• Member Since 4th Feb, 2015
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Zontan


Nitpicking your math errors is how I show I care.

T

Twilight is having a difficult time adjusting to being an alicorn. Everything is changing, and it's nothing like she expected. She's wanted this all her life - so why is she always turning into a monster in her nightmares?

Her friends keep telling her that it can't be that bad, and whatever changes may come, being a princess is worth it. Especially Rarity, who looks at her a little differently now that she has wings and a title. But if Celestia won't tell her what it's really like being an alicorn, what else is she hiding?


Written as a gift for Seer, who deserves all the RariTwi in the world. Cover art by the fantastic Shaslan.

Massive thanks to all my prereaders - I never would have written this story without you.

CW for several varieties of unhealthy relationships.

Story updates weekly.

Chapters (6)
Comments ( 43 )

Loving this so far. Can't wait to see the rest of it.

It's here! I am veyr excited haha

This will be a very gentle RariTwi story, I can feel it. :)

I absolutely loved the bit I was fortunate enough to preread. I cannot wait for the rest of it to come out!

So glad this is finally out!! Love this story so much

oooh, this is really good so far! I love the parallels and differences from the episode, can't wait to read more!

RariTwi is a based ship.

Let it sail, nay, let it SOAR!

I never make comments but seeing as this is an upcoming story, I just wanted to tell you how much I’ve enjoyed it so far. I never read much of this ship but I already love how this is turning out. Keep it up! :twilightsmile:

The changes are amazingly entertaining. I cant wait to see where you go with this.

Looks good let's see where you take this

Alright, good start. Let's see where it goes! :twilightsmile:

Luna - Hmm, it looks like Twilight is having a terrible nightmare, I must go and— Oh! A wet dream!

Sorry for late comment! I'm really looking forward to the next chapter of this incredible fic! You know I'm always a fan.

And here it is, the big moment of divergence, the moment where everything as we know it changes, where we fork off into a destiny unknown...

Also, fluttershy gets eaten by a plant!

Wow what a start!
Really great opening mate, introduces the twin themes of Twilight's changing body, coupled with her relationship to Twilight, as well as portends the coming (I assume) grizzly side effects of becoming an alicorn really naturally. All aspects work super well in tandem without a single one feeling out of place, or sticking out too much, It's an excellent example of how to weave many different themes into prose and have it come off as completely natural and effortless. The dream sequence was cracking, but I think my favourite part was after she woke up. The way you showed her dealing with her panic characterises her likely need to sort things out herself very well.
Good stuff my man, looking forward to seeing how this goes!

Oooh very interesting direction to take it in mate, wasn't expecting this to turn into a story with an adventure theme to it, but really looking forward to seeing how you work this into the themes of the piece.
I love the repeated way that everything in the story is contorting to add pressure onto Twilight. The citizens, the guards, her friends. The relentless deference to her, calling her things like 'fearless leader', their noticeable and obvious relief when she arrives, reminding her that she's the one they expect to just make this all go away. Some parts of this were making me genuinely uncomfortable because I was just waiting for her to snap, or at least snap more than she did at the citizens. It's cracking stuff!
You've definitely hooked me in mate, looking forward to the rest of this!

Rarity smirked. “Oh, absolutely not. You are a catch , Twilight, and I have no intention of letting you slip away from me without a fight. But we can discuss it in the morning. You still need rest, after all.”

Go get 'er, Rares. :twilightblush:

Climb the social ladderTwilight like a tree.

Really interesting set up, and it's nice seeing Rarity and Twilight connect like this. I will admit I just skimmed over the parts repeating the season 4 premiere, though. Interesting that they never found out about Discord's involvement, or what's the deal with the Tree of Harmony; it reminds me of a speedrun skipping past cutscenes. I wonder if the things we didn't learn about are still true, or if you're taking this opportunity to change things up there.

No more Harmony and no more Elements?

Hmmm, suspiciously uplifting end there, given how dark I've heard this story gets :P
Lovely chapter mate, really enjoyable stuff. Very much looking forward to seeing some interactions with Celestia and Luna and the light I'm sure they'll shine on the changes Twilight is going to be going through. Your breadcrumb trail left by Celestia's discussion in the previous chapter is still very much on my mind! Liked the eruption from Twilight, definitely added some nice tension to proceedings. You're still excelling at having so many of the characters inadvertently heap pressure on Twi!
Another note I loved was the plant and Fluttershy, for a franchise that scantly feels like there's any real jeopardy, your descriptions of the plant's attack felt very startling and real.
Loved it mate, can't wait to see where it goes next!

Denial and confusion are powerful emotions, most poeple wouldn't come out of a situation like this and still be sane :pinkiecrazy:

Twilight shook her head. “I get it now,” she finally whispered. “Nightmare Moon wasn’t some corruption. Nightmare Moon was just you , not caring about ponies as anything more than a source of power. The Elements didn’t change you at all. You weren’t jealous of Celestia, you were just on the wrong side! ”

See, this is the kind of subtle differentiation in AUs versus cannon that I live for.

"Persist in this, and we may not try again until after thou has drained Rarity beyond repair."

Yeah, after that threat I'm siding with Twilight on this one. Gripping story, looking forward to reading more.

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Twilight was never sane to begin with.

Uh Twilight? Yes you seem to need meat to survive now, but who says it had to be pony meat? There is plenty of other sources. And second – Luna said you had to draw power/energy from Rarity. But that might perhapps only be a little bit of Mana/Magic. Doesnt have to be crule.
-> "Your the smartest pony alive Twilight. Pls, act like it!"

Ps: I like your Story, its unique and has that bit something :)

Ah, so that's what's going on. Interesting take on alicorns, though it is a bit surprising we're learning so much already. I suppose Luna just is that much more blunt than Celestia.

It was cute seeing Twilight fret over Rarity, and it was really nice seeing Fluttershy being so understanding.

However, it is rather strange that neither Twilight nor anyone else shows any curiosity about the entire plant attack.

I'm genuinely very impressed by the way you've been writing this fic Zon, it's as though with every word you progress any number of subplots as well as the main plot. It's as if the story is taking multiple steps in multiple directions simultaneously, in such a harmonic way that they seem to form the branches of a great and beautiful tree more than they do the foundation for the story.

Now, for the flaws that some might perceive in this fic, they could call the reuse of the season 4 premiere to be lazy, and that you're using it as a way to retell and 'fix' what the show did. This may be some degree of hyperbole to the actual flaw, but boil the thought down to any extent and you arrive there. I feel it's wrong. For one, I feel you flex your character writing by rewriting it, and for two, you do so not out of laziness but out of creativity. See, having the story set in a canon point in time, and then having it diverge is not relying on the canon material as a crutch, but more treating it as a springboard that catapults it into a different direction entirely, which you've done remarkably. By letting the foundations be set, you can focus much more on placing character interactions in the spotlight, and to that extent, this story shines!

That leads me to what I adored about this chapter. The characters! Twilight is under an extreme amount of stress from multiple sources: Stress about the Summer Sun Celebration, stress about her nightmares, stress about perfectionism, and stress about everypony looking up to her for guidance and opinions they otherwise wouldn't have. In short, her life's changed suddenly, and such a sudden shift is like being thrown upward into a completely different world. If this weren't enough, Equestria comes under crisis at the same time, and the princesses (and their guidance) are gone. So Twilight has to bear not only the stress she carried into that day, but also the entire kingdom on her shoulders. So it's no wonder that every little thing, even when her friends are trying to help and aren't being confrontational, needle her, and release a bout of hot air each time. Anyone would in her situation. More than that, it was in that forest where Twilight snapped at Applejack that the story shifted from canon once more. Instead of making up, tensions were built up. Instead of realizing that friendship bound Twilight to her friends, not the elements, she passed out thinking she let everyone down and had a dream which only reinforced this. It's really solid writing!

Now my favorite part, hoo boy! The kiss between Twilight and Rarity sent sparks up my spine, and the way you described the moment was like you melted romance down into an ornate inkwell and wrote it with an affectionate quill! In that moment Twilight latched onto impulse and leapt away from her stress. That is, nothing existed in that moment, not her duties, not the pressure, not the dream that melted away upon awaking, not anything by Rarity and her, and the electricity between them! It was but another bounding step down one of the several paths this story excels in! I can't wait to read the rest of this magnificent fic! Stunning work!

And it was at this moment Twilight knew her life was going to get far harder

Twilight’s eyes widened. “I am,” she blurted, before her brain caught up. “I mean, I should be, I mean—you can’t be here, it’s not safe—”

Roasted

“I’m sorry,” she finally said, meekly. “I didn’t… I never realized…”

Oh man. This shit hurts.

Celestia's manipulations are so delicate and finely tuned that they scare me. Seriously, well-done.

Nice to see things calm down after that confrontation last chapter. Rarity was able to reason things out pretty quickly, making me wonder if Fluttershy already got her up to speed about Twilight going through changes. It was unclear before, but now it's confirmed that this story is going with the idea that Celestia cast a spell on Twilight to make her an alicorn, rather than Twilight's magic transforming on its own. It'll be interesting to see where this goes from here.

Oh hot damn
First off, was wondering when Luna was gonna crop up. We might not agree on who the best Princess is, but I can't deny you write Luna superbly ;P
This is a very varied chapter with a lot of moving parts, all handled deftly. I think the point about her eating meat was excellently done and had the appropriate impact, FS was brilliant during that bit too.
As others have said, the elaboration on what Alicorns are was a very interesting take, and I'm fascinated to see where you take it. I'm looking forward to hearing from Celestia, as I expect her version of events will be quite different given Luna's clear lingering bitterness.
Great stuff mate!

“ [...] You see only one tiny piece of the world, and think your picture complete. Let us show you one you are missing.”

This is SUCH a great line.

I really enjoy how much of an eldritch horror Luna is in this story. She's just so... other.

I also loved the scene with the Timberwolves, and Rarity finally realizing how easily Twilight could take everything that mattered. I appreciate why Rarity made a show of trusting Twilight, and I don't doubt the truth of her words, but I can't get rid of the niggling sensation that those words are dangerous and that she's playing with fire without even realizing it.

Great stuff, as always. :D

That was a interesting story. Goodluck with the rest of it.

The mechanics behind how alicorns work are really interesting. This is strongly setting up a moment where Twilight accidentally takes up too much from Rarity and I'm not looking forward to that (in a good way). Twilight and Rarity's interactions remain good, and Luna is nicely creepy.

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The immediate "issue" I see with her words is that she seems in love with Twilight's power, rather than in love with Twilight herself

I read the first chapter , then I waited a bit for more chapters to come out...really happy I did that , this is so cool, I love it!

Please tell me this story Will be a bit longer, there is SO much you can do with this setup!!

I love what you are doing here, This is how any super powered being got to be feeling at some point or other when they are near what they care about , to fear their own power for how easy they can kill what they love

11188596
Yes, exactly! Watching that unfold is going to be delightfully painful.

Ooooh very interesting. Was very much looking forward to the inevitable conversation between Celestia and Twilight and you deffo didn't disappoint mate. Really enjoyed Celestia's well-meaning, but ultimately out of touch approach. Her faith inevitably leads to pressure, her distance leads to dismissiveness and suddenly you have a cocktail of Twilight being torn from two sides.
Really enjoying the Twi and Rarity interactions too, you have nailed their dynamic perfectly and Rarity is a constant treat.
Great stuff mate!

No update today? No rush, just was looking forward to it haha:twilightsmile:

Lovely stuff mate, the relationship between rarity and twi continues to flourish and become a wonderful centrepiece to the story.
Honestly though, the highlights for me thus far have been luna and celestias interactions with twi. I really didn't expect you to take luna down such a dark path and it's really thrilling everytime she turns up.
Cant wait to see what's next!

“That’s not really what happened,” Twilight muttered. “They’re not real creatures. They’re just piles of sticks bound together by magic. And… well, alicorns eat magic. All I had to do was pull it out of them, and then there was nothing left.”

So i been Rereading again and the first time i read this part i did not think much of it, But now i can't but feel this might be how Luna looks at the ponys

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