• Member Since 11th Jan, 2012
  • offline last seen Oct 22nd, 2018

GreenFrogRibbit


T

Twilight Sparkle is the prized student of Princess Celestia, two-fold champion of Equestria, bearer of The Element of Magic, and general mare of renown. But we are all a product of our history and Twilight, along with the whole of Equestria, is no exception. When she is asked by Princess Celestia to look into an strange new field of magic, our studious heroine will get to learn first-hoof just how fickle history, and how important its quirks, can be.

I got this idea after cruising DA and seeing that there was a rather appalling lack of Solar Flare fan content. Since I'm about as talented at visual art as Stevie Wonder, I decided to go with the written word as my medium. Also credit to http://emeralddarkness.deviantart.com/ for the cover image

I'd really appreciate feedback on how I can keep improving, so feel free to point out any errors in the comments. I'm looking forward to continuing this story despite my poor work ethic, so updates might be a bit slow. Regardless, I hope you enjoy what i have so far.

And with that I proudly present, What Might Have Been

Chapters (17)
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Comments ( 357 )

I enjoy this!:pinkiehappy:
Faved, and anxiously awaiting the next chapter!:twilightsmile:

Ah, the science of the multiverse. Confusing and senseless... until you realize that your remote has been on 'shuffle' for the entire time!:facehoof:

Sounds neat! Added to my Read Later stack for after I finish a couple of other stories. :twilightsmile:

Solar Flare fanfic? Added to read later. :pinkiehappy:

So...Twilight Sparkle, the Planeswalker. :pinkiecrazy:

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I have to admit that I was sorely tempted to use a Twilight-spell-gone-wrong to kick off the main events but I'm kind of tired of seeing one of Equestria's most talented mages batch so many magic workings for just for the sake of a narrative. That's not to say that there wont be any unforeseen consequences:raritywink:

I read because of the picture, I stayed because of the awesome story. Keep up the excellent work!

OH my... now THIS is interesting...

A bit shy of a page in and already a Tom Lehrer reference?

I am now interested.

-long pause as dusk shine puts things together.-
Duskshine: AND YOU'RE ONLY TELLING ME NOW!?

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Yeah, sorry for the slow schedule, but my work schedule this week is pushing 10hr a day.:pinkiesick: I'll have way more time to write this weekend and the week following though.

Kinda funny how I pretty much immediately recognized Big Mac's gender swap just from the colors.

Wonder how Twilight will react to meeting all her friends' gender swaps, once she recognized them. THAT'll be fun.

Also, you should probably fix "You're my FIREND!". It's kind of a really glaring error, given the caps lock. :ajsmug:

oh dear. This can't end well...

Alternate universe fics like this are always fun! I like seeing others' take on how things could have gone!

Do you have a proof/pre-reader on this one? The grammar is mostly solid and aside from a bit of Twilight's characterization in the last bit there (which, of course, is a preference/headcanon thing so I won't make a big deal of it) the writing is great. Only issue I saw with this chapter, hence why I ask, is a noticeable issue with homophones. ( http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Homophone ) Not an uncommon mistake but there's a dozen instances I noticed. "Stares" instead of "stairs" being the first point where they stood out.

Beyond that, please continue! I'm interested to see more of this, and how you handle the Dusk/Twilight interaction.

I liked the story, but there are some pretty glaringly obvious spelling/grammar mistakes.

“But I don't want you to worry about the coming struggle for power. All you need concern yourself with is finding the 'lost destiny', discovering the 'magic key', and putting a stop to my mad sister. I have the utmost faith in you, my loyal student. If anypony can do these things, it's you.

You're missing an end quotation mark here.

Spelling errors...
"quite caress" > "quiet caress"
"conscience mind" > "conscious mind"
"sompony else's" > "somepony else's"
"preforming" > "performing" (each time)
"each others presence" > "each other's presence"
"stalled indefinably" > "stalled indefinitely"
"decent a flight" > "descend a flight"
"stares" > "stairs" (each time; may as well use Find+Replace)
"it's defining" > "its defining"
"her self" > "herself" (each time)
"wizzed past" > "whizzed past"
"you luggage" > "your luggage"
"overhead bis" > "overhead bins"
"no baring" > "no bearing"
"Its so far" > "It's so far"
"in Equestrai" > "in Equestria"
"well its" > "well it's"
"Appaloosa" > "Appleloosa" (Appaloosa is a real place; Appleloosa is where Braeburn lives)

Before she knew it, She stood before what appeared to be a foggy glass wall. On the other side of which stretched out before her a frozen wasteland.

> Before she knew it, she stood before what appeared to be a foggy glass wall, on the other side of which a frozen wasteland stretched out before her.

Choosing another target orb, this one a deep indigo, the unicorn began her trek across the emptiness. This time, imagining a flat glass path connecting her to her destination.

> Choosing another target orb, this one a deep indigo, the unicorn began her trek across the emptiness, this time imagining a flat glass path connecting her to her destination.

Luna knew that her banishment from her beloved Equestria would be short lived, but that times when she would be free of royal obligation, or demanding manners were few and far between.

> Luna knew that her banishment from her beloved Equestria would be short lived, but also that times when she was free of royal obligation or demanding manners were few and far between.
OR
> Luna knew that her banishment from her beloved Equestria would be short lived, but the times when she was free of royal obligation or demanding manners were few and far between.

... I suspect I'm less than two-thirds of the way through the chapter and I can't enjoy reading it because I'm busy editing.

GET AN EDITOR.
Please.
I want to enjoy this story.

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Well dam! :rainbowderp: I guess that's what i get for rushing to get this chapter posted. Sorry for all the errors. It seems I have my work cut out for me on polishing up this piece. Thanks for your patience though, I really appreciate you helping me out but spotting all the things i need to fix. you should check back in a few days, after I've had a chance to set things right and see how you like it then.

EDIT: OK. I got all those bugs squashed. Thanks for the critique.

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Yay!

I read through to the end this time, and I have to say... ouch. Not grammar/spelling this time, just... emotional pain. Great job depicting Twilight Sparkle's breakdown; I almost know that's what I'd be doing if I were her.

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Thank you.:twilightsmile: I know Twilight is supposed to be a hero and all, but there is only so much a pony (or person) can take in a day. I hope it doesn't feel OOC for her. Also I know that her being friends with Celestia isn't really cannon, but I can't see their relationship being anything less than friendship. (and in some instances, quite a bit more:raritywink:)

This is a real good story so far. I really like how this new universe Twilight's found herself in pretty much is an amalgamation of other famous ponyfics (On a Cross and Arrow, the Lunaverse, I even caught a fleeting reference to Past Sins in Chapter 2). And now that the groundwork of this story's been set up, I can't wait for the next chapter for the plot to really begin.

998665
I'm so glad you caught that! I have to admit that writing this story is partly motivated by my desire to unify all by disparate head-cannons. I hope you'll enjoy what i have in store!

Yay update :pinkiehappy:
The Raven's one of my favs of Edgar Allen Poe

1058416

I think it's one of my favorite poems of all time. I'm glad to know at least one person reads my querky disclamers. :twilightsmile: I'm glad you like it!

Did this chapter feel a bit short to anyone else?

In Twilight's dream, in the sentence starting with "A different world", each instance of "were" should be "where".
You're missing a period after "scoffed" and a space between “'... I'm, uh...'” and "Maybe".
When Berry Bubble introduces himself, you use "your" where "you're" should be, and "tale" where you should have "tail".
"any thing" in Butterscotch's first line of dialogue should be one word. Same for "night time" when Twilight explains about Nightmare Moon, and before that "what ever" when Elusive interrupts Berry.
"plane" in "just plane evil" should be "plain", and you're missing an apostrophe in "can't" in the previous sentence.

I like that the explanation Twilight gives here of who the pony trying to ruin the day/night cycle is and why she's doing what she's doing provokes a different set of responses than the one she gave in the series premiere. Butterscotch's reasoning is exactly what I would expect to hear from Fluttershy if she'd known Nightmare Moon's real problem from the start, and it's good to see that that also drives him to pursue the Elements.

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Sorry about it being a bit short, but I really couldn't figure a strong way to end it. I actualy have that problem a lot. I college the conclusions of all my papers, regardless of total legnth, almost always began with "in conclusion" and were never more than three sentences long.

Thanks again for pointing out the bugs. I hope it's not to annoying that you find such flaws in my work because I really appreaciate your keen eye for detail and willingness to point those thing out.

I'm also glad that I'm not writing the mane 6 OOC. It's somthing I really worry about and I'm glad my 'Fluttershy' came across as authentic. Thanks for the feed back!

I'm interested to see how this story pans out. It's good so far. Keep up the good work!

Hmm. Twilight Sparkle, Element of Generosity? I was wondering who'd be the Element of Magic in this world...

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I'm glad I've piqued you interest. I assure you there are more surprises to come!:pinkiecrazy:

This confuses me. Twilight is not the element of generosity... but she possibly demonstrated it to the bearer. She reflected his element. And man... that was BUCKING GRIM... the crunch got me.

1107787

Something like that. I'm sorry about the grimdark. I have a hard time being so cruel to the ponies, but I promise that there will be a happy ending. I won't hurt them and leave them hurting, so if it does get a little dark have faith that it will get better.

1107890 Dude, you have NO reason to be so freaked about cruelty to ponies. I am eminently more guilty of that crime than you are. I still want the happy endings, but I have an even hard time pulling them off.

I believe in your ability to make a happy ending more than mine.

This is going to be one of those, Knowledge of the future changes the outcome.

None of the encounters are going to go the same way, and I'm thinking that will change how the elements respond. Plus, she's a smart girl, why hasn't she gone looking for her gender counterpart?

1109780

Well I won't comment on spoilers but you seem to have found a plot hole I have over looked. I may have to go back and rewrite some portions of chapter five to answer that. For the moment I hope it doesn't kill your interest. I have to confess I didn't really consider Twi taking that course of action.

I'm still interested in the story as a whole. I'm curious where your going though, still to early to see if it's where I think.

If Twilight is the new recipient for Elusive's injuries, what's going to happen to her?

1159446

Hmm. I might not have explained that as well as I should have. It will be made clear in the beginning of the next chapter.

Did anyone else see the Past Sins reference in here? Specifically the teenage Nightmare with a blue shield as a cutie mark? Also, thank you for the reference! I had a fangasm when I read it.:derpytongue2:

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Con Gusto my friend. I'm so glad you appreciate it! :twilightsmile:

I think I've read this before -- perhaps before I created an account -- and it doesn't appear I've said this yet: thank you for having Luna say "fool" and not "foal", in accordance with canon. It not only isn't what the show does, but it doesn't make sense, but I'll stop before I really get going. Good story. (Told you I'd get to it.)

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Thanks! To be honest I did in fact use 'foal' in my first draft but when I went back and reviewed it it just sounded weird. Now I totally agree with you that 'fool' is the stronger word choice, it's much smother to read.

Heh, Twilight spell gone right is even better.

Some typos and suspected typos:
Celestia's sun shown warmly
"shone"?

good old fashion
"fashioned"?

know more that when I started
"than"?

The apple family
"Apple family"?

letting lose
"loose"?

all her scenes went bonkers.
"senses"?

I really liked Luna's confrontation with her sister. One wonders whether something much like that happened in canon...

Typos et cetera:
If you refused well, that was the end of it
If you refused, well, that was the end of it.
(It was missing a comma and a period.)

imported from nickeragua
"Nickeragua"?
(I'd expect a nation's name to be capitalized, but then, you're the one who made it up.)

Help me Dusk Shine, you're my only hope.
(Shouldn't that be "Obi-wan Kenobi"? :twistnerd:)

flat on her flak
"flank"?

either the left or right right ears
"left or right ears"
(I'm assuming she still only has the two. Heck, technically I think it might be "left or right ear", but that's really quibbling.)

confused, unliving desperation.
(Is "unliving" really the word you want here? As a reader, I don't quite understand what you mean by that.)

used it's roaring heat
"its"

I AM YOU NEW QUEEN
"YOUR"

1377855

Yeah, like I said earlier, I really didn't want to use the 'Twilight botches a spell' when she is supposed to be Celestia's star pupil and really gifted with magic. Also thanks for catching those errors. I try and polish my stuff before I put it up but a few things always seem to slip through the cracks.

Hmm ... it'd be embarrassing if she's wrong due to differences. Also I'm wondering how she's supposed to meet up with Dusk Shine, but that, at least, is all part of the experience.

Not so the typos! (But there were fewer that I noticed while reading, so yay)
buy the thought
"by"?

I couldn't bare
"bear"
(Unless he's also stripping :rainbowwild:)

that Twilight saw herself saw
"saw" or "herself saw", not both.

1378209

Wow, thanks for all the feed back, I really appreciate it when readers take the time to get back to me. It's people like you who help make me a better writer.:twilightsmile: I'm glad your enjoying the story so far too. It's just about my bedtime here though, so I'll start in on fixing the typos tomorrow. Thanks again for all you help and I hope you enjoy what's to come.

1110499 It's true that seemingly the most logical thing to do is locate her counterpart and be the Gandalf to their little Fellowship, but on the other hand it wouldn't be too OOC to let Twilight jump to the conclusion that since he's not there, he either doesn't exist, or isn't in any position to fill the role she did in her own world. She'd be wrong, but hey, she's pretty distraught after meeting Solar Flare. Or maybe whatever you have in the works is a better fix.

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