//------------------------------// // 3: Secrets and Revelations // Story: Shadow Within // by Zontan //------------------------------// Twilight woke the next morning with a head full of confused feelings. Upon looking out the window, she realized that ‘morning’ may have been generous. The sun was high in the sky, and her belly rumbled. She stumbled out of bed and mechanically went through the motions of preparing for the day, her mind elsewhere. Was she really considering a relationship with Rarity? It seemed like now was hardly the time, but some rebellious part of her said that if her entire life was going to be turned upside-down, what could one more upheaval really do? Besides, this would be an upheaval she’d actively decided upon, instead of having it simply thrust upon her. Maybe Celestia had seen this coming after all. It certainly wouldn’t be the first time that Twilight was the last pony in the room to be in the loop regarding a pony’s feelings. Besides, if a decision was to be made, there was no use putting it off. She opened the door to the library determined to head directly to the boutique to get this whole thing sorted out, one way or the other. Sounds of laughter and cheer greeted her. Pennants and streamers covered the buildings of Ponyville, and the main square was full of stalls selling pastries and candies and knick-knacks, as well as ponies purchasing them. There was no sign of the damage the assault yesterday had caused. In short, it was a typical Summer Sun Celebration. “Oh, buck me,” Twilight whispered. Somehow, she had forgotten what day it was. She was supposed to be in Canterlot, to help with the ceremony of raising the sun!  A ceremony that had no doubt taken place hours ago. She had missed it. Her very first task as an official Princess, and she had overslept. Some Princess she was. Twilight’s belly rumbled again as her nose caught the scent of baked goods and fresh fruit. Perhaps she could throw herself upon Celestia’s mercy after lunch, at least. Surely nopony could blame her for not wanting to be banished on an empty stomach. It took no time at all to find a stall selling something delicious, and she was just finishing her order when a fuzzy pink missile hit her in the side. “Twilight! You’re up!” Pinkie Pie beamed. “Are you feeling all better? I’m so glad you got to stay in Ponyville after all! We can celebrate together like we wanted!” Twilight sighed. “Not on purpose, Pinkie! I was supposed to help Celestia, and I let her down! I shouldn’t be celebrating, I’m probably in trouble—” She paused, because Pinkie was laughing hysterically. “Oh, Twilight, you’re so funny!” she finally managed, wiping tears from her eyes. “You saved Celestia from evil planty doom, and you think she’s mad at you?” “Just because there was a crisis—” Pinkie put a hoof on her muzzle. “Don’t worry about it, silly! We told Celestia everything, like, yesterday. She said to let you sleep as long as you needed to. You’re fine! Now stop moping and come party!” At some point, Twilight’s food had appeared, and Pinkie swept it up and dragged Twilight away. Twilight decided it wasn’t worth the effort to fight it, and soon they approached a table full of the rest of their friends. “Look who I found!” Pinkie practically sang as they approached, plopping Twilight into an empty chair. There was a chorus of greetings, before Applejack continued, “It’s good to see ya, Twi’. You feeling better?” “Much better,” Twilight replied. “I mean, I still need to figure out what happened, but at least my head doesn’t hurt anymore.” She stole a glance at Rarity, a private look that said she was talking about more than just the Elements. A whole conversation passed by in the span of a glance and a smile that said Rarity understood but similarly wasn’t going to mention it here. “You’ll figure it out,” Fluttershy assured her. “You always do.” The conversation drifted to other topics as Twilight focused on her food. She kept stealing glances at Rarity, but the other mare never seemed to be looking back at her, absorbed in the gossip around the table. Twilight didn’t know what to do. She liked Rarity, certainly, but it was as a friend, wasn’t it? She’d always assumed that if she fell in love with somepony, she’d know about it. But that wasn’t particularly rational, was it? She had no evidence, no hypothesis. She’d thought she had known something without testing it first, which was foolish, of course. It didn’t take long to follow that line of thinking. She’d never get any data if she turned Rarity down. There was only one way to really test her new hypothesis. But that clear logic didn’t settle her the way she expected it to. Instead, it made her heart flutter uncomfortably. And besides, she had so many other things to deal with—fixing the elements, learning to get used to her new body, being a Princess. Was it really fair to make Rarity deal with all of that? She was going in circles. With a sigh that hopefully no one else caught, she put it aside. She had to talk about it with Rarity anyway, so it was no good putting words in her mouth until then.  “Hey Twilight, did you want to do some games?” Pinkie interrupted her train of thought. “What?” Pinkie waved a hoof at her empty plate. “If you’re done with lunch, did you want to check out some of the faire games? We’ve all had a few hours to wander around already, so we should do whatever you want to do!” “Oh, right,” Twilight took a moment to return her thoughts to reality. She hadn’t even realized she’d finished her food, because her belly still rumbled uncomfortably, like she hadn’t eaten anything at all. She’d gotten used to the idea that she needed to eat more over the past few weeks—after all, she was growing much faster than a pony her age normally would. But usually a full meal at least took some of the edge off her hunger. She realized that the rest of the group was still looking at her expectantly, and pushed that thought away to be dealt with some other time. “Sure,” she agreed. “That sounds fun.” Pinkie bounced out of her seat with a happy squeak, and the rest of the group followed with somewhat more composure. The day was warm and sunny, and there were dozens of faire games and souvenir stands, all thronged by smiling, happy ponies. Twilight let Pinkie lead her to stands, and she threw balls and tossed rings when they were given to her, but her head wasn’t in it, and she kept having to insist she was having fun after winning nothing again and again. Eventually, Rainbow got tired of ‘wasting bits’ and started trying to win things for her, which caused Rarity to step in and do the same. By midafternoon she found herself on a bench surrounded by a small hoard of plush animals, nodding along to a conversation she wasn’t a part of. “Is it too much?” a quiet voice asked her, and Twilight was startled to find Fluttershy next to her. “I’m having fun!” Twilight insisted, for what felt like the thousandth time. “It’s okay if you’re not,” Fluttershy said. “I know that look. You’d rather be home, curled up with a book.” Twilight shook her head. “No, it’s not that. I just… I have a lot on my mind.” “You’re worried about being a Princess, and what Celestia expects of you, right?” Fluttershy raised an eyebrow, and then giggled at Twilight’s incredulous expression. “It’s not hard to see how stressed you are, Twilight. If you need more time alone, I’m sure Pinkie will understand.” “I… I mean, I don’t want to…” Twilight protested halfheartedly, but then she trailed off, suddenly dizzy. She closed her eyes for only a second, but when she opened them, she found herself leaning against Fluttershy. “...not feeling well. I’m going to take her home, alright?” Fluttershy was saying. “Are you sure, dear?” Rarity questioned, her gaze concerned. “If Twilight’s not feeling well, we could call it a day—” “No, that’s alright,” Fluttershy interrupted. “I’m sure she just needs more rest. We’ll be fine.” There was still doubt in Rarity’s eyes, and she looked briefly at Twilight. But then she nodded. “If you’re sure. Get some rest, Twilight. I’ll come check on you later, perhaps?” Twilight nodded, and then let Fluttershy lead her away. Her head was pounding again, and she was suddenly starving. She managed a halfhearted mumble in Fluttershy’s direction, and when the pegasus pressed something deep-fried into her hooves, she was frankly amazed Fluttershy had understood her at all. Twilight was so focused on putting one hoof in front of the other, her gaze firmly on the ground, that she was surprised when she heard a door open and discovered they were at Fluttershy’s cottage, rather than the library. She didn’t have the energy to object as she was bundled onto the couch and covered in a blanket. She closed her eyes, but it didn’t help her head, or prevent her from hearing Fluttershy hovering anxiously over her. She was still hungry. She’d devoured the carnival food Fluttershy had given her in about three bites, and it hadn’t helped. She tried to convey that thought to Fluttershy, but instead of providing her with more food, Fluttershy pressed her ear to Twilight’s barrel, and then made her open her mouth and looked into it. “Hmm,” Fluttershy murmured. “Give me a moment. I think I understand.” Twilight didn’t know what that meant, but she nodded anyway, and Fluttershy vanished. After what felt like ages, she reappeared, carrying a plate of something unfamiliar that smelled absolutely delicious. “Here. Try this.” Twilight didn’t need to be told twice. The food was nothing like anything she’d had before, chewy and juicy and savory. She felt better almost immediately, finishing off the entire thing before she managed to sit up straight again. “What was that?” she gasped. “It was amazing.” “Chicken,” Fluttershy replied. Twilight was sure she’d be able to hear a pin drop in the ensuing silence. “What?” she finally demanded, trying to gag. But her body betrayed her—it refused to be nauseous, despite her telling it otherwise. “Why would you—why did you even have—” “Meat-eaters are a part of nature,” Fluttershy explained patiently, still cool and unperturbed. “What did you think I fed the carnivores that come to me for help? Most of them can’t survive without meat in their diets.” “But—that doesn’t explain why you would—” Twilight sputtered. “I’m a pony! I don’t need meat!” “Clearly, you do.” Fluttershy pointed a hoof at Twilight’s muzzle. “Your canines have sharpened, and your body has probably been trying to tell you for days that you weren’t getting the proper proteins. It looks like alicorns are omnivores. I’m not surprised Celestia keeps that a secret, but I am going to have to have words about her not telling you.” Twilight shook her head, refusing to listen to the words coming out of Fluttershy’s mouth. “No, that can’t be right,” she insisted. “I would know, it would be in a book somewhere, I’ve known Celestia my entire life…” Fluttershy gave her a sad smile. “Twilight, if I’d put that plate in front of any other pony, they would have stopped after the first bite.” She settled onto the ground in front of the couch, and then reached out and took Twilight’s hooves in her own. “It’s alright, Twilight. You’re just changing, that’s all. Eating meat doesn’t make you a bad pony. Some of my best friends are carnivores.” “I don’t want to be changing,” Twilight said, her voice small. “Every time I think I’m getting used to this, it gets worse. I… I feel like a stranger inside my own body.” “Oh, Twilight,” Fluttershy murmured, leaning in to give her a hug. “I’m so sorry. Have you told Celestia?” “No. Of course not. I couldn’t. I… I’m sure I’ll get used to it eventually, I just…” Twilight trailed off helplessly. “I couldn’t hurt her like that.” “Twilight…” Fluttershy murmured gently. “Nopony ever asked you if you wanted this. You don’t have to just accept what other ponies think of you. You taught me that, remember?” “I know, it’s just… complicated.” Twilight pulled away, pawing awkwardly at the couch. “I’ve always looked up to Celestia. I’ve secretly wanted to be her ever since I was a filly, but I never expected anything like this to happen to me. And then suddenly it did, and I don’t know how to feel about it. I’ve been given this gift, and there are so many ponies who would love to be in my place, so how petty must I be to think to reject it? But at the same time, I didn’t ask to be here, and everything is harder now, and it’s nothing like what I thought it would be. And part of me resents Celestia for not giving me a choice. But she’s Celestia! Why would she need to ask, when she knows what I’ve wanted all my life?” Twilight groaned, putting her head down on the couch and covering it with her hooves. “It’s all so confusing.” Fluttershy gently rubbed her shoulder, silent for a long moment. Finally she said softly, “I definitely don’t know how to fix all of that, but… I’m here for you if you need anything. Change is scary, but you have friends to help you through it. And it’s okay if you don’t figure it all out right away. Or if you decide it’s not right for you. Or even if you have to make up what ‘normal’ is, for you. We’ll support you, no matter what.” “I know,” Twilight said softly. “Rarity said the same thing.” Fluttershy nodded, before saying quietly, “I think… just because you think other ponies would like something, doesn’t mean you have to treat it like a gift. I… know a thing or two about being told that I should be happy to have wings, even when they seemed useless. Just because other ponies say you should appreciate something doesn’t mean they’re right. They don’t know what it’s actually like, and you don’t have to pretend to be happy for their sake.” “I know that,” Twilight said after a long moment of silence. “It’s not really them that I’m pretending for. I don’t want... “ she trailed off. “I owe her too much.” “Are you sure?” Fluttershy asked meekly. “Celestia wouldn’t do anything to hurt you on purpose. But… that doesn’t mean you aren’t hurt.” “I’m not hurt,” Twilight snapped, more harshly than she’d meant to. “I’m just… adjusting. I’m not going to go tell Celestia I don’t want this just because it’s not what I expected. Besides, the last time I asked about it…” she shook her head. “Never mind. The point is, for all I know I’ll get used to it soon enough, and then I’ll have a lifetime of being a Princess, and I won’t have to have Celestia worried that I’m unhappy for the rest of eternity just because I got a little freaked out.” Fluttershy shrank back, but then she nodded. “If you say so.” When Twilight finally returned to the library, it was already dark. She carefully crept into the treehouse, ears perked for Spike, but when she didn’t hear anything, she scampered into the kitchen. The dried meat Fluttershy had gifted her went all the way to the back of the fridge. That, combined with the paper it was wrapped in, would hopefully prevent Spike from investigating it too closely. She wasn’t sure she was ready for that conversation just yet. Spike’s bedroom door was closed, even though he usually wasn’t asleep by this hour. Twilight almost knocked, but then she turned and retreated to her own room instead. If he needed his space, she didn’t want to force it. Not when she’d accidentally stolen the mare he’d been crushing on for the past year. Not that she’d meant to steal Rarity. Not that she was even sure she was ready to date one of her friends. Not that she even knew how she felt about the matter. How could she expect to talk to Spike about his feelings if she wasn’t even clear on her own? Thoughts of Rarity ran incessantly through her head as she retired to bed, and her dreams were a confusing mess. Half the time Rarity was running from her, and half the time Rarity was beckoning her forward with bedroom eyes. She was deep into the latter, her tongue pressed hungrily into Rarity’s mouth, her hoof drifting lower, when she suddenly felt watched. “That is quite enough of that.” Rarity dissolved away into white mist, and Twilight turned to find Luna standing behind her. She blushed, pulled away, and realized that the bed she had been on a moment ago had vanished as well. She frowned. “Why… How did you…” Slowly, realization dawned. “This is a dream.” “Indeed,” Luna agreed. “There is much that you must be told, and Celestia has waited far too long to tell you about it.” She walked forward past Twilight, and the scene changed around her to a large banquet hall. The floor and walls were polished wood, with a massive stone hearth at one end, fire crackling merrily. A large table filled the space, piled high with food of all kinds, from fruits and vegetables to steaming roasts and barrels of wine.  Twilight felt her mouth water, and followed Luna to take a seat at the table, trying not to think too hard about how delicious the meat smelled to her. After all, it was just a dream. It wasn’t like any of it was real. “If this is your way of telling me that alicorns eat meat, I already figured that out,” she said quietly. “We are aware,” Luna replied, taking a seat at the opposite end of the table, and piling her plate high with food. “This is for our own comfort. From a time when alicorns were plentiful, and we did not have to hide what we are.” Twilight frowned. “What do you mean? Celestia doesn’t hide, and everypony’s happy to have you back, I thought…” “That is only because nopony still alive remembers our banishment, save our sister. They have been subsisting on Celestia’s propaganda their entire lives.” She held up a hoof as Twilight opened her mouth to speak again. “Please, cease your questions for a moment. It will be simpler if we start from the beginning.” Luna paused, collecting her thoughts. When she spoke again, her voice was somber. “Alicorns have a long history, much of which Celestia has deliberately buried. We do not truly know how we came about, but it was many millennia ago, long before the founding of Equestria. In the beginning, alicorns were plentiful. We spread freely, did as we wished, and ruled ponies as we desired. We were stronger than earth ponies, faster than pegasi, and more powerful than the most magical unicorns. We could do anything. “But such times could not last forever. Celestia has led ponies to believe that we are immortal, but that is… not the whole truth. So long as we have sources of magic on which to feed, we do not age, it is true. But we can still be killed. And in a world with too many alicorns, we mostly killed each other.” Luna paused, turning her gaze away. “Those ancient alicorns grew spoiled and arrogant. They focused on each other, and paid no mind to the ponies in their midst, who rightfully feared them. They failed to notice as those ponies grew smarter, and learned greater magic, and built powerful tools. At first, ponies simply encouraged us to fight each other. But before we knew it, they were hunting us down.” “What??” Twilight gasped. “That doesn’t make any sense. Celestia is—” “Celestia is unique,” Luna hissed. “She turned against her own kind. When ponykind rebelled against the alicorns, decried us as monsters and decided to wipe us out, she sided with them.” Twilight tried to process that. “But… but that would mean that… that she thought we really are monsters—” “We are not monsters!” Luna interrupted, slamming a hoof on the table. “Arrogant, yes. Cruel, perhaps. But we did not deserve genocide.” She took a moment to breathe, her flanks heaving and her eyes full of rage. But she controlled herself enough to let the anger fade so she could speak again. “We were capricious gods. We will not deny that how we treated our subjects in our hubris was wrong. But so too was the systematic murder of our species.” Twilight shrank back, trying to make herself small in the face of Luna’s fury. “But… the stories from back then don’t say anything about…” Luna snorted. “The stories that remain are those that Celestia allows to survive. She left traces of our existence for she knew we would one day return. There was no reason to allow you to know the rest.” Silence stretched between them, Twilight wrapping her hooves about herself as she tried to understand. “I just… I can’t imagine ponies doing such a thing,” she finally whispered. “Wiping out an entire species… that’s monstrous.” “Those were darker times. The ponies of that age were not as you know them today. Nor were the alicorns.” Luna shook her head. “You see now why we - I have had such trouble adjusting. We are not yet ready to walk among ponykind in the way that they now expect. Ponies do not worship us as they once did.” Twilight frowned. “It’s… this is a lot to take in, all at once. I can see why Celestia didn’t want to tell me right away.” Luna waved a hoof. “It is important historical context, certainly, but it is not the primary reason we needed to speak with you. You do not yet truly understand what it means to be an alicorn. We are predators, Twilight. And our prey is ponies.” She held up a hoof to forestall Twilight’s objections. “No, not in the way you might think. Ponies are our source of strength. They are reservoirs of magic, and it is that magic which allows us to survive. Without such a source—preferably from a unicorn, though any pony will do—we will waste away. Celestia has Blueblood and his line for this purpose, and while you may not yet realize it, you have already begun to draw from Rarity. You must understand this process so you may continue to do so without bringing her harm.” There was a pause as Twilight just stared. Then: “WHAT?” Luna was unruffled. “Celestia has been meticulous in scrubbing this knowledge from pony history. It was perhaps the true catalyst for our conflict a thousand years ago—ponies will forgive a callous overlord, but they will not forgive the loss of their loved ones. Too many of us were careless or greedy, and demanded too much from our thralls.” Twilight backed away, horrified. “How could you just… feeding on ponies…” She shook her head, but couldn’t bring herself to look away from Luna. The alicorn of the night had gained a stature that rivaled Celestia, and her coat had darkened to ebony. Twilight had dismissed it as Luna regaining her strength, but it was impossible to deny that she now looked much more like the Nightmare Moon of her return than the small, frail Luna that had appeared after being cleansed by the Elements. The darker alicorn waved a hoof, dismissive. “We must eat to survive, just like any other species. Be thankful that we can do so in a way that leaves our prey intact at all. Would you have us starve ourselves?” “They’re not prey!” Twilight growled. “They’re ponies with lives and feelings and dreams. You can’t just use them like that.” “You speak from ignorance,” Luna snapped. “Do not presume to judge us, when you know nothing. We have heard all these platitudes from Celestia, and she at least understands what it means to be an alicorn. You are no longer a pony, Twilight Sparkle, and you would do well to stop thinking like one.” Twilight shook her head. “I get it now,” she finally whispered. “Nightmare Moon wasn’t some corruption. Nightmare Moon was just you, not caring about ponies as anything more than a source of power. The Elements didn’t change you at all. You weren’t jealous of Celestia, you were just on the wrong side!” Luna drew herself up, her face darkening. She made a sweeping gesture with one hoof, and the table was flung aside so that she could step forward. “Hold thy tongue, Twilight Sparkle,” she growled. “We have come to help thee not repeat those mistakes. Persist in this, and we may not try again until after thou has drained Rarity beyond repair.” Twilight kept backing up, but soon she found herself pressed against a wall, with nowhere to run. “No,” she shot back. “I’m done. You’re a monster, and I don’t want your help. I’m going back to being a pony, and if I can’t figure out how to do that, I’ll starve before I do anything to hurt Rarity.” “Thou cannot be allowed—” Twilight wasn’t listening. She couldn’t fight Luna, not in the dream realm, but she didn’t have to. She lit her horn, pulling forth all the power she could manage, and turned it on herself. Her body disintegrated, and with a scream of pain she woke up, gasping. She stared up at the ceiling, trying to come to terms with what she had learned. She didn’t dare look down at her wings.