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Prologue is spelt wrong.
10078076
Thank you so much. I'm glad that mistake is caught early. Fixed it.
10078163
Excellent. Good start.
10078163
Have you considered an editor?
10078169
I've certainly considered it, but my options seem thin to me. I do my best on my own but that can only get me so far. Do you have any suggestions?
10078170
Ask around in groups, someone is bound to help. This one looks promising:
https://www.fimfiction.net/group/97/looking-for-editors
10078173
thank you
10078178
No problem
10078229
So I've signed up for the group, posted the story on relevant links, and also did the proper procedure according to the rules of that group and that's to make a new thread, which is located here for anyone interested to check it out.
Interesting premise with a solid start, I look forward to reading more.
10080966
Thank you. I look foward to hearing from you and everyone else more as well. The more feedback I get, the more it may help me improve as a writer.
Before I read this, I must know: How and why could Cozy possibly think she's a hero?
10085392
In the vast majority of this story, she doesn't think that. In fact, its the precise opposite. This is a story from the villain's perspective. She actually thinks of herself as a villain and is proud of it . . . at least at first. Chapter one, in particular, shows that Cozy eventually sees the light and the error of her ways.
This is a redemption story. A story of progress through regression first.
There are consequences to dark actions that even an evil genius can't foresee, just like there is always a price for using dark magic. By learning more about what doesn't work in life, it guides the character to a better way of thinking eventually. Her world view has to break down first before it can build back up as something far more beautiful.
Plus, she's not all bad, even if she thinks she is. There are those she cares for and may get surprised just how relatable her self-proclaimed enemies are.
I believe all perspectives can have their own entertainment value. This one is a very different challenge for me, but I'm attempting to push myself in order to improve my quality and versatility as a writer. I am doing something new in many ways, especially from my perspective, and I would very much appreciate any feedback to help guide me. I want to know if I'm doing something which others can consider valuable, and if not . . . I'd like to know how I can improve more.
Chapter 2
Chapter 3
Human Cozy will not like it to learn her counterpart has been turned to stone or she’s hated
10121330
One would think not. Read n in future chapters and you will find out how she'll react.
Called it. Also isn’t it ‘No, I DO understand.’ Instead of DON’T? Also you aren’t sorry. Sorry, pointing out grammar mistakes
10125662
Actually, Cozy is agreeing with Twilight in that statement, saying she doesn't understand the following that comment with "All I see is her betrayer." But I can see how you might think that she would say "do" instead of "don't".
Don't give up the search for errors, however, You may indeed find some that I did not intend. If you like, I can offer you the gdocs version where you can edit the document directly if you find any further mistakes. All I need is a valid e-mail address from you to give you permission to edit it. You can even make up a brand new e-mail account if you want to. As an additional incentive, I have written up to chap 31 so far on that document. I can throw in additional, unexpected rewards on occasion too.
Damn, talk about a wake up call. I love how Cozy laid in the facts to Twilight.
You mean you can't try to reform the three now powerless beings unlike with Discord, who had all his powers upon his release?
10128635
there are more surprises in store for you on that subject in future chapters, so stay tuned.
But speaking strictly based on your comment, yeah. Discord was a far more dangerous former villain than any one of them. Discord could just snap his claw/paw and suddenly everyone thinks he should be a leader and always remain so, thus removing any possible threat against him by forcing everyone not to have any motivation against him.
10125662
I should also add, "Yeah, you did call it! High hoof bump, bro."
It was very satisfying - she said what people think and the only thing that's missing is smashing this stupid purple face.
10129910
Glad you enjoyed it. There is more to come.
Yeah, in this one I poured out some of my frustration with the way the show canon pointed out and I did it in character. How would human Cozy react to this situation? Probably a lot like the rest of us human fans except she is much closer to the situation.
That was intense, poor Golly, I hope she's okay.
10131565
It is an experience Cozy will never forget.
Did you call her "Golly?"
10131573
derpicdn.net/img/2019/9/2/2134482/medium.png
10131700
I like that pic! Thanks for sharing that.
Will give Human Cozy some points to set fire to Twilight's personal library. She's trying to get back home after learning that Princess Twilight turn her pony self into stone. She's never accept friendship after that truth. She'll hate her mom's pony version, her magic of corruption and maybe destroy the portal to Equestria to say 'Fuck you Equestia and the Magic of Friendship or should I say CORRUPTION!!!'
10131770
Your predictions are on point. I'd like to take some credit for that for communicating the situation and human Cozy's feelings clearly which is further augmented by the reader's enhanced perception of the show and what happened there.
One of my editors, Bad Dragon, said that something that's tricky about the first-person perspective is to share information to the readers that even the main character doesn't know about. Should I take your predictions as a sign that I have succeeded in that goal?
Hypothetically speaking, even if you're wrong, it's fun to talk about these kinds of things anyway. That's what fans do. They discuss things about the thing they are a fan of.
Keep it coming. I love the comments from you all.
A long chapter with a difficult situation for Cozy. A conversation between them that was needed and expected by fans, but still, no wonder why she didn't trust the "protagonists"...
Don't see what everyone's problem was with Cozy going home. She never commited any crimes in Equestria nor did her going through the portal destabalize the world or something so I don't really know what Twilight's friends were thinking by trying to keep her in Equestria.
Other then that good chapter. Really like Twilight in this one.
I say the ending is very good and creative. And the insult to Princess Twilight about changing what she did to Pony Cozy, it took her over a decade and someone from another universe to change her mind. That would show the Magic of Friendship is not always showing mercy and forgiveness to those that cause them harm. So no Friendship is not magic, it’s corruption
10132976
Yeah. In fact, it's still the longest chapter yet unless you combine some of the next multi-part chapters.
But I felt this one needed to be this length. I didn't want to skip any details. I wanted the flow of the conversation to build from one point to the next with logical and appropriate narrative flow. Every word they said provoked the next response until this chapter reached its ultimate conclusion.
The Cozy in my story can be a very wicked girl and, at times, she is even proud of it. But as a main character of the story, even someone as formidable as her has to face a few difficult challenges. Not even the bad guys have it easy all the time. There are challenges and consequences to that path in its own right. Enough, eventually, to get sort of a wake-up call.
My aim of this story is to make my main character into a sort of villain, true, but not entirely irredeemable and also relatable. If she really is a monster, then there should be a reason for it. Nobody is simply born evil or good. Instead, it's a combination of what happened to them and the choices they make in life.
So what do you think of all of this? And what are your predictions moving forward with the story? Or, where do you hope the story will go?
I'm impressed with how fast you get to this story and comment on it. It shows how much you care, and I appriciate that. Nice to have a fan.
10132985
Twilight's friend's resistance stems from a place of fear, and Pony Cozy's past leaves a lot for them to fear. Decisions based on fear rarely end up rational, and they are, unfairly, judging human Cozy by her counterpart's standards out of fear that it could get that bad again.
However, in this story, Twilight has a more enlightened perspective because she has seen the work of human Cozy and how proud she made her mother. Twilight was scared of human Cozy at first, too, but experience taught her to relax those concerns. Once Twilight makes a decision, she can be firm on it if it's something that is really important to her like it is in this case.
None of this is meant to excuse Twilight's friends so much as to explain their mindset. Does it help?
Also, as far as crimes are concerned, there is that starting a fire in the library in Canterlot, but what after Cozy suffered through because of what she saw, a tantrum is quite understandable.
10132992
At least Twilight learned her lesson in this story. Seeing the harm she caused through human Cozy's eyes changed her mind. That, combined with what she learned about human Cozy in the human world.
Cozy's reaction at the end of that chapter might have put Twilight's plans about freeing the other three in jeopardy, but i don't think Twilight is that wishy-washy. If anything, she is more likely to blame herself for causing an innocent girl to become a villain in the human world too. This kind of segways into what you said about Elements of Corruption. The heroes try to do good, but they are not perfect either. Nor is a villain like human Cozy irredeemable either. Like anyone else, she yerns for love. When she finds it, she desperately clings to it and will fight like hell to defend it.
Wow. Looks like Vito, asdtroi8895 and Gameplayer 64 finished and commented on this chapter within the same hour, so you guys read at pretty much the same speed.
10133012
Yea, its kind of wierd. I personally have chrome memorize my tabs and often see new chapters early. I also follow a 4chan thread where a guy is writing https://www.fimfiction.net/story/457581/the-ending-of-the-end-love-and-tolerance-edition and others talk about fixfics in general. Pretty much reminded the thread about this update as this story was brought up earlier so I guess the others might have seen it there as well.
10132993
This is a good question, and there is not a single good answer to it. Writing a LoD fixfic today is either:
1) fully accepting and trying to justify what happened in season 8 and 9, then trying to develop the continuation from that
2) trying to undo the damage, showing how stupid and unreasonable were ponies with villains
For #1, it's personally the most non-enjoyable scenario, as you accept the fact ponies can be cruel and "friendship" is power, a tool to subjugate those, who can be useful (i.e. Starlight).
There are a few stories like that, and all of them feel very, very out of character, immature and edgy.
For #2 - personally, the only way to go, but you have to be careful to not to swing it the other way - Legion of Doom messed up, they are not innocent angels.
Your story is option 2 with a pinch of option 1, as Applejack, Starlight and the gang tries to convince Twilight to leave the trio as a stone statue. As much as, in these situations, I just want to take a shovel and smash their faces for their double standards, in this scenario I'd just remind them - if Twilight wanted to stone anyone who messed something up in their life, all of the gang should serve as a bird poo collector in Canterlot Gardens. If I remember correctly, Starlight Glimmer tried to literally kill Twilight and Spike at least 6 times during a single episode, then had no brakes to destroy the world, because her friend left her. It took Twilight a half of a goddamn episode to beg her on knees to give friendship a second chance. Twilight and the gang did literally nothing to help a kid, who, as far as we know, came out of nowhere, is probably an orphan (unconfirmed lore) and doesn't get the meaning of friendship. A perfect example of the whole school, being a teacher and a princess of friendship failing with a loud crash. This is just illogical. Not even mentioning Discord's role and how everyone accepted it as something completely normal.
I expect from this story to go in a realistic direction, sticking to MLP:FiM spirit. How would react Cozy, Tirek and Chrysalis to unstoning, how many second chances they will get, how many mistakes ponies will make and what methods they will use to at least talk with them, how Twilight will resolve the conflict between herself and human Cozy - it's up to you. In my opinion, Twilight should not only ask the trio "why?" or "how can we make peace?", but also herself "where and how many mistakes I made?"
10133106
Oh wow! That's a coincidence. I think maybe I looked at your fim fiction page, glanced through your followers, click on "StarlightglimmerisAdorable" or something to that effect, glanced through that user's stories and I happened to notice "The Ending of the End Love and Tolerance". When I read that story short discretion, I personally invited that writer to look at this story. I very rarely do targeted invites like that. Now I see you holding up that story in particular and I just have to blink and think, "OMG! What a coincidence!" Now that I've encountered that story twice from two separate instances in one day, I may have to check it out. At least put it on "read it later."
10133334
Damn, that is quite the coincidence!
As for that story it is really good. It is essentially a rewrite of the finale that the author writes bit by bit in the 4chan thread I mentioned and edits them for this site. I would highly recommand reading it.
10133214
In the show, I see Twilight second-guessing herself all the time. As she gets older and more experienced ruler, I think this trend would decrease, but it's out of character to believe she's always 100% confident of her decisions all the time.
And those three, Tierk, Chrysalis, and Cozy Glow is a very big stain on her record. They are sitting there in her garden, a constant reminder of her crimes. I think this would bother Twilight over time. I think she would constantly ask herself, "Could I have made a better move?" And thinking of Starlight, she gave her a chance.
A moderate form of complacency is my best excuse I can think of for why Twilight delayed this long to settle this issue. That, and maybe she really was busy. But when human Cozy showed up on he doorstep, I think this is the slap on the face she needed to get a rude wakeup call. The story unfolds from there.
I was appalled at the treatment again Cozy at the end of Season 8. She did do a major crime. That should be ignored, but they turned the other cheek for Starlight and Stygian. Starlight also tried to redeem Chrysalis personally. After that, did she say to herself, "Everyone gets only ONE chance. After that, crucify them."
Okay. Well, I'll take that concept as a starter then paint a realistic picture over that. If they are going down that route, then I'll make the consequences clear. This issue is not settled until everyone can live in harmony.
Vito, thank you for sharing your thoughts.
10133346
Thanks for the tip. I probably will do that.
I wonder how someone jumped from a story about a little filly being able to play the piano really well to Cozy Glow being kind of reformed
Oh well
i.imgur.com/4H3Ek7T.png
10137824
Wow, I got a lot of questions about this comment. Cozy plays the piano too? i wrote her as good with a violin in my story.
Also, why are the two stories in that picture being compared to each other, or are they?
Or maybe you don't know. It's just an observation you made elsewhere.
10137845
No in my story, my character plays the piano and it's central to the story, I'm pointing out how weird it is that people jumped from that to this. The other story is kind of 'in the way' between the top showing that it's under 'also liked'
10137848
I'm sure they are both quality stories. It's interesting that you felt that the character should have musical talent too. In mine, I wouldn't call it essential, but it's there, and it's more than a one-off note. It keeps coming back, presumably unpredictably by most of my readers because it usually comes up with no warning at all.
I'm just happy that both of our stories end up on a list like that. It helps to bring both attention. I feel like that wasn't always true. Maybe the like/dislike ratio is helping the story to get noticed more on things like that.
Will human Cozy meet the Dazzlings?
10142023
You'll have to wait and see!
One thing I can tell you without spoiling anything is human Cozy does admire their work. She was secretly playing it in Chapter 4, and she also admires their methods.
(Insert sad spike emoji here)
10144251
Lol. Oh, that's funny.
Of course, I was thinking two things when I wrote that line. One was the fact that Equestrian Spike might feel threatened (as he was when Owlicious seemed to take over his job), and pony Cozy pretty much said the same thing at one time.
I take it you are reading the story and you're up to chap 5 so far?
I noticed you stored this story in two folders. One of which I understand, and the second confuses me in two ways. they are "New chapters to release". That one is straight forward because the story is listed as incomplete, but that might change soon. The second is "Hie/Poe/eqg". I might be derping on this one, but what is HIE and POE? The last one i know, "Equestria Girls".