How would things be different if Twilight had never made it to Ponyville? Twilight Sparkle finds out just how different things could be when she is forced to travel to her own past while chasing down a mystery; a plot to erase Princess Twilight Sparkle from history.
Landing in a time just weeks after the one thousandth Summer Sun Celebration, she finds a world shrouded in an eternal night, where the Elements of Harmony were never recovered. Can she fix the things that should have, but didn't happen? Or is this Equestria destined to head down a different path?
Chinese Translation by Hell Organist
Chapters (25)
Intresting
very Intresting
I like it. please write more
I'm from the future, and have a message for you! You'll get in the featured box!
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Oh yes, there is defiantly more from where this came from.
2280282
Wouldn't that be an interesting future!
2280318 Also, turns out the republicans were right and there really is a gay conspiracy to destroy America. Of course, nobody bothered to tell ME any of this!
This appear to be rather interesting. I'll keep my eyes out for this one, using the 'favorite' system. One thing I need to point out is the grammar and spelling mistakes. Right now, I am kinda too tired to C&C right now, but I might do so at a later time...if I don't forget. Anyway, keep up the good job.
So we have a Princess Sparkle who's dealt with her immortality and is now focused on doing her duty? Hell yes. Sorry but the immortality fics are a dime a dozen. It's refreshing to get anything else.
Well, she got them all set to gather at the library, despite the bumps in the road, but now come the tough part. And, what of the guards of Nightmare Moon's discovery and this mystery time traveler? Can't wait to find out!
C&Cs:
[Note: I got tire of mentioning the '...' issue, so keep an eye out for any that I just didn't bother to get.]
> Comma after ‘while’.
“As shy as you are I never thought you'd get yourself a coltfriend.”
> Comma after ‘are’.
Rainbow walked up next to the princess, tilting her head with a confused look.
> Capitalize ‘princess’, since you are referring to a particular princess (case in point: you used ‘the’ instead of ‘a’).
Because to me it kinda looks like torture.
> Comma after ‘me’.
...the blue mare's shoulder, “things happen... as they happen. ...”
> Remove the extra space after your ‘…’. My ‘...’ is just there, so I don’t show the whole thing.
“Dag-NABIT,” she bit at the air loudly in front of her...
> Correction: ‘Dag-NABBIT’. Note: I researched it.
“Oh I'm sure you'll be able too, AJ,” Twilight said with a relieved smile.
> Correction: [“Oh, I'm sure you'll be able to, AJ,” Twilight said with a relieved smile.]
...Sugar Cube Corner…
> Correction: ‘Sugarcube Corner’.
That pinkie scene was utterly hilarious.
you should TOTALLY have a doctor who/whooves joke in the next chapt. (maybe the cake at pinkie's party is a tardis)
Nicely done, perfectly crafted pinkie scene. eagerly awaiting the next chapter.
Shouldn't Twilight look for... uh herself too? If she is already the bearer of one element of magic, she needs the other... Twilight to bear the one in this time.
Anyway, cool story.
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She has had a couple centuries to deal with it.
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It's like she knows.
2298037
Oh yes, time stuff can be boggling. Well, without getting to far ahead of myself, I'll say that as things are right of this moment in the story, there actually is only one Element of Magic, the one that future-Twi brought back with her. Past-Twi never showed up, and so never summoned the Element of Magic. There's no easy way for future-Twi to tell where she could start searching for her past self either, so she's opting to be the stand-in, so to speak. I mean, even if she is from the future, she still is Twilight.
But we'll find out much more about this... later.
I need the next chapter
Twilight used Royal Canterlot Voice! It's super effective!
And right after that the Mane 6 failed their sneak roll and are promptly found by NMM's forces who take them back to camp to meet.......NMM
Well folks in a situation like this when the GM has thrown in a powerful monster that will no doubt tear the players characters to little shreds there is but one thing to do!
Leap across the table and attack the GM.
You wouldn't believe how much xp their worth.
Alicorn fight!
If you ask me, attempting to find and use the Elements of Harmony without the original Twilight is a big mistake. Even if they succeed in stopping Nightmare Moon (and now the changlings) without her, it will seriously undermine the chain of events that led to Twilight becoming an alicorn princess.
2325187
At least they didn't roll a one. That would suck. And attacking the GM is a one way ticket to rocks fall, everyone dies. Or the GM being a douche for the rest of the campaign.
2325312 She technically doesn't exist so it doesn't matter anymore
We find thee unprepared. Seeing NMM is about the worst possible thing (falls onto day-bed)
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Twi's a smart cookie, she'll figure something out...
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Nopony really knows for sure what happened with past Twilly yet. And with NMM running around, fetching the EoH real quick seemed like a good idea at the time. I mean, just a quick trot through the woods to an abandoned castle with nopony else around for miles, right?
2325712
Well, duh! Twilight's been in this whole Princess business thing for two and a half centuries now. I'd say she has some experience in things like these.
denver.mylittlefacewhen.com/media/f/img/mlfw8357-mlp_cliffhanger.jpg
Nooooooooooooooooooooooo! That is the worst cliffhanger I have read in a while. Danget, that new chapter better be out soon.
This should be reallllly entertaining. I actually wanna see like a Q&A session between twilight and NMM, because as Winston Churchill said, "When you have to kill a man, it costs nothing to be polite."
So Celestia let the changelings in the Everfree, and Black Snooty wants them gone? Well, you know what they say about my enemy's enemy, and besides, changelings are the best kind of pony!
2325407
Only if your out of character.
*hefts his club of +4 GM smiting*
Now if you'll excuse me I think its time to level up.
2325298 Ready, go!!!
Well there are about 100 different was this will end the most dominate ending being a intervention/fight need-less to say
[img]Image: http://denver.mylittlefacewhen.com/media/f/img/mlfw8357-mlp_cliffhanger.jpg[/img]
Well, this has go downhill for the gang, but Twilight could use this as an advantage to find out what more has changed in the timeline, how it has changed, what happen to past Twilight, and figured out something else to help. So, who know; this might actually be a very rare good thing in disguise. Great job so far, keep it up.
C&Cs:
“Surprise!” a voice called out from the direction of the library door.
> I am sure this is just a style thing, but just in case it isn’t, capitalize the ‘a’.
...that in her own time where long gone.
Correction: ‘were’.
If there are any Nightguard patrols, they might see you.
> Possible correction: ‘Night Guard’. This could be just a style thing, but ‘Night Guard’ is technically the correct form. But, I’ll let you figure out what to do about that.
Fluttershy's weak voice called out, bringing the Princess out of her trace.
> I’m not sure, but do you mean ‘trance’ instead of ‘trace’?
It appeared that Nightmare Moon didn't agree with the changelings' presence within Equestria's borders.
> Terms like Changeling, like Earth Pony, Unicorn, and Pegasus, should be capitalized. Technically, in normal condition, the word ‘changeling’ and ‘unicorn’ should not be capitalized, but this is the MLP world and Changeling is the name of the race (as well as Unicorn). Not sure about the hive...it is probably ‘Changeling Hive’, but I would ask for a second opinion on that note.
I'm impressed with this story thus far (despite Alicorn Princess Twilight, which I doubt I'll ever fully accept). The mystery of just how the timeline has been messed up is fascinating. I think at some point Twilight may have to recognize there's no way to fix this, or at least not without time traveling again. I'm also curious whether it's possible to reason with Nightmare Moon at all. I'd be surprised if Twilight doesn't at least try -- particularly since, from her own viewpoint, Princess Luna has (I presume) been her friend for centuries.
Well, counting this, I have found a total of about 8 new stories to follow today. Here's hoping it doesn't interfere with my school work and writing too much!
I am liking where this is going. How well will a 250+ year old Twilight fare against Nightmare Moon? Can she use her two and a half centuries of diplomatic experience to avoid a fight all together? Are the changelings secretly reformed here? Is younger Twilight Sparkle studying magic under Queen Chrysalis? Are the Changelings the main resistance threatening to take down Nightmare Moon in an attempt to return Celestia to the throne? Can my ideas get any more ridiculous?
Yes they can: Is Pinkie Pie a changeling? Is Rainbow Dash a spy? Will Twilight become the Doctor? Will one random historical change cause dragons to become the dominant species after another time jump? Is Twilight supposed to be sleeping with Luna in the future, being the only immortal alicorn who none of the others are actually related to? Will she find evil to be suddenly sexy? Was Twilight following Discord? Her own daughter by Discord?
No, but seriously, I'm liking this so far. Keep up the good work.
Just finished reading this chapter, why do I get the feeling this is going to be one EPIC story! On to the Next Chapter!
HOOO boy this is getting good...oh crap...there's only one more chapter after this one isn't there, and the story's not complete yet...
Well time to add this to my watch list.
I'm about to come up to a cliff-hanger, I can feel it, but for now ON TO THE NEXT CHAPPTER...oh boy.
I knew It! A cliff-hanger, God-dangit! Why dose this story have to be so good?
Good story so far, but there is one problem. Why is Twilight staying to deal with Nightmare Moon? Her past has already been messed up and defeating Nightmare Moon will do nothing to fix the real problem. She should be getting ready to start tracking the time traveler again. You need some sort of hook or problem that provides a good reason for her to stay and take care of Nightmare moon. Maybe the endless night is disrupting magical balance so she can't cast the time spell until it's fixed. Another possibility is for the night guards to show up before she could find the Element of Magic and take it, so she needs to get it back before she can leave. I prefer the second one myself, but as long as you can provide some real motivation for Twilight to stay and help I'll be happy.
2335767
Good points! And exactly the kind of questions that I'd intend the readers to be thinking about. Is it really wise for Twilly to be messing with things? What does it mean to be messing with a past that's already been messed with? Is it even possible to fix such a thing without properly finding where things originally got messed up?
But do remember, Twilly kinda randomly landed here, and as of yet has no clue as to what could have caused the changes, or even where or when they happened. So the odds of her ever finding the location, time, and cause of the changes by just randomly trying to travel through time again is next to none. She has no reason to attempt time travel again without first trying to figure some things out where she is.
So, stuck with that situation, she's doing the best she can at the moment, or at least believes she is.
loving this so far
I'm liking this! Looking forward to more!
Or, just sneak into the hive, team up with Chrysalis, and send Black Snooty back to the moon.
Ah good old diplomacy. Looks like two hundred years in politics has taught you much, Princess.
Something tells me things are going to get more conflicting to Twilight as they enter the hive. After all, Celestia allowed them to nest there, so once again she must be moving in a way only she can understand.
my thoughts so far:
Ooh.
This deserves way more views!
Pretty interesting! I'm curious about who, exactly, Twilight was chasing back through time, and if they've caused these changes deliberately or as just side effects of their presence in the past.
One nitpick: you have in several places of this fic used "defiantly" where it should be "definitely",
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I think I had something silly in my auto corrector. I've definitely hunted down all those defiantlies, I think.
This is off to a great start!
What does she mean? Rainbow and Fluttershy are with each other, I guess.
Hmmm now this is intesting. It almost seems like in this time line Chrysalis was permitted a hive and food in order to protect the elements.
If that was the plan, I'm not sure I'm liking the Celestia here so much.
Really enjoying this. Keep it up.