• Member Since 10th Jul, 2012
  • offline last seen 24 minutes ago

Speedy Quill


Writing from the heart, hoping to understand myself a little better.

T

One changeling was left in Equestria after the attack at the Royal Wedding. He got lost in the Everfree Forest, barely surviving the harsh environment. When he’s finally discovered, it will take Twilight, her friends, and even Celestia and Luna to show him that there is life beyond the changeling horde. Follow the journey of Shade as he realizes that there are things in life worth living for other than serving Chrysalis.

This is a complete rewrite of Taken In. There are some major differences from the original, but I hope you enjoy it!

Chapters (7)
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Comments ( 28 )

Why are you rewriting the story?

9509688
I read through it and realized there were some different directions I wanted to take with the character. I took so long on the original that I think I lost sight of my original story idea; an OC and his journey to normalcy in a foreign world after the traumatic events of his life.
I know that the original story is decent, but I personally feel I can do better. Add more to the character’s development, draw out events, make it more dramatic than adventurous.
I’m rewriting because I feel that there’s something deeper in this story. Something that I totally missed before. And as I find it, I want to share it with everypony.

I’ll be honest with you. I read the first version and thought it was pretty good, but this new version seems to have a bit more depth to it. I’ll track this because of the original being one the first stories I read on this sight.

P.S. the first half has no spaces in between paragraphs.

...I just had major nostalgia.

PresentPerfect
Author Interviewer

There is no reason why you should have spaces between some paragraphs and not all of them. Please either space or indent, consistently, to make this readable.

“We’ll get going.”

Well

“A spy Twilight. I was a spy.”

Slap my hand!

Alright.

I will start reading this story at this current moment.


I will do as I did with Taken In, in that I vow to follow this story all the way to the end. No matter if it becomes terrible or you set it away on hiatus for a year.

There was a blood trail..

Oh.

That's not good, is it?

The only thing I remember is the pain. I don’t know what happened after the leader pounced on me. I don’t remember if the other timberwolves joined in. I don’t remember screaming. I never knew until later that someone heard me. All that existed in my mind was the pain. Darkness and pain. That was my world now. And I would never know another.

Yeah, that's... not good.

My wings were gone.

The timberwolf had torn my entire back open, taking my wings in the process. I didn’t know how I could still be alive from such a wound.

I guess that means hugging isn't a viable option here? :pinkiesad2:

Four days passed without any excitement. It seemed that Zecora’s home wasn’t a place that the bigger beasts wandered near. I drank potions constantly and was beginning to walk around the room. Unfortunately Zecora couldn’t do anything for my old limp. So I hobbled around the room, regaining my strength.

I doubt that anyone can do anything about that old limp. A broken bone left untreated or improperly treated for an entire year isn't something you can fix, I don't think, since the bone would have healed incorrectly.

I pulled the book closer, turning back to the first page. I began reading about the various uses for potions. Then it was onto the individual recipes. I even read Zecora’s personal notes added in on certain elixirs. I turned the page over and found that I had reached the back cover. I blinked a few times as I registered what had happened. I’d forgotten just how fast I could consume information. It was a unique talent of mine. That was why Chrysalis had used me for many of her reconnaissance missions. Including-

I personally rather like how fast of a reader he is.

Zecora wanted me to be her friend? That didn’t seem like a good idea. Especially with past events taken into account. Zecora was unfazed by the reaction. She didn’t even try to justify her plan. Instead she motioned Twilight to approach me. The lavender pony was cautious, but began inching towards me. I stood my ground, hoping it looked like I was in command of the situation. The truth was that I didn’t think I’d be able to take a step without crashing into Twilight. So I let her walk to me. She slowly held up her hoof.

Look at the above thing I said, and you'll see why I think they'll get along at least somewhat well, in the future.

“In time you will regain your strength. This occurs when you sleep at great length. Potions will mend your muscle and bone. Soon you will walk on your own.”

I have to give you credit for writing Zecora's rhyming this good so far.

I sat back down on the makeshift bed Zecora had set up. She approached with a vial of blue liquid and held it out to me. I stared at the vial for a few moments before taking it. The quark made a popping noise as I pulled it loose. The smell nearly knocked me out.

If it's a quark, then I don't see how he could see it. :facehoof:
I do know you meant 'cork', though.

“Now if you’re done comparing monarchs, we can get going to Ponytown.”

That got her attention. Her brow furrowed in annoyance.

“Ponyville.”

Haha, this made me laugh for some unknown reason.

Her body was pressed against me, her warmth seeping through me like a fire. Her hooves were wrapped around me, as if to hold me in place. There was strength behind it, but not enough to hurt. In fact...it felt...nice.

At last, he has received the hug he has needed for this long.

A hug? What a phenomenal invention! I felt so much better than I had a moment ago! I wiped away the remaining tears and stood up.

He is learning the secrets of the universe, finally!

In the eyes of my changeling OC, Zaten:
"I know, right? They're so useful for everything!"

“So you’re my friend now?”

“I’d say we’re about two steps closer than before.”

“How many more to go?”

“By my count, forty-three.”

My body convulsed and my first laugh, since I can’t even recall, came out. It was a wonderful feeling to laugh.

“Forty-three. That’s funny.”

Twilight seemed confused.

“Well I’ll have to check my manual when we get to the library, but I’m pretty positive on that number.”

What?

HA! I can't understand why I didn't think Twilight would have a manual on friendship!

“Ch-ch-ch-changeling!! Twilight!”

Spike always acts like this in these stories.

I don't know why but it seems right.
Maybe it's just because I've not seen the episode where Spike meets Thorax in the actual show itself, yet?

9509718
What a noble goal! I'll be here to watch as you share what you learn.

I loved Taken In before so I can't wait to see what u change in this one. :pinkiehappy:

I reached for the next book and found that I’d depleted the pile. How long had I been sitting here? I looked out the window and saw that the sun was beginning to set. I’d been reading all day. And I had completely forgotten to eat! My stomach instantly growled at the realization that I wasn’t reading any longer. How did I not notice this earlier? I trotted to the kitchen and found a bowl of apples. I grabbed one and bit into it as fast as I could. The juices of the apple ran down my throat and I moaned in ecstasy. How could I have forgotten to eat? That wasn’t like me at all. And further more, why did this apple taste so good? Pony food hadn’t been this appetizing before. I wondered if anything else tasted this good... Over the next few minutes I dug through every cupboard and cabinet. There were some prepared snacks, but most of the inventory was separate ingredients. I looked around the kitchen and instantly locked on the leather spine of the cookbook. Time for another binge read. The pages flew by as I took in every recipe. There was so much you could make! I didn’t know so many types of food existed! I reached the end of the cookbook, slamming the back cover closed.

You... really should use the "Enter" key more often. Or get it fixed. At the very least try using tab to indent each paragraph to make sure they each stay individual paragraphs.

“Could it be because you went without love for so long? That your body has begun to adapt to a more...pony-like diet?”

That explains how he managed to survive on berries and the like for so long.

9518271

I copy all my writing in from a word processor. Sometimes I don’t catch all of the spacing issues. Thanks for pointing it out though! I’ve gone through and fixed them. I’ll have to be more diligent from now on.

9518291
Alright then, glad I could help in some way!

And so the love start. Shade and Rarity forever. :heart:

that was beautiful! :heart:

I looked down at our hooves touching. She was so gentle. I felt a tear roll down my cheek, realizing that she was right. I didn’t have to imagine anymore. This was it. I was finally living the life I had always dreamed of. Sneezes and all.

Yes. Sneezes and all, Shade.


I can't wait to see if Shade sneezes, for some reason. I'm weird, why am I weird?

My eyes had changed slightly, but they still didn’t look quite right. I turned to Twilight, allowing her to inspect them.

I personally think changeling eyes are the best.

But oh well.

Okay... Yeah, you definitely made Shade's nightmare more unnerving than in the original story. ...Hell, you made everything that little bit more unnerving.

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