If We Asked Her Directly, She’d Just Tell Us That She’s Graight
“You don’t have to do this anymore, you know,” Princess Twilight Sparkle said.
“I beg to differ,” Rarity replied, the tape measure levitating to a new location while nearby, a levitated pencil wrote another number on a levitated clipboard. “Anypony with eyes can see that you’ve grown enough since the last Grand Galloping Gala that a gown based on last year’s measurements would no longer fit you.” The tape measure went taut, stayed that way for a moment, and then moved to another location while another number was written down.
“I mean, you don’t have to measure me yourself. The royal dresser would be happy to take my measurements and send them to you.” She turned her head toward Rarity. “I’m not being trite – she really would be happy to do it. There’s very little for her to do.”
Additional blue magic gently pushed Twilight’s head so she faced straight forward again. The tape measure moved. “I understand, but for the gown to be perfect, I need to know more than just the numbers. There are also all of the little intangibles that I see and remember but don’t put to paper. For example, the slight angle by which your neck lowers when you aren’t standing completely rigid because you’re being measured. I adjust for those things as much as I meet the exact specifications, as it were.”
She paused for a moment to look directly up toward Twilight. “Besides, I don’t get to spend nearly as much time with you as it is anymore. Why would I want us to converse even less?”
Twilight smiled. “You’re right.” She tried to relax her posture a little but reflexively stiffened back up as the tape measure continued to move around her. “You’d think the Princess of Friendship would have been able to figure that one out.”
“Don’t talk like that. You know full well that you’ve more than adequately demonstrated your worthiness of your titles, both Princess of Friendship and Princess of Equestria.”
“I know, but I’m still learning for both. True, mostly the latter, especially during this past year, but there are still some aspects of friendship I haven’t really studied. For example, now that Pinkie is dating Cheese, I’m interested to see the effects of an outside romantic partner on a group of friends. If and how the dynamic changes, what the pony in the relationship has to consider when balancing her friends and her significant other… that type of thing. It’s actually kind of surprising that it hasn’t come up among the six of us until now.”
The tape measure went taut even though it wasn’t presently taking one of Twilight’s measurements. “Yes,” Rarity said, “I’m very happy for Pinkie. I’m certainly not jealous that she’s found somepony who’s so clearly perfect for her. And that she was able to fall into love so effortlessly.”
Twilight immediately turned at the neck to face Rarity. “I didn’t mean that as a slight against you. Just because you’ve been the most… proactive… of the six of us when it comes to looking for love, I wasn’t implying… that…”
Rarity put her hoof on Twilight’s shoulder. “As your friend, I’ll stop you right there. You aren’t going to be able to save yourself from where that sentence was headed. And I know that isn’t what you were trying to say.”
The relief was visible on Twilight’s face. “Thank you.” She returned to looking straight forward.
Rarity recorded her final measurement, set everything on her sewing table, and stepped over to talk face-to-face. “But since we’re now on the subject of each of our love lives… why are you still single? Especially now, when I’m sure you could have your selection of anypony in Equestria.”
Twilight looked down for a moment. “That’s the problem. It’s a long list of suitors and potential suitors who only know me from the past year. So I’ll never be sure whether they’re only interested in me now that I’m their princess or whether they’re actually interested in me as a pony.”
“But if they’re going to the trouble of courting you, then certainly that must mean they’re interested in more than just your royal… title…”
She trailed off as Twilight gave her a knowing smile.
“I was young and naïve! And once I did get to know the stallion behind the title, I quickly lost my interest.” A frustrated exhale. “Still, point taken.”
Rarity turned her attention to a waiting teapot on the nearby tea cart. She poured two cups and took a sip before continuing her train of thought.
“So I suppose it isn’t that surprising that Pinkie was the first of us to find her special somepony after all. Fluttershy is too timid to put herself out there, there aren’t any mares who can keep up with Rainbow Dash, and Applejack spends all her time—”
“Wait a second,” Twilight said, lowering her own cup of tea. “Go back. Rainbow Dash likes mares? I didn’t know that.”
“Well, of course she… I mean, I assume she does.”
“But you don’t know for sure?”
“I must admit, the subject has never come up in our conversations. Why would it?”
“Then what makes you say she’s gay?”
“Her enthusiasm for athletics. Her continued resistance to anything fashionable and her complete lack of interest in cosmetics and mane care.”
“You do realize those are all stereotypes. There are straight mares who don’t like fashion and gay mares who do.”
“Yes, but you have to admit that that particular stereotype is true more often than not.”
“Either way, we don’t know whether that’s true of Rainbow Dash.” She thought for a moment. “You girls are my best friends. Is it weird that I don’t know whether Rainbow likes stallions and/or mares?”
“I’m not sure about her either, so it can’t be completely unusual. And now that you’ve planted the seed of doubt in my mind, I’m rather curious about the answer myself.”
“We could ask her before dinner tonight.”
“Twilight, no!” Rarity shouted, reacting as though Twilight had casually suggested they burn down an orphanage… by forcing the orphans to light the match. “What kind of friends would Rainbow think we are? So inattentive as to not be aware of something so central to who she is? She’d be appalled by us!”
“I’ve never seen Rainbow Dash be appalled.”
“Because we’ve never committed so grave a faux pas.” She took a sip of her tea to calm herself down. “Still, there are ways to find these things out. Did you have anything else scheduled before our dinner with the girls tonight?”
“No. Today is my day off from royal duties and rushing to keep appointments. I want my visits to Ponyville to be as stress-free as possible.”
“Then I suggest a visit to one of our friends. Fluttershy has known Rainbow Dash longer than any of us. If anypony will be able to cure us of our ignorance regarding this subject, it’ll be her.”
It had taken some time for Fluttershy to bring on a couple of assistants at Sweet Feather Sanctuary. Not because she thought she could do it all – she knew she was overwhelmed – or because no one wanted to volunteer. The difficult part had been getting Fluttershy to accept the fact that she wouldn’t be able to spend time with every single animal that came in.
But now that there were enough ponies making sure all of the animals were properly attended to, Fluttershy was able to take a break back at her cottage to visit with her friends.
As she poured Twilight and Rarity each a cup of tea, she said, “What brings you by? Our dinner isn’t for another four and a half hours.” She abruptly lifted the teapot mid-pour. “Isn’t it? I didn’t misremember the time, did I?”
“No, nothing like that,” Twilight said. “We’re here because we had a question for you. Is Rainbow Dash straight or gay? Or what?”
Fluttershy fumbled the teapot and flailed as she tried to keep it in her hooves, ultimately losing control of it entirely. It was surrounded by an aura of magenta and blue as both of the others caught it before it could hit the ground.
As Twilight set the teapot back onto the table, Rarity gave her a stern look. “Honestly Twilight, you’re the sole ruler of Equestria now. Please tell me you exhibit more tact than that while carrying out your royal duties.”
Twilight didn’t look nearly as ashamed as Rarity felt she should have looked.
Fluttershy, her cheeks now bright red, said, “Um, I don’t know about… about that. I’m sorry.”
Twilight wore a small, disappointed frown. Rarity looked surprised. “But you’ve known her since you were fillies,” she said. “The subject never came up at all, not even in passing?”
“I didn’t want to pry,” Fluttershy said.
“I understand,” Twilight said. She took a sip of tea.
“And we’ve been friends for so long… if I asked her now, it would be so embarrassing.” She pulled her mane in front of her face a little bit. “For both of us.”
“I’m afraid that’s exactly the situation we find ourselves in,” Rarity said. She also took a sip. “Can you remember anything that Rainbow Dash may have done or said at any point that would indicate, even in some small way, to whom she might be attracted?”
There was silence for about thirty seconds while Fluttershy thought. “I really can’t,” she finally said. “She’s always wanted to impress other ponies, but only to prove that she’s the best. Never because she was trying to… woo them.”
“And she never expressed any interest or uninterest when you discussed the attractiveness of other stallions with her?”
With a small squeak, Fluttershy pulled her mane in front of her face even more.
“Right, of course. That’s a topic of conversation you would never have broached.”
Twilight said, “Maybe she’s asexual. That would explain it if she’s never shown physical attraction to anypony else.”
Rarity put down her teacup with an audible clink. “Twilight, we are trying to narrow down what Rainbow Dash’s orientation might be. Proposing additional possibilities is not helping.”
“But if it’s the answer…”
“No matter. I’m nowhere near the point of giving up.”
Fluttershy struggled to keep her voice above a whisper. “Maybe… maybe it isn’t any of our business?”
Rarity turned from Twilight to her other friend. “Fluttershy, dear, thank you for having us over. I apologize that we must be leaving so quickly, but I am determined to get to the bottom of this mystery. And I know another pony who may be able to apply her expertise.”
Pinkie Pie, without prompting, produced a cappuccino for Twilight, an arabica served black for Rarity, and a caramel latte for herself.
“What did you want to talk about?” she said as she sat down with them at one of Sugarcube Corner’s tables.
Before the two of them had entered the bakery, Rarity had insisted on taking the lead this time. “You know Rainbow Dash fairly well.”
“You bet I do! She’s one of our best friends!”
“I mean, you know her personality.”
Pinkie nodded enthusiastically.
“So you know what her inclinations are.” She dropped the volume of her voice ever so slightly. “You see, there’s something Twilight and I aren’t certain of, and we were hoping you would know.”
With a big smile, Pinkie said, “Oh, you want to know what Rainbow Dash likes! I can help with that! Let’s see… there’s cider, of course. Quinoa pasta with soy crumble tomato sauce. Not pies.”
Rarity held up her hoof before Pinkie could continue. “I’m not referring to food in this instance,” she said. “The aspect of Rainbow Dash we were curious about concerns her… romantic interests.”
Pinkie leaned forward. “Ooooh! Who’s she dating?”
“You see, that’s what we don’t know. Or rather, we don’t know whom she’d be dating if she were dating somepony.”
Pinkie leaned back. Slightly confused, she said, “So she isn’t dating anypony right now.”
“As far as I know, no.”
“Then why would I know the identity of a pony who isn’t real?” Her brow wrinkled further. “Wait, no – the pony is real, but we don’t know who it is because the dating isn’t real.” Her expression switched back to cheerful while at the same moment, a timer in the kitchen went ding. “Oh, now I get it! You’re trying to figure out the identity of the pony who is real but who isn’t really dating Rainbow Dash but might be sometime later, because when that happens, then both the pony and the dating will be real. And Rainbow Dash has been real the whole time.”
“Er, yes.”
Pinkie Pie stared at Rarity.
“So,” Rarity said, “do you know what kind of pony might be dating Rainbow Dash? Or rather, what kind of pony Rainbow Dash would date?”
“Nope!” Pinkie chirped, adding nothing more.
“Nothing about what… type of pony Rainbow might be attracted to?”
Pinkie rapidly shook her head back and forth.
Rarity said nothing.
Pinkie continued to stare attentively.
Twilight rolled her eyes. “She wants to find out whether Rainbow Dash is gay.”
“Oh!” Pinkie said. “Is that what this is about!”
Rarity nodded and waited for more.
And waited.
When nothing else came, Rarity said, “Well? Is she?”
“I have no idea!”
One of Rarity’s eyebrows lowered. “That isn’t something you could… detect?”
“Of course not! My Pinkie Sense tells me when a door’s about to open, not which ponies have come out of the closet.”
Rarity grimaced before speaking again. “You have dossiers on literally everypony in Ponyville. And nothing in Rainbow Dash’s file indicates whether she prefers stallions or mares?”
“Really, Rarity?” Twilight said. “‘Prefers’?”
“I know that isn’t the right word! I’m growing too frustrated to think properly!”
Pinkie said, “I wouldn’t know about that unless I saw her going on a date. Or she told me about going on a date. But neither of those things has happened.”
Rarity sighed. “Thank you for your time anyway, Pinkie.” Turning to Twilight, she said, “I suppose the only other one of our friends left to ask is Applejack.”
Pinkie said, “If you want to know so badly, why don’t you just ask Rainbow?”
Rarity limited herself to two brief nonverbal sounds. “It would be a little forward, wouldn’t you agree? We don’t want to offend her.”
“But asking all of her friends if they know isn’t going to offend her?”
“Not if she doesn’t know we’re doing it. And once we get the answer, there will be no need to ask her directly, thereby eliminating any potential awkwardness that may have arisen.”
“If you say so.” She finished her drink and licked the whipped cream off of her face. She then excused herself so she could get started on her contribution to the evening’s meal.
As Pinkie gathered the empty coffee cups, Twilight said to her, “You ran those two words together. Did you say you were going to get the ‘dessert started’ or the ‘desserts started’? You do realize it’s just the six of us.”
“I do realize that!” Pinkie said and quickly bounded back to the kitchen.
Rarity turned to her friend. “It isn’t like you to ask a question to which you already know the answer.”
“Sorry to work while we chat,” Applejack said as she gently kneaded the ground next to one of her trees, “but applebuck season’s comin’ up soon. I need to make sure the trees ain’t sproutin’ too fast or too slow so when the big day arrives, every apple is perfect.”
Twilight focused her attention on the earth and the tree’s roots about ninety degrees from where Applejack was working. She could feel Applejack manipulating something, but she wasn’t sure exactly what. “Remind me someday to ask you about this,” she said. “Earth pony magic is the one thing I haven’t spent enough time learning about since my transformation.”
“Will do,” Applejack said as she moved to the next tree in the row, “though it’ll probably take more than one session, even if you are an alicorn. No offense.”
“None taken. You’re the expert.”
“Did Granny offer you some cider ’fore you came out here? I’d offer it myself, but obviously I don’t have it on me while I work.”
“She did,” Rarity said, “and it was delicious, as always. We don’t want to distract you from your work any more than necessary, though. So the reason for our visit…”
She gestured to Twilight to finish the thought, as she knew that Applejack would respond more favorably to Twilight’s straightforward approach.
“Rarity and I realized that we didn’t know whether Rainbow Dash is sexually attracted to mares,” she said. “We thought it would be rude to directly ask her after knowing her for so long, so we were hoping one of our friends would know. So far, they haven’t.”
For a moment, Applejack’s eyes went wide. “What makes you think Rainbow’d be attracted to mares?” she said.
Rarity said, “The way her interests align, mostly. For example, her athletic pursuits.”
Applejack raised an eyebrow. “Her athletic pursuits?”
“And the fact that she’s an athletic pony in general. After all… who’s that famous soccer player with the pink mane?”
Applejack said, “Magenta Rapini?”
“Yes, her. Her athleticism rivals Rainbow Dash’s, and she’s…” Rarity made a you know how this sentence ends gesture with her hoof.
Applejack rolled her eyes. “Bein’ a mare who’s a sports star don’t make you gay,” she said. “Take a look at Misty Trainer – she’s straight. Jellybean Cling is gay, but Aphrodite and Serene Will are both straight. Just ’cause a mare is athletic don’t mean anything.”
“Hm… I suppose you’re right,” Rarity said. “So back to the original question, then. Have you ever seen Rainbow Dash say or do anything that would indicate which sex she’s attracted to?”
“No, I haven’t.” She looked Rarity directly in the eyes. “And I figure it ain’t your place to ask, either.”
With a huff, Rarity took a defensive step backward. “I don’t mean any harm by it. We are friends after all – doesn’t it stand to reason that I should know?”
“Not if she don’t want you to know. And even if she said, what difference would it make to you? Unless you’re fixin’ to ask ’em out, you don’t need to know what team a pony plays for.”
“Applejack makes a good point,” Twilight said. “Plus, we’ve asked everypony else in the group now. If Rainbow wants us to know, she’ll say something someday. It doesn’t change the fact that we’re her friends.”
Abruptly, Rarity said, “Thank you for your time, Applejack. We’ll see you at dinner tonight.” Saying nothing else, she turned and left the orchard. Twilight said good-bye to Applejack and then caught up to her.
As the two walked through the front trellis of Sweet Apple Acres, Twilight said, “Well, with that taken care of, I think I’m going to—”
“I’m not giving up yet,” Rarity said. “I still have one last idea of whom we can ask. Follow me.”
The front door of the small two-story house opened to reveal Lyra Heartstrings.
“Oh, hi there! Haven’t seen either of you in a while!” She then realized that two of the six former wielders of the Elements of Harmony were at her door. “Wait, is this a serious visit?”
“Not at all,” Twilight said.
Rarity added, “This is more of a brief chat. We simply have a question we were curious about.”
The smile returned to Lyra’s face. “Great! And it’s great to see the two of you! Come on in!”
As the two stepped into the living room, Lyra called out, “It’s Twilight and Rarity!”
From the kitchen came a startled urk sound.
“Don’t stop! You can keep pouring!”
She turned to her guests and explained, “You caught us in the middle of making butterscotch brownie bites, and Bon Bon is right at the part where the butterscotch is ready to coat the brownies.”
“I’ll be there in just a moment, your highness!”
Lyra called back, “Don’t rush it!” She turned to Twilight and said, “Could you please reassure her that everything is okay?”
Twilight took a step toward the kitchen. “This is just a social call,” she said. “We didn’t mean to interrupt. Please take your time and finish what you’re doing.”
“Yes, princess,” Bon Bon said. “Thank you, princess. Lyra, at least offer them something to eat and drink!”
“On it!” she yelled. To the others, she said, “Would you like some small brownie balls? We have extra, though they won’t be coated in butterscotch. Or we have pretzel sticks or whole-wheat crackers. To drink, we have orange juice, grape juice, cola, milk, and water.”
“We don’t want to impose for such a short visit,” Twilight said.
“Nonsense,” Rarity said. “It’s rude to decline hospitality. Your house smells delightful, Lyra, and it makes me want to try some of those brownies. Which would pair wonderfully with a small glass of milk.”
“I’ll have that, too,” Twilight said. “Thank you.”
Once Lyra had left to get the brownies and milk, Twilight said to Rarity in a low voice, “It might be rude, but this is going to be my fifth complimentary beverage this afternoon. And it’s more awkward for me to ask to use somepony else’s bathroom.”
Lyra returned with the snacks, invited her guests to have a seat on the couch, and spent some time catching Twilight up on what her old Canterlot friends had recently been doing. By that point, Bon Bon had finished her work and joined Lyra on the loveseat.
“So what brings you by?” Lyra asked.
Rarity turned to Twilight. “Do you want to—”
“I’m no longer a part of this,” Twilight said. “I just came to observe – I’m pretty sure I’ll be able to get a friendship lesson out of this by the time all is said and done.”
“Very well then.” She turned back to Lyra and Bon Bon. “It occurred to the two of us – you may have disagreed about coming here, but that much is true – that we are unaware of whether Rainbow Dash prefers the companionship of mares. Romantically. I was hoping that the two of you might be able to provide some first-hoof insight as to whether that’s the case.”
Neither Lyra nor Bon Bon meant for it to be loud, but the combined sound of their simultaneous exhalation – Lyra from her mouth; Bon Bon controlling it through her nose – created an audible sigh.
“We don’t know,” Bon Bon said levelly.
Lyra added, “We’ve never heard her say whether she’s gay or straight.”
“Well no,” Rarity said, “neither have we. But you’ve seen her around town over the years. You’re able to tell, right?”
Bon Bon’s brow furrowed further.
“Let’s put it this way,” Lyra said. “You’re straight, right?”
“Yes.”
“Then by that logic, you should be able to tell which other ponies are straight. And if you could do that, then you wouldn’t be here asking us.”
“Hm. If you aren’t certain, then tell me, how might I find out? I’m one of her dearest friends, and I should know this sort of thing about her.”
Bon Bon said, “Let me ask you this. After I moved here, how long did you assume that I was straight?”
Rarity’s silence was answer enough.
“Exactly. I’m not mad at you about that, because at the time, I didn’t want to come out. And if Rainbow Dash doesn’t want to tell you what her orientation is – no matter what her orientation is – then it shouldn’t be any of your business. Even if you are one of her best friends.”
Twilight said, “That’s the advice we’ve received from some of our other friends.” She looked at Rarity. “I think we should take it to heart.”
Rarity climbed off the sofa. “I hate to stop by for such a short visit,” she said, “but I’m afraid that there’s more I need to accomplish before my dinner plans tonight. And I suppose I should get out of your manes. Thank you both for your response.” She walked toward the door.
Just before she opened it, Bon Bon said, “Oh, and please don’t ask Lofty and Holiday or Star Bright and Silver Script next. You’re just going to get the same answer.”
Rarity froze in place for a couple of seconds. Then, with a “very well,” she opened the door and stepped outside.
Twilight said to the two of them, “Thank you for your advice and your time.” She got up from the sofa. “I’m sorry we bothered you.”
“May I speak freely, princess?” Bon Bon said.
“We’re in your house,” Twilight said. “Go ahead.”
“If Rainbow Dash – or anypony else you know – ever does come out, please don’t only think of her as ‘that gay mare.’ We’re proud of who we are. But there’s a lot more to us than being gay.”
“You’re right,” Twilight said. “And I’m sorry we made you feel that way. The brownies were truly delicious.” She turned to Lyra. “And I did enjoy catching up with you. I wish we could chat more frequently.”
“It’s all right,” Lyra said. “I know you’re a busy mare, especially now.” She smiled. “So did you get that friendship lesson?”
“I suspect it isn’t over yet,” Twilight said. “But yes, this did help. Thank you.”
When Twilight left the house, she found Rarity still standing outside. “I believe we’re done with this, yes?” the princess said.
It took Rarity several seconds to reply. “I suppose so,” she finally said. “I’m out of ideas.”
“That isn’t exactly the response I was hoping for,” Twilight said as she clenched her hind legs together, “but I really need to get to the castle right now, so I guess that’ll do. I’ll see you at dinner tonight.”
“Yes…” Rarity said. “At dinner tonight.” She turned to walk back to her boutique as Twilight teleported away.
Twilight spent the remainder of her afternoon with Starlight Glimmer, chatting amiably and checking in on the School of Friendship. As the sun began to set in the sky, Starlight left to have dinner with Trixie while Twilight’s five friends joined the princess in the castle’s dining room.
“…so today’s summit should be a good chance for him to hone his skills as friendship ambassador,” Twilight said as they all enjoyed the potluck dinner. “The griffons and the hippogriffs may share common ancestry, but their cultures are surprisingly dissimilar.”
“Ooh, I know all about that!” Pinkie Pie said. “Last month, Cheese and I went to Mount Aris for one of their Glad to Be a Hippogriff festivals! I was a little nervous about joining in their games, seeing as I’m not a hippogriff, but just before the screeching contest began, Cheese took my hoof, looked me in the eyes, and said, ‘Pinkie Pie, you are the loudest and highest-pitched creature I have ever had the pleasure of meeting.’” She sniffled and wiped away a tear. “He’s so romantic!”
“Yes,” Rarity said, “that is… quite romantic. Speaking of which: I thought it might be interesting if we all went around the table and told each other about our most recent romantic exploits. Rainbow Dash, why don’t you go first?”
Rainbow, oblivious to the four subtle glares being directed toward one of her dining companions, said, “Ah, jeez, Rarity, all of that mushy lovey-dovey stuff isn’t really for me, you know? Especially not talking about it with other ponies. Even you girls.”
“No matter,” Rarity said. “Let’s change the subject then.” She levitated up a glossy periodical. “Did anypony see the picture of Pianoforte Legend and Twitterpate inside this week’s issue of Ponies magazine?” She opened it to a photograph of a stallion wearing an expertly tailored tuxedo standing next to a mare wearing a form-fitting dress as they posed for the cameras at a red-carpet event. “Don’t they look amazing together? Although I must confess that I’m more naturally drawn to Pianoforte’s good looks.”
She turned her attention to the pony sitting across from her. “What about you, Rainbow? Which of them do you think looks better?”
Rainbow briefly examined the magazine page. “They both look fine, I guess,” she said. “You know I don’t care about all that dressing-up stuff.”
“But you’re a Wonderbolt,” Rarity said. “You have to get dressed up for photo opportunities on a regular basis.”
“Right – in my uniform. Which looks cooler than any dress ever could. Um, sorry – no offense.”
“None taken,” Rarity strained. “Although while we’re on the subject of the Wonderbolts, there’s something I’ve been curious about. I would assume that as a member of Equestria’s most elite flying squadron, you must certainly receive your fair share of romantic offers from your fans. Both stallions and mares.”
“Rarity…” Twilight warned.
“Sure,” Rainbow replied. “So?”
“So dish! I’d love to hear about some of the ones you’ve gone out with.”
“Oh – I don’t actually go out with them.”
“You don’t?”
“Of course not. I’m not going to go on a date with a stranger just because they think I’m cool. I mean, I already know how great I am – I don’t need to have a bunch of dates with random fans just to get an ego boost.”
“You’ve never taken up any fan on their offer? Not even once?”
“Pfft – no. I’m not Fleetfoot.”
“Then what about within the team? If you could date one of your fellow Wonderbolts, whom would you choose?”
“I wouldn’t. Dating within the ranks isn’t forbidden, but it isn’t a good idea.”
“Yes, but if you did date one of them, which one would you want to go out with?”
“They’re my teammates and coworkers, Rarity. I’m not going to make things weird between us.”
Twilight interjected, “I think that’s more than enough.”
“Thank you,” Applejack said.
“Let’s actually change the subject. Did you know that over the past year, circulation at Canterlot Library has increased by more than 300%? Which inspired me to think of some new programs that will help retain…”
As Twilight continued to speak, Rarity quietly returned to her dinner.
* * *
“You’d think with a title like Daring Do and the Bronze Pillar, it’d be boring, but she’s already hock-deep in the action by the end of chapter two!”
Rainbow Dash was the most animated she had been all evening. Twilight, who had already read the book, was in the process of levitating the dinner’s dirty dishes to the kitchen.
“Deep within a lost temple, the diabolical Kathiawariya had trapped Daring in a hidden chamber, blocking the only exit. When suddenly… the ceiling started moving down!” Holding one foreleg high in the air, she pantomimed the action. “It looked like Daring was going to be crushed for sure!”
Rarity spoke up – the first time since her inquiry about the Wonderbolts. “You don’t say. That does sound exciting. Now, speaking of crushes…”
“No.”
The single, forceful word came from Applejack. Pinkie shook her head disapprovingly. Even Fluttershy lowered her eyebrows.
“I’m not making it up,” Rainbow said. “The ceiling really was coming down to crush her!”
Twilight stepped back into the dining room. “I believe it’s time for dessert.”
Pinkie Pie’s chair was instantly empty. Two seconds later, she was wheeling out a cart containing multiple stainless steel plates covered with matching cloches.
“Dessert is served!” she announced and lifted the first cloche. “First, we have cream puffs containing a peppermint cream filling drizzled with a dark chocolate glaze.” She lifted another cover. “Next, I present to you a blackberry cheesecake topped with recently whipped cream and fresh blackberries.” Another cover came off. “Third, a selection of skillet cookies made with crispy rice, pecans, and dates.”
Rarity’s ears perked. “Is that so? Now that you’ve mentioned it, Pinkie, I’d like to circle back to—”
“That’s enough, Rarity,” Twilight said in a stern tone she rarely used with her friends. All six of them could sense the tension in the room.
It was enough to keep Rarity quiet for the remainder of the meal.
* * *
Dessert had ended and conversations had continued while the many sugary treats settled in ponies’ stomachs.
“Hey, Twilight,” Rainbow said, “do you know Old Money XIV? He’s some big-shot Canterlot noble.”
Twilight said, “I recognize the name as somepony who was introduced to me at some point since I took over Celestia’s throne, but I wouldn’t be able to tell you which one he is.”
“Well, get this – he’s rich enough that he’s actually paying to have the Wonderbolts attend his son’s wedding! Not to perform, but as guests! It’s all really dumb, but it lets us do more free stuff for our real fans, so Cap says it’s for the best if we suck it up and attend. I was worried about what I was going to do for my plus-one until Cap told me that if I didn’t want to bring anypony, that was fine – Old Money was only concerned about bragging that he had the Wonderbolts there and didn’t actually care about us as ponies. She said it was actually better that way, as it’s one less pony who has to sit through the ceremony and pretend to like the guy.”
With none of the others looking at Rarity, she spoke up. “But before your captain told you that—”
“For corn’s sake, Rarity!” Applejack shouted. “Would you give it a rest already?!?”
Everyone fell quiet. Pinkie Pie picked up a fork and dropped it on her plate to punctuate the moment.
Rainbow Dash was the first to break the silence. “Jeez, Applejack,” she said, “why have you all been getting on Rarity’s case tonight? I mean, yeah, she keeps trying to take over the conversation, but she always talks too much. Why are you girls acting so weird about it now?”
“She ain’t tryin’ to take over the conversation. All night, she’s been tryin’ to get you to admit whether you got an eye for mares or stallions!” Before Rainbow Dash could say anything, she continued, “And it don’t matter if you wanna tell us or not – she don’t deserve the satisfaction of findin’ out! Not after the way she’s been actin’ today!”
It took a couple of seconds before Rainbow responded. “Wait…” She turned to Rarity. “Really?”
Rarity said, “In my defense—”
“There ain’t no defense!” Applejack said. “I already told you, unless you’re fixin’ to ask a pony out, it ain’t none of your business!”
“Yeah, Rarity,” Rainbow said. “That’s really uncool.”
Rarity huffed an impressive huff. “Well, forgive me for trying to get to know one of my friends!” She got out of her chair, pushed it back under the table, and stormed out of the room.
For a few moments, no one else moved.
Twilight looked around at the others. “I think she needs some time to cool down,” she said. “Maybe then she’ll see why she’s wrong.” She also got out of her chair. “Right now, I’m going to go double-check that the moon is rising at the correct velocity. Does anypony want to join me?”
The other four got out of their seats. Pinkie Pie, Fluttershy, and Rainbow Dash began to follow Twilight to the castle’s roof.
Applejack said, “Rainbow Dash? Can you hold on a sec?”
Rainbow let the others leave the room as she walked back over. “What is it, AJ?”
Applejack looked at Rainbow. She rubbed one foreleg against the other. “I…”
She turned away from Rainbow. Then turned to face her. Then turned away again.
“Ah, shoot…”
Rainbow put her hoof on Applejack’s shoulder. “Hey, are you okay? I know you were pretty upset just now – is everything all right?”
“About that…” Applejack said.
She paused, then took a deep breath.
“I just wanted to say… I promise I won’t say nothin’ to nopony else, but… do you fancy mares like that?”
Rainbow scowled.
“Really? You too?” she said. She began to hover a couple inches off the ground. “After the way you tore into Rarity?” She rolled her eyes, landed, and threw a hoof into the air. “So what was all that then about ‘unless you’re fixin’ to ask a pony out, it ain’t none of your business’?”
Applejack looked down at the floor.
It wasn’t until she looked back up that Rainbow truly saw the anxiety on her face.
She slowly lowered her hoof.
“…Oh.”
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No.
Don't you fucking dare end it there!
Lol, and thus a relationship starts...
Is the chapter title meant to be a joke or something? Because I don't get it.
Before reading this, I am going to guess that the reason that Rainbow Dash does not date is that, according to her, dating is for suckers, and that's not even how you get laid anyway. As for what she is attracted to, I predict that Rainbow Dash is the only pony who is awesome enough to turn Rainbow Dash on, and whenever she has sex she has to be facing a mirror.
Seriously, though, Rarity should be wondering why she herself is the only individual in her little circle who seems to even have a libido.
10970094
Combination of gay and straight?
I enjoyed this, but I feel like having Rarity walk out of the room and then never walk back into the story left her without any kind of an arc. I was hoping to see her actually learn something after spending the whole story making a mistake. It felt like there was a missing scene where the tension with her character was resolved, or at least addressed.
10970239
Super Great ?
Will applesauce spill the beans? Will Skittles give us the answer we've been waiting for? Find out next time, on dragon ballz!
if it were me, just to be evil, id make her asexual. (no sexual attraction to anyone at all)
10970033
Heh. Yeah, that ending was a bit of a tease, but I wanted to leave the exact answer to the question open. While still acknowledging that the show told us how it ultimately ends:
static.wikia.nocookie.net/mlp/images/4/43/Luster_Dawn_trotting_down_the_hill_S9E26.png
10970038
I'm with Twilight there.
10970044
It's (effectively) canon!
10970094
10970239 is right. And we know that Rainbow Dash has no problem calling herself "great."
10970180
Blame the trend in kids' cartoons that once two characters show a romantic interest in one another, they are romantically linked for life. And in a show whose theme is "platonic friendships," giving one of the main characters a significant other would just get in the way. The result: only unrequited crushes. Although Twilight did get to experience some flirting in the Equestria Girls series.
10970332
Now you've got me imagining the former's golden yellow hair turning spiky when she loses her temper in that last scene.
10970351
It actually wouldn't surprise me if it turned out that she's asexual but not aromantic.
10970265
That's a fair criticism. I had to refrain from writing in the description, "Warning: people who like Rarity should not read this story." The problem is, she hears the same advice from literally every character she meets throughout this story, yet refuses to accept it, and I didn't know how to turn that around for the group's most gossip-hungry character.
I suppose it would have been a stronger ending if Rainbow had point-blank told Rarity "it's none of your business" and the message finally got through her head. But that encounters two problems: 1) Even in today's society, refusing to answer the question will be interpreted as answering the question, and 2) I had trouble imagining Rainbow not being willing to tell her five closest friends. Which is why Applejack cuts her off before she has the chance.
Oooooooooooh.
I could see Rainbow being an ace.
10970365
As I understand it, the characters' complete lack of interest in either sex or romance initially was due to the fact that Faust worried that such things would distract from the adventure and the comedy. Those elements have a way of taking over shows and turning them into soap operas (see: Friends). Besides, the last thing that she wanted was a show about girls having tea parties and giggling about boys. Rarity was a late addition to the cast, added specifically at the behest of producers who demanded that there be a girly girl who likes makeup and boys in the cast, which is why she was allowed to have a libido.
10970368
Eh, I like Rarity and I don't mind.
Also, nice ending, you evil you!
Haven't read it yet, but "Graight" in the title is genius.
(Also, I kind of assume she's autosexual based on that. By which I don't mean cars.)
And yet it's these exact attitudes that lead to Rainbow Dash and Applejack being arbitrarily made gay for each other right at the end. Ironic, especially considering that the main cast was designed to try and avoid stereotyping as much as possible.
Story was well written though, thoroughly enjoyed it the whole way through.
The way she was written she is never going to get it. If they start dating Rarity is going to see the proof and is unlikely to respect Dash enough to not gossip about it.
Love the cliffhanger ending. Works perfectly for a story like this.
I love how you took a very common and simple fan fiction story idea, and transformed it into your own story. It's your unique writing style and plot structure that really stands out.
10970788
And that's why she ends up having to move to Yakyakistan.
10970853
Agree heavily with this. Commenting just to say that the author did a very good job weaving this together. The author's style clearly is well-formed in this fanfic and is able to understand the idea of simple-complexity in story-writing. Props, author. Big props.
10970759
Nothing started that rainbow was gay, only implied that AJ was at least attracted to her.
10970908
Ah, I was referring to the end of the show. Guess I was a bit ambiguous there.
10970759
It didn't help that from the outset, their personalities gave them a natural chemistry together, even if the extent of that chemistry was uncertain. Combine that with the show going nine seasons without providing either character romantic inclinations of any kind, and the natural shipping tendency of the fandom took deeper and deeper root.
10970618
It certainly doesn't contradict canon.
10970736
Part of the inspiration for this story came from a digression in one of my other stories in which the characters briefly speculate on Rainbow Dash and (jokingly) conclude that she's in love with herself. Which also makes a lot of sense.
I guess what I've learned is that there's an advantage to keeping a character ambiguous throughout the show's run, as it means that many different interpretations can feel "right."
10970701
Evil? I left the ending ambiguous so that each reader could apply their personal interpretation of Rainbow Dash. I was being accommodating! (sly grin)
10970788
My hope is that Rarity just got caught up in the drama of it all. Perhaps after a day or two of reflection, when she isn't repeatedly being put on the defensive, she'll realize that what she did was wrong and apologize for it.
But yeah, once Applejack and Rainbow start dating, Applejack is going to be really frustrated that Rarity is going to get her answer after all.
10970853
10970904
Thank you both very much for the kind words -- they mean a lot to me!
10971011
Yes.... accommodating...
*insert somepony interrupting as we have to have that happen*
Still the part with Rarity instead of hoping you could write one... just leave these two over the cliff; they'll be fine. What's the worst that could happen?
the answer is incredibly obvious.
Awesome ones
If I have any criticism to give I'd probably change sex in the description to gender.
10970759
"And yet it's these exact attitudes that lead to Rainbow Dash and Applejack being arbitrarily made gay for each other right at the end."
That is par for the course, honestly. Every significant development in the show that was made after Faust left was entirely arbitrary and logically followed nothing that came before it. It was a great show, but, holy hell, was that frustrating.
This was glorious.
I loved the whole thing.
10971251
I started to do some research on this, thinking it would be an easy thing to confirm, and now I'm more confused than ever.
I understand that there's a difference between sex and gender, but I cannot find consensus on which of those things is the target of sexual orientation. Many sources don't use either of the terms "sex" or "gender" when defining sexual orientation. The American Psychological Association doesn't explicitly make a ruling, but it does use the phrase "same sex" (as opposed to "same gender") in its definition. Then you get into iffy sources like Wikipedia, which says "sex or gender" and WebMD, which sloppily uses the terms interchangeably.
My inclination is that the "sex" in "sexual orientation" implies that the term refers to sex more so than gender, but I'm willing to hear a convincing argument otherwise.
10971089
A river full of biteacudas? Oh, wait -- I know a lot of people would prefer it if that episode never happened. (Also, "biteacuda" is a ridiculous name.)
10971589
Thank you!
10971601
This is one of those things where the answer is "yes," always has been, always will be. Because people aren't attracted to one thing specifically, even with sexuality.
Some people are into a person's presenting gender and don't care about physical bits involved. Others are the opposite. Then you've got folks who discover they don't care so much when they find the right person. And then you've got weirdos like me who are somewhere in the middle of all that.
If you were to ever pin it down, it would probably be something like sex for sexual attraction, gender for romantic, and good luck getting people to reliably split those up.
If they do start dating, as suggested in the flash forward (I was hoping you'd go where you did!), I hope that Rainbow just tells Rarity she's AJsexual and gives her a big smooch.
That is a legitimately great line.
And a legitimately great story to go with it... though seeing Rarity apologize or at least let it go would have been nice. Still, outstanding ending. Thank you for it.
10970736
And then Rarity tries to matchmake between both Rainbow Dashes without anypony noticing her using the mirror.
10971807
Taking "go fuck yourself." to a whole new level
10970759
Eh, its only implied. I was always more a FlutterDash fan.
10971601
Fun fact, it was thanks to a German sexologist, Magnus Hirschfield, who discovered that same-sex attraction is, brain chemistry wise, entirely natural
A really nice story. There were other possibilities too. Rainbow could be asexual or aromantic. Also, I could definitely see this happening.
So much cringe for a minute there I almost couldn't finish. But it had been so good prior to that that I definitely wanted to. Glad a did, such a cute if frustrating ending.
i can answer this question without even reading the fic: she's bi
10971703
Thank you for that. It makes a lot of sense and explains why sources differ.
I like that -- that's a nice epilogue.
10971807
I don't disagree. Unfortunately, it didn't make sense for her to see the error of her ways without time to ruminate, and it wouldn't have been good to water down the emotional ending by following it with a days-later apology.
10972036
"Sexologist" sounds like it would be even more fun than "mixologist."
10972131
I do try to hew to the series for the most part, so that's a nice compliment.
10972312
Yeah, but canon suggests that it ultimately ends happily.
Hell of an ending.
Graight story. I thought for sure it was buiding up to reveal that Rarity wanted to ask Rainbow out though.
10971601
Personally I see it as:
"Sex" is a person's physical attributes/non-cosmetic appearance.
Ie something that would require MAJOR surgery & hormone treatments to alter"Gender" is a person's personality, how their brain is wired & how they present themselves
Sexual attraction is more how a person is attracted to the other physically.
Gender attraction is more how a person is attracted to how they present themselves.
Everybody experiences these to varying degrees. Some don't care about how the other presents themselves long as they find them sexually attractive, others are the opposite, but I think most people it is a combination of the pair in diffrent ratios.
Of course, there are other factors beyond just Sex & Gender why other's are attracted to people.
While this is how i interpret it, others will see it differently and some might just outright disagree with me.
By god… this was amazing. Both hilarious yet sweet at the end, all the little Romantic moments sprinkled about were a delight to read. Felt very natural for all the characters and nice to see them hanging out after the finale.
Also appreciate that you gave a small reason for Spike not being there, log of little details like that really elevated this fic.
Awesome work
10973226
It makes sense that since both sex and gender exist across a spectrum, and they're closely related (though still distinct), sexual orientation would be tied to both.
10973062
Thanks!
10973176
Alas, canon (or at least, the implications of canon) had other plans.
10973466
Thank you! Yeah, I felt bad that he would have gotten in the way of this story. It's nice to think that as he got older, even though he remained Twilight's right-hoof dragon, he grew into a life of his own.
"...oh."
*end*
Lol great open ending. Good job, I enjoyed the read.
I loved the suspense of them asking. Great story.
The story 'I am not gay'.has a very respectful and enlightening take on all 6, each with a canonical fitting sexuality. It too starts with Rd as focus...
Just a recommendation for those craving more.