• Member Since 7th Sep, 2014
  • offline last seen Dec 27th, 2015

Twilight Nightmare


Kind of new to Pony Fanfiction and though I originally made this account for reading, I really want to try writing some.

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After the Fall Formal things don't go so well with Sunset Shimmer she slowly spirals downward before hitting rock bottom, moments away from doing something she will regret when, to her, the least likely of people come to her rescue.

Takes place after the first Equestria Girls movie.

Oh wow! My very first featured story on 3/12/2015! Thank you all so much!

Chapters (23)
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Comments ( 456 )

A rather good start please keep up the great work. And FIRST!

Wow i almost cried at the end.. great story!

I am intrigued. Please do continue!

Thanks every pony, I'm really happy that you are enjoying the story so far. :twilightsmile:

Oh hey, first comment.

There's a number of stories on this site based around Sunset post-EG; I'm going to post my own before too long, hopefully. But it's always nice to see another perspective on what folks think will happen and how. The track you're taking is one that I'm enjoying, and I'm looking forward to where it goes.

And I hope somewhere along the way, a certain former villain gets a hug from one of her victims. :yay:

5290145
I'm actually starting to love stories based on Sunset just after the first EG movie and Sunset is becoming one of my favorites, a list that seems to keep growing lol. I'm glad that you like my story and take on it so far and hope you keep enjoying it. I'll make sure to check your Sunset story out when you release it, the site needs lots more of them lol.

Sunset will be getting lots of hugs, especially from a certain pony...err...person and I am debating making it a pairing, but may likely stay with just close friends as well...the hugs are for certain, pairing or no pairing is still up in the air lol. Either way hope every pony is happy with which ever path it goes. :twilightsmile:

5290617

Awesome. I'm waiting on a pre-reader to get back to me about it, but hopefully, it'll be up soon.

Pessimistic Sunset Shimmer. Somehow I like it. It's certainly different to my take on her, and darker too. I do love dark stories.
I eagerly await future releases.

The feels man the feels.:fluttercry:

Good chapter. And who doesn't want to hug Fluttershy and tell her everything's gonna be okay? :fluttercry:

5300771
Thanks. :twilightsmile: Sunset (Sunrise) may not understand it, but she just feels the need to hug Fluttershy because she is so huggable.

Wow this is interesting. I have absolutely no clue where this is headed but I'm intrigued.

5301396
Thank you so much, I'm glad you are finding it interesting. :twilightsmile:

5301440 Didnt expect Sunrise to be protective of Fluttershy. It was interesting. Nice job.

5301515
Thanks :twilightsmile: I hope nobody thought Gilda being afraid of Sunset was off, I kind of pictyure that even though Sunset gets a lot of hate filled looks, many of the students are actually scared that she might change into a demon again if provoked enough. :twilightsmile:

...Myeh. It was enjoyable to read, but the emotional impact just wasn't there. It was super duper telly. I wish you had shown us some things, but instead you info-dumped. And while what happened was interesting, it just didn't have much emotional impact.

“Why? Why would you even care?” I ask

*asked

Slowly I looked up at her to see a nervous smile o\gracing her features that…confused me…

You done goofed on that backspace.

Your grammar needs some work. I strongly suggest finding yourself a good editor and fixing this up.

5309589 I'm glad that you found it enjoyable, but I'm sorry if it seemed a little flat emotionally. I'm honestly far from being a good writer, its so hard getting what's in my mind out on paper but I have so many ideas. Thid story is kind of an experiment to see if I can write better in first person which is making it a little easier yet harder at the same time. I'm never too sure how much to show in her thoughts or ehat is happening around her. Any advice, from anyone, is greatly apprrciated. As for an editor, I would so love one.

Maaaaaan, you need an editor.

I feel like this could be a story I really enjoy, but your pacing and mechanics are all over the place.

I'll probably keep reading as this updates, but man oh man does this story need some serious work.

5309790 I'll try and do better in future updates, but I'll admit I'm far from being a good writer...but I'm hoping that with some practice I'll get better and find a writing style I'm good at :twilightsmile:

I would love an editor, so if anyone is interested please let me know...as well as please explain how editing works here...thanks :twilightsmile:

I agree with Csquared08 more showing and less telling would've helped the sad story you're trying to convey. You have too much going on too fast, and I feel it severely hindered the emotional impact.

5337735 I would love any advice on how to fix it and make it better...should I perhaps ditch first person and rewrite the story in third? Would that make it better? I'm not too sure exactly how to fix it otherwise, sorry.

Eeeeeh, not really a fan of this ship at all, sorry. Still gonna track ths story just in case though.

Please check out this thread and vote for how you want this story to go on at the thread to keep going as it is or rewrite in another perspective. https://www.fimfiction.net/group/199035/sunset-shimmer/thread/141558/need-help-with-one-of-my-stories

5356810 Hiiiiiiiii so I was browsing my network feed and saw you needed a little help on understanding how to do more showing and less telling so I'm here to be your saving grace alright to begin I'm gonna fave amd track your story so I can read it later but first allow me to help so first I wanna say don't let several people get to you if they don't like how it's written then that's ok you shouldn't change your story because someone didn't like something you can't please everyone after all ok so to show more than tell means to describe what's happening through emotion and scenery like set the stage show some gestures bring the girls to life instead of just talking about what they are doing blend that together with some descriptions show us how you want this story to feel instead of just telling us about it add dome details to the layout of what is going on give us the reactions of others around the characters you know get in between the lines I hope this helps :twilightsmile:

5342033 I hope you enjoy the story regardless of the pairing. :twilightsmile:

5359533

Well, after Rainbow Rocks I became a real sucker for Sunset so I'm gonna read pretty much anything as long as she's in it.

5357508 Thanks, I'm trying to figure out how to put more "show than tell" into the story, but maybe it would be best if I abandon the first person persepctive and go with third. It's the only way I can figure out how to show more as it won't have to be just what Sunset sees and feels since I was trying really hard to show what was in her mind and what she saw happening and not what was happening around her. I'm working on a one shot christmas story with Sunset and Twilight (once again not a romantic pairing) but once I finish I will be continuing working on this story though I will be thinking really hard on how to improve it and see if tehre is anyway that I can salvage the first person or if it would just be better for third person view.:twilightsmile:

5359545 She's become on of my favorites, possibly being a tie for number one spot with Twilight after some of the stories I've read and seeing Rainbow Rocks, which was an awesome movie btw:twilightsmile:

(We really need some Sunset emoticons lol)

Is it me or the title has changed?

5365094 Yep, it has, sorry. The old title was very similar to another awesome story:twilightsmile:

Though a bit iffy as far as grammar here and there, and the exception of a few awkwardly phrased sentences, this story is AWESOME.
Of course, you're writing is superior to mine, so I shouldn't be a critic. :twilightblush:

*Before Reading*: Meh. Can't be anything too special.
*After Reading*: THANK THE GODS IT'S INCOMPLETE!

5368458 Thanks, glad you are enjoying it so far. I haven't abandoned it, just rewriting it using third person, though if people prefer this version I'll putt his one back up instead. So far I have finished chapter 1, which is 9,000 words and chapter 2 is started. Once I finish the chapters I'll post them all at once. Though if anyone is interested, message me and I will send the finished, though yet to be spellchecked, chapter 1.

5387898 I think I know who brainwashed you into rewriting it. If it wasn't yourself, that is.

5387918 Well, I didn't really plan on rewriting, and having to share the computer with my family now does make it a little difficult, but I'm hoping the rewrite comes out better than the original. Like I said, I'm keeping the original saved so if nobody likes the new one I can easily go back and replace it.

5388234 Well, I reread the last chapter, and realized that a rewrite is probably important. the story is awesome, it's just that you do mess up a lot with some of the paragraphs, most commonly being you switch between past tense and present tense. Other than that, I am really enjoying this story. Keep it up. :raritywink:

5388253 Thanks, I don't really have a lot of time to go over it as much as I would like to, and while I did try to get an editor, I pretty much give up on that after almost a week. I just don't have time to worry about it honestly, and I do this as a hobby, so I'm not really one of the best authors out there. So I'm really happy when someone enjoys what I write, but I do try to fix things when they are pointed out. I'm so happy that you find the story awesome :twilightsmile:

More! I need to read more!

Well the pairing seems a bit out of left field, but I think the pacing is pretty well done. Good story in general. Keep it up!

What a cute shipping :heart: !!!

So.... SunShy or FlutterShimmer?

Oh wow, big improvement! I mean it was good before, but now it's almost like reading a different story. Nice job!

Good parts: The feels. I'm a sucker for "Sunset!Adopt" stories, and this one is awesome. Also having Celestia and Luna be descendants of royalty is cool.

Bad parts: Seems a bit rushed, and I feel like Sunset would be more hesitant or at least more reflective on her new name. However I still feel like she's in character for the most part, so it's not a major issue.

I really am loving this an awful lot. One of my top favourite stories

The flow is much better in this story, I like it.

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