None of this would’ve happened if Princess Celestia had made me an alicorn, like I deserve! I, Sunset Shimmer, should’ve been a princess!
Instead, I had to flee through that portal and now find myself in this unfamiliar dimension. No princesses, no ponies, and no magic. How am I going to live like this?
But it’s alright. I won’t stay here for long. I’m just here to bid my time until I rise to power. Then, I’ll finally overthrow Celestia and take my rightful place as ruler of Equestria!
But until then, I must learn how to survive in this new world.
CURRENTLY ON HIATUS
Review: Nailah
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Chapters (3)
Love it. Great story on Sunset Shimmer
10277889
Aw. Thank you, that means the world to me.
10277893
Welcome welcome
Two things that stuck out about this story:
1. The 1st person voice. It's one of the strongest I've read on any story here, and it's even strong in the description. Great job with that!
2. How realistic it makes Sunset's first few days in the EqG world feel. Seeing her forced to sleep in a homeless shelter made a lot of sense, and was also sad to read. Great job making me feel what Sunset is going through.
Looking forward to more
10295997
Thank you ever so much. Your comment means the world to me. I promise, you won't be disappointed with the next chapters to come.
All the stories I've read (and written) on Sunset Shimmer all focus on after she goes through the portal (between 3 and 4 years after). It's nice to read one that focuses on directly after. I cannot wait to read more, you really are onto something here.
10297440
Thanks, dear. And you wonʼt be disappointed with the rest. Pinkie Promise!
This could be interesting, considering your previous story, which I hope would be this one's ending.
What worries me is the almost month since the chapter's release. I put it on tracking when it came out and never got any notification of a second chapter which is why I didn't read it before.
Other than that, the pacing I think goes a little fast (she finds a homeless shelter right next to the school), but I can understand if you just didn't want to prolong the story with Sunset wandering about.
Hope this continues so I can give more of an opinion.
Turning off serious mode, I don't know why the show thinks ponies don't know what hands are when they have minotaur’s´ and monkeys.
I'm surprised that Sunset didn't get robbed in the homeless shelter, looking like she does in the show she would stand out like a sore thumb.
10297458
Thank you for the comment. And don't worry, I have every intention of completing this story. The second chapter is in the works.
Again with the pacing. This is the second time I've been told that ny story's moving too fast. I'll look for help right away.
I realize that my updates are not frequent. It's just writing is harder than it sounds. I'll complete the second chapter as soon as possible. Maybe I'll do a once-a-month updates. What do you think?
10297468
Something that might help, once you get the story written, read it thinking on where the character is and how much time it takes for them to move around or reach a point. sometime is better to do a cut to the next scene if you want to skip filler, but making the character get from one side of the city to the other in one sentence makes it look rushed.
Don't know what exactly makes your writing hard (you seemed to write very well so i guess is a matter of time) but you should choose a semi regular schedule to make them so people don't forget about the story and know that it's still being made.
I saw your comment on one of the groups so I thought I'd help out.
As for the story, I loved it. 1st POV was touching and the realistic. Not much more I can say to that
10297554
Aww. Thank you. Your comment means the world to me.
10298260 Of course. Anytime
10296495
No problem
Finally a new chapter!
I like how the story is going, and I like the ending problem since it's both very realistic and troublesome for anyone in that state.
PS: Sunset should try and use her homeless shelter adress as residence in her papers.
10401360
Thank you for the compliment. The find-a-job segment was originally supposed to in a single chapter, unfortunately, it was too long, so I had to break it.
Yeah, but slight hiccup. (Spoilers ahead, youʼve been warned.) The shelter kicks Sunset out in the very next chapter. She wouldnʼt want to write a residence she knows is temporary.
10401374
With her attitude, it doesn't surprise me.
Some shelters only give a 3 day stay, so she may have been kicked out anyways
Oh. Oh my. Just noticed. 2nd downvote. Oh goodness. Why? Who? I need to process this...
10401375
Itʼs not her attitude that causes her to get kicked out. Itʼs the shelterʼs limit on how long one can stay.
Also, Iʼm really happy you think Sunset has a bad attitude. I made sure to paint her as rude as possible, because this is pre-reformation Sunset. Heck, this is pre-CHS Sunset.
10401376
Don't worry about that. There are a 6-7 minimum dislike in every story.
Worry if it eclipses the likes.
10401382
And I like that. And I like more how one can see little cracks in that personality from time to time.
That said, she will need to be rude sometimes. I fully expect for her to get mugged in the streets or have to defend herself from someone.
10401390
“Get mugged in the streets”? I like that. Imma gonna steal that idea. Thanks!
ell, I was originally going to pass this story, but it managed to get my curiosity. I'll track it, let's see if you manage to grab my attention.
10401699
Thank you for giving this story a chance. More to come on future chapters. Iʼll make sure you donʼt get disappointed.
10401906
You welcome and best wishes.
I have to say, going into this I didn’t know whether I’d enjoy it or not. I definitely enjoyed the first chapter, and I really liked how you set the perspective up. It was nice seeing their thoughts and observations of the world they’re in as they took everything in, and seeing how she slowly started adapting to being human was interesting. Looking forward to reading the next chapter and seeing what else is in store!
10405361
Thank you for the compliment. You just put a smile on my face. Next chapter is up already and the third one is on its way. Comments like these are what keep me going.
https://www.fimfiction.net/group/213901/my-little-reviews-feedback/thread/446202/review-what-a-strange-new-world
Reviewed!
10406003
Reveiw! Yes! Thanks.
I've had this sitting in my read it later folder for a while now, but glad I got to it. I look forward to see how you handle these early days. Keep going.
To date, the last comment on this chapter was the 6th of September. Now it's December 11th.
In preparation to help you with this story, I thought about getting to know this character. That includes what her situation is, how it came to be this way, and her plans for the future. What I've gotten is she was a spoiled mare who had lofty ambitions about taking over Equestria, I.E. Celestia's job. Sunset's thoughts on revenge against Celestia for her failure to take over Equestria reminds me of my story "The Shadow Queen" except you made it far more clear why she wants revenge and I left it a mystery for the longest time on my main character and sprinkled little bits of the answers across the story, especially at the end. I'm not nit-picking here. Both are valid strategies.
The main thing I got here is how lost and disoriented Sunset is upon her first day of arrival. I also thought about how lucky she is to get exactly what she needs from moment to moment.
Lost in the cold and need someplace to sleep? Ah! Lucky for her, the homeless shelter is nearby. Plus, bonus, they don't steal from here despite her being the last to awaken.
Hungry? Well, lucky for Sunset, this shelter feeds her breakfast too, but what is that red mushy stuff? Oh, you mean it's meat? How DISGUISTING!
Tried of feeling lost in confused in a new an alien world? Well fret no further! The arrival to a public library will cure what ails ya. Plus, bonus, she happens to read the same language as this world. Also, geeze, I'm pretty sure it took me more than a day to write down my A, B, C's . . . but we got to keep in mind this was Celestia's top student, at least at the time.
It was at this point I saw a pattern. It's as if the Force is strong in Sunset which will deliver her exactly what she needs at each and ever possible moment, so when I consider suggestions for plans for the future, I have to keep this pattern in mind. Wherever she goes and whatever she encounters, it leads her exactly where she needs to be.
Let's pause a moment and consider this realistically. There would be a lot of problems by walking into a new an alien world. There is so many problems one needs to adjust to. For us to compensate with this, most of us have parents, or similar figures, that help us to prepare for adulthood throughout our entire childhoods. Sunset isn't starting from square one. She knows how to talk and think and plan. When I consider everything in our world, however, I got to admit how challenging it might be to a true beginner. This story does convey that in a bit of a contrived way but the show did that too. Friendship is Magic and Equestria Girls both condensed their stories on many occasions to allow it to fit into 22 minutes, so I actually accept this. I have to compare this story more to Equestria Girls rather than our earth.
What all of this builds up to is to convey the idea that Sunset begins with a lot of challenges but she adapts quickly either due to sheer luck or personal skill. Like her ability to learn to walk on two legs in one day. I got to give Sunset credit for this. That, in itself, does not sound like dumb luck. It's also somewhat in character. This was supposed to be a gifted student of Celestia, right? Then you'd be out of character if you made Sunset especially dumb. I'm not seeing that here. Even her getting arrested for shoplifting, it was promoted because of her desperation and she was aware that it was a risk. A truly dumb or ignorant character wouldn't even be aware they are doing something wrong. They'd just take everything blatantly and openly and think it is free. Very young children really do think like this. By showing that Sunset is aware of the risk, you show that she's more mature compared to a very young child which is in character for this time period of her life.
So with the basic premise established, I'll see where it goes from here. Once I establish all of that, I might have some suggestions about where to take the story from there.
10576175
Thank you, Scroll, for your, uh, blunt honesty. Don’t get me wrong; I really appreciate it. I will take your suggestions, advice and criticism in mind. And yeah, I am fully aware that my update is taking forever. Just assured, though, that the story is far from dead.
I wonder . . . if every chapter opens up with a question, will the next one be, "Where do I stay?" If the chapter emphasizes getting a more permanent place to sleep.
10577425
Yes, every chapter title is a question. It's the theme of the titles, an idea Ninjadeadbeard suggested.
10728159
Thank you for your comment. Honestly, though, that shot was just to get Sunset to safety, so I didn’t put much thought into it. Other than that, what did you think of the chapter?
Naughty Shiny. You save a young girl from a near sexual assault and don't even go speak to the night attendant about it? Ah well. Annnd being kicked out.
Of eveything here, I find the near fight scene with the gang, Sunset and "Officer S. Shield" to be the most thought-provoking. Even after I put the phone down, I continued to think about the implications of that scene and how I would explain my thoughts later on when I finally got home to type this up on my pc instead of that slow tiny screen of my cell phone.
Ultimately, I am not certain that scene was necessary, but we do learn a great deal from it. The character did too. She learned there are evil humans out there as well as protectors. The best and worst in one scene. As for us, it absolutely makes sense why Sunset would feel so helpless. She's a pony out of her world who doesn't have her usual advantages, nor would I expect her to suddenly bust out some expert karate moves. There is no reason to believe she had that kind of training before this moment either, and as far as after . . . maybe Rainbow could have taught her. One scene in the pony world suggested Rainbow Dash knows karate. Even if you were to convince me she had that kind of training, the human body is too alien to her right now. She should still be struggling just to walk on two feet let alone master the human form to the degree that martial arts can do.
But that's not all. We also saw how she reacts to danger. If you told us that this version of Sunset raised her hands and surrendered, I would have called shenanigans. What you wrote is exactly what I'd expect from her. She knows this is a losing battle but she'd rather go down fighting anyway.
Then you have this line from your authors note:
This, too, provoked some thought in me. This is the line that made me question, "Did we need that scene at all? How will it further the plot later?" The answer I came up with is, "Plotwise, I'm not sure we needed it, but we did learn a lot about the character nonetheless."
I also gave some thought about possible alternatives to this scenario, and one of them occurred to me as I read that section but before Officer Shield showed up. At the time, I was thinking, "Maybe she doesn't get rescued during this scene and the gang leader really does rape her. I can possibly accept this scenario from her because I know she ends up combative and bitter later on. That does make a good origin story for a villain." However, to fully accept that scenario, one condition must be met. The story would need an M rating. As I read that scene, I wasn't sure what rating it was so I went back and checked after I was done with the story. I discovered that it was E rating so far. That made me blink and think, "Whoa! Okay! So . . . all foul language and violence need to be really down-played." To protect that rating, the only way to do a scenario like this without good ol' Officer S (whom I thought was Flash Sentry for a while there except the gun through me off. Their color schemes do match.) is either to avoid it entirely or someone else comes in and rescues her, or someone within the gang changes the leader's mind. At this point of Sunset's timeline, I don't think defending herself against odds that is terribly realistic.
Later on I also thought to myself there is a way to explain the officer's presence without dipping too much into plot conveniences. He makes sense to be there if there is a reasonable explanation. For instance, maybe Officer S was keeping track of this particular gang because they caused much misdemeanors before. Maybe he also got an anonymous tip. What If this gang raped other women before? Maybe Sheild didn't want to fail in his duty again so he trailed these gang members this time, ready to pounce the moment they start causing trouble. I also thought about how likely he'd explain that to Sunset if that was indeed the case. I've come to the conclusion that I don't know police procedure enough to predict it accurately, but my guess is he would tell her that if he was convinced it would help to defuse the situation. I think he'd think she's rattled so telling her that would help to explain to her how she was not in severe danger this time. That, in turn, might calm her down. If you accept this suggestion then it's pretty easy to insert it, too.
Following that scene, something else changed. Sunset learned to react a bit more cautiously. That is a behavior I can expect from her ongoing as well, and that is what the scene really added plotwise.
I was also curious why she'd suddenly get dumped from the homeless shelter. The conclusion I've reached which has the most solid base is there is a time limit for everyone? Does the shelter rotate people?
Well, anyway, I suspect I know where that plot thread is going, but I'm a bit thin on why it occurred at all. Sunset seemed mildly content there, too. If that hadn't happened then she'd likely remain.
10728248
Thank you, Deutsche.
10728290
Ah. I understand. Shining was supposed to talk to Sunset more, get her side of things, make a statement and everything. But the thing is, he sensed that Sunset was pretty scared after the issue. And since Sunset is constantly moving, he won’t get to speak to her again.
10728457
Thank you ever so much for your feedback, Scroll. As always.
So, yes, the near-attack was needed. It’s for character building. It’s to show Sunset just how dangerous Earth is, and most importantly, how different everything is from her home. It’s also meant to make Sunset more cautious and alert. Her realization that she doesn’t have any power here motivates her to get said power. There’s more reasons, but that’s all I can think of.
Story’s E-rated, and that’s the word ‘rape’ isn’t even shown. Sunset knows about it because she’s knowledgeable, but has never heard of any instances in Equestria. I’ll also remove the word ‘bloody’ and replace it with ‘red’.
And again, thank you for your feedback. I really appreciate it.
Marking this for later, seems interesting.
10729621
Thank you for giving my story a chance. I hope I don’t disappoint.
I like it!
Here is a sentence that made me LAUGH!
Call me naive, but I think this is funny
This is a very good story that I should like right now!
The idea of seeing what happened to Sunset when she ran away is just SO GOOOOOOD!
10733373
Thank you for your comment! I really appreciate.
To be fair, though, if I was an alien-turned-human, I would think fingernails have no real use. Even if they do.
10733381
your welcome!