and would actually let him spend the night there. She had acquiesced to Pinkie Pie’s request to hold the party, but to think that the alien had spent the entire night under their roof! Why, it could have come into her room and gobbled her and her foals up! She had to spend ten minutes trying to calm her husband down.
 
“Why would that filly even allow it to stay in the same room as her? Who knows what it’s capable of? Why didn’t she mention anything about it?” Carrot complained as they neared the top of the stairs.
 
“Calm down, dearie. Pinkie did say she was having a party for a friend, though I didn’t think it was the alien. Sometimes she can be rather… oblivious to the dangers of things,” she said soothingly.  Her stallion was trying to be so strong for her. Although she was trembling on the inside, she knew she had to be the cool head here. She had heard all sorts of wild things from her customers for the past few days. Some were worried, some were fearful, some were excited, and there were even those who were completely uninterested in Ponyville’s newest addition. She had decided to err on the side of caution. Besides, the Bearers of Harmony would protect ponies if the alien tried anything… right?
 
They reached the top of the stairs, Cup Cake breathing heavily from the trip. Now she remembered why she rarely visited Pinkie at her room. Nodding at each other, they began walking over to her door.  As they nervously approached, they could hear the bed groaning loudly, almost rhythmically. “Pinkie?” she called softly. She could hear muffled voices on the other side of the door. Taking a deep breath, she pushed the door open.
 
Her eyes immediately fell to the creature on the bed. It was hard not to as it took up most of it. Her attention was then diverted to something wriggling under the covers. It twisted and turned, seemingly bouncing on top of his hindlegs. Then he heard it mumble “Good job, Pinkie,” and the head of the mare who she was looking for popped up from under the covers. What was she doing? Was she actually… with the alien?! Is that why she brought him up here last night? Pinkie Pie… Her face flooded with red as the implications of the sight in front of her hit her. Dazedly turning to her husband, she could see him trying to work his jaw, seemingly coming to the same conclusion as her. She tried to step back, but the door creaked open further; the loud sound causing the two… companions on the bed to turn to her.
 
Pinkie wriggled out of the covers and jumped on the floor gracefully. “Hi, Mr and Mrs Cake!” she greeted the two stunned ponies cheerfully. “Whoops, guess I must be really late for you two to come up here to look for me. Oh oh, Mister Cake, Mister Cake!” She turned to the poor stallion who was clearly unable to deal with the scene in front of his eyes. “I’m glad you’re here. You see, we kindaaa sorta wore the bed out last night, and now it needs some fixing.” She grinned sheepishly at the couple.
 
The only response was Carrot’s body hitting the floor as he fainted.