follow a college guy who some how gets turn into a perfect copy of Twilight Sparkle, and tries to find a way home.
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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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10775825
That's strange, considering Chrysalis choose Zack as her brood mare. That means they already used ponies for this purpose successfully. I actually like theory that it died due to lack of love since it's a changeling and his mother (Zack) felt exactly zero love towards it. So, there was no source of love to keep it alive. Additionally, Zack got blasted with the elements and despite them being power of all good against everything bad they could have unintentionally harmed the baby just by their sheer power. At least I'd give an explanation along these lines to leave a possibility for ponies and changelings to have babies together. Forming mixed families would really help them integrate into pony society in the future.
to pre-emptive any negative comments by morons complaining about Zack's sudden change of character and meekness
I like to see you try remain aggressive after experiencing a literal traumatic event that scarred you physically and mentally.
really nice chapter, tho i wonder if that little comment on getting her ball's and dick almost cut of in the process was just sarcasm ore not Oo
So the baby is dead?
10775887
remember Discord gave Zack a hermaphrodites' body, so they can't perform a normal c-section on her, without chopping her dick and balls off.
10775892
yes it is.
maybe time in EG would help Zack..AND keep her safe.
10776350
probably.....if i connected the two franchises together in this fic.
10775892
I hope not
10776390
it is. its dead as a doorknob, 6ft under, taken away by old cloak and scythe.
10776394
oh hell no you give that kid a new life
10776441
i had this planned before Chrysalis pumped Zack full of batter.
As it happens, I remember the 90s Pink Panther saying that key lime is his favourite flavour.
Side note: I like moments like these when it comes to my favourite pony. Her exuberant side is all well and good, but her compassionate side is often ignored.
Side side note: I feel for Zack, but am glad that she's mellowed out somewhat.
10776394
I like you dark humor very much
I'm not inclined to believe that. Despite their words, they don't have a good track record. When he first appeared they decided to just hold practically hooves qnd sing about friendship, and when he was rescued from Chrysalis they wete goading him to keep the child whilst pretending to support him and g8ve him a choice. Aside from Spike and Thorax I don't think any of them are even worthy of being called friends. Of course this g8ves a good opportunity for them to have a Redemptiin Arc where they change theur tune and actually act lije people he can be friends with.
This is part of the reason I don't think any of them are friend material. Their interactions with him are mostly about what THEY want instead of what he does. Despite knowing he wishes to be a human male, they tried to firce him to have a foal and constantly refer to him as a female. Basic logic says given his trauma them trying to feminize him woukd only lead to harm. Imagine ponies constantly called Rainbow Dash "Rainbow Crash", it woukd constantly remind her of things she doesn't like.
Soeaking of which, I have to ask if the story is evervgoing to start referring to Zack as male. He was birn one and sees himself as one, so the narrqtive referring to him as female doesn't really feel right at all.
10777242
as for referring to Zack as male, I did do that in the earlier chapters, but people complained about it by being confused with the gender terms. so I decided to just stick with the female term. so while Zack is female now, that doesn't mean she'll just forget her roots. she's fine being addressed as female for clarity and simplicity.
Mixing response from one character and reaction of the other like this doesn't work very well if at all. It looks like Zack said that instead of Pinkie. Better move Zack's reaction into next paragraph.
And if you think my response looks lonely — give it a hug!
.
.
.
.
What she said.
You get a 7/10 rating for a solid believable good fic that'd be higher rated if it weren't for all the errors. Get those fixed and it easily goes up to an 8/10.
10775871
I second this.
10796175
well I'm happy to see you enjoy my fic, whether it be little or big. and as for my grammar, I try to catch them all before I post them.
10796146
Sure, you can be the distraction
10802596
it is very good, i hope you continue and dont drop this. (and your grammar is fine)
10802785
the story will continue, but I'm giving it a break so I can work on other projects that I have posted and are working on.
I doubt Zack's gonna be feeling okay after suffering the worst kind of miscarriage. Still, Pinkie's doing a good job of acknowledging her limits and reining in her tendencies to reassure him and stuff.
Didn't Volume 3 technically just end right here? Meaning... those things will never come. ;P
Now, Volume 4 on the other hand, will likely be filled with nightmares, PTSD, paranoia, Zack jumping at shadows, and Chrysalis making her deranged move when (s)he finally feels safe-ish. Obviously.
I mean, this world is taking shit after shit on this guy - why stop there? Will it take Zack becoming a husk of a being for Twilight to finally figure out that shit needs to seriously change in how they view their world? Because this shit? It's always been just under the surface, if you dug up enough crap... Zack is just the first to get the fucking bingo.
And that's not even touching upon the low-key specieism that permeates the setting, and how - most of the time - everyone that isn't a pony is basically left to fend for themselves...
Good intentions? You know that saying too, right? The road to hell is paved with 'em.
I honestly don't know what to think of this little work. It's messy, the writing could be a lot better - both pacing-wise and word-wise - and it looks like the primary intention is to kick this guy down as soon as he's got some footing (hoofing?) under him. Or perhaps her. The story has potential, but it needs a lot of work, I think.
10847812
I appreciate the comments that you posted, and hopefully you did find some enjoyment in this fic. as for the criticism, I greatly appreciate it as it helps show where I need to grow and improve. as to these improvements, I am trying to pace the story, and do better on my grammar work. which is why I put the story of hiatus, so I can work on those.
as to the world shitting on Zack, things in Vol. 4 will start to look up, and get better. and during this process there will be some bumps along the way, but that's when Zack can point out the flaws in the 'gumdrops and rainbows' that Equestria is always presented as. and as to the (and how - most of the time - everyone that isn't a pony is basically left to fend for themselves) i'll just say that Zack will make changes to this, with the changelings taking some part in it.
10847927
That's always appreciated. Though I would urge you to find a good* editor - I think there's a board where you can ask for help in this regard - because two pairs of eyes work much better when spotting things like missing words, or mistaken homonyms. I did find enjoyment here, and I'm sure it would've been even better if I didn't have to trip over every other line. :-)
At any rate - glad that you're still on top of this. I'm curious as to where it'll go, because right now it could go anywhere.
Hope to see more.
* an okay editor will work too! ;D
10776448
Personally I would have taken it the other way. Made her overprotective, dead set on raising the child right, making sure they had a good life. If for no other reasons than it would give her the drive to keep going and because there might actually be an interesting story in it.
10894423
true but every time Zack would look at her child, she would see Chrysalis everytime.
besides, I have a family dynamic now fully planned out after a few revisions. and it won't need Zack to have a panic attack every time she looks at her kid.
i officially like this character
Imortals have a hard existance. Zack has to life with the experiences...
11123602
you like Zack? usually i get comments that hate or feel indifferent about her.
11153743
I feel the same love the character. It gives you this realistic feel to the character and to the story has a whole.
11189441
huh. strange, i thought i'd written a a guy whose attitude would make him a turn off. even with the circumstances that surround him.