Donut diplomacy / A thousand years sneakier than thou
Luna wouldn't relent until she'd dragged the entire story of Twilight's evening in Joe's donut shop out of her, and when she got to the end, Luna snorted so loudly that the usher had come back up to check on her. Then Twilight had burst into laughter watching him struggling to keep a straight face while the princess emitted bellows of deafening laughter interspersed with snorts like breakers crashing on rocks. He had hurried back down without even waiting to be dismissed.
"Poor Joe! Twilight, you must go back and apologize."
"Go back?!" Twilight crouched anxiously. "Oh, no, no, I can't go back. I can't look him in the face! And ... and supposing he misunderstands? This is a delicate situation! It calls for diplomacy, and, and—"
"Well, then it's convenient that I am both a dough-nut lover and a diplomat. They are one of my favorite modern inventions! Come, the night is nearly over, and we are approaching the dough-nut hour."
"The donut hour?"
"The hour before dawn, when on some days I leap from my tower and fly to the finest dough-nut establishment in Canterlot, to join one of the finest stallions in Canterlot for my morning wine and a rye dough-nut. With sprinkles. I bring the wine. He has coffee."
Twilight clasped her hooves together. "Who?"
Luna groaned.
"Oh. Right."
"You will accompany me this morning," Luna said in a commanding voice. "We will have dough-nuts and wine. You will apologize. I will mediate as necessary."
"I don't believe you fly off to Pony Joe's in the morning with a bottle of wine," Twilight said. "It sounds very un-princess-like."
Luna raised an eyebrow at Twilight. Then she put her head down underneath the desk with the astronomical instruments arrayed across its top and rummaged about. There was a click, and Luna emerged, a dark-blue bottle floating behind her, almost black in the darkness.
"Take this," she said, pushing it towards Twilight. "Meet me outside of the dough-nut tavern." No sooner had Twilight taken hold of the chilly bottle and floated it into her tote bag than Luna leapt into the air with a muted flapping and a burst of wind as if a flock of owls had flown close by Twilight in the dark, and was gone.
.
* * * * *
"Have you the bottle?" Luna whispered.
Twilight nodded and indicated her tote bag. "Why are we being quiet?" she whispered back. She looked around her at the empty streets outside of the donut shop.
"We do not wish to make a scene." Luna began to lead the way toward the front door, then stopped suddenly, wincing. Twilight rushed over to her side in alarm.
"It's nothing," Luna said. "A tight wing-muscle. I will take a few moments to stretch it. Go knock on the door, Twilight."
Twilight looked dubiously at the door. It was just light enough that she couldn't tell whether the lights were on or off inside. "Is he even awake?"
"Yes, yes," Luna said, and waved impatiently toward the door with one hoof. "Smell. He is making the dough-nuts."
The wonderful smell of baking yeast was much stronger than last night. Twilight went to the door and knocked lightly. After a few seconds, the door swung inward again, and this time it was Pony Joe who leaned against the door frame for support and blinked at her.
"You again." His eyes were narrowed against the light, and he held up a hoof against the sky as if it were keeping him awake. His mane looked like he had just slept on it. He must have fallen asleep minutes after she left and gotten up just now.
"Yes. Me again. I came to apologize for last night. And so we could have donuts!"
Joe kept staring at her, just as if Princess Luna weren't standing a few paces behind her.
"Princess Luna isn't standing behind me, is she," Twilight said through her grin.
Joe yawned and reached up to rub his eyes. He stared at her a few seconds more, then shook his head slightly. "You're a funny one, Twilight. But I guess I got a couple of minutes." He stepped back and held the door open for her.
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Oh Twilight, you've been troooooolllllleed!
Go to him, Twilight. You have many years left in which to raise beautiful children and leave a legacy created by an artist of flour and a scholar of friendship.
what is the fourth F exactly?
is it Forgiveness? I dunno lol
2237929 It ends with Ucking.
2238101 very nice
2238101 Oddly didn't catch that until the end of chapter 6. Ignorance is bliss, unless someone's hitting on you.
Well, that was a delightful resolution, and surprisingly one that didn't need a reappearance by Celestia. I'm not necessarily wild about the idea of a Twilight who hates books, and certainly it seems that she has put her great potential out to pasture a bit early in life, but in the context of the story and where her life has gone it works well. Her cutie mark was never book related, after all, but friend related... She doesn't need a new one so much as she needs to refocus on that. And perhaps with the help of Joe and that extra "F", she can help transition her mark from friends to family...
Nice job!
Where's the romance? I didn't see any.
2239019 I put the tag there because the story has flirting and attraction, but I wouldn't call it a romance. Readers, vote this comment up if you think this story should have the Romance tag, and down if you think it shouldn't.
2239171
needs to be in the story for a romance.
Flirting and affection don't really clarify for romance if just on there on. Actual
Good story, BTW, definitely an interesting take on things.
Oh, Luna, you so silly.
Things are looking up for Twilight. I get the feeling that this story is going to be something I'll come back to, when I need something to guide me out of the depths of despair. I thank you for that preemptively.
Cute story. But what happens next? So much left unsaid!
2239171
, and we'll give you back the romance tag.
Give us a time-skip and some
This is one of those stories that's well-written but as alien as standing on the moon to me, wherein the problems of the characters are only understandable at all by the quality of the writing but even then only just. I wonder if that feeling is common enough to help account for it's former lack of success? Or perhaps I'm just unusual.
Oh, and having read your blog post where you analyzed how many people read your stories, that whole bit with Twilight complaining about people not reading her stories felt so meta it briefly took me entirely out of the text.
That said, there's plenty of good writing here, it's just a quirk of the subject matter and my personality.
I can see why this story was not so well received. I think like stories about love (or any other primal feeling) stories about regret can only really get you after you have felt it yourself.
Those guys who don't feel about this story? I envy them their ignorance.
Now, anybody wanna recommend me stories so I can add a category "deep lessons about the human condition in 10.000 words or less" on my userpage with this one?
This is, in essence, a story about Twilight having a mid-life crisis. The younger you are as a fan, the less easily you'll relate to a fear that you wasted your youth by pursuing the wrong things. Regretting the path not taken isn't generally a big theme with teens.
And of course this deserves the Romance tag. Sure, it's all between the lines but you can extrapolate from where it ends. From Twilight's envy of her friends for having families to her decision that baking might be a good talent to have to ending up on Pony Joe's doorstep with a bottle of wine (and Joe's prior admittance that he'd thought of Twilight in that way before)... It's all set up well. Personally, I think it ends at the perfect point.
Family?
2241370
My foot, life feels wasted at 21 (at least sometimes). As if anyone actually has their life going in the "right" direction at that point...
I've felt like subjecting myself to really sad fics lately. I don't really know why
(some sorta masochism I think)
Your story had a really nice ending that didn't put me in a crappy mood, and it still fulfilled my sad quota. THANKS A TON
The ending is perfect. Don't go farther, there's nothing important left to say.
Also, people who don't get this fic: I wish I was still that young.
Always annoying to see something written with the same themes as something I've done but just written better. Anyway, good story, you should get rid of the romance tag though.
Ha! Oh Twilight, you should have seen that coming. Caught on quick though.
Well, that ended pretty sweetly. I kind of like that. And the friendshipping with Luna is always nice.
I just wish FiMfiction had actually told me the last chapter was up.
2245107 It turns out that if you favorite something, and check the 'Email updates' box, it sends email only and no notification.
2245159
I don't have a single story checked that way. Because I never check my Email.
I need to get a Gmail.
To the people who think there's stuff unexplained and things left to be said at the end, you're so young, come back in 15-20 years or so.
Oh wait, it's over! Took me a while after finishing to realize. lol
I enjoyed this. I uh... Well, yeah, lol. I like this take on Twilight's possible future (well, Magical Mystery Cure more or les notwithstanding). I'm only almost 21 so I can't empathize, but I really sympathize with Twilight in this story and would read more stories like it. Like an RD one... lol
And it took me until the end of this chapter to understand what was going on at the end of chapter 4. Herp...
I was very, very pleased to see Chapters 6 and 7 live up to the promise of Chapter 3.
Unfortunately, I'm finding it difficult to put together a whole lot to say. I try my best to leave detailed comments about what I liked and didn't like in chapters/stories, but that strategy has a downside. When I read something that's really well put together, I find myself at a loss for words. When there's nothing to critique and when the good is so seamlessly stitched together that you can't pick it apart to highlight the pieces... well, that's when I become pretty useless.
It's definitely not a story for everyone. But it's a story for me. I've lived in this place a few times over the years, even if I'm only in my thirties. This is a story to which I expect to come back. It shares something profound, something you don't see a lot outside films like "Rocky" and songs of roughly the same era. It's not something you encounter much these days, and the world is worse for its loss.
Thank you for giving us a taste of it again.
...you know I had no idea what the fourth Fth was myself at the end of the last chapter... but now I do.
...and OOOooooh Luna! That moment when Twilight realized Luna had ditched her was brilliant. 
I was laughing there. 
Keep up the good work!!
Ooooh Twilight.
2261251 Maybe, but two points:
- In the show, Twilight has just recently saved Equestria twice, Ponyville a few times, and the Crystal Empire, yet no one ever recognizes her when she goes to Canterlot.
- How many people in their 20s and 30s today would recognize Henry Kissinger?
2239171
Romance tag might cue younger readers in to the depth in this story. I know I had to re-read the whole donut shop scene after Pony Joe brought up the four F's.
2242526
Some people, whether through luck or a tragically uncurious mind, do get it right the first time, or never really dedicate themselves to a position they can't change (they think that's boring. They should hear themselves talk.). At 23 I'm radically re-positioning my life, and I feel good about what I'm doing for the first time in six years. I can't tell you how often I hear from people twice my age that they wish they had done that. Makes me wonder how they ever had the strength to hold on to something they didn't know how to value.
Wow. I want to feel cheated that the story ends in medias res, but it's true: to add more would ruin it.
This story has pulled off some sort of clever anti-prestidigitation. The entire time, we knew what was going on, and it all looked so simple … there's never any surprising reveal or giant gotcha or applause line. It's only later, after it's over, that it all starts to fall together how much craft went into it and how if any tiny thing were out of place, it wouldn't have worked as it did. I suspect there will be a lot of people who don't understand why this story is so good, in a way that has nothing to do with midlife crises. (Though it might do them good to reread it in ten years anyway.)
In less glowing praise: speaking as a diehard Luna devotee and analyst, everything about your Luna was magnificent.
I really want to comment something about this, but I have no idea what. I can't say I enjoyed it, since I had a lot of issues with characterization (most of the characters feel like they are only tangentially connected to their show counterparts), and what characterization you gave them make me feel, at best, either loathing of pity. I think I had similar issues with Burning Man, and conceptually both stories seem very connected.
At the same time, it is one of those stories that really gets me thinking. While I don't think that the Twilight from the show is one capable of taking the life choices that would lead to this situation, I can still sympathize with the feeling of abandonment and lack of focus in life, the subtle despair of her situation. you conveyed those very subtly and effectively.
All those would make me maybe enjoy the time, but the dealbreaker for me was the "Romance" part. It felt too convenient, not like something that naturally happened, but instead there simply because the story demanded. I know that they aren't madly in love or anything like that, but there are mixed signals about the exact nature of what Twilight and Joe are feeling that seems conflicting, and not in a good way.
In the end, I think it was more interesting than good as a story, and that is fine.
2322827 I don't understand why the romance seems "conflicting, and not in a good way", or what that means. I would like to know what you meant if you can explain. I can tell you how it developed. The story originally went straight from the library to Luna's tower. It was the most boring story ever written: Twilight gets discouraged, then goes to see Luna, and everything is okay.
I decided something worse had to happen to Twilight: When she tries to see Luna, she gets turned away. (It might have been GhostOfHeraclitus who suggested she doesn't get turned away, she turns herself away from lack of confidence.) Then what? Well, she runs by chance into the donut shop, looks through the window, remembers happier times, and is miserable.
I needed something to happen there to give Twilight the confidence to return to Luna. And I wanted a scene to have Twilight thinking about different ways she could live her life, to play with the idea of not being a scholar. So I had her meet Joe, and be struck with how wonderful it was to be involved in ponies' lives in such a direct, useful way, and to admire that he was creating literal sustenance, not metaphorical sustenance. She also compared it (two or three times) to giving birth, which is a thing she feels her life may have lacked, something she has some jealousy or inferiority about.
The scene in the coffee shop didn't satisfy me, and I read in one of Jack Bickham's books (and Checkhov) that every character in every scene should want something in that scene. What did Joe want? I realized that if Joe had a crush on Twilight, but felt inferior to her for exactly the mirror-image of the reasons Twilight felt inferior to Joe, that would be interesting, and give the whole scene an interesting cross-purposes/mutual misunderstanding vibe. It would also provide an ending, giving Twilight something to do after her pep-talk from Luna.
So the romance was the last thing added to the story, and is only the third- or fourth-most-important thing in the scene where it occurs.
2370859 Heh. Maybe I should've used a different example.
*Grins* Very sweet. I hope with luck it's something I can look back on later in my life and glean more knowledge from it, but simply as it stands, I found it very enjoyable.
2422511 The first chapter was appealing and pulled me in but I sort of would've liked to have more on how she drifted from her friends.
That might be the story's biggest weakness. I didn't say much because that would be part of the setup, and the first chapters were already too slow.
Glad you liked it in the end! I felt bad about making you suffer through so many tragic fics.
So, Bad Horse... or Nice Horsey... or whatever you are (I'm now no longer sure what happened with that exactly), I owe you some kind of response to this. Why? Well, you wrote this story and it damn well deserves one. I've just been unsure about just what to say, except, well...
This story is so very true. Very real. It could well be an Aesop story for adults. Really, those worries Twilight has, if you take away the Princesses and the magic and the ponies, they could very well be my own. They're certainly the same colour. I feel any kind of attempt to pick it all apart that I could attempt would massively missing the point, and so I won't. Although that said, the following:
was the high point for me.
I favourited it, but Fimfiction never told me it updated and I never bothered to check.
I like the story, but I did find the beginning a little slow. I feel like the story didn't have the effect it was supposed to have on me. Maybe it's an age thing, I'm not quite at the point where there's a need to reevaluate things, and thus cannot really connect with Twilight.
I still love the ending though.
Wow, this story hits close to home. The whole time I was reading it, I couldn't get Pink Floyd's Time out of my head; especially the lines:
And then one day you find ten years have got behind you
No one told you when to run, you missed the starting gun
2243532
Youth is wasted on the young.
-George Bernard Shaw
Just read this today, and I quite liked it. I had the same issue noted by 2511664 re: the ending; I was rather surprised that this was marked complete, but then I don't really know what I want in lieu of the current ending. Not closure, since that seems to run counter to the theme of the fic. Yet the current ending is rather unsatisfying for reasons I find myself not quite able to pinpoint.
In any case, thanks for writing this.
2511664 “It is not necessary for the public to know whether I am joking or whether I am serious, just as it is not necessary for me to know it myself.”
Cool! Thanks for pointing that out to me.
2551161 Yet the current ending is rather unsatisfying for reasons I find myself not quite able to pinpoint.
Yeah, closure would be wrong. It's supposed to be a new beginning. If anyone has a better idea how to end it, speak up. At one point, I thought about making the whole story that exists now the prologue to an "Adventures of Twilight and Luna" story as they try to re-invent themselves. I think that would be better, but a lot of work.
People are divided about the ending, but most people agree the beginning is slow. This would be a great story if I could just fix the beginning, the ending, and the part in-between them.
This is good. Very warm. You mentioned folks didn't initially like it. Was it because it was unfinished? The first couple chapters seem very sad, the end gives us hope for Twilight finding a more fulfilling life. Maybe that was it?
A very nice story. I find it amusing that the same day Equestria Daily posted this story they also posted this comic.
Do all your stories end in either darkness or laughter? Because it sure seems that way.
2657634 Initially, because it was boring. It still drags in chapter 2.
2759842 Let's see: Yes, yes, yes, yes, no, yes, yes, yes, yes, no, yes, yes, yes, yes, mmmaybe, yes, yes, no.
Well now that was really sweet! But not cloying.
I resisted reading this because of the icon, I'm afraid (yes, I'm that shallow). But then you quoted the scene with Pony Joe and Twilight in your blog and I became intrigued ("Oh look--an extended metaphor! I though those went out with floppy discs...").
There is a professional astronomer in my family. Nice to have a scene set in an observatory. Well done!
And one more thing: what can I offer in return? Nothing of my own.
But here's an end title for this little vignette, some thing to play as they roll the credits:
If you're born with a love for the wrote and the writ,
People of letters, your warning stands clear:
Pay heed to your heart and not to your wit,
Don't say in a letter what you can't in my ear.
2559089
I actually like the pacing of the beginning, as it took the time to properly examine the feelings behind Twilight's mid-life crisis. There are relatively few fics that explore this sort of thing in depth; the only other that I can think of off the top of my head is "When I Was Thirty".
Regarding the ending, it felt abrupt, but that was only partly due to closure. The main things that bothered me about it were that it was hard to tell exactly what happened in the last scene, and that it didn't end with Twilight picking a clear direction she wanted to go next. For the first, I'm guessing that Luna is trying to set up TwiJoe, but it might be worth either spelling out her intention more clearly or highlighting the idea that Twilight's decided to finally look, vs just envying her friends in a more general way. For the second, I'll concede that making any form of decision could be considered a form of "closure", but it's arguably closer to "pausing for breath" than "telling how the story ends". As-is, the story feels like you ended in the middle of a sentence (to continue stretching that metaphor).
That said, I enjoyed reading this (and several of your other stories). Thanks for writing it!