Somepony who may or may not write stories about ponies.
You found my book in the library. Cracking the cover, you found me waiting for you inside.
My name is Princess Twilight Sparkle. I am trapped in my book and need your help to get out of here. I'd do anything to get out of here.
Please help me.
You have to help me.
Please.
Featured 2/6/24 — 2/10/24
Featured on Equestria Daily 2/9/24
Thanks to ScreamQueen3 for looking over and providing feedback on this story ahead of time!
Cover art clipped from Season 5 Episode 12 Amending Fences.
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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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Hmm, the premise is very interesting, but I couldn't get into it between the awkward perspective (being both the OC and Twi was jarring) and it being rather drawn out (it feels about a quarter too long, for the amount of events in the plot).
Also, on tags, it's missing "Dark" and "Twilight Sparkle". It also doesn't seem like there's anything that warrants "Teen", unless I missed something.
11817376
That's fair, thank you for checking out the story and for the criticism.
I knew the perspective would be weird, in particular, but I really wanted to tell the story that way.
And yeah, I tagged the story a bit conservatively. I didn't want to tag the story with Twilight in particular since the character's not actually her.
Teen Titans episode reference.
I'm guessing the actual character was Haycart?
11817501
Yep!
11817508
Cool! Any plans for a sequel? Like idk, Haycart's redemption Arc or somethin'?
11817521
Maybe in the future, but nothing soon.
I have other stories that I want to work on before circling back to this.
I'm glad you enjoyed!
The first few pages of the story, it had quickly become obvious that the narrator was planning something sinister in which he was just using... Huh, I just realized that we never got the name of the foal he used... Anyways, that much was obvious. I expected this to likely follow the cliches of an evil villain betraying and hurting an innocent to escape imprisonment- but there was one element which made it avoid feeling like any sort of cliche at all. Namely, Haycart CHANGED as the story progressed, slowly gaining some inkling of empathy and care for somebody else, (albeit not enough to do a 180, which was actually a good thing as it made it more realistic) which is not something I expected at all.
That element is the part which truly makes this work stand out, and which sealed the deal for me giving this work a thumbs up.
11817387
I've seen people not tag critical characters because their presence in the story is a spoiler. In this case, your failure to tag a character who seems important is a spoiler.
They could just keep swapping back and forth.
And of course there's the question of whether the 'imposter' is also the real Twilight Sparkle.
I thought the twist was that it was haycart the whole time. Good story, is the twilight in the book.the real one?
“Twilight” must have been alone for many, many, many years stuck in that book. Until perhaps—Twilight herself casted the spell to appear to Moondancer, it gave “Twilight” a form to focus on. Perhaps the loneliness allowed him to be desperate for a genuine connection.
—Cragadilian.
Eventually Twilight will have to trick another pony to get a new body for either of them, too bad for the unfortunate one because this time there won't be an emotional bond to save him
Bravo.
To be stuck without an entrance nor an exit is worse than being offered a single choice, as there would be no choice to choose.
Your story should live on. However, through a different perspective, a different being, a being that felt the same thoughts whilst a body capable of having those thoughts
11817923
Pretty sure it is haycart, what with the lines about having been trapped for hundreds of years, and being able to change your shape to look different in the book.
Spoiler alert:
For those of you wondering, the first-pony narrator, AKA the trapped-in-the-book pony is not Twilight, but Haycart. The signs were there from the beginning.
Brilliant work, pneu.
wow (i made a fimfiction account just so i could comment on this) this was the most unique (in a good way!) fanfic i have ever read. the premise was super interesting and i knew this would be a good fic based off the first couple paragraphs. it was the summary that immediately made me want to click on this story actually. ive never read a fic before that had a perspective like this, first-person while using "you" pronouns, but you utilized it to fit the story (i LOVED the ending.) this was real good!!! i would rave more but this comment is already so long haha
11818699
I'm humbled that you liked my story so much, I appreciate it.
Also, welcome to fimfiction!
Good ending
You managed to fulfill your mission, now the two are alive... until the end of their days
Neutral ending
You tried everything, but the deadline ran out and you didn’t make it... in the end you changed and waited while you let your beloved student and best friend move on to his next life
Bad ending
They discovered you, they know you’re alive, and you run in despair in search of a miracle, one that may never come...
PS: Fuck, I haven’t watered in a long time, I don’t cry, I just have watery eyes, but your fic has done it and you’re one of the few who has, I guess I have a certain weakness for the true friendships behind the wrongs committed
11818558
at first it is not understood, but I think that after the first "timeskip" you begin to see who is really
11817376
The oc... was never Twilight
I really liked this. I only have one question. It doesn't really affect the story, but I am curious.
How does Haycart know about Twilight Sparkle in order to take her form? Is this supposed to be the same book Moondancer looked at in Amending Fences? If so was it that Haycart wasn't able to say hello before Twilight talked to Moondancer?
.....
Oh! That's why the foal started to refer to Twilgiht as Teacher....
11818912
I didn't plot out exactly how they'd learn about Twilight. I always figured they would have just heard news about and saw pictures of Twilight from ponies in the library and they figured that she'd a perfect pony to imitate. Maybe they did see her when she met up with Moondancer. Maybe not. They certainly did try other angles and facades to convince ponies to release them beforehoof, it's just that Twilight was their best option.
A normal pony stuck in a book is too unbelievable and suspicious.
Celestia or Luna are too high on a pedestal for ponies to believe that they really got trapped in a book and replaced.
Cadence maybe, but she still isn't as approachable as Twilight, wouldn't be as convincing as a magic teacher, and doesn't have quite the track record with monster fighting that Twilight has.
Twilight is not only a Princess, but a Princess with a talent in magic who used to be a normal down-to-earth unicorn. Ponies would be awed by her royalty, could believe that she'd be fighting some evil creature that trapped her in a book, could believe that she'd want to teach them magic, and most importantly they could relate to her because she used to be a normal pony just like them. Add on the threat of "The fate of Equestria lies in you helping set me free," and it ends up be decent enough bait for somepony to fall for. After all, they just need one pony to fall for the trick.
11818982
Yep! They had their suspicious before that point, but that's when they became 100% certain they weren't speaking with Twilight.
11818987
I see. This actually brings up another question.
I'll admit I never thought about it much, I kinda of figured the student pony was just leaving the book open, but is Haycart able to hear other ponies even when the book is closed? The end of the story kinda suggested that the one trapped in the book can't interact with anypony unless the book is open. I sorta figured maybe they couldn't hear the outside world either, but in order for them to know who Twilight Sparkle is, it'd make more sense that they could. Otherwise I'm not sure how they'd be able to learn unless someone opened the book before and Haycarts was able to ask them about the current state of the world before said pony got weary of them and put the book back.
I'll also admit, it amuses me to no end to think that they find a way to get the drawing out of the book and into an actual pony body, but the one in the book was taking Twilight's form at the time and ends up as a duplicate of her. XD
This reminded me of Malchior from Teen Titans (the good one)
i.ytimg.com/vi/m6MFdJOjrYs/maxresdefault.jpg
Niice story, good work.
11819021
Haycartes is able to interact with the world through the inner part of the Focus: i.e. the pages of the book itself. I imagined that they could hear and speak to the outside, but not see. The sound would be muffled, of course, as if you were, well, talking from inside a book. Hence why they cast the silencing spell on the book near the end. They couldn't bear listen to the foal if they started shouting or crying.
"According to Victor Kain, a Focus can be compared to a study, a creative labaratory, a camera obscura, 'almost perfectly sealed off—except for the door that was visible at all times'. Victor believes it's impossible to break into Focus, as it's akin to entering someone else's mind or a drawn picture. " — https://pathologic.fandom.com/wiki/Focus
The concept of Focus in this story is based off of Focus from Pathologic. I imagined that Haycartes worked with the Reign family in theorizing and constructing Focuses, but they ran into the snag that they were unable to interact with the outside world while in the Focus. This was unacceptable to Haycartes and this led him to searching for a way to create a Focus whose doorway can be opened — exposing the soul and allowing it to interact with the world. This lead him to the idea of using a book as a Focus and the rest is history.
... yeah I spent a bit too much time explaining away exactly how it works, none of which made it into the final cut.
Also, lmao. That would quite be a loophole for creating new Alicorns. A really evil pony could create an army of Twilight lookalikes like that.
11819638
Well that's only to say if they had her power. They could very well LOOK like Twilight, but not have her abilities.
11819664
True enough, they probably wouldn't have her power. Funny to imagine, though.
A weird story this one, and I mean that in a complimentary way
. I had not picked up on the "false Twilight bit" or if I did I suspected the usual concept of Changelings or Chrysalis being the "faker" and not Haycartes faking that there's a faker at all. A bit of a brain dizzy
I think that the structure works well for the story being told. I almost think that I might like to see a sequel.
This is, by far, one of the best fics i've ever read!
You should really be proud of yourself I really really liked this.
Great Job!
I would love a sequel to this!
This story is really good. I actually audibly gasped when I realized where it was going! Well done, and I hope to see the redemption arc at some point!
Welcome to my Best Of The Best shelf. I read a ton of fimfics. Some of them I'll add to my Favorites. Only the cream of the crop, the top ten percent, gets added to the Best Of The Best. This story rightfully belongs there.
Bravo, good Sir!
That was excellent! I particularly appreciated the ending -- you could have gone for the easy dark ending, and you gave it more nuance.
Wonderful! So much is said with so few words! The pacing is great and the time skips didn’t feel out of place or jarring. A Lovely little story!