Sunset Shimmer started cutting soon after the Fall Formal, guilty for what she had done. Then she never stopped, the habit sticking with her. Then Pinkie and Fluttershy find out and ask her to stop.
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Pathos14489
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Good job conveying what those who cut can go through. One suggestion that you can take or leave if you want would be to go through again and maybe change tenses to past tense. The beginning was a little slow and it kind of drifted along. If you had done this in past tense; 3rd person rather than present tense 3rd person, you might attract a wider audience. Along with the tense issue (but YMMV on that) there were a couple spelling errors but nothing that detracted from the overall experience. Great job for fic #1!
Good story overall. I liked the concept, and execution was pretty solid. Pretty good one-shot, in my opinion. But, I do have to gripe about the formatting for sentences.
In most cases, when you have a dialogue followed by the tag (i.e., "I said this," she said), you have a comma after the last word of the dialogue. Periods aren't allowed unless the dialogue does not require a tag.
I.e., "I've gotta get out of here!" With that shout she ran down the hall.
Or, "We need to go. Now." The others nodded at the order, and followed after her.
This is done when there is another action following the dialogue.
When you end a dialogue tag or dialogue tag sentence/phrase, you usually end with a period unless dialogue follows afterwards. By this, I mean that the dialogue tag exists as a break between two parts of the same dialogue sentence.
Ex: "She said to go that way," I said, "but, I believe it would be better to follow her."
"We don't do that," he said, shaking his head. "We never do."
Hope my explanation made sense. Still a good fic, nonetheless!
Ok
hey maybe you can help. I want to fav this but that option isnt avialable. Also, I can't add a new chapter to my own work. Do you know why by chance ?
6265839 I am not really sure. The not faving thing is really throwing me, and I'm new to posting anything on Fimfiction. So you might wanna ask someone else.
6265570 Okay. o-o
6265472 It does make sense. I usually do that, I didn't really preread this much. It's mostly a draft. Also more of an experiement than anything, just to see if I could actually get something on Fimfiction. If I ever write something more seriously, rather than just something I thought up and wrote in one sitting without any planning, I'll probably read over it and have someone else read over it before I post it.
6265390 I usually write in first person past tense, but I was trying something new for once. :/ I'm more comfortable in first person, past tense, but I wasn't comfortable writing this in first person due to the content and my past with it. It would've... been rather awkward for me I think.
Okay. I feel stupid, but for some small reason, I can feel my ego boosting at having a blue/purple name.
This was very good start. That being said though I do feel that you missed a few points with this. What Sunset Shimmer has described to her friends is what is called "additive cutting". Where she cuts not only because she feels guilty over what she did at the Fall Formal. But, also because she feels she needs to be punished for her actions that night. In order for her friends to actually help her and help her stop the cutting they are going to have to provide her with both mental and psychical means of letting her feelings out. The part where pinkie ask Sunset to stop the cutting that alone should have set her off on a spiral of cutting. I say this because she would have felt even worse for simply having to tell her friends about what she does to herself. If and when you do a follow up for this I would recommend you do one where she craves the cutting not only because she is addicted to it but, because she feels that she needs it in order to feel anything at all. The part at the end where Pinkie turns her attention away from Sunset and ask for the TV to be turned on that also could have set her off as well.
6888613 I see your points and, while it's not likely I'll write anymore of this story in the near future, I will definitely consider those in any other stories I might write. My main issue when writing this was trying to push out that many words, but I've gotten better at keeping on task with stories. ...Somewhat. So I feel like if I tried to rewrite this entirely, it would likely turn out better.
Yeah the story kinda fell off in the middle and jumped ship at the end.
Practice makes perfect though.
6960041 Yeah this thing is ancient... I don't know why so many people like it, I hate this story. Though I have half a new chapter already written for it for anyone who likes it.
I dunno when I'll finish that though.
6960141 It's a Sunset Shimmer cutting/suicide fic those are always popular.
6960337 I've only read one that was vaguely similar.
Could you suggest any that are written any better? I'd love to veer readers there instead of mine.
6960368 Yeah there's a few but there hasn't been a super well written one that I've found yet.
Most liked Sunset cutting story I've read
I've noticed while making this list alot of my favorites have the emotional aspect being their strongest point
Most liked Suicidal Sunset story I've read
It's also got a reading on YouTube
My Guilty pleasure suicidal Sunset story
It's one of those fics I know isn't written all that well but I love how the emotions are written.
6960625 Ooooo. Thank you! Oy, everyone who wants to read my thing, go read these instead.
6960859 lol
I liked this. It had a slightly more rushed pacing but I liked how your characters worked. Good stuff once again.
~SoDF
7271257 It was like... One of the first things I wrote for pony fanfiction, so it's obviously utterly horrible. XD But thank you.
7271322
Naw, it was jus' a wee bit fast-paced, the content was brilliant.
Water cuts paths though the land over time deeper and deeper. Things we do to our minds are similar. Got to change to flow early or it becomes harder to do.
7280014
"'S truth."
7280029 Only one truth of many. Pardon me, I'll try to not speak in really short sentences because it's bit of a bad habit I fall into at times. In this case type on keyboards...
...never-mind. Need to stop writing awful a bit and just enjoy the day.
7280054 Nah it's fine.
Good story. I will agree with what others have said about the pacing. I think it would make for an awesome story if you ever decide to rewrite it.
I don't think those exact words have ever been spoken in a context that's not dripping with dread. ;] It's a universal "you're about to be screwed" signal, I think.
The pacing in this thing is absolutely dreadful. There's a story there, but the climax is fumbled terribly... It needs a lot of work, and I mean - a lot of work.
I mean, you just had your friend tell you she's been cutting herself for the past few months - possibly years - and you just take an "okay" and turn back to the TV? What the hell, Pinkie?
Things don't end just because you want them to end. This needs a hefty follow-up about how Sunset struggles with this down the line. This is a habit that isn't easy to break away from - it's a go-to reaction for failure and guilt, and you know there's always a fuckload of that floating around...
9708569
I full heartedly agree with all the points you made there. And I apologize for the lackluster quality of the fic. I quite honestly wasn't up to snuff when I wrote this back in 2015. Didn't put enough effort or thought into it, because quite honestly, I didn't have the skillset. There are a few stories I'd like to write here lately, and I feel like my skills as an author are a lot better, but I can't find the rhythm anymore. But anyway, thank you for reading my old fics! It's nice to know they're moderately entertaining. Though I imagine this one wasn't as much so as the others.
9709236
Okay, I'll tackle this one from the top.
Please don't. You wrote it, it's out there. Own it, but don't apologize for it. You didn't hurt me with it - as much as I'd like to say my brain was hurt by reading them words, it's physically impossible. ;D You didn't wrong me with your writing, so don't apologize.
I wrote what I wrote because that's how I felt and what I thought - I didn't do it to make you feel bad, and I don't think you should feel bad about it. What you should - is improve. ;)
Ugh... That's the same demon I dread, I think. I have yet to publish a story, though I have a few ideas in my head... I honestly fear that the ideas I have are not my best ideas, but rather my only ideas, as I'm quite new to the site and the show in general - so I'm holding off.
But the thing is... some things only improve by doing, sadly. I may wish to cross that bridge when I come to it, but I think I'm deluding myself that I haven't reached it yet. ;D
What I'm trying to say is - write. That may be the worst part of it - getting back on the pony, so to speak. ;) Your workshop is a lot better, you know much more - and maybe part of it is that it's not so enjoyable any more, because many things that used to be enjoyable you now understand either need a lot of work (character development, buildup - you can't just jump in and write what you want to, without putting in the work that makes it seem plausible and workable...) or just don't work in fiction like you'd like to (closing off the potential for sequels, follow-ups, or which are just plain hard to pull off believably).
But don't lose heart. Keep writing, and you may find you'll get there through the sheer number of hours and perseverence. ;]
This site is very much like Google - you'll end up finding stuff from waaaay back when, regularly. It's no suprise, my interests being what they are, that I stumbled upon it. As a general rule I tend to finish what I started, even if I really don't like it - if only to leave a (more or less scalding ;P) summary of my thoughts. Believe me - this wasn't the worst work I've ever read, not even close.
The point is - people will end up here. It might be a good idea to look into possibly rewriting it... or, better yet, writing a follow-up? You say you're better now, and part (often dreaded ;P) of being a writer is writing for your audience... ;]
As an aside... Here's a fic that really puts you in the mood - have a read. It's short, but oh so sweet.
Your busted now shimmer.
You better.
Oh pinkie