• Member Since 29th Jul, 2015
  • offline last seen 9 hours ago

Dark Nightshade


I like to do occasional crossoves, and I can now draw. Just PM me if you want me to draw or wright something! I'm on Wattpad, check me out: https://www.wattpad.com/user/Dark-Nightshade

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Spike's love for Rarity is massive. So massive that he would die for her. Only problem is that that happens during a parasprites attack. Only one (sort of) problem: he respawns.

Chapters (9)
Comments ( 67 )

Good start, chapters so far might be a little short, don't think I saw any spelling and/or grammar errors, reminds me a little of another story on here; "Dead/Light".

6923956
Ok, that is a recomendation I can get behind. Tracked and Followed. :scootangel:

He was like a brother/son to you!

.....could you not decide on what she was going to say?

Great we are off to a creepy start. I lile creepy

6924283 No, but Twilight is like both to Spike, it just sometimes changes.

6924865 Yeah, but people don't say punctuation like that out loud, especially in her diction... I'd suggest "a brother and a son" instead.

"I must

You must what?? Don't leave me hanging like that!

6925660 Sorry, I thought I had put that in.

dat chapter was short...

Damn I wonder what Fluttershy knows about what's wrong with Spike. Always good to see stories where Spike gets help from the main six. Read too many where he has problems and the main six don't care at all

6926654 Thanks, I enjoy making people happy.

"Although that is the fourth time this week."

Let me guess... It's monday.


Nice story so far.
A bit rushed, but the plot itself looks promising so far, even if I'm not really into creepy-stuff.

But you should add the cover-source. The artist would approve.

He almost screamed, but stopped just in time, so he didn't wake anyone up.

I think I would be too busy freaking out that I would care about the night rest of the others.
At least he is polite.


Good, chapter, but I think it is a bit short.
I would suggest you make fewer, but longer chapters, at least 1200 words.

Found a small typo.

Intresting.

Should be 'Interesting.'.

I wonder: What does Fluttershy know about The Death?
And why is she so eager about it? Hmm...


If I'm annoying you just say it and I would only read your story without making suggestions.

This time a few more typos/suggestions:

Like I told before: Better fewer, longer chapters.

Maybe Celestia knows, she's always beenway smarter,

You forgot a space.

"Ow," the person said.

Better: 'voice'

"Wow, she's already here? That was fast," Spike said.

You forgot the quotation mark.

"Are you going to scream?" Twilight asked. Fluttershy shook her head. Twilight removed her forehoof.

I'm not sure about this sentence.
Better let Twilight say there is no reason to scream and explain her the situation. Otherways it's too forced against Fluttershy.

At least two times you wrote 'ok' instead of 'OK'.

One last suggestion:
You shouldn't use the same sentence pattern too often:

"..." X said.

Used 23 times.

"..." X asked.

Used 11 times.

6928115 Thanks for the tips. Want to proofread future chapters?

6928122

I don't have too much experience with proofreading, but I can try.

Good but to short to be engaging (not about the lack of chapters but how many words it takes around 2,200 to keep me satisfied, like the story idea but the character building recklessly fast and to eager to follow the rails of the plot but still enjoyable for a quick or light read read, good job I'll be keeping my eye on this one :twilightsmile:

I just found this.. and I LOVE IT! Hope to see more of it soon!

:moustache:

6998804 Yeah, this should be a good fic.

So is Spike basically Sans?

6999291 Undertale, Also he's kinda like Alphonse's suck in a body that doesn't eat and mostly doesn't sleep either.

6999350 Is Undertale a video game or something?

You dick! leaving us on this cliffhanger!

6999533 I'm sorry, but I have to congratulate you. That has got to be one of the best comments I've gotten! (Strangely)

Again a bit rushed. More explanation would be good. Also you could be more varied with the sentence structure.
But the plot seems to be interesting. Go on.

Now, since Applejack is involved (she took it very well), who will be next?
And will Spike ever need his new tail and the armor (for fighting, I mean)?



Also, I have a few suggestions:

throwing a massive party to celebrate you

Better: "in memory of you". (Spike just 'died'. Even Pinkie wouldn't celebrate something like that.)

If I could, I would be tearing up right now.

Better: burst into tears (at least I think so, if I understand correctly what you had meant.)

There was some nocking on the door.

Better: Suddenly, there was some knocking at the door.

One last thing: Better add the souce of the cover-art. I'm sure the artist would approve.

7002145 Ok, thank you for the spelling bit, I have been forgetting which spelling goes to which word sometimes. Also, I'm not sure who drew the coverart.

Mmmm.... meh.
you can Do better.

it's fine, I'm guessing the one that wants to stop it is death. Just a guess

:applejackconfused:Wanona what in tarnation are you doing with Spikes whatever bone?
:moustache: Puts a new spin on getting boned. . .:facehoof:
:raritystarry: Spikey you've lost some weight and skin and scales and your bits

7107798 Hahahaha! I got to remember those for funniness later!

ok I feel like I mite know what adult stuff their talking about and if i'm right then wow :pinkiegasp:

7406452 What do you think their talking about?

Who made the picture, how can I find him, and does he do requests?

7406563 Well sense AJ brought it up when Rarity was talking about adult toys I have to guess they are in some kind of secrete relationship :applejackunsure:

7407052 https://dinodraketakethecake.deviantart.com/art/Lich-Spike-589587949
That is a link for the picture.

7407076 Sort of. It will be explained in future chapters, but basically, yes, they have a secret relationship.

This story itself is like Spike in the Story:
Every time you believe it is dead it respawns.

But I have a question:

"This has all happened before, you know. [...] You are not the first!"

I don't get that one. Is he or isn't he?
Edit: The author added the now underlines word. Now it makes much more sense.

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