Miller Minus
Joined 10th Aug, 2014 ·
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I really enjoyed this one; it hit close to home at a few points.
Damn this was really good and really relatable. Underrated gem for sure.
celebrates over a B in pre-calc
Oof. The start of a bad downward spiral.
Great story. I really enjoyed reading it.
Nicely done
Oof. Hits hard, and hits home. And is a much more believable start for the villain we see Sunset become than "i WaNnA bE aN aLiCoRn!1!!".
On a slightly more cheerful note:
This line made me inhale some of my tea.
Damn that was sad, though it makes me wonder if Sunset ever considered going home to visit her parents.
I remember this in the writeoff. Still evokes feels. Lousy soul crushing entrance standards.
Oh, the poor dear.
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Thanks for reading and taking the time to comment, everyone. For those who haven't read it, I have another recent story that you might enjoy if you enjoyed this one.
I hope I'll see you around again soon. I have much more planned for this year.
M-
I have found myself binge-reading your works. I must say I admire your style.
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Thanks for your support! There's a lot more yet to come
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Looking forward to it.
I found this oneshot lovely, and that's nearly entirely because of the prose.
The narration starts with a slight detour into the mindset of the average carefree child with lines like "As if she didn’t realize that it was the universal signal that nothing mattered anymore" and "But he immediately looked away as if he hadn’t, and his soul was saved," and only catches my attention more once it focuses on Sunset Shimmer herself.
I loved the entire image of Sunset hauling herself towards the top of Mount Alpha only to stumble upon a looming watchtower, haunted by a guardspony who will not let those found wanting reach the summit. I find her sentence "It looked to her like a mountain with a frosted peak, reaching high above the world and daring her to climb it" just wonderful.
Speaking of towers, I liked that Mrs. Felthoof was referred to as a "towering teacher" only to be described to be "teetering like a wooden structure near collapse" as soon as after one comma.
Sunset's following retort about not being the best made me curious as to whether she just felt the need to lash out or if she actually believes that's the one and only alternative. I also found it interesting she only found the strength to finally look her teacher in the eye precisely for that barb... and the second part of the story makes me think it's something closer to spite, bitterness or even dread about the future that fuelled her in that fleeting moment.
I wondered why Sunset's grade made her stomach twist with hunger specifically, then her absentminded question about dinner spelt out the answer, and a glance at the short description at the top of the page confirmed it.
I liked the line "But her mother broke the spell, as mothers always can" as a callback to the mindset of foals. It might even qualify as heartwarming if it was written specifically from Sunset's point of view rather than the less personal, more objective perspective from the beginning.
"Her nasally voice always sounded the same way a fly swatter felt" was another sentence I enjoyed. Although I was a little surprised it was referred to as "always" sounding this way rather than only this once, or at least that there was no mention of it being the only time it actually hurt. Then again, Sunset doesn't care about her class by her own admission and that most likely includes the teacher herself, so Mrs. Felthoof probably can't actually faze her and that's just one observation from Sunset's part among many.
Speaking of this same sentence, I believe it should have been "nasal" instead of "nasally."
And I found Sunset's conscious choice to seek Mrs. Felthoof's answer key to be a very appropriate bit of foreshadowing regarding just who she'd become.
Finally, I liked these lines:
However, I found the "she declared" used with Sunset's mother out of place, unlike all the other verbs related to the dialogues.
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Thank you for stopping by and leaving your review. I've been developing my prose for the last year or so, and it's nice to hear I'm making progress. Miles to go, still!
Also, nasally voice? Why, it says "nasal voice" right in the text! And it always has.
Thanks again!
I like it. It's just, cheating doesn't sound too good.
Your story has been reviewed! It's made it into my Illuminated Reviews list!
Very nice, thank you. I'm a sucker for Filly Sunset stories that dig into her character and this was a really good one.
An oddball ghost happened across your fic and read it. Have a review!
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Ghost Mike brought me here. A very efficient story, and that last line is a killer.
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Hey, good to see you Bad Horse. Glad you enjoyed!
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Thanks for stopping by and for the review, Mike. I really appreciate it.