This story is a sequel to Sky Dancer, the First Flying Unicorn
Star Breeze feels eager to get on with her own adventures in the Tardis, even though a part of her still doesn't feel ready. Her father offers her a suggestion for a short little detour in her life that may offer her what she hoped for, and more, but Star Breeze is going to become intimately familiar with the phrase, "Be careful what you wish for!"
This story is a short sequel to the story "Sky Dancer, the First Flying Unicorn". More specifically, it takes place between Chapter 29 and the Epilogue but, since it actually contains a few spoilers for the Epilogue, one might want to read that first.
Chapters (8)
I think you should mention in the description that this is a Depth in Innocence entry.
10246496
Okay. I can do that, and wow! You are the very first commentor on this story since it's posting. I started to feel like nobody cared for this story, and for the most part I still hold that opinion. Thank you for the feedback. I'll go ahead and do that now, at least until the contest is done. If it wins it, though, I'll certainly add that to its description.
The description of space at the beginning is beautiful.
I wonder if Star Breeze’s name is a reference to solar wind?
This part doesn’t make sense:
Forced to do what?
I think that this first chapter might have turned people off. It’s the longest one in the fanfic and it’s mostly exposition.
10247016
Yeah, you may be right. Anyway, to answer your question, what she's forced to do is forced to wait. If I have to explain that in a reply instead of the chapter itself making it clear, though, then I certainly see a problem.
As it stands, My Little Detour has the least views, while "The Shadow Queen" is getting a lot of people putting that story in their favorites. This has taught me a clear lesson about what audiences on this site generally want.
I’m going to be blunt: a lot of your prose is pointing out the obvious. For example:
The last two sentences aren’t necessary. Most people would be able to figure that out on their own.
10253215
Thank you for the tip. I went ahead and made those corrections.
That said, it isn't the only example that needs correction in the story, is it? I thank you for your honestly. If you wish, I can offer you the link to the google document that is the source of this story. From there, you can offer any corrections, questions or comments directly within the story itself and also highlight the parts you are talking about. This is not a demand, it is an offer.
This was disqualified from Depth in Innocence for being mostly written before the 1st of February 2020.
"Reading" every Depth in Innocence Contest entry: Bonus Story 5: My Little Detour by Scroll
... or not.
I feel really bad about this, but I can't really read this the same way that I read all the other entries. Not because it was disqualified, but because it's a part of a much larger work. I just don't find it far to read and comment on this without the context of the "main" story, a story that exceeds 300,000 words, that I haven't read. (It is on my Bookshelves, but those are so full up with stories already...) So unfortunately, I can't really say anything about this story. I'm sorry.
10314354
Wow. To tell you the truth, I didn't think this story would win, but I did have one goal in mind when I posted this story on "Depth of Innocence". I thought that it might get at least one person to review it, but the only comments I got from this story is why it won't be read. This is, by far, the most neglected story I've ever written for this site. That's so sad.
But I thank you for at least explaining why it isn't read. Thaat's more than almost anyone else has done.
10314335
Wow. To tell you the truth, I didn't think this story would win, but I did have one goal in mind when I posted this story on "Depth of Innocence". I thought that it might get at least one person to review it, but the only comments I got from this story is why it won't be read. This is, by far, the most neglected story I've ever written for this site. That's so sad.
But I thank you for at least explaining why it isn't read. Thaat's more than almost anyone else has done.
10314622
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