Joe had turned out the dining area's big overhead lights, to discourage more late-night visitors. They stood side by side at the same table as before, lit only incidentally by the kitchen lights. Joe had thrown his muffin out in disgust, but Twilight insisted on finishing hers.
Joe never pressed her for the reason why she had been crying on his doorstep, nor about the library. Twilight found it felt easier to listen when the lights weren't on her. She didn't have to nod her head or smile at the right parts, or even answer. She just relaxed and listened to Joe telling her about his regulars, about the bakery two streets down that had tried selling donuts for a tenth of a bit less, about the new tariffs on beans from Zebrica. She actually knew something about that last one, but found she'd rather keep on letting Joe's deep, comfortable voice wash over her than interrupt.
Eventually he went back to talking about Derpy, and that seemed natural, just as every long conversation in Ponyville eventually mentioned Pinkie Pie. He leaned over and touched her foreleg lightly. "Lemme tell you about when she come up with the 'banana split muffin'. One banana muffin, one cherry muffin, one chocolate-chip—all at the same time! Just stuffs them all in and starts chewing." Twilight giggled—it was all too easy to imagine exactly how Derpy would have grinned while eating it.
"So just then this cello player from the orchestra comes in, mane all tidy, spotless grey coat. Derpy sees her and runs over to tell her how good it is! Only, her mouth's still full of muffin, see? So she leap-flies over there and gets right in the dame's face, who I don't think even knows her 'coz she says "Oh, I say" and backs away right up against that wall there." Twilight snorted and barely suppressed a whinny at Joe's eerily accurate imitation of a Canterlot mare. "And Derpy's grinning and flapping her wings and going 'Mrph mrmble mrf MRFFN!'"
Twilight re-envisioned the scene in her mind, but instead of Derpy and this Canterlot mare, it was Pinkie and Rarity. She could see exactly how Rarity would arch her eyebrows and look not quite directly back at Pinkie.
"The poor mare is frozen, she's got banana-chocolate-cherry muffin crumbs bouncing off her face like she's a statue. And then—" He tapped her foreleg again. "—and then all of a sudden she shuts her eyes and shouts, 'LENTO! LENTO'"
Twilight leaned back and took a deep breath. If only they hadn't ....
He struck the table with one hoof and laughed. "Lento!'"
Hadn't not followed her to Canterlot?
Twilight suddenly realized that Joe had fallen silent and was just looking at her, and that her eyes were wet. "It's nothing," she said, and pawed at them ineffectually. "Just thinking about some old friends."
"Yeah?" Joe leaned toward her. His horn glowed yellow, and the end of his apron billowed up toward her, offering itself. She shut her eyes and tugged at it twice, once for each eye.
"I bet you got some stories too," he said.
So Twilight told Joe about how special a treat donuts were when she was a filly, and how grown-up she'd felt when she could finally afford to buy them herself. "Walking in and ordering a double-glazed for myself, with my own money. It made me feel more grown-up and powerful than the first time I addressed the House of Nobles."
She stood up a little straighter, and told him about the night of the Gala. "And in the end, all the fancy food and music and dancing weren't as sweet as sharing donuts with friends."
"I coulda told you that," Joe said. "All you need is the four Fs. Food, family, and friends."
"That's only three." Twilight had the nagging feeling she'd read somewhere what all four were, but couldn't recall.
Joe shrugged and winked. "The fourth is up to you, then."
Twilight absently took another bite of stale muffin and looked at the wooden table, pondering that list as she chewed. What would her fourth thing be? What in her life was worthy of adding to that list? Leaving the initial letter aside for the moment, what had been trying to do with her life? Learning. Publishing books and articles. Those had seemed terribly important, once upon a time. But if they were important, then by definition something important would happen once she'd done them well. Which she had.
Pleasing Princess Celestia? Was that her fourth F? Favor? Following? Fawning?
Suddenly Twilight wondered whether Celestia's visit to the library had been as casual and thoughtless as it had seemed. Was it really a coincidence that Celestia walked in the only time that week Twilight had been at the front desk? Maybe she was trying to give Twilight one final lesson, one that couldn't be taught, only learned. The teaching of no teaching. How very Zen.
And just now, running away from Luna. Deathly afraid of being rejected. Of losing that lousy fourth F. When what she needed was...
Freedom.
"Joe," she said, looking up, "thank you. You're right. I just need to take care of that fourth F."
Joe coughed violently, choking for a few seconds as if some muffin remained in his throat. "What? Now?"
"No time like the present," Twilight said grimly, stepping away from the table.
"Um, yeah, I guess." Joe gulped. Twilight stared back at him, jaw set firmly. "You're acting funny tonight. You sure you're ready for that? Sudden-like?"
Twilight shook her mane impatiently. "I've never been readier." She stamped one hoof. "It's got to be now or I'll lose my nerve."
"Uh, yeah. Great." Joe blinked, then took a deep breath. "I mean, sure! Just let me finish closing up here." He looked around the little shop as if to make sure no final customer was hiding underneath one of the other three tables. "Truth is, there were times, lotsa times I, but I didn't think...." He went and opened the closet that stood just inside the front door. "I get up real early, you know," he said apologetically. He grabbed a broom in his mouth and began sweeping the floor over-energetically, as if it were his first day on the job.
"Of course. Don't let me keep you," Twilight said, and headed for the door.
Joe stopped, the broom still in his mouth. "Mrmph?"
"Thanks so much for talking, Joe. And now, I have a princess to see." She had to see Celestia eventually, in person, and cut the apron strings herself, but it would be easier to start with Luna. And if Luna wouldn't see her, well, that was Luna's problem. As she stepped outside, she barely noticed the sound of the broom clattering to the floor behind her.
2211989 Adverbs: Eh... yeah. I'm cutting a few, but keeping most of them. I am coming more and more to the opinion that cutting adverbs because they're adverbs is bad advice.
Be careful who you're calling a wide alicorn. I wrote it that way because it's briefly POV the library patron, but she knows who Celestia is too, so, okay.
Description: The first pre-reader said it needed more description, so I added some. Then the next said it had too much description, so I took it out. The next said it needed more, so I put it back in. The last pre-reader said it was too wordy, so I took it out again and moved some into chapter two. Now I'm putting back part of the description into the first sentence. Maybe I can "weave some into the action". Gotta be careful, though. This chapter is long and slow, and description usually makes things slower.
- Conversation: I need most of it, but I'll cut the library card gimmick if I think of a way to smooth over the gap it would leave.
NEXT CHAPTER! it be so sad!
Hmmm? Commotion within descriptive endeavors? Too much? Too little? We shall see.
Why did Equestria Daily tag this as "Pony Joe"?
Can somepony tell me.
2212529
Adverbs are frequently crutches. They're fine to have, but 90% of the time a writer can rewrite to avoid them and enrich narration and voice. Some of the best writing advice I ever received from my Creative Writing professors in college was "Eliminate every adverb in this chapter." I was surprised how much my writing improved when I was forced to innovate.
I'd encourage you to give it a try if only apathy convinces you otherwise.
2229631
Because it's also marked "incomplete."
Sorry Joe, but you can't compete against a princess.
2229705 I've tried writing without adverbs. I think adverbs get a bad rep from being used in speech tags. But most of my adverbs aren't in speech tags. Here's half of the adverbs from the first chapter:
"She frantically searched her memory": I could use say "She rifled her memory." But it's not as precise. Rifling can be frantic; it can also be brisk but practiced.
"The open spaces of the original plan had been gradually partitioned..." Gradually, over the course of two hundred years. It's just one word, but it's important.
"As administrator, she dealt mainly with X, but on that day was doing Y"--simply killing "mainly" would make it sound like she was doing something out of the ordinary.
"Her chin barely reached the countertop." It would sound bizarre to say "Her chin reached the countertop." That would be commenting on a coincidental sameness of height between a person and a piece of furniture, rather than on the fact that she is young and still growing.
"who finally turned around to look": Removing "finally" would make it sound like the person responded instantly.
2229716
I haven't started to read this yet, but I MAY if you tell me why Equestria Daily has tagged this as pony Joe?
What does that even mean?
2229837
The character Pony Joe shows up in future chapters.
2229850
Huh? Wait, is that who Twilight will be romancing?
2229830
That's fair.
Waaaaaaait... I think I just got the whole fourth F thing. For some reason that is probably the only joke that gets better when it takes you a minute and every second of slow realization is priceless. Innuendo is always worth the wait, 'teaching without teaching' Donut Joe-style. This chapter became a masterpiece in hindsight.
Good, melancholy stuff! I actually really enjoy stories where Twilight is perhaps under-appreciated and a bit past being relevant, and any story where she's replaced as Celestia's student always hits hard. I suspect such tales will be a dying breed what with the direction the show has taken, so it's a treat to see one now.
Heh... I'm nearly as dense as poor Twilight when it comes to picking up on Joe's affections (Joe's reaction to her taking him up on his suggestion was hilarious)... I didn't even realize there was a shipping tag on this one at first. I wonder if she'll come back for that 4th F, or if she'll find it elsewhere?
Should I be worried that it says "Updates every day until complete" and yet it hasn't updated in a month? Or was that bit added recently? I'm certainly looking forward to more of this one.
I shall read because of the Twilight X Pony Joe pairing.
I was wondering when this was going up!
2230287
Disappointment is in store for you both.
This is very good. I'm looking forward to the rest.
2230287 The 'romance' tag is a little misleading. It's there, but it's not the center of the story.
Gotta admit, it took reading the comments before I realized what the fourth F was. I think I was paying too much attention to Twilight's thoughts and not enough to how Joe was reacting to her.
yes
Yes.
Sometimes I think Celestia is unintentionally cruel (at least in stories like this), sometimes I wonder whether she realizes that.
For me, at least, not as good as Chapter 3. Still very good, but a couple little details that threw me out a bit.
The first, perhaps obviously, is "Hadn't not followed her to Canterlot?" It does make sense, but it stopped me reading and forced me to think about the structure of the words. It is a sensible stylistic choice, but even so, double negatives always sit badly with me. I'm not usually one for extra wordiness, but I probably would have opted for something more tagged on the front. "Hadn't what? Hadn't stayed in Ponyville? Hadn't not followed her to Canterlot?" But as I said, sensible stylistic choice even if I'd have gone another way.
The second just genuinely feels weird to me.
There's so much structural repetition between these two paragraphs that I feel like they don't join properly, much like when you try to force together isopolar ends of magnets.
I didn't have much trouble figuring out the fourth F, and definitely enjoyed Joe's flustered reaction to Twilight's general cluelessness on the subject. The stories and the thoughts of Twilight's old friends were the high points of the chapter for me, though. Definitely still getting the nostalgia for our youth vibe, and finding it both bittersweet and delicious.
2230376
Okay, I completely missed Pony Joe's advances on Twilight, until I read through the comments.
I really liked this chapter. You took the time to get into the characters, and added a considerable amount of depth to both of them. Great chapter, and if chapter five is just as good, this is going in my favorites list.
This chapter made me giggle and upvote. Moving onto the next now
2232239
If you lived for thousands of years with only a single other being who shared your plight, you'd like as not forget how fragile mortal hearts can be and how short a time you really have to write your wrongs.
I'd been setting this aside until I had a little time to savor it. One quick question on chapter 4. I'm pretty sure I picked up on what Joe was hinting at with the fourth F (and why it was never mentioned out loud), but I'm still not sure what Twilight thinks the fourth F is, that gets her going back to Luna.
… Freedom? But then she wouldn't be worried about losing it.
OH LOOOOOL. Joe Joe Joe Joe Joe. Poor Joe.
Damn, Joe got #rekt
The F Joe had in mind was what I thought of first, but then I wondered if it might be something else, like 'fun' or some alcohol starting with 'f'. I wonder what Twilight thought of.
2307393 7113660 In my mind, she was taking Joe at his word that "the fourth was up to you", and thinking her personal 4th F was favor or fawning. But I agree it was confusing. I changed it now and took Horizon's suggestion. Thanks!
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I guess neuro- and/or evolutional pony biology is not Twilight's field of study?
Was it predictable to Celestia?