Sunset Shimmer gets attacked at school. Who did it and why?
Set after Rainbow Rocks.
Chapters (1)
Cannonfodder42
Joined 30th Jun, 2013 ·
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This is nice, but it is a bit hard to read due to grammatical errors. Use more puncuation.
Correct grammar, otherwise good story. For a second I thought you had the CMC beat up Sunset.
Good ending, just I like it. I thought it was going to be one of the Rainbooms.
I would like to see a continuation please.
Decent work. though is the main point of the story that old wounds don't heal quickly or in this case grudges? Cause I get that message as with all the people in the school, it's unlikely they will all forgive her.
Not a bad story. I noticed a good deal of grammatical errors, mainly run-on sentences, or sentences that really could've used a semicolon or period in the middle. My biggest concerns were the way you spelled Roseluck's and Redheart's names. "Roseluck" is one word, as is "Redheart", but what concerned me is that you constantly spelled Redheart's name "Red heart.", period and everything, like so:
Boldface added by myself.
I suppose I'm asking what's up with that period. You added it every time you spelled her name, and I see no reason for it to be there.
Other than those criticisms, it was a good story.
I would also like to add that you don't punctuate story and chapter titles (question marks and exclamation marks are fine), and you capitalize each nonarticle word in the title, as well as the first word. Thus, the title should read, "Some Things Just Never Get Let Go" (kind of a wonky title in itself), while the chapter title should read, "The Only Chapter" (I suggest using something more creative).
True there was a few grammatical errors (such with Redheart's name with the period) but it didn't take away from the story. It's a really good story that I really enjoyed.
5888591
I am more ashamed that I didn't notice it when I checked the story over for any glaring flaws. Editing now.
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I honestly remember making Redheart one word and not having a period after it. I don't know what went wrong.
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Ya I admit I screwed up on that thank you.
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Also a walk a mile in another person's shoes kind of moral, but I kind of failed on that front. I should have focused more on one moral.
5891798 I have a lot of messups to because of formatting errors when I do stuff, so easy to do so don't feel bad about it
I had my reservations about reading this, but decided to take the plunge. I'm pleasantly surprised. Aside from some very minor formatting issues, this is a pretty good story with an intelligent moral.
Good work
5891798 Weird that it changed on you like that. Well, at least it wasn't intentional. Still, I agree that it was still a good read, and I'm glad you're taking the time to correct the mistakes.
At random, I find myself wondering if that's Trixie's work. Just the note; the graffiti is more likely to be the work of some of the boys.
Aside from the good message and moral you have going on here, I wanted to give a big thumbs-up to some of the small details that you added into the scene setting. That bit in the kitchen between Sunset and Applejack where you have the small showy bits about the strong coffee and the creamer is one outstanding example. Things like that, while so simple (and actually unrelated to advancing the story) really bring a scene to life. I was just sitting there amazed at how it all formed so easily in my imagination. I've been trying to do that with my own writing as well, as my experience level has been growing. ;)
The pace of this story feels a little bit weird. I can't quite put my finger on it, maybe that reading Sunset's thoughts and actions, she seems a little bit detached from the world at large?
I see what you did there
6478688 Question sir: is your avatar that artist from The Iron Giant?
7176014 The great Dean McCoppin, yes. Though the santa hat was a touch I added myself with the drawing tablet. ;)
I love Sunset, and especially how she acted in this story. Good job!
Your dialogue punctuation was a mess, and that made it challenging to get into the story. Here's a handy guide from a handy guy on how to do it correctly:
Sunset hopes they catch him or her?! After what SHE did?! The gall! She has no right! Fuck Sunset. You should have had her killed.
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...get lost hater
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Fuck you
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Fuck u too
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Why don't I give you an address to meet me at so you can say that to my face and see what happens? ...Or is that something that something that we shouldn't do on here? If so, then the invitation's open. If not, then I guess we'll just have to agree to disagree and leave it at that.
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-_-
i believe i know who