• Published 28th Sep 2020
  • 2,638 Views, 61 Comments

The Pony That Wanted To Be A Hero - DanishDash



Pax has always wanted to be a hero! Just like the elements of harmony! It was not meant to be however, he tried to become a hero, but ended up almost destroying Equestria. Now he is trapped in the great void, paying for his sins.

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Hope

"Twilight?"

A voice called to her, bringing Twilight out of her slumber. "Mmm?"

"Twilight!"

Her eyes opened, finding her friends all looking worried at her. When they saw her open her eyes they all looked relieved. Then Applejack frowned at Rainbow, scolding her for yelling at Twilight. It gave Twilight time to look around the room as she sat up. They were in a hospital room, their bodies patched up and bandaged. She looked out the window, the rain had stopped and the sun was going down.

"How long was I out..?" Twilight finally managed to ask, her voice dry.

"You passed out at the castle, you've been unconscious for 26 hours.." Fluttershy replied. "You worried us.."

"How did we get here?"

"The princess arrived shortly after you collapsed," Rarity joined in. "She rushed us to the hospital while the royal guard and her sister examined the ruins. I should warn you darling, she is quite upset by this whole affair.."

Twilight could understand that. Everything about this was something that should, and could have been avoided. She looked at her friends, seeing them all hurt, but at least she did cheer her up a bit. "Does she know?" She didn't need to clarify, they all knew what she meant.

"We had to tell her Twi," answered Applejack. "We told her everything, including how Pax.. How he.." She trailed off, looking away as if the talking about it and looking at her friends brought her pain. "How he saved us.."

They all went silent, despite it having been several hours and their cries had stopped, the pain had never faded. They all felt guilty. While Pax was at fault, they could have handled it better. Pinkie Pie hadn't even spoken a word, she out of all of them looked the most depressed. Her mane was no longer puffy, her eyes no longer sparkled with joy. She was just a shell of her former self.

Rainbow was the one to break the silence. "So, what do we do now?"

No one answered, because no one knew what to do. Twilight searched her mind, trying to come up with a solution, but everything still hurt, and she had no idea where to begin. She didn't even know how to get into that dimension in the first place.

"I don't know," she finally admitted. "I really don't know.."

"But we will try and save him, right?"

This time it was Pinkie who spoke, she looked pleadingly at Twilight, as if begging for her to reassure her. Twilight looked back at her friend, not sure what to answer, not sure what she could promise.

"Pinkie, I.."

"No!" Pinkie cut in. "Tell me we're going to try! Tell me we're not going to forget about him and just leave him to suffer in a dimension filled with darkness!" Tears started to move down her cheeks, her lips quivered and finally she let herself lay down and started to sob, moving the blanket over her to hide her tears from them.

They all looked at her, but nopony did anything. Pinkie needed to be alone with her thoughts for a moment before they could try and comfort her. Nopony spoke again, only the soft sobs of Pinkie broke that silence. It was Fluttershy who ventured to her bed and laid next to her friend, putting her hooves around Pinkie, letting her cry into her chest as Pinkie embraced her in return.

Rainbow looked away in shame. The things she said to Pax, they were horrible, cruel even. Did she mean them? No, after all, she had trained him to help him become a hero. Pax was strange, almost insanely optimistic as he kept practicing and training, even to the point where he would throw up in a bush.

A smile graced her lips, and soon enough she started to chuckle. They all looked at Rainbow with puzzled and slightly worried expressions. Rainbow waved them off with a hoof, still snickering. "Sorry, it's just.. I remember one time, I was trying to help Pax work on his reflexes while he was running. So while he ran I would fire lightning bolts close by, safely of course," she quickly assured them as Rainbow could see their worried expressions.

"The stallion did pretty good, but he was so focused on dodging whatever I sent at him that he didn't see the fence coming up." She started to laugh. "He ran straight through it, rolled down the hill and landed in the river!" Rainbow laughed. "And when he came up again he asked if he had passed, the idiot was not even aware he had run through a fence!"

They all started to chuckle as that sounded just like Pax. His optimism often kept him from realizing when he had crashed into something the first few seconds. Applejack narrowed her eyes at Rainbow. "Wait a minute, that was you guys!?"

Rarity giggled. "One time he came in and asked for that outfit I made for him. He was like a little colt wanting a toy. I told him I didn't have time because I had this large order I had to finish, and I had to get some gems. Of course the silly stallion offered to help me, I tried to tell him it would not be necessary, but as you all know he's quite stubborn. He ran of like he was a knight on a great quest."

"Did you get the gems?" Applejack asked with a small smirk.

Rarity nodded. "Oh yes, but he looked like he had been through quite an ordeal, but still he acquired them. I lend him my bath and he collapsed on my couch."

Twilight smiled. "He was really helpful.. I would let him study in my library, but he always had time to help me or Spike with some of the tasks.. Spike really appreciated it."

Applejack smiled proudly. "He was very helpful on the farm too. Never once did that stallion complain! Not once!"

"He was also very kind to the animals.." Fluttershy joined in. "Even when some of them scared him, he always listened to what I had to say and he trusted me.."

Pinkie had come out of the covers, wiping her eyes. "He helped me bake.. A lot.. And he told me.." She trailed off. The others looked intently at her, eagerly awaiting her to continue. "He told me he thought I was maybe the most important hero of all to him. He said no matter what, I would always smile and keep going.. That gave him the will to keep going too.." She had a hard time expressing it better, or making it as clear as the others did, but they understood, and it explained a lot.

No matter how many times he failed, no matter how many times he would fall down or get hurt, Pax would always stand up, laugh it off and continue on. In that sense, it made perfect sense Pinkie was his hero.

Twilight looked to her friend. "Pinkie, I promise I will do everything I can to bring him home.."

Pinkie looked at her. "Pinkie promise?"

Twilight nodded. "Cross My Heart, Hope to Fly, Stick a Cupcake in my Eye!

"We promise to, don't we?" Fluttershy asked.

"Yeah, of course we do!" Rainbow said. "Someone has to save that moron!"

"And we owe him for saving our hides.." Applejack nodded.

"I'm still disappointed in Pax, but he doesn't deserve to be trapped like this." Rarity declared.

All of them agreed to try and save Pax. None of them knew how yet, but they all knew they would try. None of them would want to leave their friend behind, none of them wanted this to be the end.

Somehow, someday, they would get their friend back...



To be continued....?

Author's Note:

I'll be honest.

It was just a short story I wanted to do. I like the idea of a background pony wanting to be more than just filler for the background.

This was just done for fun, out of a stray thought.

I hope you enjoyed it. :eeyup:

Comments ( 44 )

That picture + the titel? Definitiv on 'read later' list.

Looking good for a prequel. You definitely got a good setup. Let us know when the next part is up.

To be continued? You dont even started :derpyderp1:
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The comment section at the moment:

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The story in its hole is like that:

10455840
Dude, it's just a short story, it's nothing serious.

Picture/ Story avatar = great
Story discribtion = intriging
Titel name = full of potencial

Actual story? Nope :duck:

This was a good read. Despite what some others are saying *looks pointedly at Black--Soul*, I think this still qualifies as entertaining in its current state. Yeah, I would like it if this was expanded upon, but I still like it. Don't be discouraged, because you did well on this.

Oh yeah I also enjoyed this story, short but sweet or well bittersweet I guess

10455971
Agreed :twilightsmile: Actualy yes. Check em. Titel,description & Titel are pretty mutch perfect. Problem is that its hollow. I made exampels as well.
10455975
What story?

Please continue

10455992
I mean were do you see a story?
-Establishment of the Main Character in the story 💢
-Worldbuilding💢
-Character development💢

10455991
Story status complet...

A surprisingly vague but unique bittersweet entry, I do hope you'll expand upon it into an entire story. While some points made by other commentors were excessive and to that regard rude, it is unlike one that I've read as of yet. I implore you to expand upon it, if that is something you wish to do. And unlike some people at least they're writing a story and not cracking upon others.

10456249
No need for the profanities my friend. I understand your anger but we all have differing opinions. Attack the argument, not the person.

Never use a ad hominem

10456249
How so? Were did you see world building? Were did you see character development? Were is a story to speak of?

I just say it as i see it and im not insulting. You might edit your insults out before i report your comments.
Have a nice day :twilightsmile:

10456240
Fair point. The Author already demonstrated he can write well. The Jedi story for example.
Worldbuilding 👍
Character development 👍
Story👍

Wile i dislike the story for it inaccurate nature its still well written ignoring it (since its about a Jedi but its written like a grey sith).

That why im surprised this story has a good Avatar picture. Intriging titel and the discribtion made be add it to my 'read later' bookshelf but than i read it and was like "is this a misplaced April joke".

Anyway. Rude? Perhaps... But constructiv critic is added.

10455955
If you want to have construct conversation pm me.
Its a oppinion with added constructiv critic. I disagree with your view but if that how you look it? Fine :applejackunsure:

If chapter are added that add stuff like a storyline than i would have a positive oppinion of it.

The Jedi story for example. Not that i like it but its still well written. Has also all elements of a story.
If the titel would be describing a gray sith. Kotor style.
Best characters :raritywink:

All of them agreed to try and save Pax. None of them knew how yet, but they all knew they would try. None of them would want to leave their friend behind, none of them wanted this to be the end.

The Elements of Harmony, the forefront of forgiveness... I wish I had friends that cared about me as much as they would, willing to go to lengths to help me do the right thing.

10456249
Just for that, I'm upvoting most of his/her comments.


10456304
And you...

You really need to learn how to make constructive criticism. Because most of what you have typed here is the opposite.

What? I go to hibernation for a few hours and in the meantime war has been declared in my comment section?

If it helps, I don't care about Black--Soul's comments. He didn't like the story, and he expressed that opinion. That is his right and I'm not going to argue with that. Do I agree? No, but I respect his right say it.

This is not really a defense for the story, but this is what I was thinking about when writing it.

To me, it was writing about depression. I'm not going to say I masterfully hid that message and I am so deep, I'm not that stupid. But it was what I was going for. The way you can fall into a void, feel alone with your own demon, shut off from everyone else, or at least, that is what it feels like.

Meanwhile on the other side, friends and loved ones are often trying to get in, trying to find ways to save from that void of depression. Not all have loved ones like that, I know that. But this is what I have seen and felt. The story purposely leaves out large details about the past, gives you a few basic hints, but the point is that he blames himself.

Often when we're down we blame ourselves, and our own demons often has a way to drag us down. The reason I left it open ended was because often you have no idea what is going to happen. At times, people just can't be saved, sometimes you just can't reach those you wanna help.

But that is the reason I titled the last chapter 'Hope', because there is always that. A hope.

Now either you got all that from the feels or not, maybe you saw something else? Whatever the case it is just a story, just a tiny one. No reason to go to war over it.

Otherwise you make Fluttershy sad. :fluttershysad: And you don't HATE Fluttershy, do you? :rainbowhuh:

I added your story to my read it later section. It looks interesting, by the way, who did your cover art?

10456744
Oh it wasn't a commission, I found it on DeviantArt. Should be a link to it on the picture itself. :twilightsmile:

Una

10455998
I really have to agree with you on this story. It was well written but it's hard to get emotionally attached to the main OC with how little we know. But it wasn't meant to be taken any farther than just for the fun of it on the Authors side of things.

I think it would have made a great story though.:twilightsheepish:

10457102
Indeed... Perhaps one day... The Titel,Avatar & Discribtion make me hope for it :pinkiesmile:

10457375
Maybe not, but it is his fault he is being rude for no reason.

I just wanted to say, I enjoyed your story. Thank you for writing it and sharing it with us.

10457506
Thank you, that means a lot. ^^

It was a good read, but overall it did need a lot of work. I'm not quite sure how to put my thoughts into words about what I feel, because I'm honestly bad at criticism, so bare with me! I can say I did like it, but there is a lot of room for improvement ya know? I really liked the idea.

I think that there did need to be some build up to the relationship, even if it was just one chapter of Pax hanging with the crew or something, because it establishes their friendship more ya know? In the fic, while it worked i guess without it, it would've had a lot more punch had it felt like Pax was a lot closer/more established as their friend.

It'd also have been quite interesting to see Pax releasing the evil or the build up to that or something. While we are aware he did it, it'd be interesting to have seen his thought process and what happened in the moment. It'd have also been interesting to see his thought process before he jumped into the portal. The story seemed to gloss over it a bit, and that is rather unfortunate.

I'll also admit, I sorta misread the summary, thinking that Pax would befriend the evil when he's sealed away rather than being like shut up you suck sorta deal and being tortured by his mind for his mistakes. I can't think of much else to bring up though, but again I did like the fic and the read! It was a very interesting idea, it just needed a bit more polish, I guess?

10457517
Really nice comment and I do agree with you.

I guess you can say this story is my take on depression. The first draft of this story was never meant to have that many chapters, it was actually going to end after the first one.

The idea was to create some parallels between what was happening and how it can feel when your all shut away and alone. It was also a contious decision to make the details vague, letting the readers fill out the blanks with information they were given.

But a lot more will be covered in the sequel, showing things leading up to the point of his fall and redemption, and ultimately his final fate. :eeyup:

No, after all, she had trained him to help him become a hero.

I don’t believe that.

She had a hard time expressing it better, or making it as clear as the others did, but they understood, and it explained a lot.

What?

"I'm still disappointed in Pax, but he doesn't deserve to be trapped like this." Rarity declared.

Rarity, shut up.

To be continued....?

I hope so.

Also, I can’t help but feel like there needs to be a prequel.

10456695
The trouble is, and I think this is what Black Soul was trying to say, was that you fell into the "Tell, Don't show" trap.

You tell us things, but then don't explore them. This isn't even really a complete story. This is more like the end of a longer story that you only told us about, but didn't show any of.

10457952
If I did it would ruin the sequel where the point is to look back. It is then that things will be explored more in detail. :twilightsmile:

Is...this a sequel to something? It's interesting but feels lacking though I would like to read more

10459989
It is not a sequel, you can look at this as a sort of prologue to the real story that is going to cover his rescue and his past, what led up to the events you have read about.

10459991
Ah, that makes sense. Looking forward to what comes next:twilightsmile:

10455820
Finally got to reading the starting comment... wtf? This innocuous thing started a war? It wasn't even insulting and actually is the point of the story. It wasn't the best written story, but it wasn't ever meant to be the story of Pax becoming a hero, it's a story telling the aftermath of obsession.

I wil l not lie, this was amazing! I really hope you write a part 2 of something.

What a nice story. A bit sad that he thinks they hate him but I enjoyed it very much.

10459991
If this is the prologue whenis chapter 1 coming out?

The Titel always remind me of Shield Hero, the tragic hero that was hated by its summing Nation...

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