It's a dangerous business, putting words to paper. You write a sentence and, if you don't keep your hoof, there's no telling where you might be swept off to...
After the Canterlot Invasion. a changeling becomes lost in the Everfree Forest. When he’s finally discovered, it will take Twilight, her friends, and even Celestia and Luna to show him that there is life beyond the changeling hive. Follow Shade on his journey through light and darkness as he learns to embrace his inner strength and become more than he ever thought possible.
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Why are you rewriting the story?
9509688
I read through it and realized there were some different directions I wanted to take with the character. I took so long on the original that I think I lost sight of my original story idea; an OC and his journey to normalcy in a foreign world after the traumatic events of his life.
I know that the original story is decent, but I personally feel I can do better. Add more to the character’s development, draw out events, make it more dramatic than adventurous.
I’m rewriting because I feel that there’s something deeper in this story. Something that I totally missed before. And as I find it, I want to share it with everypony.
I’ll be honest with you. I read the first version and thought it was pretty good, but this new version seems to have a bit more depth to it. I’ll track this because of the original being one the first stories I read on this sight.
P.S. the first half has no spaces in between paragraphs.
...I just had major nostalgia.
There is no reason why you should have spaces between some paragraphs and not all of them. Please either space or indent, consistently, to make this readable.
Well
Slap my hand!
Alright.
I will start reading this story at this current moment.
I will do as I did with Taken In, in that I vow to follow this story all the way to the end. No matter if it becomes terrible or you set it away on hiatus for a year.
Oh.
That's not good, is it?
Yeah, that's... not good.
I guess that means hugging isn't a viable option here?
I doubt that anyone can do anything about that old limp. A broken bone left untreated or improperly treated for an entire year isn't something you can fix, I don't think, since the bone would have healed incorrectly.
I personally rather like how fast of a reader he is.
Look at the above thing I said, and you'll see why I think they'll get along at least somewhat well, in the future.
I have to give you credit for writing Zecora's rhyming this good so far.
If it's a quark, then I don't see how he could see it.
I do know you meant 'cork', though.
Haha, this made me laugh for some unknown reason.
At last, he has received the hug he has needed for this long.
He is learning the secrets of the universe, finally!
In the eyes of my changeling OC, Zaten:
"I know, right? They're so useful for everything!"
HA! I can't understand why I didn't think Twilight would have a manual on friendship!
Spike always acts like this in these stories.
I don't know why but it seems right.
Maybe it's just because I've not seen the episode where Spike meets Thorax in the actual show itself, yet?
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What a noble goal! I'll be here to watch as you share what you learn.
I loved Taken In before so I can't wait to see what u change in this one.
You... really should use the "Enter" key more often. Or get it fixed. At the very least try using tab to indent each paragraph to make sure they each stay individual paragraphs.
That explains how he managed to survive on berries and the like for so long.
9518271
I copy all my writing in from a word processor. Sometimes I don’t catch all of the spacing issues. Thanks for pointing it out though! I’ve gone through and fixed them. I’ll have to be more diligent from now on.
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Alright then, glad I could help in some way!
And so the love start. Shade and Rarity forever.
Awesome!
Oh poor Shade...
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Totes support it.
that was beautiful!
wow
Yes. Sneezes and all, Shade.
I can't wait to see if Shade sneezes, for some reason. I'm weird, why am I weird?
I personally think changeling eyes are the best.
But oh well.
Okay... Yeah, you definitely made Shade's nightmare more unnerving than in the original story. ...Hell, you made everything that little bit more unnerving.
Okay, now this is getting interesting.
Also, Fluttershy and Shade? Absolutely d'awwwww worthy.
I'm not sure if he's just making this up to say it but it's gotta be that Chrysalis is communicating with him telepathically or something.
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I'm gonna reread the original at some point so I'll compare the two then.
This is one of the few times in a story Luna is not vague about her being real in a dream. Usually it takes them meeting her in the real world to finally get it.
I understand Pinkie with the attention disorder part. I have ADHD as well and it's really easy to get distracted sometimes.
This is why Pinkie is epic. She fights these internal battles and comes out on top even when it's difficult for her.
Like I said, I'm almost certain it's Chrysalis's doing. After all, that's how it was in the first story, right?
If I had the link on hand, I'd be posting a video right here.
But I don't, so instead....
DUN DUN DUUUUN!
Improvise. Adapt. Overcome.Let me see if I can guess what she said...
"You want to end this nighttime fright? Here's something to help ease your night."
Ah! It's Luna! Maybe she can help?
Woo, I enjoyed making my comment as big as it is right now c:
I am deceased.
Shade/Rarity.
More kisses!!!!!!!
I need a mini-Shade to hug...
Um, WHOA slow the hell down man! First, the time skip and now Shade so casually accepts moving to a whole other city without hesitation? I know some people like to write fast pace on the site, but there's fast and then there's TOO fast. Going a little TOO fast here.
Though I guess that's why yer named Speedy Quill
9541012
He hasn’t really moved there. He’s been asked there so that Celestia and Luna can determine if he’s a threat or not. And as for the time skip, I don’t think it’s that huge of a gap. It’s nothing compared to how I handled time in the original story.
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I haven't read your original story for this one so I have no reason to disbelieve you about there being a bigger time jump in that one. But I do feel like there could've been a better way to connect between this chapter and the last one. Like how you've been doing with the other ones so far. It just caught me off guard. It would've been awesome if you did a chapter about Tirek's attack but in Shade's perspective.
So Shade isn't exactly moving? I understood that Celestia and Luna don't fully trust him and want to keep him there because of it, I just didn't feel like it was implied he would only have to stay there until they DO trust him fully. My bad.
Side note: I wish there was more dialogue exchange between Shade and the mane six here. I felt like it would've made their tender moment more wholesome.
Okay there, done critiquing, I DO enjoy this story still so keep up the good work my good man
This was really good. The addition of more depth to this character was very nice and I liked the twos interaction off of one another.
Keep up the good work my good man
“I’m not cleaning this up.”
I say the same when my sister cooks in the kitchen.
(I still clean it up though, usually).
I have no idea how I managed to miss the new chapters. I'll just read them and not comment, this is shameful of me.
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I thought the comment section was a little quieter lately. Don’t feel too bad. I don’t even want to think about how far behind I am on reading... (shiver)
Speak my friend. We need your commentary!
9547485
HOLY MOTHER OF HECK ALRIGHTY I'LL COMMENT IF NO ONE ELSE HAS BEEN
just... gimme time to finish playing my game?
Finally!
about damn time. Spike will be piss
This is an interesting story
I hope Spike understands.