• Member Since 20th Aug, 2019
  • offline last seen 38 minutes ago

DanishDash


Why do I write? Because it's fun! :D

T

One late afternoon Applejack is caught in a freak storm that seemingly appears out of nowhere, getting home wont be easy. As a lot of sticks and branches fly everywhere she get's dangerous close to getting hurt when suddenly someone saves her!

A mysterious stallion mange to shield her from the danger, but get's himself knocked out. Where did he come from? Who is he? He has no idea, he has forgotten. So until his memories comes back he will stay at Sweet Apple Acres and get better.

Though one cannot sit still at the farm so he soon volunteers to help out and proofs himself useful much to amazement and maybe interest to a certain blonde mare?

But who is he really? Can Applejack find out and can she accept the truth when she does?


NOTE: THIS IS NOT A MARVEL CROSSOVER!

(This is my first fiction on this platform, so any feedback would be much appreciated since English is not my first language ^^)

Chapters (10)
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Comments ( 54 )

I'm liking this story. Can't wait for the next chapter. :pinkiehappy:

And since you asked for some pointers, here's my advice: an "i" on its own is always capitalized.

9806104
Thank you, i am already working on it and thank you for the pointer, i missed that XD

Um.U do know that Big Mac is with Sugar belle?

On additional note,I like this story:pinkiehappy:

Interested to see where you go with this.

Best to add the AU tag even though the Thor tag kinda says it. Helps when using non-canon relationships.

Big Mac told how he saw the wind pick up, how the clouds had seemed to gather and pretty much cooperated Rainbow's story.

Use corroborated instead of cooperated.

Otherwise, you're doing fine work. Keep it up.

9807303
I know, just ind the Macindash ship better ;)

9807583
Does AU stand for avengers universe? I get your point, but i am not doing a crossover with marvel, i am doing a crossover with my own Thor from Norse Mythology, my own version if you will.

And thank you for the suggestion, i have edited the bit so it fits ^^

9807937
AU stands for Alternate Universe. Example from your own story is that Rainbow Dash and Big Macintosh are in a relationship, where as Big Mac is in a relationship with Sugar Belle in what is considered the canon universe, ie the one in the show.

Hope that helps. I should have written Alternate Universe instead of AU.

I'm even more interested in your story now knowing it is Mythology based instead of Avengers.

9808013
Yeah i was thinking about that, just not sure what to put down, but you make a good point ^^

I change it!

Reads well. Loving the banter between the characters.

Only thing I can pick up right now is in the following:

The last detail of it was six small lighting bolts,

Lighting should be lightning.

Pretty good so far but I suggest toning down the accents. We all know how these characters talk so no need to try and replicate it in the text. Just makes it harder to read.

9812946
Yeah i have seen that problem as well, i will tone it down as it also annoying to keep looking things up. Though i will also try to put small things in here and there that wont disturb the reading experience, things like "reckon" and so on. Thanks for your comment! :D

9812505
Horse Apples! I know how to spell it and still i missed that! That's why i have people in the comment section to hit me over the head! ;D

Thanks for pointing it out ^^

9813001
Trust me, done it countless times myself. Just one of those times spellcheck won't help. It thinks it is correct. And reading it back, you know what it should be so you unintentionally pass over it. Just one of those things a fresh set of eyes can help with.

We have Golden Oak Library and not that stupid castle, that's a good thing. We have unicorn Twilight and not alicorn Twilight, that's even better.

9820323
Well i did not like to put the story into a final decision with a season. It's not really relevant for the story, i just take what i like and if people don't like it i can always say "Alternative universe! And magic!" XD

Being Equestria and it being a somewhat fantasy land you can get away with the tree being bigger. Just have it be one of the oldest trees on the farm.

9824623
If people ask, i just say: MAGIC! XD

But it is just a plot point, after this i rather not mention the tree again ;)

Even the greatest stories have plot holes, so who cares as long as it's good! And me, I think your story's good. :yay: Yay!

im liking this series due to its unique perspective and not an instant op character/god comes to equestria and is an actual build up and a nice story instead of a power fantasy tale

9807937
If that's the case, then why is there a Thor tag? That's just for Marvel's Thor, right?

9828528
Is it? To be honest i had no idea myself, i figured it was better to be safe. It's my first story i have put on here so i am still figuring out what this and that means.

9828446
Thanks ^^

Well it would be boring if he was OP, besides i don't know how they would have connected if he was.

This story just keeps getting better and better. :pinkiehappy: Way to go Astral! Mares dig a stallion who can cheer up their little sister.

Looking forward to the next chapter.

Hopefully Astral is smart and asks Big Mac for some dating tips, considering that He won over Rainbow Dash. Or was it the other way around? :trollestia:

You’re doing good DanishDash. Below, I made some corrections to some of your sentences. I hope it helps.

Applejack raised an eyebrow. "Hey! Why am i I a chambermare!?"

"Tell ya what.." Big Mac continued. "If ya yer half the stallion you are now, then you're okay in mah book." And with that he finished his cider and stood up.

Big Mac nodded. "Eeyup, well ya can start finishing ya yer job." He simply replied and walked back out towards the orchard. Astral smiled and simply nodded, work first worry later....

Now Having lived here for over almost a month, he had seen and heard her cry before. Usually Applejack, Granny Smith or Big Mac was were there to comfort her, but no one was here but him. He stood there for a while, thinking about what he was going to could do. Was there really anything he could do? After all, he was not her brother, or father, or even a distant cousin.

9833499
Thanks! Happy you like it ^^

And he is is differently gonna have A talk, with Big Mac at some point ;)

As for who won over who, you have to wait until i write that story :rainbowdetermined2: + :eeyup: = :heart:

Thanks for the feedback and the suggestions to lines as well, if you take a look you can find your corrections has been put in place. Thank you for the help :scootangel:

When are he going to be worthy Mjølner?

9834282
Who says he is not already worthy? Besides the same rules from the movies does not apply here, i am basing this story of MLP and Norse Mythology, the real Norse mythology that we grew up hearing about in the north. Of course not all will be accurate from the mythology, but let me say i already have a story from the mythology planned into the sequel ;)

9834311
Ok? Let me ask the question in a different way, is he going to get his memory back and summon Mjølner?

9835183
Would it not be cheating if i told you? I rather not reveal what is going to happen, hope you understand. :3

You're better at updating your story than I am. Great chapter! I think Astral is now everymare's favorite dream stallion.
:raritystarry:

9840371
Hahah, thank you, i am glad you kept reading so far :applejackunsure: And i hope you keep the enjoy the story! :pinkiehappy:

9840400
Think you can give my story a read and then tell me what you think of it?

9840404
Of course ^^ Might not be right now, i am writing since i be busy tomorrow, so i need to catch up on today and tomorrows writing time. But i have added it to read later and i get back to you when i have :D

Shame to see this end so soon, looking forward to seeing how this wraps up.

9844113
Thank you! :D

Well do not worry, if you like the story you can look forward to the sequel. This whole idea is based on the sequel, the one i wanted to write. But since i can't start of with that without some background this story comes first XD

For in the darkness, she saw two massive red, staring directly into her soul.

Eyes?

9844796
Whoops sorry, forgot to add them XD

A great finale, looking forward to part 2.

9845566
Thank you! I'm really happy with how it turned out :3

Congratulations on completing your first story here. It was a fun ride and can't wait for the sequel.

9847108
Thank you for reading until the end, it means a lot to me! :3

Let me guess what the runes said.

'Whosoever holds this hammer if he be worthy shall possess the power of thor'

Or something like that.

9851298
Nope, this is not marvel. They are translated in the ninth chapter.

When I saw the title and the name of the last chapter, i was afraid it was going to be a Marvel crossover. But you've actually worked in actual Norse Mythology. And for that, I am very pleased. I'll definitely be looking forward to the continuation of this story.

:heart:

9853432
As much as i like marvel, i take a certain pride in my country's old religion, so i rather use that as a baseline. XD

I'm glad you enjoyed it, thank you for reading ^^

Awesome story!!! :yay: I hope that you'll have Godoffery do more art for the sequel. Just like the others, I'm looking forward to the sequel.

9856418
Thanks! It is already in the works! Who's Godoffery however?

9856790
Did I type Godoffery? I meant to type Godoffury. You know, the artist that drew Applejack for your last chapter. Sorry about the typo. :twilightblush: And I do want to make myself clear that your story was awesome before it had art. But you have to admit, art in a fanfic is a nice bonus. But you do what you want. :raritywink:

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