She'd lost her home. She'd lost her family. She'd lost her hope. As Chrysalis nears the end, she makes one final gambit that could cost a princess her life. But as days pass and the future of Equestria grows dim, the former changeling queen finds herself wondering if this is what she really wants.
*Warning: This story is in the process of major rewrites. These rewrites will be released on a separate story when they are finished and marked as Version 2. The rewrites do shift a great deal of the story, leaving only the rough frame of the chapters intact. Because of this, this story is to be considered non-canon to the sequels, but will be kept around for those who wish to compare the two or want to see an alternate take on the story. I apologize for any inconvenience, and hope all you perspective readers out there will continue to enjoy this work for what it is.*
Thank you to Applezombi for their review, which can be found here: https://www.fimfiction.net/group/213901/my-little-reviews-feedback/thread/448400/review-of-death-of-a-queen-by-arkane12
For those seeking a bit more persuasion, there is another review by flutterJackdash here: https://www.fimfiction.net/blog/924077/fjd-review-death-of-a-queen-by-arkane12
And another from Azure Drache:
https://www.fimfiction.net/group/213901/my-little-reviews-feedback/thread/455357/review-death-of-a-queen-by-arkane12
And last but certainly not least, one from the Queen herself, QueenChrysalisForever:
https://www.fimfiction.net/group/215274/reviewers-mansion/thread/460664/a-review-death-of-a-queen
Also, credit for the cover art goes to: The Sleepless Beholder. Thank you so much for your help. (https://www.fimfiction.net/user/249246/The+Sleepless+Beholder)
Thank you to all the reviewers, artists, and readers that made this story what it is today.
A few sentences are a bit too "cluttered", for lack of a better word, but other than that, so far so good!
Point being, you have my attention. Best of luck with your future chapters!
10401532
Thanks. Clutter has been a big issue for me in my writing, and I'm trying to work on it. I'm glad you enjoyed, though.
looking great!
why doesn't the sun raise princess Luna? Celestia raised the Moon for 1000 years in the absence of her sister, a couple of months Luna must endure.
10405417
She is raising the sun in Celestia's absence. Saying "the sun will be up soon" is basically him telling her that it's almost time to raise it. That's why she says "I know. I hope I still remember how to raise it". She is also the one who raised it after Celestial filed to originally, after Celestial was injured.
So sad...
and i like it...
10413479
Well, thank you. I try my best.
I... um, well that hit me right in the feels.. and i have to admit - i shed i few tears.. wow i really just wow,
how is it when your browsing the website just looking for something to pass the time and then you find a gem like this story - compleatly unexpected....
On another note this is defininitly going to favorites
10419610
Thank you. Always glad to hear that someone enjoyed the story.
I though, Twilight would have a discussion with her friends first, but okay...
10421545
Don't worry. She's got a plan.
So I binged this all in one day. I can't wait for the next update.
I think you have a really good grasp of what's going on in the characters' heads. Chrysalis comes off as both believable and relatable, and I definitely sympathize with her.
Very well done!
S’ok
10431892
Hiya, Rammus
That was a great chapter. I love the tough love thing that Chrysalis shows, and her not understanding why she's showing it either. Hope to see another chapter soon.
10432461
That's the angle I was going for. Glad you enjoyed it. I upload pretty regularly, depending on school, but it should be up within a week.
I have written a review for this story for the My Little Reviews and Feedback group.
https://www.fimfiction.net/group/213901/my-little-reviews-feedback/thread/448400/review-of-death-of-a-queen-by-arkane12
Very well done, and I eagerly anticipate the next chapter!
Hopefully that horn can be reattached.
Interesting start.
'That thought tortured Chrysalis than' - tortured Chrysalis more than
"I demand a refund!"
Well, at least she's alive.
... Jeez, Celestia, get your shit together.
Ouch, my feels.
That was heavy.
Well, it only makes sense. Conservation of mass and energy dictates that you cannot make something out of nothing. The changelings will eventually outstrip whatever love they can produce or receive.
'Centuries ago, a hatching was born into the hive' -
And the plot thickens.
10439985
We'll see about that horn. Also, thanks for pointing out that error, I'll fix it.
10440007
You're feels aren't safe here.
Three chapter at once?
Am I dreaming?
This is of interest to me.
10440946
Probably. Does that make me a figment of your imagination?
10440981
Me too
Yellow Mellow to the rescue!
Jeez, she really sounds severely depressed.
Kinda hoping her horn isn't gone for good, Chryssie needs her forehead scythe for friendly gorings.
Can't wait for more of her past to be revealed.
10441444
All of this and more on the next episode of Dragon Ball Z (Or a few episodes. Or seasons. We'll see)
Your writing of Luna continues to impress. She's not one-dimensional; it's almost like she looses a bit of her self-control when she's around Chrysalis, then cools down when she's away.
Introducing Fluttershy into this mess is an interesting twist, though I can't help but feel like we're delaying the reveal to her about what's going on in order to set up a dramatic reveal later, rather than for a narrative reason.
Nice job foreshadowing Discord. I kinda hope if he does show up, he doesn't wreck the somber mood of the story.
Another great chapter!
The bit of puckishness Chrysalis showed when she scared Fluttershy seemed oddly out of place.
I absolutely love the interactions between Thorax and Chrysalis. The way you capture the unsure and shifting power dynamic between the two of them is very interesting.
10441835
I think Luna's the more interesting of the two princesses. I have nothing against Celestia, I find that I tend to empathize with Luna more (at least how I see her). Even after her exile, I feel she still struggles with the same issue she had before. I'd like to think she can still be impulsive, but now is at least able to temper it with patience. While Celestia's patience seems almost limitless, I feel there's a very real breaking point for Luna. I don't know, maybe that's just me.
Personally, I think Fluttershy clashes best with Chrysalis. A pony who's spent almost the whole of her journey trying to overcome fear being put face-to-face with a creature from her nightmares. I think it creates a different contrast between their characters, showing just how far each of them has come down from their former extreme.
And Discord. Oh boy. I'm not sure if he'll show up. I don't even mean that narratively. I mean I have no idea if I can introduce Discord while keeping the rather somber tone. I have a few ideas I'm playing around with right now. I guess we'll both be waiting for the chapter he shows up.
Thanks for your feedback.
Oh wow. This chapter was fun. Once again I love the power dynamic between Thorax and Chrysalis.
I wonder if Chryssy realizes just how good she is at self-deception? I mean...
Methinks she doth protest too much.
So far we haven't seen where the story's 'Romance' tag comes from, but I really love Twi/Chrysalis ships, so I'm gonna really hope it's going that way.
10441853
Regarding the relationship in the story: I've never written romance before. I wanted it to be a slow burn between them, to try to make their changing relationship to seem believable. I know the tag probably confused more than a few people, but we should be getting to some fun parts soon. I hope these chapters lived up to your expectations, I'll have more for you by the 25th.
I don't know how to do spoiler tags, so I just made the wording ambiguous. It is obvious I don't know how to use this site yet?
10441857
When you're typing your comment, you can highlight the text you want hidden then click on the little box above the text box that looks like a "Sp" in a charcoal-colored box.
Alternatively, you can type [ , then spoiler, then ]. To end the spoiler, do the same thing except with a forward slash in front of the word spoiler. ( [ , then /spoiler , then ])
10441862
Ahh. We work by HTML here. That makes sense, actually.
10441876
There's also this, from Fimfiction's help section.
https://www.fimfiction.net/articles/bbcode
what kind of ship is this story?
10443365
Are you asking about who the romance is between, or just what kind of romance story is it?
The former answer is Twilight and Chrysalis.
The latter answer is a very slow, atmospheric one.
Oh, boy, it's the repressed memories gang.
10445107
Sounds like fun
Why does this have so few readers??? This must be fixed!
Really though, great story so far. Can't wait for the next chapter. :)
10445393
Well thank you. I've enjoyed writing it as much as you've enjoyed reading it.
I've been trying to find new groups to add it to so more readers can join, but I'm not entirely sure where else to add it.
10445434
I can't think of any group off the top of my head beyond: https://www.fimfiction.net/group/629/queen-chrysaliss-changeling-swarm
Past them, I really don't know.
10445478
I'm in that one, already. Thanks for the suggestion tho.
They need a changeling's entire love... Now who would be useless eno-... Hey, Ocellus, c'mere!
10451440
Shots fired