Flames of Devastation
I stood at my window, watching the workers on mills and farmers tend the fields. It had been sometime since I established myself here in this world.
Mares acted like the men back home, and the stallions were... pansies. I had took over the almost unknown town of Hoover, where a duchess had been staying, and she was... something else. She was horrible decision maker, using the funds on herself rather than her subjects and wasting the resources on her little castle. I had appeared just outside the town, in a supposed cursed forest. I had on me only pocket knife for protection, and needed food. The trip over sapped almost all of my energy and I was hankering for a snack. I waited for nightfall and slunk into the city and stole fruits like apples, oranges, bananas, anything I could get my hands on really, shoving them in a burlap sack nearby and slinging it over my shoulder.
The sound must've alerted a guard because I jumped when a the pony shouted at me to stop. Turning on my heel I ran as fast as my feet could carry me and darted straight into the forest. Noticing no one was pursuing me anymore I sat down at a dilapidated building. It wasn't a castle, but it looked more like a vault room. Something that held valuables I bet. Yet I had not the strength at the time and ate my fill. Sleep came soon after, and I leaned against the door to drift into a deep sleep.
Songs played in the morning, or at least it sounded like songs. Peering from the forest's edge I saw that a small little parade was being held. Yet while there was songs filling the air, there were half assed. From the sound of it, they were tired of their leader, but she never seemed to noticed. There were small cheers, but that was it, just tiny cheers from mostly children. Everyone else seemed to be... annoyed. Looking around to make sure the coast was clear, I darted back into the forest towards the vault. The lock on the door seemed ancient, but it still had some strength left in it. Looking around, I found a rock. Yes, it was simply a rock, but a hard enough hit and the lock shattered. Opening the door, the dank smell hit me first. A stench like death flew out and hit me square on the nose, and it took my breath away. I backed away from the door and began to dry heave, the stench was so overpowering.
Taking some steps away I took a deep breath and walked into the chamber. Inside was three or four corpses, something that made retch again out of reflex, so I ran out the door and vomited on the forest floor. Clearing my snot, I composed myself once more and entered the room. I took note the two corpses were wearing some kind of armor, almost brass in color, but heavily discolored. The other two seemed to be retainers of some kind, given the fact they had veils over their faces. In the back of the chamber, sat a fifth corpse, one I did not realize until now. In his hooves was a brilliant sword, with red leather wrapping the hilt, and the pommel in the form of a small cross. The guard was made out of a silvery-blue metal I couldn't quite put my finger on the name, and the blade was... Oh...
The blade was fragmented, broken beyond repair. A sword that was most likely the treasure of this vault now lie shattered. I reached for the hilt and sudden sound caught me by surprise. A creak and moan, I quickly realized that the ponies laying on the floor were not dead! "Holy shit..." I whispered to myself. Then a voice flooded my ears
Logi
I stared at the moving corpses. Did one of them just...? Komdu með mig ... loga I whipped around seeing the center of the cross guard opened, showering the room with a brilliant light. Komdu dauðalausir, endirinn I reached for hilt and the blade crumbled from it. Now a blade of flame came from the hilt and without thinking about it, I raised the sword to the walking corpses and swung with all my might.
...That was a year ago. Ever since I ejected that duchess, the populous has been getting happier by the day, and now with a years worth of experience under my belt, I can make the choices just as fast. I had advisers, and other ponies to help with the day to day things, but I mostly made them myself. Like now, as six mares came in my throne room, that tackled my guards to the ground, pinning them.
Still, I kept my composure. I sat in my throne and stared at them with even eyes. "Hello, guests, my I ask your names?" I said, keeping my voice calm. In truth, I began to grow angry. Here were these mares, thinking they can just charge in here and hurt my people. The pink one bounced up, but the white unicorn pulled her back to the ground and shook her head. "Hmm, I see, so no formalities? No being civil? Then I will start: My name is Anonymous, Anon for short, but I've been going by a different name these days, so... you can call me Surtur." I said patting the hilt on my belt. The purple pega-corn walked up to me and put on a mean face. Like I was scared.
"Guard, tell us where the mare in charge is!" She said putting her horn on full blast. The feeling of her magic was intense, and I noticed one of the guards looking up at us. His eyes were wide in... fear? "Well? Answer me!" She said her horn charging even more. I looked back at my guard and nodded. He looked bewildered at first, then turned his head towards his fellow and she nodded in response.
"I have tried being nice," I said, clenching my fist and fire erupted around the edges of the room. When the flames reached the doors, they slammed it shut. The guards in succession kicked off their captors and flew out the windows, where the flames sealed them off. "You come here, ruin my castle, attack MY guards. AND DEMAND TO KNOW WHO RUNS THIS PLACE?!" I yelled straight in her face, as the flames grew to the ceiling. "I am Surtur, the ruler of this small land," I rumbled and drew my sword, the fire arching from the hilt. "My lands are to be protected at all costs, especially from intruders like yourselves!"
"Y-You're the ruler of this land?" The pega-corn said, in disbelief. The others had the same look of shock, and I took this moment to stab Elderstahl into the marble floor and release a heatwave to stun the mares.
"I rule this land, with a gentle hand. I help those who need it, I tend to the crops with the farmers and provide assistance with the blacksmiths. I am kind, benevolent. And yet, you, in your STUPID minds, see me, not as a ruler, but a GUARD?!" I roared again, and another heat wave is released from the sword. "Ég gef þér úlfunum... I promise you, I will only give you minor burns, unless you force my hands..." I said as I raised my sword for combat.
The only things that were left standing in the throne room was myself and the pega-corn. The other five were burned, not severely, but bad enough to take them out of the fight. The pega-corn, which I learned was an alicorn, still looked at me with malice as we circled each other. I swung wide and feinted the return into a downward strike, but she expected this and raised a shield in defense. I charged forward and leaped on her shield and began madly stabbing the purple shell. A shockwave pushed me back as her shield fell, and her horn glowed brightly. I had no time to react and the beam of magic pushed me back into the wall of flames. Using a hand wreathed in flames, I pushed the beam out of the way and launched a fireball towards her, forcing her to stop and dodge. That was my opening.
With a mighty roar I rushed her and raised my sword. The flame grew longer and thicker and now I had her right where I wanted her. I swung with the fury of giants behind me, and the force bounced her off the ground. I followed it again downwards, the two up swings, and finally I stabbed the sword into the ground and it pulsed with fire, begging to be released. The purple alicorn looked at me, and quickly, with her last bit of strength placed a powerful shield around her friends. "Nú verður veislumatur fyrir krákurnar!"
With that said, the flames exploded outward in rage and burned deeply. The marble was scorched, the paintings of the duchess burned to ashes, and the alicorn lay there, fire around her feathers and mane singed. I took several deep breaths and sheathed my sword. As soon as the guard clinked on the scabbard, the flames disappeared. The alicorn, twitched and the shield around her friends dissipated and sighed a deep sigh. I looked out the window again, and now all of the town was watching the upper floor. I heard the clip-clop of hooves and the purple alicorn stubbornly stood up. Her leg was raised, most likely being broken, her wings were lame, dragging on the ground at this point.
"Humans," I said evenly, "are destructive by nature. We take only what we want, give nothing back, and so the ashes of the past scattered our history to the winds, leaving behind only the End." I said turning back the window. "Fire is how we began, and fire is how we will end. It is nature, of course. That is how it must be, it cannot be controlled, tamed sure, but we will never control it. The End is for us all, but for you? No, not yet. You still have much to do. So I give you this."
I said setting six small vials in front of her. "Every so often, a pony will come to me in great pain and this potion cures their pain in seconds. Mending bones, and rejuvenating flesh wounds, so take them, use them, and please... Never come back." I said, opening her mouth and forcing the contents down her throat. She coughed hard, but soon the potion started taking effect, fixing her leg and wings.
She looked at me, and then her friends, who just began to wake up. "Come on girls, we're leaving." She said before turning around and opening the doors. A score of guards lined the hall, but with a wave of my hand they moved away and let them through. As they hobbled out I walked back to the window and drew my sword, launching a fireball in the air where is exploded like a firework. The ponies cheered, and went back to the mills and fields, and smiths and bakeries. I sighed and sat back on my throne. Before the door closed I called out to them. "Þu færðist of mikið i fang!"
The blue yelled out to me. "What the hay does that even mean?! Are making that up???"
I laughed a little, first time in a long time. "It means: 'You got to caught up!' Thought you could walk in and do things the way you normally do, I'd laugh at that notion if it wasn't so stupid." I said. "I don't know who sent you, but tell them this: "Heimurinn er ekki þinn til að geyma, en ég mun vera sá sem erfir hann frá þér."
The purple one looked deeply into my eyes. "My name is Twilight Sparkle, and the one who sent me was--"
"No, do not tell me who sent you. Tell them what I said, Twilight. Commit the words I said to memory." I said leaning back. With a wave of my hand, the guards on the outside began to shut the door. I hmm'd in thought. Perhaps I was too hard on them. Oh well, I hope that they get the message through though.
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Will there be a sequel? In very interested.
9807645
Maybe, all depends on how well it does.
9807654
I love it, I am awaiting a sequel, should one pop up.
9807654
More please.
This was awesome!
Really good idea, would love to see it expanded upon. Especially Anon's rise to power and more of the 'what, a stallion's in charge wut?' angle.
Great story. A few minor errors but nothing too severe. Also, you may want to add Annon to your tags and put this in the RGRE group folder. Other than that, absolutely marvelous.
See now you have me hungry for more
This was good
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ex2r86G0sdc
Not a bad start. I wonder why Celestia thinks this place is being run wrong. Even if Twilight was looking for a mare she should have seen what she saw was not wrong or told us why it was wrong. Still a good story and I hope you do expand on it one day!
l would LOVE a sequel to this
I'm genuinely confused.
For one shot story there's too much build-up and mystery, with no message behind it (literally, in case of the phrase relayed by protagonist).
This could be a kind of decent first chapter of many. But it is a one shot, so it's meaningless.
Also, RGRE is not utilized at all. Even Twilight's mistake could be attributed to a "mission briefing" letter not gender stereotyping.
9808364
Well aside from the 'core elements' being there, just not prominent, that's kind of the whole point. It's vague on purpose, meant to make the reader ask why, how, and what. That's also the reason I made it a one shot, because explaining the entire story I had would've been 8000 words or so, and I didn't have the time frame set in for that.
So, just for those who need the google translate magic but don't know what language to start from: it's Icelandic.
9808239
Celestia thinks there's a dictator in power because the duchess that was ejected went to her and spun a tale about how some kind of monster came in, threw her out, and is running roughshod over the poor ponies living there.
The first action a spoiled child who doesn't get their way always takes is to run to the nearest authority figure and lie. Always.
For those of you curious, google translate says this is Icelandic for "The world is not yours to keep, but I will be the one who inherits it from you"
9808453
So, no chance of expanding this in the future? I'm rather fond of these types of stories.
So the ponies have never heard of a male ruling anything..
Discord, Torch, the ghosts of Sombra and King Grover, "Are we a joke to you?"
A hand sheathed in the pure power of 4chan burst out of the Anon's pathetic OP attempt at chest musculature, followed by the rest of Alondro, the God Troll. "You should have taken your own advice," he grinned mercilessly to the smoking ruin upon the floor, which was memed into oblivion femtoseconds later. "And now, let the orgy begin!"
The world was then crossed over with e621 and even Japan couldn't stomach what came next...
(This fits the general writing quality I encountered here... only with better grammar.)
9807817 You must have thought "The Spiderses" was a magnum opus.
9809083
Sadly enough, they are jokes.
9807654
I too wish to see a sequel or a second chapter in this story. I loved the concept and choice of narration albeit brief.
Will be trackin' in case you choose to add another chapter to this story in the far future.
Mr Gibbs, Pirates of the Caribbean 2: "Um, that seems to be a bit contradictory, captain!"
If all we do is "take what we want and give nothing back" then why did you do anything beyond banditry with that little region?
-
Hm. This needs a bit of work. As it stands, it reads like a rough draft blended with an outline. I get that it's supposed to be a single chapter, but this feels more like you were writing a sum-up from a much larger story, and you were in a hurry on top of that. I enjoy some of the RGRE stories, and for the premise, I did enjoy it for the most part, but it just feels as we go along that there could (or was intended to) be so much more than what we've got here.
9809092
Firstly, thank you for bringing that story to my attention, and secondly, holy hell is it funny to read in Caboose's voice.
Looks like chapter one of fairly generic author-insert Mary Sue fic to me.
9809108 And then there's this:
I'm sorry to ask this before reading, but what is RGRE?
9810251
Reverse Gender Role Equestria. Basically take Men's and Women's stereotypes, exaggerate them, and apply them to the opposite genders. Mares are in charge of everything and are confident. Stallions are stay at home gossips with no spines.
Edit: changed emphasize to exaggerate.
9810251
9810280
More like parodying gender role stereotypes by portraying exaggerated inversion of them.
9810280
9810726
Again, this is the first time I've done this, VERY FIRST one. I don't quite have the grasp on it, but I can try in other works... if I feel up to it.
9810736
Eh, well it can go either way. The fact that its inverting roles the way it does feel like a parody, but how serious it is and to what extend its taken can depend on the story.
Here the Mane 6 look pretty foolish, given they basically attacked someone for the crime of... being a good leader? *shrugs*
9810741
Aye, i noticed that all male leaders are suddenly declared dictators in the show, with some exceptions
Full story Plz
9811035
Aye this is a very good concept that I can see going far, I've yet to come across a story such as this but the ideas behind it are exhilarating. Especially considering this is the first story you've made of this kind. If you do decide to make a longer story with this concept I will be fully invested in it.
9811035
9811124
Well, let me get some rest first, Logi made it to the feature box, so i guess its a success...?
Not bad. Nice quick story and scene.
This was good i hope you write a sequel i would love to see Celestia's reaction to his words
9811156
I'd say that's a pretty good metric for success. Definitely seems that with the interest this is getting, a sequel would be much appreciated from you. I definitely liked it.
9809100
Did not expect to be reading Icelandic in a story on the featured box. Though I'm not sure what you meant by "Ég gef þér úlfunum." Oh and "Þu færðist of mikið i fang" should be "Þér færðist of mikið í fang" or actually since you probably meant that as the plural "you" it would be "Ykkur færðist of mikið í fang." Suppose it doesn't matter too much given that most people don't speak the language but I thought I'd at least point it out.
9811460
Unfortunately, I don't speak the language. I just took from the translations I knew about before hand. As for Ulfunum... it was a threat, I will give you (your corpse) to the wolves
9811467
I see. It just seemed rather oddly placed since he goes on right after that to say that he will try to inflict minimal damage. I was also a bit confused by the "þér" but I guessed you meant feeding them to the wolves.
9811473
Hm, never thought it would look silly to foreign readers, or readers who know other languages...
9811477
Well, it's understandable at least, which is more than I can say for the majority of the things Google Translate spits out. Most recurring problem is that Google Translate can't figure out what exactly it should translate 'you' into, since Icelandic has different forms for singular and plural as well as the declensions. But I somehow doubt a lot of people are going to notice the mistakes in any case
it's all Greek to me;)
Interesting concept, this is, but not really much more.
I get that ponies were suffering under the 'rule' of that selfish, dumbass duchess, and that the human somehow overthrew her and somehow became King or Lord or whatever. I get that Princess Celestia learned of this change in leadership (makes sense, even if how or how quickly are not elaborated upon), and somehow decided this was a bad thing - despite the quality of life for townsponies improving markedly - and sent Twilight and her friends to check.
I get that Twilight and co. somehow figured this was worth fighting, instead of listening and trying to come to an amicable solution - after all, the human man did make life better for his equine subjects. I get that the human somehow defeated the non-alicorns quickly, leaving only Twilight, who too was defeated quickly. I get that being beaten forced the mares to retreat and take the human's final message - which is in Icelandic, apparently, which I doubt anypony would speak - to Princess Celestia.
What needs to be elaborated upon more in a rewrite or sequel is all the 'somehows' I italicised above, I feel. It's a fantastic short read, but it leaves way too many questions unanswered, leading to a quite disappointing ("Is that it?") read at the end.
I feel more could be done in this setting
I NOTICED...
everyone was saying there could be more, so by popular demand... I will do a sequel story
sequel?
9808453
Wait hold on, so because you didn’t have time to add the actual story in, you just put a bunch of words without the story? Please explain this to me because if the object was to illicit a “Why, how, what” reaction then it was for the wrong reasons, as in I am genuinely confused as to what is going on or why I should care. This feels like I opened a book somewhere in the last quarter and read only the page I landed on.
9811627
sweet mr / mrs, you have captured my attention
More plz