A perfectionist’s plan goes awry.
Page generated in 0.019 seconds
Total duration
1,021 users online
1,667,002 hits today, 2,660,641 yesterday
My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
Designed and coded by knighty & Xaquseg - © 2011-2024
Support us
SubStar
Chat!
Discord
Follow us
Twitter
MLP: Friendship is Magic® - © 2024 Hasbro Inc.®
Fimfiction is in no way affiliated with or endorsed by Hasbro Inc.®
(Insert sad spike emoji here)
10144251
Lol. Oh, that's funny.
Of course, I was thinking two things when I wrote that line. One was the fact that Equestrian Spike might feel threatened (as he was when Owlicious seemed to take over his job), and pony Cozy pretty much said the same thing at one time.
I take it you are reading the story and you're up to chap 5 so far?
I noticed you stored this story in two folders. One of which I understand, and the second confuses me in two ways. they are "New chapters to release". That one is straight forward because the story is listed as incomplete, but that might change soon. The second is "Hie/Poe/eqg". I might be derping on this one, but what is HIE and POE? The last one i know, "Equestria Girls".
10144374
HIE is Humans in Equestria, POE is Ponies on Earth, and I love how this story is going so far. For reall, I had a mental celebration at Neighsay's death, because I thought it was legit.
10317444
Thank you for the explanation of the terminology. I had a hard time figuring out what comment you were replying too at first until I realized it was the one way back in March. After all that time, you finally answered the question.
Did you notice how Neighsay here was ironically similar but different from his pony counterpart? Still as racist, but now his beef is against ponykind, the very same that is pony self so vehemently defended.
As Cozy pointed out in this chapter, his fears are somewhat justified considering how many magical mishaps ended up nearly endangering human lives. Cozy's pony counterpart is kind of racist too. That's why I used to think pony Cozy was a hired spy for Neighsay until I saw the season 8 finale. This chapter was supposed to reflect similar tension between them despite, or perhaps even because of how similar they are. Human Cozy here can see eye-to-eye with Neighsay on some things, but dis her beloved mother in this fic, and that person will land on her shit-list for sure.
In case you are interested to know, a lot of the readers of my story felt the same way you do about Neighsay and one other character later in the story. When/if you get around to that other person, try to guess which one.
Was not ready at all for Cozy to go all Assassin's Creed on Neighsay right in front of the school!
Also does this Cozy actually have OCD that is clinically diagnosed? Or is that just her descriptor (that she used in like chapter 2) of her desire for perfection in all that she does and organizes? Because from this chapter I'd almost expect she has something else from her vivid daydream.
10338379
First of all, I think this is the first time I seen any of your comments in this story so thank you very much for that. If you make any more, I'd like to know what you think chapter by chapter. That kind of information helps refine my art as a writer so I very much appreciate it.
I guess there are some questions that may never get a direct answer like that, but based on what you've seen of her so far in this story and in the show canon, you can easily surmise that Cozy has quite a number of mental issues like OCD (for perfection), insecurities, paranoia, deep-seated grudges, possibly hallucinations. Everything about her has a reason for it, and more and more of that gets unveiled as the story goes on. Each chapter usually adds a new layer to her dynamic which I think is a good story-telling tactic if a story is going to be so heavily focused on one main character as the "protagonist", yet this story has a lot of subversions to expectations on multiple fronts as well, such as focusing on a character usually reserved for a villain role, but this is also a redemption story as you may have gathered from chapter 1.
As for me as a writer, I've done a lot of new story-telling experiments to this story that is based on the feedback I got from my previous stories that I posted. From them, I learned what tends to work and not work. Using that accumulated information, I did my best to try to cater to the widest set of audience. A specific example is shortening down the length of the paragraphs and chapters. I've been told that makes for an easier read.
I've also been guided by other programs on spelling and grammar fronts using programs like Grammarly that not only corrected mistakes as I typed them out, but also taught me more about proper English during the process so I ended up making fewer mistakes as I learned.
As a result, this is one of the cleaner stories I've produced even as an early draft. Nevertheless, just like all of my previous stories, I always find something I can improve every time I go through it.
This wasn't too much of an exposition dump on you, is it?
10338410
Yeah, I don't often make much effort to comment on stories, but yours is completed and been good for as far as I've read and seemed to be lacking comments (at least in some of these early chapters), so I stepped in on this one.
I'll try and give you some of my thoughts or feedback every other chapter or so, though take my suggestions with a grain of salt as I have no experience in buckling down and actually writing out a substantial story.
One thing I've noticed so far though is a tendency in this story to very readily break up character dialogue into separate paragraphs, which in some cases may work well, but I might find confusing in other cases. Like in this chapter (Ch. 5) specifically:
In this, especially if I'm reading too fast over the speed limit (which is a frequent crime of mine), I might get confused as to who is speaking, especially since Neighsay has only said one word before starting a new paragraph. Indicating that it is a new paragraph is probably grammatically correct, but I think I would have indicated a pause and a change in subject by just saying someting like "'Indeed.' Neighsay paused before continuing 'Well, ...'"
10348540
I think others have complained that paragraphs were too long before. This is the first complaint I got for it being too . . .
Well, I take that back. There was another that was confused on that point. The key here is to look for end quotes of each paragraph. If you don't see one, then that means the next paragraph is the same character talking, but they changed subjects enough to warrant a new paragraph. This system all tells the reader more about the speaker's language style. Neighsay, in this case, I think can be that abrupt. He's proper, curt, and to the point so strongly that some consider him downright rude. That sudden shift in subjects shows his abrasive qualities. It is that, "I don't care what you think. I"m talking in my own way."
However, I realize that is a random example which might be one among many. I may take a closer look at the story in future edits to see if I can condense things a little better, but my advice above should apply until then. Look for those endquotes. They will clue you in. If you are reading fast, though, I can understand why that might be a problem.
Breaking down the paragraphs is an attempt to break down the "wall of text" that some have complained about in other stories of mine. The short and sweet bite-size of these paragraphs was an attempt to make it easier to read. Now I'm attempting to accept any excuse it takes to make a new paragraph, and for that I examine if the subject matter shifted enough.
Thank you for the comments. I really appreciate it so I can learn. Since this website lacks a way to report like or dislike for each chapter, comments are not only the next best thing but even the superior thing because I can get more feedback, but it costs more effort. As you can see from my reply, however, I'm certainly willing to match or surpass your comments unless there really is nothing worth saying.
But what is the fun in that?
He has a point. If your job is to be there an hour early then she is not doing her job.
Very true. All teachers have to report child abuse.
Also done.
10677602
It's all about what's sensible and safe, therefore would be in character.
Multiple times I tried to paint Neighsay as a doosh who still has a good point. A kind of character you might not want to agree with (because he's an asshole) but his logic is hard to deny. In order to be in character, I figured to write him in a way that makes sense to him.
10678252
So I get the feeling you are going for a Robert peck character. The problem with that is that I never saw Robert peck as the bad guy. And I don’t see neighsay as a bad guy or a bleep hole. However some of the things that he said would normally get a teacher fired.
10678809
I suppose you would know from a professional standpoint.
You had me going there for a second, lol.