This was a bad idea.
A very, very bad idea.
I slowly open my eyes and blink a dozen times. I look around and I see this unknown, unfamiliar location. I look up and see the dark blue sky, brightly illuminated by the moon. The sky lacks the beautiful stars that I was used to back home.
Home.
I raise my hoof in an attempt to stand up. Wait. That’s not a hoof. There’s this weird, claw-like appendage where my right hoof should be. I raise my other hoof, only to discover the same appendage. What are these? I try to feel the rest of my body, and suddenly see the clothes I’m wearing. Where did those come from? My ears are not where they should be, they are on the side of my head. I have this tiny nose, instead of the muzzle I used to have.
I raise the appendage to my forehead, and freeze. Where’s my horn? Where’s my horn?! I take a deep breath, trying in vain to stop the incoming panic attack. Okay, so, no magic. I can survive in a world with no magic. Right?
A cold wind blows, and I shiver. Magic is my life. I don’t know how I’m going to live without it. I cautiously turn around. I’m at the base of some large statue, large enough to be the size of a door. This must be the portal back to Equestria. I raise the appendage and feel the cold, solid glass. Portal’s closed. Who knows when it’ll open again?
And that’s when I stop. The reflective surface of the portal allowed me to take a good look at myself. I can recognize some parts of my body. Amber coat, red-and-gold mane, and teal eyes. I look... Longer, for some reason. My body is fully clothed; there’s a leather jacket, a shirt with my cutie mark on it, a skirt, and two very long boots covering my back limbs. I’m not a pony anymore, that much is obvious.
But where am I?
I catch a glimpse of the portal’s side, and notice the other creatures here. They all look like me, or rather I look like them. They are walking on those limbs where my boots are, and holding things with the claw-like appendage. I need to blend in here.
Slowly and carefully, I raise the appendage and grip the edge of the portal. Then, I raise my body and try to stand. I fail and stumble back. I repeat the process a few more times until I can finally stand without support. I look at my reflection and realize that I am taller.
I need to walk. The creatures I saw earlier moved those skinny limbs one in front of the other. I grip the portal’s edge again and take a step. Then another. And another. I’m still shaking, but I can walk without holding anything. Good enough for me.
I glance back down and see the satchel I had brought with me. Only, it’s not a satchel anymore, it somehow turned into a backpack. I had filled it with coins, gemstones, food and a few books. I try to bend down to pick it up, but I lose my balance and fall, face first. Great; waaay to embarrass myself.
I finally manage to get up and pick the bag. How am I supposed to carry this? Maybe I should just hold this with whatever-replaced-my-front-hooves; it would be good practice on how to use them. I take the bag and repeat the process on how to stand and walk.
Of all the times I could’ve jumped through the portal, it has to be a cold, freezing night. I need a place to sleep. And a way to gain money to survive here. I also need to create a plan on how to get back at Celestia.
Celestia! None of this would’ve happened if she had made me a princess, like I deserve! Stupid, stupid princess and her stupid humility lessons. As if that matters! I was doing so well with my magic studies, and then she ruins everything by denying me my destiny! I would have ruled alongsi-
Another cold wind interrupts my train of thoughts. Right. Sleep first, we can deal with my stupid, former teacher later. I look around and that’s when I spot the large building in front of the portal. I can’t quite make out the color, but I can see it’s rectangular and has large, glass doors to what I can only assume is the entrance. Looks like a castle.
Note to self: check out the castle-building first thing in the morning.
I walk around the statue. There’s a road, but it’s larger and smoother than any street I’ve seen in Canterlot. There are large wheeled machines moving on the road. Huh. Nothing is pulling these machines; how are they moving? Is it by magic? I get the feeling I’ll be here long enough to figure it out.
Where will I stay for the night? I don’t actually have anywhere to go. I slowly walk on the road to get to the other side, and then something happens. One of the machines lets out a loud sound and stops right in front of me. I freeze, and notice the creature get out of the machine. He’s angry, I can tell. He yells at me and tells me to be more ‘careful’. What, am I not allowed to walk on the street anymore? I pay him no mind, and resume walking.
I reach the other side, and then I come across a medium-size building. The sign says, ‘Army’s Homeless Shelter’. Ugh, a homeless shelter? I go from living in a royal castle to sleeping with homeless people? But I guess I have no choice. I can’t stay out here in the streets, I’ll freeze to death.
Reluctantly, I push the doors open with the appendages and make my way inside. There is only one person inside. She looks older than all the other creatures I’ve seen so far. I tell her that I need a place to sleep and she leads me through a door. The room is very, very large room filled with beds and snores. The creature shows me a bed and wishes me a good night.
Yeah, right, “good night.” This has been the worst night of my life! I dump my bag by the bedside and stare at the bed. How am I supposed to even sleep in this new body? I take a look around and try to see how everypon- everyone else is sleeping, but the darkness doesn’t help.
Groan. Maybe I should lie down horizontally. I sit on the bed and raise the skinny limbs up the bed. I then pull the sheets over my body and stare at the ceiling.
Now we can deal with my stupid teacher. Or rather, former teacher. How dare she? How dare she!? She doesn’t get to decide what I deserve or not, that’s not her decision, it’s mine! And now, because of her, I’m in this weird body, in this weird dimension, sleeping with dirty, homeless people.
I suddenly realize that I’ve been gripping the bedsheets so hard that the appendages have nearly turned white. I really need to study the anatomy of my new body.
Celestia’s dumb, and it’s because of her that I find myself in this predicament. If she had just did what I told her to do, I would have been in her castle, warm and still magical. Oh, magic. I already miss the ability to levitate things as I please.
She will pay for this. I swear right now, she will pay! I just need a plan. A solid, foolproof plan where I gain enough power to overthrow her. But, first, I need to survive and blend in.
So, the bits and gemstones I brought aren’t going to last long. I also have the strongest feeling that they have a different currency here. I need food, shelter and clothes too, since the creatures here are all fully clothed. That means, I’m gonna need to a... A... A job.
Once I have a stable source of finance, I’ll check the castle-building. Since that was the only building in front of the portal, I’m assuming it’s of importance. Hopefully, I can take control of it, whatever ‘it’ is.
And then, there’s the question of the portal. I can’t take over Equestria if I can’t get there. Luckily, I stole a few books form the library right before I fled. One of the books must have some information. I’ll read those as soon the sun rises.
I have a plan. With enough time and resources, I should be able to... Execute it... Soon enough... Zzz..
My eyes open slowly and I blink a few times, trying to avoid the bright glow of the sun.
Hold on. This isn’t Canterlot Castle. Where am I? Am I lost? Did someone kidna-
No, no. None of these happened. I’m in this other dimension because Celestia denied me my destiny. That’s right. I have to overthrow her in order to take my rightful place on Equestria’s throne.
I look around and see most of the beds empty. The homeless people must have all left. I reach inside my bag to read one of the books, but my stomach grumbles. Food. I sit up on the bed and take out the apple I had brought. Only it’s rotten, so I throw it through the nearest window. Maybe there’s food outside the shelter. There must be a restaurant somewhere.
I close my backpack, making sure I have all my stuff inside, and then get up to head outside. The hallway outside the sleeping area is lined with several, identical doors. I head for the exit, but halfway through, I stop. There’s a very pleasant smell coming from one of the doors. Smells like... breakfast.
I turn around and jog for the door. Huh. I’m getting pretty good at walking as a bipedal. It’s really not that hard. I slow down to allow that wonderful scent to guide me.
I reach a slim, wooden door and step inside. I wasn’t able to see the homeless people last night, given the darkness. They are all here. In what looks like some sort of cafeteria. There’s a table, full of food, where the creatures (people?) are serving warm meals. Oh, well. Can’t say no to free food.
I grab a tray from the pile and make my way into the line. The food here is vastly different from what I’m used to in the palace, but not so different from my parents’. The meal-servers give me porridge, bread, an apple, a boiled egg and some red, mushy stuff. Dunno what that is. My tray almost full, I take a seat at one of the far-end tables. I sit down and stare at the porridge, and at the spoon next to it. How will I eat this? How are the other people eating this?
Ugh. I really need to learn how to do things around here.
I won’t use the spoon. Simple. I grip the bowl as hard as I can and dump the porridge directly into my mouth. They are all staring at me. I must look like an animal. I quickly finish the porridge and eat the rest of the breakfast. But what’s that red, mushy stuff that was put on my plate? I ask one of the people and they tell me that it’s meat. Wait, what?! They actually kill animals and eat those here? Eww.
As soon as I’m done eating (I left the meat behind, no way I’m eating that), I leave the shelter. The morning sun shines over the village(?). I walk along the huge, rectangular buildings. The entire location reminds me of Manehattan, which I’ve visited once. And that’s when I notice that none of the creatures are walking on the street. Must be why that man yelled at me last night.
I finally stop walking when I come across a blue building with multiple steps leading to double glass doors. The sign says, ‘Canterlot City Public Library.’ Library, yes! That’s exactly what I need. I get inside and start browsing through the biology section. I select a few books and put them down on a small table.
Once I’m comfortably seated, I grab a book at random and start reading. Reminds me of the times I’ve been in Canterlot’s library, studying magi-
No! Now is not the time to get nostalgic. You’ve barely been gone for a day. I quickly shake my head and get back to my reading. The sooner I understand this world, the better.
Okay, so I’m a human. Humans are always fully clothed. These are hands. And these are feet. Hands have fingers, which are used to grab things. Fingers have nails, which have no real use.
It’s two hours later, and my table is filled with much more books. I’ve gained a deeper understanding of how this world - the human world - works. I now know the name of every part of my body, and what they are supposed to do. But knowing something and actually doing it are completely different things.
I grab the pencil with my right hand. I can do this. I position my fingers around the pencil like the book said, and try to create the letters on the blank paper. A.... B... C... It’s a lot more easier with magic. D... E... I stop and take a look at my new handwriting. Sloppy. Messy. Unruly. Maybe I should try this with my left hand? Nah, one hand is hard enough.
I sigh and lean back in the chair. In the past few hours, I’ve learned a lot of things. Magic truly doesn’t exist here. It sends shivers down my spine every time I think about it. But, they have something else to compensate for it. Technology. This world’s technology is considerably more advanced than that Equestria’s. They have this thing called a ‘phone’, which is basically instant communication across any distance. They also the ‘Internet’, which do-
My stomach grumbles. Breakfast didn’t last as long as I hoped. I get up and grab my bag. Shoot! I forgot to study the portal's magic. Nevermind, I'll do that later. I turn around to leave, leaving all the books on the table. Someone else will put them back in place.
The warm sun hits my face as soon as I step outside, and I squint my eyes to adjust to its light. Must've been inside longer than I imagined. Now, where will I find food? This city is huge, there must be free food around.
I get down the stairs and walk aimlessly around town. Should I go back to the shelter? The food there was rather decent, but there’s gotta be something better around here. The streets are very busy with people and the... The... Machines everywhere.
Aha! Restaurant! I go inside and head straight for the counter. An employee greets me with a friendly smile. The main difference between the menu here and those back home is that this world seems to like meat. A lot. I finally find a meat-less list and settle for a lettuce and cheese sandwich. The employer nods, types out my order and gives me my bill. The amount I owe him is in ‘dollars.’
Oh no. This can’t be happening.
I quickly put my backpack on the ground, crouch down, and find my bits. I then get up and lay the bits on the counter. He’s confused, I can tell. He apologizes and tells me that this currency isn’t accepted around here. He cancels my order and apologizes again. I slowly make my way outside, dejected.
As soon as I’m out in the street, I collapse against the building. I’m alone. Broke. Homeless. Hungry. What have I come to? My stomach grumbles again and I simply can’t ignore it anymore. I touch my face, only to find it wet. Have I been crying? No! Sunset Shimmer doesn’t break down! I wipe away the tears and get up.
There has to be free food somewhere else. I don’t have a choice: I have to head back to the shelter. I walk slowly along the street, shoulders slumped and face wet with tears. My eyes suddenly catch a neon sign, visible even in the bright daylight. ‘Everyday Store.’ It’s a grocery store!
I step inside and take a look around. The is a few number of customers and an even smaller number of employees. I find an aisle full of bread, buns and baguettes. I look at the food , then at the door and then at the food again. I’m alone is the aisle, and nopo- nobody’s looking at me. I can just take the food and leave immediately. Nobody will know.
My stomach grumbles again. It’s louder than before. I’ve stolen plenty of stuff in Equestria, this is just another item in my list. More grumbling. It’s now or never.
I grab a hamburger and hot-dog buns. I also take a baguette for good measure. I stuff it all in my backpack. I look around. Left. Right. Left. Right. Coast is clear. I sprint for the exit. The door’s right here, I’ll reach it if I continue to run. I can do thi-
I stop running. Not by choice, but because someone is holding my wrist. I slowly turn around and instantly wish I hadn’t. He’s tall, large, and has huge biceps. He’s wearing a uniform. A guard’s uniform. He’s frowning, and I can’t break away from his very, very firm grip. He starts walking and drags me with him. I’m most definitely going to be arrested.
This was a bad idea.
Love it. Great story on Sunset Shimmer
10277889
Aw. Thank you, that means the world to me.
10277893
Welcome welcome
Two things that stuck out about this story:
1. The 1st person voice. It's one of the strongest I've read on any story here, and it's even strong in the description. Great job with that!
2. How realistic it makes Sunset's first few days in the EqG world feel. Seeing her forced to sleep in a homeless shelter made a lot of sense, and was also sad to read. Great job making me feel what Sunset is going through.
Looking forward to more
10295997
Thank you ever so much. Your comment means the world to me. I promise, you won't be disappointed with the next chapters to come.
All the stories I've read (and written) on Sunset Shimmer all focus on after she goes through the portal (between 3 and 4 years after). It's nice to read one that focuses on directly after. I cannot wait to read more, you really are onto something here.
10297440
Thanks, dear. And you wonʼt be disappointed with the rest. Pinkie Promise!
This could be interesting, considering your previous story, which I hope would be this one's ending.
What worries me is the almost month since the chapter's release. I put it on tracking when it came out and never got any notification of a second chapter which is why I didn't read it before.
Other than that, the pacing I think goes a little fast (she finds a homeless shelter right next to the school), but I can understand if you just didn't want to prolong the story with Sunset wandering about.
Hope this continues so I can give more of an opinion.
Turning off serious mode, I don't know why the show thinks ponies don't know what hands are when they have minotaur’s´ and monkeys.
I'm surprised that Sunset didn't get robbed in the homeless shelter, looking like she does in the show she would stand out like a sore thumb.
10297458
Thank you for the comment. And don't worry, I have every intention of completing this story. The second chapter is in the works.
Again with the pacing. This is the second time I've been told that ny story's moving too fast. I'll look for help right away.
I realize that my updates are not frequent. It's just writing is harder than it sounds. I'll complete the second chapter as soon as possible. Maybe I'll do a once-a-month updates. What do you think?
10297468
Something that might help, once you get the story written, read it thinking on where the character is and how much time it takes for them to move around or reach a point. sometime is better to do a cut to the next scene if you want to skip filler, but making the character get from one side of the city to the other in one sentence makes it look rushed.
Don't know what exactly makes your writing hard (you seemed to write very well so i guess is a matter of time) but you should choose a semi regular schedule to make them so people don't forget about the story and know that it's still being made.
I saw your comment on one of the groups so I thought I'd help out.
As for the story, I loved it. 1st POV was touching and the realistic. Not much more I can say to that
10297554
Aww. Thank you. Your comment means the world to me.
10298260 Of course. Anytime
10296495
No problem
I have to say, going into this I didn’t know whether I’d enjoy it or not. I definitely enjoyed the first chapter, and I really liked how you set the perspective up. It was nice seeing their thoughts and observations of the world they’re in as they took everything in, and seeing how she slowly started adapting to being human was interesting. Looking forward to reading the next chapter and seeing what else is in store!
10405361
Thank you for the compliment. You just put a smile on my face. Next chapter is up already and the third one is on its way. Comments like these are what keep me going.
I've had this sitting in my read it later folder for a while now, but glad I got to it. I look forward to see how you handle these early days. Keep going.
To date, the last comment on this chapter was the 6th of September. Now it's December 11th.
In preparation to help you with this story, I thought about getting to know this character. That includes what her situation is, how it came to be this way, and her plans for the future. What I've gotten is she was a spoiled mare who had lofty ambitions about taking over Equestria, I.E. Celestia's job. Sunset's thoughts on revenge against Celestia for her failure to take over Equestria reminds me of my story "The Shadow Queen" except you made it far more clear why she wants revenge and I left it a mystery for the longest time on my main character and sprinkled little bits of the answers across the story, especially at the end. I'm not nit-picking here. Both are valid strategies.
The main thing I got here is how lost and disoriented Sunset is upon her first day of arrival. I also thought about how lucky she is to get exactly what she needs from moment to moment.
Lost in the cold and need someplace to sleep? Ah! Lucky for her, the homeless shelter is nearby. Plus, bonus, they don't steal from here despite her being the last to awaken.
Hungry? Well, lucky for Sunset, this shelter feeds her breakfast too, but what is that red mushy stuff? Oh, you mean it's meat? How DISGUISTING!
Tried of feeling lost in confused in a new an alien world? Well fret no further! The arrival to a public library will cure what ails ya. Plus, bonus, she happens to read the same language as this world. Also, geeze, I'm pretty sure it took me more than a day to write down my A, B, C's . . . but we got to keep in mind this was Celestia's top student, at least at the time.
It was at this point I saw a pattern. It's as if the Force is strong in Sunset which will deliver her exactly what she needs at each and ever possible moment, so when I consider suggestions for plans for the future, I have to keep this pattern in mind. Wherever she goes and whatever she encounters, it leads her exactly where she needs to be.
Let's pause a moment and consider this realistically. There would be a lot of problems by walking into a new an alien world. There is so many problems one needs to adjust to. For us to compensate with this, most of us have parents, or similar figures, that help us to prepare for adulthood throughout our entire childhoods. Sunset isn't starting from square one. She knows how to talk and think and plan. When I consider everything in our world, however, I got to admit how challenging it might be to a true beginner. This story does convey that in a bit of a contrived way but the show did that too. Friendship is Magic and Equestria Girls both condensed their stories on many occasions to allow it to fit into 22 minutes, so I actually accept this. I have to compare this story more to Equestria Girls rather than our earth.
What all of this builds up to is to convey the idea that Sunset begins with a lot of challenges but she adapts quickly either due to sheer luck or personal skill. Like her ability to learn to walk on two legs in one day. I got to give Sunset credit for this. That, in itself, does not sound like dumb luck. It's also somewhat in character. This was supposed to be a gifted student of Celestia, right? Then you'd be out of character if you made Sunset especially dumb. I'm not seeing that here. Even her getting arrested for shoplifting, it was promoted because of her desperation and she was aware that it was a risk. A truly dumb or ignorant character wouldn't even be aware they are doing something wrong. They'd just take everything blatantly and openly and think it is free. Very young children really do think like this. By showing that Sunset is aware of the risk, you show that she's more mature compared to a very young child which is in character for this time period of her life.
So with the basic premise established, I'll see where it goes from here. Once I establish all of that, I might have some suggestions about where to take the story from there.
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Thank you, Scroll, for your, uh, blunt honesty. Don’t get me wrong; I really appreciate it. I will take your suggestions, advice and criticism in mind. And yeah, I am fully aware that my update is taking forever. Just assured, though, that the story is far from dead.
I like it!
Here is a sentence that made me LAUGH!
Call me naive, but I think this is funny
This is a very good story that I should like right now!
The idea of seeing what happened to Sunset when she ran away is just SO GOOOOOOD!
10733373
Thank you for your comment! I really appreciate.
To be fair, though, if I was an alien-turned-human, I would think fingernails have no real use. Even if they do.