A perfectionist’s plan goes awry.
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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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Unfortunately ponies are far too stupid and gullible to make smart decisions.
10154444
lol. I've noticed, and you might have noticed I portrayed that point realistically.
10154617
I did.
10154617
Crap mate. Reading this chapter, I figured you had an IQ of 197 or something.
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😊 Thank you, mate! 👍
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It's 18 hours later and I'm still thinking about this comment. I want you to know I'm honestly flattered, but also curious. When I think of the events of this chapter that you posted this comment on, I'm trying to guess what was within it that might have provoked this comment. LIkely it is in addition to everything that came before it, but the most eye-opening thing I can think of in Chapter 8 is the hints about Cozy's troubled past which is shown through her recollection of her "dreams" in this chapter. This one is intentional build-up designed to reveal more about the character to the readers and herself one layer at a time. In an effort to take this character seriously, I had to ask myself why she is the way she is.
Maybe you were also amused at the idea of a pegasus being scared of heights? It plays for laughs in this chapter, but it's honestly based on a tragic reason.
I will say, Cozy is lucky that Twilight didn't decide to run all the words in the password together or to separate them with hyphens or underscores or any other sort of small insignificant change that could have been done to the password string. Although, I suppose the argument could be made that Cozy has such a good mental model of Twilight's behavior that she would be able to anticipate exactly how she would construct a password.
She's also really lucky that Twilight didn't make it a random sequence of her friends' names. That would have been really bad too.
In trying to provide you with some feedback on structure, I was wondering if the two "design" 's in the passage above were intentionally included to be in the present tense as opposed to the past tense, which I would have expected from the other verbs in these sentences. Because the program was "scripted" in the past, I would have expected the virtual mother to be "designed" in the past tense as well, at least relative to when Cozy's mom interacts with it.
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Cozy is a certified genius in this story who also has one advantage in this situation; she knows her mother enough to make some predictions. This computer was additionally guarded by a password to get into the house and a password t get into the basement. Getting through every single one of those defenses probably grows more and more remote in Twilight's mind. She put a password in the machine that she, herself, would remember, but for anyone else to guess would require intimate knowledge of her. I would say Cozy is lucky too. That's why she breathed a sigh of relief upon her success. Her knowledge and mental calculations merely modified those odds.
Honestly, I do have a lot of trouble with tenses. There might be some mistakes in here. For most of this story, I am trying to keep it in the present tense unless Cozy is thinking about the past. Here is a case where she is. She's thinking about a moment before the start of this scene. Maybe I should modify the "is" to "was" here.
All this AI am CGI stuff. It is confusing. And back in my day we had to get creative.
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I wouldn't really claim to know this stuff either, but I tried to make it very clear that Cozy does. This is as detailed as I could get without actually explaining how it works. Specifically, I put an emphasis in what it does rather than exactly how it works. This is the character's own thoughts anyway. She doesn't need to explain to herself how it works.