36: Irrationality
Twilight stared at her empty plate. Even a full belly couldn’t ward off the emptiness she felt inside. Her shoulders heaved with a heavy sigh.
“Did anyone ever tell you that you think too much?”
Her gaze flicked toward Rainbow Dash, pushing her own cleaned plate farther onto the table.
“Yes.”
“Perhaps this wasn’t the best course this evening,” Rarity lamented.
“No,” Twilight recomposed herself. “I’m glad I got to spend tonight with all of you guys. I just wish she could be here too. I can’t believe I just left her alone.”
“She’s not alone,” Pinkie pointed out. “She’s got Cadence with her.”
“That’s not really what I meant,” Twilight clarified.
“So, you’ve really fallen for a Changeling Queen?” Applejack inquired.
It sounded like the butt of a bad joke. A Princess and a Queen. Twilight shook that thought from her head. A Princess and a Changeling Queen. If she hadn’t experienced it personally, Twilight would never have believed such a fanciful tale.
“It looks that way,” Twilight whispered, putting her head on the table.
Applejack scratched her neck. “I didn’t mean it like that.”
“You’re right, though. I know it’s crazy. I don’t understand it fully myself.”
“Sometimes, that’s how love is,” Rarity explained. “It can’t be tallied up to some sort of equation or reason. Sometimes it just happens.”
“But why her?” Twilight demanded. “Of all the ponies I could have fallen for, why is it Chrysalis? She’s nearly killed my friends; she’s brainwashed my brother. Every sensible neuron in my brain tells me that this is a horrible idea.”
“Maybe it is?” Fluttershy shrugged. “The question is: is she worth it?”
“I think so.”
“You think so?” Rarity raised an eyebrow.
“I don’t know,” Twilight cried.
“Twilight Sparkle,” Rarity chastised.
“What?” Twilight moaned.
“Don’t tell me what you think. Tell me what you feel.”
“I feel like I want to go home.”
“You know,” Rainbow started, “If I remember correctly, you didn’t seem to have much of a problem with this while you were making out with her on the castle floor.”
Twilight blushed, but she smirked, if only slightly. “I got caught up in the moment. What can I say?”
“Then there’s your answer, Twilight.” Rarity sipped at her wine.
“But Chrysalis?”
“But nothing,” Rarity commanded. “You’ve clearly fallen for her. You just admitted yourself. When you’re caught up in the moment and don’t have time to think, you love her.”
“But then I realized just how bad of an idea it is. You should’ve seen the way Luna, Shining, and Cadence reacted. They hate her. What can I expect from the ponies of Equestria? What can I expect from all of you?”
“You think we hate her?” Fluttershy frowned.
“I think you all know it’s a bad idea.”
Rarity set her empty glass down beside the empty bottle. A thin wisp of pink shaded her cheeks. “Twilight, what does it matter what anyone else thinks? You’re worried we’ll all think you’re crazy? That’s never stopped us from following you into Tartarus itself. So, it might take us a while to catch up. So, we might have problems with Chrysalis. We’re your friends first and foremost. If you think Chrysalis has changed, if you think Chrysalis is the one you love, then we’re behind you all the way.”
“Besides,” Starlight added, “You act like she’s the first villain we’ve ever been close with. Discord. Luna. Trixie.”
“I agree with all of that list except Trixie,” Twilight snarled.
“Doesn’t matter. We’ve all been through this before. If you believe in her, we believe in you.”
“Thanks, girls. That means a lot to me.”
“Then why are you still sitting here?” Rainbow chided.
“Where else would I be?” Twilight scrunched her face in confusion.
“In a carriage, heading back to the Castle?”
“I couldn’t just leave you guys.”
“Cadence told us that the bill is sent to the castle, so we don’t have to worry about paying, we’ll get another carriage back, and we’ll leash Pinkie so we don’t have to chase her down to each ice cream parlor in town,” Rarity explained.
“I meant that it’s rude.”
“Twilight, is it really rude if we’re telling you to go?”
“Besides, we’re not heading back to the castle after this. We’ve got ice cream shops to hit up,” Pinkie exclaimed.
“I know a great one that isn’t too far,” Fluttershy interjected.
“You really are the best friends a girl could have. You know that?”
“Of course we do, Darling. Now get going.”
At her friends’ behest, Twilight rose from her seat, heading for the exit.
“Tell her we all said hi,” Rarity called out, waving her goodbyes.
The rest of the party, save for Spike, followed suit. The dragon gathered his uneaten gems, packing them into the bag Rarity had given him as payment for his services. He jogged out of the restaurant after his caretaker.
She passed the crowds, exchanging quick pleasantries with the hostess as she hurried out into the street. The crowd from earlier had dispersed, but several couples were still walking the lantern-lit paths of the city. Twilight flagged down a passing carriage pulled by a stocky mare.
“Where to?” she asked.
“Canterlot Castle,” Twilight replied before climbing aboard. Spike scrambled up the stairs after her, pulling the carriage door closed.
“You know, Spike, you can stay if you want. I’ll be alright by myself.”
“I think I’m all partied out, tonight. I think I’ll enjoy a night off with my family.” Spike winked. He clawed his way up onto the seat beside Twilight, curling up amidst the excess fluff of her dress skirt.
She watched the building crawl by beneath the flurries of white. Through the row of glass windows, Twilight could see the crowds of her subjects enjoying their late-night entertainments. Couples sat together in restaurants. Families huddled together for warmth as they moved from shop to shop. Everywhere she looked she found content ponies.
“Still worried about what everyone will think?” Without opening his eyes, Spike had called her out perfectly.
“Yeah.”
“Stop.”
“It’s not that easy, Spike.”
“It’s not the first time a former villain has turned over a new leaf.”
“Yeah, but Chrysalis is different.”
“How so?”
“None of them have ever met Nightmare Moon. Sure, they know the stories, but only that small crowd in Ponyville saw her in her corporeal form, and that was only for a little while. Discord turned Ponyville into a palace of chaos, but he didn’t seriously hurt anyone or cause any lasting damage.
“But Chrysalis? Changelings invaded Canterlot. They stole ponies away from their families and took their places. They’re boogeymen. Every one of those ponies probably knows someone or knows of someone taken by changelings. I don’t think it’ll be as simple.”
“If anyone can convince them, I know it’s you, Twilight.”
Twilight patted Spike atop the head, causing the dragon to fidget. “Thanks, Spike.”
“It’s what I’m here for.”
“What about you? How do you feel about Chrysalis?”
Spike grinned mischievously as he sat up. “I think it could be pretty fun.”
“You’re not scared of her.”
“I am. But at the same time, both you and Thorax vouch for her. I’m willing to try to get along with her.” He frowned suddenly. “That said, she did call dragons nightmarish. On second thought, maybe I don’t like her.”
Twilight rolled her eyes, causing Spike to snicker. She invited him to lay down beside her, gently kneading his scales as they listened to the sound of crunching snow and wooden wheels rolling on cobblestone. By the time they reached the castle, Spike was already snoring.
Enamored by the adorable sight, Twilight loaded the dragon onto her back. A feat which required far more dexterity without magic. Eventually, she managed to secure him firmly before stepping out onto the sidewalk. She handed her fare over to the driver, who tipped her snowy cap to the Princess before racing off.
“Princess,” the guards greeted her as she stepped through the golden gates.
“Good evening, Sirs. Has anything happened while I was gone?”
“Nothing to report, Your Majesty.”
They unlatched the gate to allow her passage. Balancing Spike on her back, she crawled her way up the long staircase to the royal suites. She passed Shining Armor in the throne room, giving out orders to several armored stallions. The two siblings shared an enthusiastic grin before parting.
In the upper halls, she finally breathed a sigh of relief as she stepped into the cool shadows of her bedroom. She placed Spike gently onto the couch, draping him in a soft sheet. In his sleep, he curled beneath the blanket. As she watched the baby dragon’s chest rise and fall, she felt the familiar sting of her old life.
A soft knock at the door drew her attention from the sleeping babe. When she opened the door, she found an enthusiastic Cadence waiting for her.
“You’re back early,” she stated.
Twilight gestured for her to step back. The two of them continued their conversation out of earshot of any sleeping dragons.
“Yeah. I . . . wasn’t really feeling well.”
“Makes sense. After everything you’ve been through.”
“How’s Luna?”
Cadence grimaced. “Not great. She’s awake, but hardly coherent.”
“And Chrysalis?”
The pink princess scratched at her mane. “She went to speak with Thorax while you were gone. Then Pharynx showed up, too. I don’t think it went very well.”
Twilight snuck a peek at the next door down.
“Is she in there?”
“Yeah. She wanted me to send you in when you arrived. That was a few hours ago. I can’t guarantee she’s still awake, but . . .”
“I’ll talk to her.”
As Twilight turned to leave, Cadence stopped her.
“One other thing.”
“Yeah?”
“I’m sending up Secretary Inkwell to meet with you.”
“What for?”
“If Luna isn’t able by tomorrow, then it falls to you to host the Royal Court.”
“The Royal Court? I never oversaw it before.” Twilight felt her heartbeat quicken.
“With both Celestia and Luna out, you’re the last princess here.”
“What about you?”
“I might be Celestia’s niece, but I’m also a foreign royal now, too.” Cadence explained. “Court nobles won’t take kindly to my appearance. I’ll still be there, though. As an advisor of sorts. So will Miss Inkwell and several other senior officials.”
“Couldn’t you have told me about this earlier? I would have prepared more.”
“That’s why I didn’t. I knew you’d freak out as soon as I told you. I thought you deserved a break first.” Her expression turned sullen. “Well, that and I hoped that Aunt Luna would be back on her hooves by now. And since that isn’t the case . . .”
“You still could’ve told me,” Twilight grumbled.
“I’ve done it before. It’s not too difficult. Just listen to some complaints from your subjects and get relevant information from your court. Then you make a decision.”
“No part of that sounds easy.”
“It is. I swear. And Miss Inkwell will be able to brief you on your cases for tomorrow. There’s only six of them.”
“Only six?”
“A few hours of work tops.”
“Are you trying to kill me, Cadence?”
“If I wanted to kill you, I’d poison your books.”
Twilight narrowed her eyes at Cadence while she tried in vain to hide an encroaching grin. The two broke into abrupt laughter.
“Can you help me out really quick?” Twilight inquired.
“What do you need?”
“Help me out of this dress. My magic still isn’t working.”
“Whoa, wait, when did your magic stop working?” She demanded, a little too loudly for Twilight’s taste.
“After we got back from the nightmare. I think I overexerted myself during my fight. I haven’t been able to summon my magic since. Look, it’s just simple burnout, okay? Can you help me out of this dress or not?”
Cadence ignited her horn, unzipping Twilight’s dress for her.
“Where did you get that dress? Also, is that your Element crown?”
“Do you like it? Rarity made it for me,” Twilight explained, gathering the pool of fabric from the floor. “She had the crown made, too. It’s just an imitation.”
“They’re beautiful. I might have to see about getting her to make me a dress before I head back to the Crystal Empire. Think I could convince her to open another shop up there?”
“You’d have to ask her yourself,” Twilight said.
Cadence departed with a zealous wave.
Twilight returned to her room, packing the dress neatly into her closet. She returned her tiara to its case and stashed it on the highest shelf she could reach. Ensuring both articles of clothing were secure, she sealed her closet up and tiptoed out for her late-night chat with Chrysalis.
“Who’s there?” Chrysalis called after a knock.
“Twilight.”
She heard a creaking mattress, followed by heavy hoofsteps. The door opened to let her inside. Taking a deep breath, she stepped into the eerie shadows of the bedroom.
“I missed you.”
A dark shape melted over Twilight, the weight threatening to drag her to the ground.
“Hey, get off me,” Twilight shook, trying to remove the changeling.
“No.”
“Seriously, I’m going to—”
Twilight never finished her statement. Her legs finally buckled sending both careening toward the ground.
“Did you fall for me, Princess?” Chrysalis joked.
As they lay in a tangled heap, they shared an easy laugh.
“I did.”
“Did you enjoy it?”
“Not sure yet.”
Chrysalis pressed her lips against Twilight’s. A brief, but loving kiss.
“How about now?”
“I think you’re laying on my wing.”
Chrysalis rolled over onto her belly before rising. She brushed herself off and helped Twilight up. Though the changeling blended exceptionally into the dark, she could still see the silhouette of her partner.
“So, how was dinner?”
“Lonely.”
“Weren’t there seven of you?”
“Eight.”
“That’s even worse.”
Chrysalis dove into her bed. Though she tried to dance like an energetic foal, Twilight noticed her shortness of breath and slight hitches in her movement.
“Is everything alright?”
“It’s better with you here.”
“What’s better?”
She couldn’t see the changeling’s face, but she could hear the thoughtful silence.
“I’ve been doing a bit of thinking, Twilight.”
“Oh dear,” Twilight said sarcastically.
“I’m serious,” Chrysalis whined. “I have something I want to ask you.”
“I’m listening.”
“I want to . . .”
Chrysalis hesitated. The night’s events unfolded in her head. Her chat with Thorax, her meeting with Pharynx, her short spat with Cadence.
“You want to . . .”
“I want to repaint my room,” Chrysalis stuttered.
“What?”
“I want to . . . repaint my room,” she repeated.
“Why?”
“Either let me paint over that map or I’m burning this place down,” Chrysalis explained.
“That was the serious thing you wanted to ask me when we talked earlier?”
“Yup,” Chrysalis announced, too quickly for Twilight’s taste.
“Chrysalis? Are you lying to me?”
Her shallow defense cracked like thin porcelain. “Yes.”
“Tell me what you want to say.”
“I’ve been thinking. What will you do when all of this is over?”
“All of this as in . . .”
“When Celestia’s healed.”
“Making some assumptions, aren’t you?” Twilight admitted sorrowfully.
“Humor me.”
“I haven’t really given it much thought. I’ll probably go back to my castle in Ponyville. That’s how most of my adventures usually end.”
“What about us?”
“What about us?”
“Are we still together in this hypothetical fantasy of yours? Strolling down the streets of Ponyville hoof-in-hoof?”
“I think so,” Twilight climbed into bed beside her Queen. “What about you? What would you like to do?”
“I don’t know.” Her voice sounded hurt.
“Didn’t you say you were thinking about it? Would you like to stay with me?”
Chrysalis chuckled. “What would your ponies think if you showed up with me in tow? I think they’d probably riot on the spot.”
“Give them more credit than that.” Twilight tucked in close to her companion. Her warm fur met cold chitin.
“You know we wouldn’t have an easy life together, Twilight.”
The purple princess burst out laughing.
“I’m sorry,” she said after calming down. “In my dream, you said the exact same thing.”
“And what did you say?” Chrysalis wrapped her forelegs around the snuggling alicorn.
“Something about being thrown through a mountain by Tirek.”
“Oh.”
“Yeah.”
Chrysalis shook off her confusion. “You know, I really missed you tonight.”
“Aww,” Twilight cooed. She squeezed the changeling tight. Like a teddy bear.
“I imagine your friends didn’t take kindly to our . . . partnership?”
“It’s definitely weird for them.”
“Well, it’s weird for me, too,” Chrysalis sneered.
“It will be for a while. Until this becomes our new normal.”
“I lied again, Twilight. That wasn’t the question that I wanted to ask you.”
“I know. I thought you’d tell me when you’re ready.” Twilight faked an evil cackle.
“There’s something I wanted to try with you. But it got me thinking about us. I don’t know if I can —”
A knock. Another cursed knock.
“Princess Twilight?”
“We’re busy!” Chrysalis roared back.
“Princess? It’s Secretary Inkwell. Cadence sent me to brief you on your Royal Court cases for tomorrow.”
“I probably need to go do that.”
“What? But I just got you back.”
“I know. But a Princess’ work is never done, right?”
“I guess,” Chrysalis mourned.
“We can continue this discussion tomorrow. No more interruptions. I promise.”
Twilight unraveled herself from Chrysalis grasp. She hurled herself out of bed to join the mare waiting outside. She blew a goodnight kiss to Chrysalis before shutting the door and plunging her back into the darkness.
Chrysalis felt herself tremble. The scent of Twilight hung in the air. The maddening taste of love. Hunger clawed at Chrysalis.
I told you it would be like this.
“Shut up.” Chrysalis snarled at nothing.
Can you really live like this?
“I said shut up.”
You know what you have to do.
“Please. Stop. I don’t want to hear this.” Chrysalis’ eyes misted over.
You know.
Chrysalis tried to fight back, but the mantra only echoed louder in her head with each denial.
You know.
You know.
You know.
Chrysalis buried her head in her pillows and cried.
“I know.”
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“Whoa, wait, when did your magic stop working?” She demanded, a little too loudly for Twilight’s taste.
“Yup,” Chrysalis announced, too quickly for Twilight’s taste.
Twilight sure has strange tastes even for my taste (joke)
does she refuse to feed on twilight?
10543231
Believe it or not, my first drafts of each chapter have far more repeated phrases than this. I tend to write first and figure out better wording for things during the editing phase. It would seem me and my editor missed this one.
10543268
hehehe! If you had let them in for me personally it would be really funny
Ohhhhhhhoh~
I believe I know what's going ooooonnnn~
Dis gon be good. Accept love Chrissy! Do it now!
Nuuu, don't change into a fruity skittle moose, Chryssie!
10543455
Just remember . . . "Sometimes, love hurts, Pud'n"
I meant to clean these up into a more proper review, but I only seem to get to read in small chunks here and there - not very conducive to a proper, wholly integrated review, I'm afraid. But I don't want to leave you without feedback, so here is at least a copy-paste of my rough and dirty notes as I've been scribbling them down:
Doctor is too emotionless when initially threatened by Chrys?
Breaks the tension that Chrysalis agrees to help too quickly
Chapter 8:
"For all the progress she’d made with her nervousness and friendships she had built with the princesses, she couldn’t kick habits ingrained over her life."
Telling, not showing.
Chrysalis feels petty by pranking Fluttershy.
Overall: Chrys confesses to lying much too easily and quickly. Feels like her motivations are not conveyed.
Twilight feels too naive.
Chapter 11: Twilight is falling for Chrysalis apropos of nothing. What's the draw? Why would she feel that way? Show us, don't just declare it so.
Said-isms: this story uses a lot of them, eg., things like "commanded," "questioned," "mused," "moaned," "defended." Many of them come off feeling misplaced or like they're used to add variety for the sake of variety, rather than used for a particularly significant descriptive nuance that really matters.
Please be aware that these are just some critical observations I jotted down in a very fragmentary fashion. Sorry I don't have a more comprehensive, well-rounded commentary, and particularly no annotations on what this story did right more than wrong. But at least this much feedback is more than nothing, so I hope it helps a little.
10545578
You make good points. Given that this is on the final chapter, did you actually read the rest or simply post it on the main page? If you finished it, I'd be ecstatic that those are all the issues you found with it. I know I'm not a perfect writer. I hardly consider myself a good writer. Feedback like this always helps me improve on my future projects.
I am curious about something, though. You note that you didn't add anything that you liked in this review. Is that because you found nothing you liked, or because you simply didn't take notes on it? I'd be interested to hear your overall opinion of the story. Did you like it despite the flaws, or is it just the worst. Let me know. Be brutally honest. It's the only way to improve.
Thanks for taking the time to write this out. I hope that you did enjoy the story, despite the flaws.
10545598
I actually did read it all, yes.
To clear my reasoning up a bit, the things I liked were not the things I took notes on because as an author, being told by readers what they liked feels great now, but it's not as helpful in the future, when I'm writing my next story. I find that the things I did right are things I'm pretty likely to do again. The same is true of things I did wrong – unless, of course, I'm told about them.
So no, your story isn't the worst. Brutal honesty: I think it's overly melodramatic sometimes. The fights tend to read cartoonishly (reminiscent of anime at points) and a lot of characters have their motivations insufficiently explored for me to feel as if they're sufficiently driving the narrative, which IMO certainly should be character-driven in a story that ultimately revolves around the characters' emotions towards each other.
But here's the most important good thing I can say: I find it, under those flaws, to be worth reading. It's worth it because it has a certain something that makes it read like the early work of an author who is alright now, will be good later, and just might eventually be great, if they keep writing.
You've got potential. I encourage you to keep going.
Of course you don't you silly little twit, you've decided to devote your life to someone you haven't even known for a week. That never ends well.
That's a terrible answer.