Ghost Mike's Ponyfic Review Monday Musings #98 · 7:30pm January 29th
Okay, well, after three weeks of fun year-in-review stats, no real news today. Just moving out of the January doldrums. Not that it’s been a bad month: outside of the royal pain from last week, it’s actually been pretty good, as January tends to go. And I have a weekend with friends coming up centred around a Bank Holiday next Monday (new enough in Ireland, only its 3rd year). But nothing to really say here and now.
Well, okay, both the coveted 100th blog and the 2-year anniversary are coming up. And I have plans for… okay, I have plans for the latter, but not really the former. Probably a bit late to cobble together anything substantial for the former at this stage… 
But worth considering, if nothing else.
Fifth Monday Musings of the year, and already I don’t really have a lead-in beyond the above. Hm. Was bound to happen, I suppose. This week does set a new record of most words in one week, at 99K (almost six digits! 
), and the highest ratio to one story. Yeah, turns out I read one Ponyfic novel ages ago and have been sitting on its review for ages! 
There is a reason, but I’ll leave it to be discovered below. Along with four other fics.
This Week’s Spectral Stories:
A Shadow Hangs Overhead by BronyWriter
Hitmare by BronyWriter
A– by Miller Minus
Heat Death by JackRipper
The Cutie Mark Crusaders and the Legend of the Rainbow Idol by Cyanide
Weekly Word Count: 98,896 Words
A Shadow Hangs Overhead by BronyWriter
Genre: Sad/Slice of Life (Alternate Universe, w/Gore)
Rarity, Sweetie Belle, Mane 6, Celestia
84,115 Words
September 2013-April 2018Reread
This fic was read and reviewed in May 2022, when I was still dithering over how to approach novel fics. The more I started to privately refine the approach, before settling on the one I started with in October last year, the more antiquated this review felt. Especially with shifting rating standards over time. I wrestled with shelving it or rereading the fic, but eventually, decided to publish it as-is. I’ve made some stylistic and formatting touch-ups, but left the appraisal of the content the same.
From the moment she began school, Rarity has had to face three bullies worse than she could have ever imagined on a daily basis. Everything she’s tried to avoid them, or ward them off, never lasts. When she’s cornered and threatened with a beating that is assuredly coming, she panics. A few minutes later, only two of those four ponies leave the clearing. Locked away for her actions, the question becomes: can Rarity face the consequences of what she did, and prove she’s fit to rejoin society? And even if she can, will she truly be able to move on from this life-defining action, known across Equestria for being the first foal to do what she did in three hundred years?
BronyWriter’s The Secret Life of Rarity and its various sequels, spin-offs and diverging AU fics were among the first Pony longfics I read, almost five years ago. Though I do look back on them somewhat fondly, and they have a kinetic energy and magnetism that makes them quite compelling, there’s no denying they do have their problems, being wandering and telly, among other things.
Happily, this Alternate Universe divergence of the original fic (itself an AU) is not only easily the best of the whole series, but also the most newcomer-friendly, requiring no prior stories to be read, and having only a handful of unobtrusive Easter Egg nods to the ‘main’ timeline (though an exception might be made for the end, which I’ll get to later). And also unlike them, it’s not a fic with gore, after the first chapter. Instead, it’s a story about healing, about doing one’s best to move on from a terrible mistake when society won’t let them, and even about the societal pressures we all face in such an event. This is a fic that has something to say, and is quite successful at it.
The main improvement this makes over BronyWriter’s earlier stories is how focused and streamlined it is. The early stories very much had the feeling of being largely improvised as they went, often to a wandering, plodding effect (especially in the first one, reaching 150K and spending most of the back half kicking its heels until it decided to abruptly wrap up). That isn’t totally gone here, but outside of the last three chapters (again, later!), everything here has a direct effect on the story or characters, or is otherwise necessary. That makes it gripping even when most of it is light on twists and turns and proceeds in a straight line.
I will reign my praise in slightly as regards the writing style, sort of in the growing pains phase of a writer’s evolution. We are still mostly told things, not shown them, especially in dialogue, which repeats itself marginally yet often. It never actively distracts, with rare exceptions. Just niggles as something holding it back, for the baseline story content is more than good enough. Even if the more interesting scenes are early on (the story’s highlight being the one chapter almost totally absent of Rarity – the differing perspective really opens up doors not otherwise available, and much like in the Harry Potter series, I wish we got just a little more of it), with the fic never being quite as solid following a permanent change of locale at almost the halfway mark. I’m sure BronyWriter has probably ironed out these issues in their style in the five years since this finished (extra epilogue chapters being added later), but as I haven’t read any other longfics of his, I cannot say.
I won’t dwell on the last two/three chapters, largely existing to show more positive parallels to events in the ‘main’ timeline after the main action has already concluded. I get it, it’s a nice reward for those who’ve been with the series since day 1. But this story has been so good at being its own thing, and being all the stronger for it, that it just doesn’t work. And it so thoroughly breaks the tight focus the story has had. They can’t be skipped, though, for none of the last few chapters really end at a point that’s not too abrupt to stop. But BronyWriter is well aware of this, as is most of every reader and reviewer. And the extra chapters are, you know, fine. Just superfluous and weightless, with the time skips meaning each one barely has time to establish momentum, coming across more as fragments with token nods to the story’s main arc. But I digress.
That’s a lot of critiquing for a story I was never not invested in. Despite its flaws, subject matter and connection to a “Mane 6 member is a killer” story, I by and large found the strengths dominating in my mind over the weaknesses, at least prior to the lagging towards the end. It clips by fast and never bores, the scenes that get into character depth/psychology are delectable and powerful, and despite the sad setup, it’s strangely hopeful and uplifting, even when things are bleak. Give it a go!
Rating: Really Good
Branching off the above, I also read the mild AU shortfic Hitmare (an AU of an AU of an AU? Now I’ve seen everything!), diverging at around the 3/4 mark of the above story. As it’s a “mere” 9,369 words slip of a thing, I figured I’d just attach it here (plus, it’s included in the print edition – not how I read either of these, but a neat bonus, as there’s something to be said for attaching an extra short fic, relevant or otherwise, to a printed Pony novel).
Can’t really discuss it, as doing so would spoil the main fic’s content. It’s a diverting side story, if superfluous, fragmented, and inconsequential in a way common to fics like it. It is mostly just a little exercise in yet another alternate scenario, and unlike the main fic, it lacks momentum or cohesion, with one establishing chapter, one ending chapter, and an extended alternate ending on top – I was not surprised to see the update gaps of six-plus months between the chapters. And, by the nature of its plot, it has the blood and gore largely absent from its parent story, so those adverse to the normal Secret Life of Rarity stories are best to steer clear. Despite coming in 2016, quite a distance into BronyWriter’s career, such elements are pretty standard and unremarkable for the horror fan, even if they lack the juvenile energy earlier fics had a bit.
Some of the same strengths of the main fic apply, so even without the main thrust of momentum or sharp focus, it’s not a totally pointless read. Just closer to a completion obligation.
Rating: Passable
A– by Miller Minus
Genre: Sad/Slice of Life
Sunset
1,027 Words
February 2019Reread
Enrollment in Celestia’s School for Gifted Unicorns is hard. Your marks need to be top tier. So when one test result narrows Sunset’s chances that bit more, it has quite the effect on her.
Talk about efficiency. This piece is barely 1K, yet shows more about why Sunset became the way she did than most prequel pieces on her several times its length. This comes about via some of its themes having only the barest direct expression but purring underneath for the rest of it: the one that gets the more focused airtime is the mental damage it does to a kid to push themselves too far to do well, even when no one else is putting that pressure on them. Not unusual stuff there, but the choices made for Sunset’s life before the school are unusual enough (I’ve rarely seen her have better parents) to give it a different flavour, and the way the end passage is expressed (and her final decision) is tragic and fitting in a different manner too.
It’s hard for a piece this short to stand out, but this manages it really well; relative to my indifference to Sunset due to her EqG association, I am often up for a good backstory piece of her. The surplus of such means most aren’t worth it, but this is happily exempt from that.
Rating: Pretty Good
Heat Death by JackRipper
Genre: Sad/Slice of Life
Fluttershy/Discord
1,000 Words
April 2016
The kerfuffle at the Grand Galloping Gala has made Fluttershy rather aware of how little she really knows about Discord. So, over tea one day, she asks him to tell her more about himself. She wasn’t expecting philosophy on his life being truly, truly immortal, being that he is a personification of a concept, and not a being at all.
A thousand words six years before the contest for such came to be? Yep, that be the case. This isn’t an overtly sad fic, as Discord has long since accepted that he will be around even when the universe has gone, and largely just shrugs about it. He is very gentle when telling Fluttershy all this, even as he doesn’t fully shy away from the angst of it. This tonal balance, which could very well have made the fic a tonal nothingburger, does a lot to strengthen it, not least for Discord feeling like a true immortal in a way most such attempts flounder at.
Other aspects are comparatively brushed by, like his nature meaning he will eventually relapse away from being reformed (Fluttershy is okay once he confirms it will be long after she’s gone), but Discord’s characterisation balance carries this to a pretty satisfying finish, given how little space there is. Those who value quietly contemplative fics with simple yet profound things to say will really like this.
Rating: Pretty Good
The Cutie Mark Crusaders and the Legend of the Rainbow Idol by Cyanide
Genre: Comedy/Slice of Life
CMCs
3,385 Words
Jun 2012Reread
This is it. The three intrepid explorers have braved untold trials of peril, but finally they have made it to the Root Cellar Caverns, where their bounty, the Rainbow Idol, lies. Something they are totally not forbidden to take by an older sibling, no sir. This is all totally happening.
Yep, so basically, the CMCs are trying to nick the last jar of Zap Apple Jam from Sweet Apple Acres’ storage, and the prose alternates between that and their overactive imaginations projecting them as explorers of a lost cavern. A Rugrats gimmick, you could say, minus the toilet humour. The prose wisely makes no secret of the distinction and keeps them clearly marked via italics (plus the adventure portions are chunky paragraphs without directly recollected dialogue, so they stand apart), so they bounce off each other well enough, right down though to the inevitable catching in the act by Applejack (what she’s portrayed as in the adventure, she probably wouldn’t like if she knew).
Little more than a cute fun li’l read, and it’s not really doing all that much with its ideas and concepts except laying them all out plainly – you will get out of this fic largely just what you bring with you. Right down to the very vignette-paced ending. Still, it’s unobtrusive and warm, and its gimmick never gets in the way.
Rating: Decent
Spooky Summary of Scores:
Excellent: 0
Really Good: 0
Pretty Good: 3
Decent: 1
Passable: 1
Weak: 0
Bad: 0
The only one of these I've read is A-, which was a top-end three-star fic for me. Surprising how much one can learn about Sunset's backstory from only just over thousand words if those words are used judiciously, as here. As for the rest, I don't have much interest in the novel despite your high rating, and of the others I think the thousand-worder is the only one I might have a look at sometime -- Fluttershy, y'know?
5765494
They're proof, if nothing else, that one doesn't need a contest locking the length down to crack out quality, dense fics that short.
I'll second pretty much everything you said about A Shadow Hangs Overhead, especially in regards to it being the best of its series.
...
Still wanna know what happened to that katana, though.
Only one I've read is Miller's and I thought it was good. I reviewed it once, but I don't remember whether it was during a writeoff.
5765519
Is there a katana in the story? Given this re-review is nearly two years old as it is, I can’t remember!
Or are you referring to the infamous Diamond Dog butchery chapter in the original Secret Life of Rarity that BronyWriter came to regret as an out-of-place Kill Bill homage and later replaced with Rarity taking them out via poison? And how, at least originally, her stowing the katana in a bush after she got hit by a kart was never brought up again?
5765524
This. This is what I'm referring to. It's become something of a running gag for me every time the series comes up. "What happened to the katana? I want to know!"
I distinctly recall in The Word is Fear a scene where Blossom is lured in with the promise of receiving something that belonged to Rarity before her, an item that would truly have her fascination, and I was all like "It's gotta be the katana. Come on, BW, give me the katana. Where's the katana, BW?" (It ended up being a dress. Boo.)