Chapter 2 - Arrival
BEEP
BEEP
BEEP
“Just a few more minutes...” Steve grunted tiredly. As he tried to turn around, he noticed that he was not lying in his bed being woken by his annoying alarm clock. Instead, he was still sitting in the seat in front of the console of the board computer of the Helios, being held firmly in place by the seat belts.
His eyes widened at the sudden realization as he blinked a few times, hastily trying to remember what had happened.
I was in the Helios when everything was going crazy; it detached and brought me to... this sphere thingy. What the hell happened there? Am I dead? I don't feel dead. Wait... how do you feel when you are dead? He shook his head at his last thought and began to look around.
The ship looked intact. The lights were on, there were no signs of damage in the corridor to the airlock which was still locked, and no alarms reporting any kind of damage. Even the computer was turned on.
“Sarah?” Steve asked cautiously, hoping the AI would answer him.
“Hello, Steve, it took you a while to wake up,” Sarah replied instantly. “I even had to use the alarm clock.”
“Ugh, how long have I been out?” Steve groaned.
“You were already unconscious when I began operating again fifty two minutes ago.”
“And before that?” he queried impatiently. The AI only answered directly what was asked and he had to be very precise when talking to her.
“No data available. Memory damage detected. Entries of the previous eight days are compromised. Consult an administrator,” she cited.
Eight days... Something in his mind clicked. That’s when the problems began! They seem to be much more serious than I expected.
“Sarah? Where are we?” Steve asked the most important question at hand, his voice slightly trembling as his eyes caught a glance of the monitor in front of him. The outboard cameras were still intact, streaming their vision inside. Most of the cameras showed him a dense forest only a few metres ahead, while the vision of the others was almost immediately blocked by a grassy hill. It was obvious they had landed on a planet. But how was this even possible?
“We landed on a planet,” she replied, confirming his suspicions. “When my systems came back online, we had already entered the stratosphere. I landed the Helios forty four minutes ago,” Sarah told him. “The landing went without incidents.”
So I'm definitely alive. He let out a relieved sigh. Good, that would have been one hell of a disappointment if my afterlife would take place in this ship.
He was relieved to know that they actually landed on a planet but he still had more questions that needed answers. “Sarah, give me a damage report. Make a scan of the planet. Try to contact the Columbus. We need a pickup.”
“Engines online, environmental control and life support system online, all outboard cameras except 3, 5 and 15 online, short range scanners online, long range scanner offline, communication array offline, exterior shell functional at 99.5% durability, shields disabled, fuel level critical. Hydrogen supply must be restocked. Most of the energy used for landing. Changed power supply to solar energy. Accumulators are recharging at a steady rate…” the AI droned on without pause.
Good thing I crashed with this thing, I would be so screwed if I were in one of the smaller ships, Steve thought as he listened to the report. With this ship being the main module for a possible base on a planet it was completely autonomous and had almost every necessary system on board.
“Scans indicate an earth-like atmosphere. CO2 levels very low, no toxic gases detected. The air should be breathable. Gravity is 99.78% equal to Earth’s gravity. Heat signatures indicate presence of multiple life forms. Contac...”
“WHAT!?” Steve interrupted the AI after he heard the last sentence. “There are life forms here!? We found life so close to Earth? We were supposed to fly for at least three more years before getting anywhere near a planet with an environment like this! This is a massive breakthrough!”
“Contacting the Columbus is impossible while the communication array is offline. Further scans are running for a more detailed damaged report. I will inform you when they are done,” Sarah ended her report.
But at this point Steve didn't listen anymore. He was still too shocked from the sudden news.
“We are not alone,” he mumbled to himself, letting the words sink in for a while. “I KNEW IT! Oh this is so awesome,” he cheered enthusiastically and wondered what kind of life they would find here. Sure, the main part of his job wasn’t studying the life forms, but just making sure that everything was running smoothly for the others, but still, this was probably the best news he could hear on this trip.
Steve couldn’t hold back a happy laugh. Their mission was a success. They found what they were looking for so much earlier than expected.
“Sorry, Sarah, I wasn't listening at the last part. What did you say about contacting the ship?” Steve tried to calm down a bit in order to listen to the AI.
“Contacting the Columbus is impossible while the communication array is offline. I will make further scans for a more detailed report,” Sarah repeated.
Steve nodded quickly. Shouldn’t be much of a problem to fix this thing. They left so many spare parts in here I could almost build an exact copy of the ship. Still, would be nice to let them know sooner.
“Understood. You said the air was safe?” he asked, but continued without waiting for an answer. “I know I shouldn't but... I can't wait. I want to go outside,” he announced, barely able to hide his excitement. He knew this was a bad idea that was most likely going to end poorly, but the temptation was too great.
“That is correct, but I strongly advise not to go outside. That proves an unnecessary safety hazard.”
“Thanks for your concerns, I can handle that. I mean, what could go wrong?” He grinned and shrugged. “And don't answer that. But I should better be prepared. Sarah, open the armoury, I might need a few things from there.”
“Armoury unlocked,” the AI replied.
Only now Steve opened the belts that kept him tightly locked to the chair and made his way down the corridor, heading for the armoury, but making a quick stop at the cargo room to his left. He was relieved to see that despite the turbulence everything was still in place and secured. Another quick stop to his right in the laboratory showed him that everything seemed to be alright there also.
He didn't check to see if the equipment was working but the sight of no broken glass on the floor was enough at the moment.
I should check the rest of the shuttle as well before I go outside, Steve thought as he returned to the corridor. So far it’s looking good, but who knows.
To his right ran a smaller corridor that ended in a tiny window, granting him a bit of vision of the outside. There was the same hill that he had already seen on the cameras, but as he looked up he noticed a clear blue sky, a good sign for him. The small corridor had two doors on the left side, the first one leading to the life support system and the second one to the armoury. Sarah would have informed him about any obvious damage to the first one already, so he could leave it out for now. If there proved to be anything wrong with it he would have to wait for the detailed report anyways. The latter would be the last room on his checklist, so instead he went back to the main corridor and a bit further down to his left was the command centre.
Pretty vaunted name for a room containing only a long table, a few chairs and a long whiteboard across one the walls. Right above the table hung a rotatable projector, mounted to the ceiling. With everything in the room being fixed to the ship in some way, and with the general simplicity of the room it was no surprise that it looked the exact same as always. With the help of one of the chairs Steve climbed up onto the table and pushed the start button on the projector. A quick beeping sound and a few flashing lights made him nod contentedly and he switched it back off again.
He looked to the outboard side of the room, where now a large panoramic window, at least compared to the size of the other windows of the ship, gave him a clear view of the forest that he had seen already. It was really as close as the cameras showed, starting maybe twenty metres from the ship and getting dense so quickly that he could barely see for more than a few metres, despite it being broad daylight.
Now that they had landed, Sarah switched the ship into ground mode, meaning that a lot of the protective layer that formed the outer hull of the ship was retracting to make room for the more sensitive equipment, like the scanners and most importantly the solar panels on the roof of the ship that were providing it with enough energy. Hopefully.
Deciding that everything seemed to be okay in this room as well, Steve headed back down the corridor. The next two doors to his right were two identical bathrooms. Bracing for the worst he opened the door to the first one and was pleasantly surprised that it was immaculate. He stepped over to the mirror cabinet over the sink and took a good look at himself first.
His blue eyes wandered over his image, keeping stuck on his short blond hair for a short while. It was still mostly in shape, but he used his hands to comb through it a few times anyways. He corrected the fit of his dark blue jumpsuit slightly before giving an approving nod and opening the mirror cabinet. Something that he regretted immediately. The cabinet hadn’t opened during the landing, but some of the soap and shampoo bottles behind it had burst open and now that he opened the door they fell out, spilling a mixture of various hygiene products over the washbasin and floor. Only by jumping back against the wall quickly did Steve avoid having them spill on himself as well.
Guess I have to clean that up later, he thought while looking over the mess he made. At least that didn’t happen during the landing. With these things flying around they could have easily broken something.
Steve wished he hadn’t just thought that as he entered the second bathroom where exactly that had happened. The mirror cabinet was torn open, and all the bottles that stood once behind it had left behind a trail of destruction as they made their way through the bathroom. This resulted in the glass wall of the shower being splintered, and one of the mirrors being completely shattered, with the glass now scattered all over the floor. Even the basin and toilet had a few cracks, but it didn’t seem too bad for them.
Ugh, what a mess, Steve thought and shook his head. Guess I’ll just use the other one if I need to. With no motivation to clean any of that right now, Steve just closed the door again and continued his tour.
Now there was only one room on the left side of the ship left; the bedroom. It only contained four beds and a large closet on one of the walls. Just like the stairs in the command centre the beds were fixed to the floor and hadn't moved a bit, but that didn’t count for the mattresses, blankets and pillows on them, nor for the clothes inside the closet which were now all scattered around the room.
Ehh, not much difference from what my bed usually looks like, he shrugged it off. Just a case of moving a few things back into their place before I need it tonight.
“Sarah? How many hours of daylight do I have?” Steve asked, wondering about the day-night cycle of this planet.
“Based on my calculations it should be about five hours until sundown,” Sarah replied.
“Good. That should give me more than enough time for a quick trip outside.”
Leaving the room as it was for now, he turned around, walking into another smaller corridor leading to the last two rooms. He entered the room to his left and was standing in the kitchen. With it being the size of a small lumber room there wasn’t much chaos that could have occurred there anyways, and again he was lucky. Most of the drawers held shut during the landing, and only a few pans and some cutlery from those that didn’t were lying around. No signs of anything broken.
Just one more room left, Steve thought eagerly as he nodded off the kitchen.
The last room on the list was the entertainment room. The only room of the shuttle he’d ever been in before, if the main corridor with the computer terminal didn’t count. It was just as neatly organized as the rest of the ship, so the damage once again was manageable. Luckily the large screen at one end of the room was still intact, and only a few cushions from the couch opposite to it were thrown around, but didn’t cause any damage.
Underneath the screen he opened a drawer which stored a remote control for the screen, as well as some controllers for the built in entertainment systems. They were all a bit thrown around, but nothing seemed broken. He took out the remote and pushed the power button. The screen turned on, with no signs of cracks or other damage anywhere.
Great, he thought with a happy smile. Barely any damage at all, just some cleaning up to do. Unless Sarah detects anything critical this would almost be a perfect landing.
He turned off the screen, put the remote back into the drawer and made his way back through the ship to the one room that he had wanted to go to all along. The automatic door of the armoury already opened as he came closer.
The room was very small, just like the other ones, maybe just a bit over a square metre. The real armoury was on the main ship, but since he was in the main ground module there was still a copy of it, even though it didn’t hold that much.
Of course Steve had no intentions to kill an alien, unless it was some wild beast that would attack him, so it would serve its purpose nevertheless. That would be a horrible first contact with humanity for them. One small weapon for self-defence, and maybe a light armour, that would be all he needed.
Maybe they don't even have anything like guns here at all and the sound itself would be scary enough, Steve thought as he tried to decide between the equipment that he now saw as he looked through the gun cabinet.
Four different body armours, all of them just light overalls, and only one that looked a bit heavier, hung next to a yellow hazard suit. A couple of spare gas masks came with it as well. With the weapons he had a bit more of a choice. He spotted a total of two pistols and two tasers, perfect as a small sidearm and four larger weapons, including two machine pistols, one rifle and even a shotgun.
At the side of the cabinet hung additional equipment, like gun belts, some knives and a few metal cylinders that he identified as flash bangs and smoke grenades as he took them in his hand to inspect them. Some red sticks that he was sure were flares hung further back in the cabin. As he checked the bottom of the cabin he noticed a couple of magazines and a few boxes with ammunition.
Satisfied with the choices he grabbed one of the lighter vests, a belt, knife, flash bang and one of the pistols. It was a Glock 17, a weapon that he had held in his hands and even fired a few times during his short gun training. With three magazines he was sure to have enough ammunition, and he was having a bit of struggle getting more into his pockets anyways.
He looked down at himself, then back into the gun cabinet at the rifle that still hung there. Better safe than sorry, he just thought to himself and grabbed it as well. He wasn’t sure, but to him it looked like a G36C, if he remembered David’s lectures correctly as he gave him a summary over their entire arsenal they had on the main ship. It’s a bit heavy to carry around, he now thought as he weighed the rifle in his hands. And the pistol will probably save my ass as well if it comes down to it. But who knows how dangerous the wildlife out there could be.
“Steve,” Sarah interrupted Steve's thoughts. “There are multiple heat signatures approaching us in closed formation from the northwest. Scans are indicating a settlement about two kilometres in that direction.”
Steve's eyes went wide at this news. “LOCALS!?” he shouted out. Civilization? And I thought I hit the jackpot earlier already. He began to grin like a little child on Christmas morning. Now the weapon choice was settled for him and he put the rifle back into the cabinet. Being armed to the teeth would probably only seem intimidating and he was here to talk. Talking! Damn, I don’t have any data samples for the translator yet, he suddenly realized and gulped. That means sign language and hoping not to offend them until I have enough data.
Quickly he left the armoury again and ran to the cargo hold, searching for an audio recorder and the little translator tool that had been designed for their mission. It looked almost exactly like the recorder, no wonder, it had to listen to the audio first to be able to translate it. And for that he needed the data from the recorder, which would send everything that would be said straight to the ship so that he board computer could analyse their language and give the translator data to work with. An easy way to enable communication despite a language barrier.
Initially it was planned to retrieve these audio samples beforehand by observing a planet, and not land until the language was figured out, but that was too late now and he could only hope that this thing was working quick.
He stored the two items somewhere at the belt and made his way towards the airlock. “What can you tell me about them?” Steve asked nervously.
“There are six of them approaching. Remaining distance: 142 meters. No visual contact yet, all cameras looking in their direction are either damaged or their view is blocked by a hill.”
“Open the airlock,” Steve ordered firmly. “I have to meet them. I will send you the audio data. I need the translator running as fast as you can. Oh and lock the armory and airlock behind me.”
“Are you sure?” the AI asked. “This is a major safety risk. They might be dangerous.”
“I know,” Steve replied and gulped. “But if they are hostile, do you really think sitting in here would be a good choice either? It might take hours before the Columbus finds us again, and we are right next to a settlement of theirs.”
“If you say so,” Sarah just responded and Steve nervously licked his lips.
The hissing sound of the first door of the airlock being unlocked appeared. As soon as it swung open he stepped inside and it immediately closed behind him again. He took in a deep breath. He was only a few seconds away from catching the first glimpses of this new world directly, instead of through glass. The second door opened and the first thing he saw was just a bright light as his eyes were slowly adapting to the sunlight.
He heard the AI’s voice through a speaker behind him. “Visual contact confirmed.”
Steve’s jaw almost dropped on the ramp that was leading from the door down to the ground as he saw six creatures standing there in front of him.
“Ponies…” he just muttered in disbelief.
1 hour earlier
The warm rays of midday sun were falling down onto Ponyville and through one certain, large window of the Golden Oaks Library, bathing a certain purple unicorn in their light as she was flipping with her magic through the book that she held in her hooves. With a sigh she closed it and moved it aside onto a small pile next to her, only to pull the next one from an even larger pile right next to the first one.
What a waste of time, none of these books could give me any useful tips that I didn’t already know about time scheduling, Twilight Sparkle thought, feeling peeved at how unhelpful the books had been so far. The only thing they had done now was further delay her schedule, instead of helping her improve it. Last month she had almost come late to three appointments, despite reducing her sleeping time, a disaster that she could not let happen again, ever.
Twilight looked at the clock on the wall. 12:50. Only fifteen minutes since her lunch at Sugarcube Corner, but it felt like an eternity. Pinkie let her test her newest cupcake creation. Somehow Pinkie must have found out how to compress chocolate, otherwise Twilight couldn’t explain why every bite tasted like she had shoved down an entire chocolate bar. But by Celestia, it was delicious and just what she needed after a frustrating morning.
Her motivation for opening the new book that was now lying between her hooves was at a low, so her gaze drifted off and she stared out of the window for a moment.
It was a truly beautiful day outside, the sun stood high up in the sky, spreading warmth to all of Ponyville, with not a single cloud in the sky to block it, aside from a solitary drifter.
If that isn’t Rainbow taking her usual post-lunch nap... Is that mare even doing anything besides sleeping, eating and flying these days? Twilight wondered, but the picture of the clear sky reminded her that Rainbow Dash must have done her duty today already.
Further down on the ground she saw everypony enjoying the beauty of the day. Something she envied them for a little. She would have loved to do something with her friends today, such weather was just asking for a picnic at the lake, but she couldn’t allow herself to fall even further behind than she already was. With another sigh she was about to turn back to the book, but something strange made her stop in her tracks. A small object had appeared in the sky, and from the looks of it was descending fast.
Could this be a meteoroid? she wondered and narrowed her eyes to slits to see it more clearly. Where’s my telescope?
She looked around her room quickly. She knew it had to be here somewhere; she had used it for stargazing only two days ago. Strange that she hadn’t noticed any objects back then already. She was about to call out for Spike to help her find it, when she spotted it right behind a pile of astronomy books on the upper level.
I should start cleaning my room more often. Most of the times Spike has to find my stuff here, she thought as she levitated the telescope down to her. Maybe I should look for a search spell.
It was a rare sight to see a meteoroid so clearly in daylight and she didn't want to miss anything. Quickly she adjusted her telescope accordingly and locked it on the meteoroid, but after staring at it for a few moments she noticed something odd about it. The meteoroid didn’t seem to vaporize in the atmosphere, which they mostly do, but what really confused her was that the speed was decreasing, letting the trail of fire that surrounded the boulder fade away.
Twilight was so fascinated by that unknown phenomenon that she barely realized that the object was actually falling in the direction of Ponyville. Only as she heard a shout outside did she let go of the telescope and notice that the entire town had stopped in their tracks and were staring at that strange object as well, which was now slowly descending near the Everfree Forest to the south.
It had slowed down so much that it could have been clearly seen, but before Twilight could readjust her telescope the object had already vanished from her field of view. It must have arrived on the ground by now, but there didn’t come any smoke from a possible crater that a meteorite would have created. No, this was something else, but she couldn’t recall ever having read about something like this in any book. She needed to ask the one pony she was sure would have an answer for her.
“SPIKE! Come here! Now!” she shouted for her little assistant.
Quick footsteps followed her shouts as someone came running up the stairs. The door to her room swung open and revealed the sight of a purple-scaled baby dragon.
“Spike! Finally,” Twilight said as she came over to him, levitating a scroll, quill and a jar of ink with her. “Quick, take a le…” She stopped in her tracks. “Is that ice cream?” she asked as she eyed the dragon’s mouth a bit more clearly.
“Uhm, maybe?” he replied carefully and quickly wiped a claw over his mouth.
“Didn’t I forbid you to eat that? It’s not good for you,” Twilight chided him as she put on a stern face.
“Uhh…,” the dragon stammered for words as he tried to avoid Twilight’s look. “Didn’t you need me for something?” he asked cautiously, trying to change the subject.
Twilight’s eyes went wide and she gasped. “Of course! Write a letter to the princess at once, it’s of the utmost importance.”
“Ready,” he announced as he took over the parchment and quill from Twilight, dipping the latter one into the ink jar first.
Twilight cleared her throat before dictating,”
Dear Princess Celestia,
I have just witnessed the landing of an unknown object near Ponyville. The object was decelerating during the approach and does not fit the description of a meteor, nor anything else that I have heard of. Do you have any idea what it could have been?
Your faithful student,
Twilight Sparkle”
“...Twilight… Sparkle,” he muttered. “Okay got it. I’ll send it right now.”
He inhaled deeply before exhaling loudly, his green fire breath quickly consuming the letter, sending it right to the princess.
I hope she replies quickly, I really want to know what's going on, Twilight thought nervously and stepped over to the window again.
“An unknown object, eh?” Spike asked and joined her by the window. “Where did it land?”
“Just a bit to the south, at the edge of the Everfree Forest if I saw correctly.” Twilight replied, pointing to where she had seen the object for the last time.
“So that’s probably why I heard that fuzz...” he was interrupted by a loud burp, releasing his fire breath and a letter with it. Twilight grabbed the letter quickly with her magic before it could land on the ground and began to read.
“That was fast. What did the princess say?” Spike asked Twilight, whose eyes were quickly skimming over the lines.
“She told me to gather my friends and investigate. She wants a report as soon as possible, but also warned us to approach with caution,” Twilight said after a while and looked up from the letter. Something about the message seemed a bit odd to her. The quick response time and the warning made it sound like the princess would know something, but why didn’t she tell her? But this wasn’t the time to think about that, she had a mission to fulfil.
“You stay here while I gather everypony. Prepare my saddlebags with the field research equipment! We’ll leave in half an hour!” Twilight shouted over her shoulder while she galloped out of the library.
***
After a quick excursion through Ponyville, Twilight managed to gather her friends at the library. Rainbow still looked a bit sleepy after being woken from her nap, while the rest of them had questioning looks on their faces to varying degrees. Twilight had only given them small chunks of information before running off again, and now they were all rather curious about the unicorn’s frantic behaviour.
After a few moments of silence, in which Twilight caught her breath, Rarity cleared her throat and asked, “Ahem… so tell us, Twilight darling, what is it that is so important on this delightful day? Is it about that... thing in the sky?”
“Yes.” Twilight nodded. “At first I thought it was normal meteor, but instead of vaporizing in the atmosphere or crashing on the ground it seemed to have landed near the Everfree,” Twilight explained and looked around the group. “I immediately informed the princess, who ordered us to investigate and report our findings, since she couldn’t tell me what it is either.” She added the last part since she could read the question on the curious faces of her friends.
“Oooh! Oooh! Is it a surprise?” Pinkie cheered and bounced in excitement.
“No, Pinkie, I really don’t know. Maybe the princess knows something, but without any solid proof we are just groping in the dark,” Twilight replied and looked over into the direction of the Everfree. Still no smoke came up from there. “Any more questions?” she asked around, waiting for a few moments for anypony to speak up.
“Yes, I have a question,” Fluttershy whispered and almost immediately hid behind her mane as all eyes turned on her. “Uhm… is it dangerous?” she finally asked.
Everypony turned back towards Twilight, some worried, some concerned, but others, mainly Rainbow, excited.
“Honestly I have no idea.” Twilight admitted, reluctantly.
After seeing the worried looks of her friends, she quickly added, “But I'm sure it’s nothing we can’t handle. It might just be a rock fallen from space after all.” Twilight forced a smile upon her lips.
“What are we waiting for then? Let's go!” Rainbow Dash exclaimed eagerly. “All this waiting's making me tired again.”
“Yeah, and we don’t want to have to deal with that again!” Applejack shot back sarcastically.
***
Shortly after the group was leaving the southern parts of Ponyville, following a small dirt road that was leading to Sweet Apple Acres further south of Ponyville. The way through the town had been relatively quiet. The ponies they met on the way didn’t show immediate panic, but were slightly concerned seeing the six Elements leaving the town in direction of that strange thing they saw earlier.
Living in Ponyville long enough made the citizens here realize that bizarre, and sometimes dangerous things happened here more than just once in a blue moon. Twilight politely asked everypony they encountered to be patient and not worry too much, they would handle the situation.
As soon as they had left the town the group began to exchange a few theories of what they thought it was, but the discussion was cut short as Rainbow Dash, who had been on lookout a few metres above their head shouted out to them and pointed to a small hill to the east. Apparently she had seen something behind it. “Should I go check it out?” Rainbow asked as she hovered in front of them.
“No.” Twilight shook her head. “I think it would be best if we just stick together.”
Reluctantly Rainbow Dash agreed and joined the group on the ground, just as they were taking their first step from the road and across the field that was lying between them and the hill. All the while Twilight’s mind was whirling frantically and her stomach continually clenched and unclenched itself, anxious about what they would find there. A feeling that she often felt during their adventures, even now after all they had already been through together.
Twilight raised her front hoof as they reached the hill, motioning her friends to stop. “This is it. Just be careful and most importantly don’t touch anything. Even if it just is a rock, it still came from space and could be of massive scientific value and we don’t want to destroy anything.”
Rainbow Dash and Applejack rolled their eyes in unison, while the others just nodded. With those words as warning Twilight led the group slowly around the hill, but as soon as what was there came into her field of view she stopped dead in her tracks. Her eyes went wide and her jaw dropped as she saw a large dark blue cuboid standing there in front of her. It was about the size of a house, surely over five meters high, being elevated by some sorts of pillars coming out of the bottom, which made it seem like it was standing evenly on the rough ground.
She stood directly in front of the smaller side of the thing, which was still at least four metres wide, with a grey and yellow coloured round patch in the middle. If Twilight would have to take a guess she would have said that was some kind of door, judging by the large hinges on one side. She went a few steps further towards the forest to get a better look at the other, longer side of the thing. In length it was about as high as her tree, which meant quite a lot.
But the respectable size wasn’t the strangest thing she noticed. No, strange was that the walls themselves seemed to be completely flat, but as she looked up she saw a various things standing up into the air. Some of them looked like antennas, but most of it she couldn’t identify.
“What in tarnation?” Applejack was the first to speak, her irritated words verbalizing the thoughts they were all having currently.
“Uhm, Twilight?” Rainbow asked cautiously, her usual bravado temporarily deserting her. “What is… that?” She waved her hoof around.
Twilight remained silent, staring at the object, unable to come up with a clear answer.
“It looks rather... interesting?” Rarity claimed, unsure. Behind her, Fluttershy hid behind her mane, her hooves shaking, frightened even more than usual.
“I don’t know,” Twilight admitted eventually and shook her head. “I have never heard of anything like that. I’d say it is made out of metal, but metal doesn’t form that way naturally.” She stopped for a few moments, taking a step closer to the thing but stopping again. “No, I’m sure this had to be built,” she finally concluded.
“Built?” Rainbow asked surprised. “Who by?”
“I-I have no idea. Gryphons maybe?” Twilight looked around with an uneasy expression on her face.
“Then let’s just ask,” Pinkie cheered and bounced towards the object.
“Pinkie, wait!” Twilight shouted, trying to hold her back. “We have to observe it first, you can’t just expect somepony to come out of there to give you your…”
Twilight was interrupted as a strange sound came from the object. A kind of hissing that she sometimes heard in her laboratory when she was experimenting with vacuum. Next to what she thought to be a door a light began flashing up in bright yellow and a plank began to emerge from underneath it, lowering itself down until it became clear it was a ramp, to what now certainly had to be a door.
“Answers,” Twilight finished her sentence in an awestruck whisper.
Pinkie stopped in her movement now and slowly took a few steps back to join the rest of the group that had all gathered next to Twilight and watched with wide open eyes and mouths as the door slowly swung open, revealing the sight of a creature standing behind it.
And what a creature it was. Forgetting everything else around her Twilight immediately scanned it from top to bottom. The first thing she noticed was that the creature was bipedal, and the size that came with it. It still stood on higher ground than them, and a bit away, so she could be wrong, but it seemed to be far taller than a normal pony, and was probably on the same eye level of Princess Celestia herself.
The head of the creature was covered by a hoof, bathing it in shadows and making it unrecognizable. No, not a hoof, but a claw like Spike had, only the tips were blunt, not sharp. For a moment she had to think about where she had seen something like this before. Then it came to her; minotaur. Those were hands. Hands at the end of arms, which were in a different colour.
The hands had a pale beige tone, while the arms, as well as the rest of body was covered by a smooth, dark blue skin. There didn’t seem to be any fur over it, or it had to be insanely smooth. Across the chest the skin suddenly turned black and multiple smaller items were hanging out. Baffled she looked a bit closer and noticed that this was in fact not skin, but clothes. Almost the entire body of the creature was covered in clothes, and the black part around its torso had to be a vest with pockets.
Twilight could have almost laughed at her first assumption that this was skin and continued to inspect the creature. It had now taken away the hand from its face, and Twilight was quite surprised at what she saw.
The face was almost completely flat, with no muzzle and only what seemed to be the nose standing out slightly. Reddish lips indicated a small mouth, an adjective that fitted a lot of the descriptions; small. Compared to a pony, most parts of the face were tiny, starting with the eyes, where she couldn’t even tell the colour from the distance, going over to the almost round ears that sat awkwardly low and at the side of the head, and finally the mouth, that was now slightly opened as well, but didn’t make it seem any larger than before.
Strangely enough she could have sworn that the expression on the creature’s face was the same of her friends right now, surprise, and its eyes were quickly wandering over the group, probably doing the same that she did; inspecting their opponent.
Twilight was still too caught in scanning the creature to talk yet. She finished with the head for now by taking a quick look at a short yellow mane that sat on top of it, before she looked further down its body, over the legs and at the hooves, which were covered by black boots. Judging by the shape of the boots however it didn’t seem like there were hooves stuck in them, but more like feet as Spike has.
With the first rough inspection finished, Twilight was about to take the word, since no one else would, but then she heard the creature mutter a single word to itself, “Ponies.”
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Hmm I want MOAR!
Alright next chapter now comrade!
2328192 2328162 I'm working on it. It's very nice to see that you like it. Unfortunately I'm going on holidays in 4 days (yeah I know great timing right after starting a story) and I got a lot of things to do and will not be able to finish the next chapter until then but will take my tablet with me and hopefully find some time to write on it.
I haven't written much yet because I want some more feedback as this is my first story ever.
Ohhh okey well i can wait four days or more
MOAR
No Twilicorn? have a thumbs up
2328756 I didn't use Twilicorn because I don't know how to handle her not because I dislike her.
My profile picture may show something else but Twilight is still my favorite pony.
Dude, this starting to look like a great opening to an epic story. Be looking forward to the next installment.
2328784
I'm uber happy that you're not using Twilicorn. Nothing against Twilight or anything, its just that I prefer to think that there's more potential with her being normal.
2339508 Thank you. I'm not sure about the potential but I have no idea how it changed the status quo so far.
The next chapter is finished but needs a lot of editing and some small changes, as I am not quite happy with it yet. It will be about 6-7k words long. I hope you will like it.
2339521
Actually I believe its more on the lines of the appeal rather than the potential of Twilight still being a unicorn.
http://i0.kym-cdn.com/photos/images/newsfeed/000/293/590/6f6.gif
More please. Fav + like.
This story shows promise, bit this chapter in particular is rife with quite a lot of errors. Words, letters and commas missing, oddly structured phrases (particularly with dialogue or inner thoughts), and words being used in the wrong tense. Weirdly though, these only seem to have started after you switched to the POV of the ponies. I would suggest going over this section with a fine comb, and after you've done that, get someone else to do so too. A lot of the time you'll miss errors that you write down because your mind subconsciously replaces it with what you meant to say when you read it back to yourself.
if english isn't your 1st language, then where are you from man?
This chapter wasn't as smooth as last one. I hope you're still working on it. Herp me if you're not, but I am going to correct you anyways, as I am a stuborn little shit.
Expect to see correction in three hours. If it's not there by that time, I decided to take my nap, as it is five after midnight and I didn't sleep yet.
okay, so as I promised; this is the correction.
I use a spectra of colors to indicate certain things
red means a spelling mistake, green means a grammar mistake, yellow means something nitty witty, like forgetting to place a spacebar. blue means that you forgot something: a comma, a word or even a period. Silver is to make something more appealing to the eye. Might just be pure opinion. cyan is a little mix between blue and silver; It's a word you could add so it becomes a easier to read.
Have fun~!
NOTE: I in am in no means trying to be a jerk here. I am just trying to improve over this story.
NOTE 2:I might not change certain things due to accent. And vodka. That's a story for another time.
NOTE 3: I require no kudos, credits, or anything else. I am a complete volunteer.
“Just a few more minutes...” Steve grunted tiredly. As he tried to turn around he noticed that he was not laying in his bed getting woken by his annoying alarm clock; but was still sitting in the seat in front of the console of the board computer of the Helios, being hold firmly in place by the seat belts.
Silver: The ";" should(n't) be there, and replace "but" with "He". That was quite the long sentence. You could alternatively split It in two, using a period.(It would be more easy to read)
Steve snapped wide awake by this sudden realization and tried to remember what happened.
I was in the Helios again when everything was going crazy, it uncoupled and brought me to... this sphere thingy. What the hell happened there? Am I dead? I don't feel dead. Wait... how do you feel when you are dead?
He shook his head at his last thought and began to look around.
Silver: The word "again" is not necessary, but it is not wrong. Unless I am missing something. It would be better to remove it. ( once again, silver is pure opinion at times.)
“Sarah?” Steve asked, hoping the AI would answer him.
“Hello Steve, it took you a while to wake up,” Sarah replied. “I even had to use the alarm clock.”
"Ugh, how long have I been out?” Steve asked.
“You were unconscious when I began operating again 52 minutes ago.”
“And before that?” he was getting impatient. The AI only answered directly what was asked and he had to be very precise when talking to her.
Silver: Am I missing some basic kindergarten rule here? "again" Is unnecessary.
"Sarah? Where are we?” Steve now asked a more important question. Looking through the cameras, he could see a forest in front and beside him while a grassy hill was blocking the view behind him. It was obviously they landed on a planet. was this even possible?
“We landed on a planet. When my systems were back online we already entered the stratosphere. I landed the Helios 44 minutes ago,” Sarah told him.
Blue 1:Place a comma. Nothing fancy.
Cyan: From now on you know these are just two opinions, (cyan and silver) so I will stop explaining why and just go into a more direct mode. Place "Looking" there.
Blue 2: you forgot to place the word "was".
Red:"obviously" should be obvious. ALTERNATIVE: Rewrite the sentence into: "They obviously landed on a planet."
“Contacting the Columbus impossible while the communication array is offline. I will make further scans for a more detailed report,” Sarah repeated.
Ugh, shouldn't be a problem to fix this thing. They left put so many spare parts in here I could almost build an exact copy of the Helios. Still would have been nice to let them know sooner.
Silver:One of the two has to go. It's either left or put, not both.
I should check the rest of the shuttle as well before I go outside.Steve thought after he returned to utthe corridor and passed the lab.
To his right was a small corridor ending in a small window providing him a small view of the edge of the woods. The small corridor had two doors on the left side. The first one leading to the ECLSS and the second one to the armory.
None of them were from interest to him now so he turned left entering the Command Center.
Pretty upstaged name for a room containing only a long table, a few chairs and a board. At least we have a nice view in here.
Yellow 1: Place a space in-between those two.
Yellow 2: Probably some blatant typo. Replace "utthe" with "the"
Blue: You forgot the word "a".
Deciding that there seemed to be everything okay with this room, like there could be anything messed up in the room with the least contents, Steve headed back down the corridor.
The next two doors to his right leading into two small bathrooms. The first one seemed fined, beside a mixture of soap, toothpaste and shampoo covering the walls and the floor.
Silver: This sentence is just wrong. Rewrite it into: "Deciding that everything seemed to be okay with this room,". It is wrong in a lot of places: "there" was unnecessary and you placed "everything" and "seemed" in the wrong spots.
Red: "fined" should be "fine".
“Sarah? How many hours of daylight have I got?” Steve asked.
“Based on my calculations it should be about five hours until sundown,” Sarah replied.
“Good. Gives me enough time.”
Blue: you forgot "have". I do realize that almost no one uses "have got" anymore, but It is necessary if you plan on using the sentence this way.
Leaving the room as it was he turned around, walking into another smaller corridor leading to the last two rooms. He entered the room to his left and was standing in the kitchen.
Again he was lucky how little it was damaged. Some of the drawers were ripped open and their content was laying around. He walked around picking some pans and putting them back in the drawer. None of them seemed to be damaged.
Steve decided to leave it at this state. He doesn't needed it to be cleaned up right now and was eager to go outside.
Silver: Change the sentence into: "He was lucky again how little it was damaged."
Red:"needed" should be "need".
Now it was time to head to the armory.
It was very small. Not even one meter wide and a little more than one meter long. The real armory of the mission was on the Columbus and a smaller version in another shuttle for the soldiers, but because this was the first module dropped onto the planet and had to serve different purposes it still hold a small armory.
Red:"hold" should be "holds".
Steve had no intentions to kill an alien. That would be a horrible first contact with humanity for them. He would took a weapon to defend himself. The wildlife of this planet could be dangerous and it would be foolish of him to go defenseless.
Maybe they don't even have anything like guns here at all and the sound itself would be scary enough.
Red:"took" should be "take".
He looked through the gun cabinet. Four different body armors. Two assault rifles, a shotgun, a sniper rifle, four pistols, two Taser, multiple knifes, several flares, a few flash bangs and some smoke grenades as well as some accessories and ammunition.
Blue: You forgot the comma.
Steve grabbed a light bulletproof vest, a gun belt, a knife, a flash bang and a Glock 17 together with three magazines.
He was grabbing one of the assault rifles, a G36C if he recalled the David’s lectures correctly, and was considering taking it with him.
Could save my ass but the G17 will probably do the trick as well and I don't want to look too intimidating by being armed to the teeth.
Yellow:"the" is unnecessary. Remove it.
Ugh, what a waste of time! this book couldn't help me at all, thought Twilight.
She was searching for a new way to improve her schedule.Last month she almost missed three appointments despite reducing her sleeping time. But everything mentioned in the book she already tried out or was already using.
Blue 1:You forgot the comma. Again.
Blue 2:You forgot the exclamation mark.
Yellow 1:Change the sentence into:"She almost missed three appointments last month despite reducing her sleeping time."
Yellow 2:Change the sentence into:"But she already tried everything that was mentioned in the book or was already using it.
“SPIKE! Come her quickly!” she shouted for her assistant.
She could her his quick footsteps on the stair as he ran up to her room. The baby dragon stood inside the door with a box of ice cream in one claw and a spoon in another, staring at her with a questioning look.
“Spike. Didn't I forbid you too eat so much ice cream? Anyhow I have to send a letter to the Princess right now. It's of utmost important.”
“Okay,” he put down the ice cream, running over to the desk and was waiting for Twilight to dictating her letter. “What happened that's so important?”
“You will see. So... write this:
Dear Princess Celestia,
I have witnessed an unknown object landing near Ponyville. It doesn't not appear to be a meteorite.
How shall I handle this situation?
Red:"her" should be "here". Interesting typo
Red:Double interesting double same typo. "her" should be "hear".
Red:"important" should be "importance".
Orange:OOOO! JUICY! So there is orange in here. you know that spelling is red, forgetting things is blue, and if you figure out what orange is, a moustache for you!
“An unknown object, eh?” Spike asked as he walked over to the window. “Where did it land?”
“About two kilometers in this direction near the Everfree Forest.” Twilight replied.
“It did caught everypony attent...” he was interrupted by a loud burp, releasing his fire breath and a letter with it.
Twilight grabbed the letter quickly with her magic and began to read.
“That was fast. What's she saying?” Spike asked Twilight, who was still reading the letters.
“She told me to gather my friends and investigate it. She might have a theory what it is tough, but didn't tell me. She wants a report as soon as possible,” Twilight said looking up from the letter.
Green: English is confusing, I know. "caught" should be present, not past. "caught" should thus be "Catch".
After a quick tour through Ponyville she managed to gather her friends at library. Rainbow still looked a bit sleepy after being awoken from her nap. The rest of them had questioning looks on their faces. Twilight only gave them small chunks of information before running of again, and now they all wanted to know.
Blue: you forgot the word "her".
The group began their way towards the landing site. While they were walking through the town most ponies watched them and asked them if they had any more information.
Twilight told everypony to be patient and that they will investigate the case. the left the town to the south and following the road leading to Sweet Apple Acres for a kilometer.
Red: "the" should be "they".
Twilight looked to her left and saw the hill hiding the unknown object. Between her and there was no road so they walked straight through the field. She was nervous about what they might find there.
When they reached the hill Twilight stopped and said, “This is it. What we are looking for was going down behind this hill. We don't know what it is, so be careful.”
Red:This typo is becoming some recurring theme. "her" should be "here".
“What in tarnation?”
“Uhm Twilight?” Rainbow asked. “What is that?”
Twilight remained silent, she had no answer.
"It sure looks... interesting?” Rarity claimed unsure.
Fluttershy hid behind hermain. She seemed frightened.
“I'm afraid I have no idea what this it. This doesn't look like anything I ever heard before. I can't even name half of what is there. It surely isn't something natural. It was build,” Twilight said after a while.
“Build? By who?” Rainbow wanted to know.
“I don't know,” was all Twilight could say.
“Then let's found out,” Pinkie exclaimed, bouncing towards the object.
“Pinkie wait!” Twilight shouted as shetried to hold her back. “We don't know anything about this. We have to observe it first before...”
Red:"main" should be "mane".
Red:"found" should be "find"
Blue:Just one of many ways to correct it.
Twilight was interrupted as movement appeared from the object. Next from what looked like a door a light began flashing and a ramp came out connecting the door with the bottom.
Pinkie was bouncing back toward the rest of the group and they all watched with wide gaze and open jaws as the door opened and a creature stepping out of it.
Red:"toward" should be "towards".
Green:"stepping" should be "stepped".
WUBWUBWUB! There. I corrected it. Now do something with it.
What, he just walks right outside, without a helmet or gasmask or protective suit or something? He wouldn't know if "ponies" are actually terrible carnivorous mutants, just waiting to kill him.
I have a bad feeling about this story, but I will continue.
4761089 Yeah, Gron has spoken about rewriting the first chapters.
*blinks slowly*
Well this just seems to be horrifically poorly written. Mind you, the spelling and grammar are perfectly alright. But a lot of what's going on here seems to be written just for the sake of advancing the story towards a particular destination, rather than anything even marginally resembling logical development. The AI somehow definitively identifying something as not just ALIVE, but even going to far as to state that something is a 'settlement' makes zero sense. Traipsing out onto an alien planet without an environmental suit is just plain moronic. And if you have a damned translation device, why in god's name would you risk your life on the idea that human nonverbal communication translates across and interstellar cultural gap!? You know, rather than waiting inside your sturdy metal ship for the external sensors to gather a few data samples first?
I guess what I'm trying to say here is that the events of this chapter don't exactly inspire much confidence.
At least he already has a house.
And so it begins again
I like the creative way of introducing the human to equestria. This going to be fun.