• Member Since 14th Feb, 2012
  • offline last seen Sep 17th, 2018

Sugar Moon


Brony form Northern Ireland. Think that kinda says it all really. For now at least

T

Applejack. For too long, that has been the only thought in Rarity's head. Finally, she will go all out to find out if the mare she cares for could ever return her feelings. The stage is set. The night is planned. Even the cutie mark crusaders will not be able to mess this up for her.
...Or so she thinks.
When Scootaloo is injured, and a certain secret revealed, the element of generosity is put to the test.

Chapters (14)
Comments ( 235 )

Yay good story. Definitely watch your grammer, names need to be capitalized and try to use commas more effectively. It will really help the flow of your writing. Other than that, its a great idea and I can't wait to see what happens next.

I love the concept behind this! Minor grammar errors aside, you keep the characters well enough inside their personalities and the shipping is started nicely. Can't wait to see what this story has to offer!:pinkiehappy:

1023401 Thank you. Hope you stick around. I've written a basic overview of what my plans are for the story if you're interested. Though I'm guessing the surprise and the journey is half the fun :rainbowwild:


1023733 Thank you for the kind words. If you wouldn't mind could you please point out the grammar mistakes if it isn't to much trouble. I didn't proofread it and this would be a big help for the story and for me. If it isn't too much trouble that is :fluttershysad:

:eeyup:

Some capitalization errors, and some grammatical errors. All in all, though a good story.

1027594 Thanks. It's awesome to hear from the queen of rarijack. Thank you


:eeyup:

so far i like it

An interesting but different take on this well-trodden story concept. Of course, it makes sense at a certain level: Rarity is Generosity after all. Putting others' needs first is her special talent and nature. I just wonder if she knows what she's letting herself in for! :pinkiehappy:

1037280 Im Glad you do. Always great to hear that someone does. Thank you :pinkiehappy:


1067823 :unsuresweetie:




:eeyup:

What...? Oh, yeah! Heh, that's right! Scoot's Rarity's daughter by adoption so that makes her Sweetie Bell's niece by adoption. I figure that this is going to be a running joke between them for most of the rest of the story. :pinkiehappy:

You know... It's really pointless trying to be mad at Pinkie. She is probably the most pure-hearted pony in existance. She literally cannot conceive negative outcomes to her actions. She wants everyone to share the joy she feels in life and cannot understand why anyone would see things any other way.

Diamond Tiara is one of those poor little rich girls who have everything they want and nothing that they need. She's going to grow up rich and adored with stallions fighting for her attention as she lives in luxury, dripping with gems and finery. She's also going to be utterly miserable and alone, even when surrounded with 'friends'.

One final point from me. I think that Scootaloo's healing is going to take a long time; a very long time.

you my friend deserve a pultzer prize or whatever it is for a fiction author! this story is exquisite in it's own right and you should be proud of it.!

1080576 Thats pretty much sums up my thoughts on the little scenes that happened. Though perhaps I did go to far with DT. I think she might be a little out of character.

1080580 Wow. Thats very nice of you. Its always great to hear someone enjoys a story, Im glad you like it so much. :pinkiehappy:



:eeyup:

I like this story. I wasn't sure what to expect at first but have come to enjoy the last four chapters and look forward to the next. It's a cut away from the typical romance stories and has one of my top pairings so cheers to that! :scootangel:

I'm not 100% happy with this chapter. I've held off publishing it for ages. So expect that certain scenes (Dream scene *cough cough*) may be changed. Nothing too drastic just something to make it flow better and have the pacing be at a more suitable rate.

Still thought I should upload it since it has been a long time. Think of this as my little thank you.

I hope you enjoy reading it as much as I enjoy writing it.


:eeyup:

1310088
You shouldn't be 100% happy

:pinkiehappy::pinkiehappy::pinkiehappy::pinkiehappy::pinkiehappy:YOU SHOULD BE 0NE BAZILLION PERCENT HAPPY WITH IT:pinkiehappy::pinkiehappy::pinkiehappy::pinkiehappy::pinkiehappy:

All seriousness though it was very touching

I think that scored 5/5 "D'aaaawwww"s! :raritywink:

i will read this after school.:rainbowkiss:

Really good story hope to see more.:scootangel:

Aw! Crowning moment of heartwarming!

Yep new chapter. And yes I know it took me a long time but as always life gets in the way. I think once I finish this fic I'm going to have to go over and rewrite some chapters. Just to get the pacing right and fix a few errors. Nothing that will change the story though.
And on that note yes this is primarily a shipfic. A rarijack shipfic to be precise and though I may have gotten a little bogged down in Scootaloo (because she's adorable and honestly who doesn't want her to have a family? You oh cruel reader?:raritycry:) never fear the next chapter will be a lot more shippy.

If you haven't already check out my other story Thoughts and feelings as its a TwiMac and sort of in continuity with this. Anyway getting off topic.

Hope you enjoyed, more chapters coming soon with extra ship-ness.

1511613 :twilightsheepish: Glad you liked it. Though perhaps I did lay it on a bit thick. :applejackunsure:


:eeyup:

Wow i wasn't honestly expecting this to update.dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/emoticons/misc_TwilightWut.png I found this story a few days ago and noticed it last updated in September. I favorited it anyway and POOF there's an update 3 days later. Lucky me! :twilightsmile:

AUGH! RIGHT IN THE FEELS *hunched over in emotional pain*

to many feels my heart hhhhnnnnnnnggggg

1513017:pinkiehappy: Yeah it took me a while. Had side projects I got distracted with and other things. I doubt the next chapter will take me that long considering at least half is already written. Glad you like it. :ajsmug:

1513765:pinkiegasp: Oh sorry. Was kinda emotional huh? Would a happy Twilight make you feel better?:twilightsmile:

1514832 Hope you liked it, well before your heart gave out anyway. :twilightsheepish:

:eeyup:

Well well I gotta say this story is enough to make you :pinkiegasp:.
I read your "Remember me?" story then went on to read this story. Tugs the heartstrings and makes you smile. I look forward to more.

Okay, having read up to Chapter 3, I have to say this before I go any further.

The frequent punctuation errors are really putting me off. You have a LOT of missing commas. I know, most people don't know how to use them properly, but this is ridiculous. In some of these sentences, the lack of commas is actually changing the meanings.

There's also some word use errors as well. For example:

I Couldn't bare to see her hurt.

It should be "I couldn't bear to see her hurt." Every time I've seen you use the word "bare", it should have been "bear". You also need to work on proper capitalization.

The amount of tiny mistakes like these are really adding up. This story is a perfectionist's nightmare.

Other than that, the shipping isn't looking too bad so far. RariJack is not easy to pull off believably; I guess I'll see if you've been successful after I'm done reading the rest of the story.

Get. A. Freaking. PRE-READER! :flutterrage:
If that isn't too much to ask? :fluttercry:

1873290 I know, I know. I really should but as you can tell I am rather sporadic about updates. I can't think of anyone who would put up with me and my ill defined schedule. Plus when I finish a chapter I'm usually so thrilled I post it asap and what with all the other chapters they'd have to go through all that to get them up to scratch. It's just a lot of work to ask someone to do for me. Would it be nice? Yes but I could not ask anyone to sink their precious time into that. I am just a hack shipper after all not donnys boy or some of the actually talented lotharios of fimfic.

:eeyup:

I was excited to read the next chapter, but then I found out there was no next chapter...
PLEASE MAKE MOAR:raritydespair:!!!

The feels... the pure feels...

Nice chapter. Kinda figured this story was dead, glad to see I was wrong.:twilightsmile:

YAY! MOAR!... WAIT...I STILL WANT MOAR! :flutterrage:

A bit short and kinda pouty at the end but a nice chapter I think.

THANK CELESTIA IT'S BACK!!! :pinkiegasp::pinkiehappy::pinkiecrazy:
I love you so much, and I adore your story.
But please don't make me wait 3 more months for another chapter!
My heart can't take it anymore! :raritydespair:
Hugs and kisses,
ScatMan

Yeah an update!

....Why is it so short :fluttercry::fluttercry::fluttercry::fluttercry:?

Oh well, they do say quality over quantity.

I thought this story died! Screw sleep im reading this.

1983476 Me too. This was the first story I started that I actually really enjoyed. The idea and fun of it is kinda close to my heart. I'm not gonna let it die and I hate that it took so long to write this. Hopefully more regular updates soon as the next chapter is finished.

1983515 Don't worry moar is coming. If you don't believe me read my blog.

1983616 Yeah perhaps but this originally wasn't the end. Merely the end of a scene in a much longer chapter that I cut down.

1983858 Yeah its short. Originally it was way longer. About 4000 words when I stopped writing but after getting that far and still hadn't finished it so I chopped it up into three. The next chapter is done just wanna finish the third before I post it though. I hope that answers your question and that the chapter was as good as you hoped.

1983692 I won't I promise. If you happen to read my blog you'll know that the next chapter is coming very soon. Heck it's even finished. And another after that is about 1/3 the way to completion. And in my opinion thats the fun one. As soon as I finish that I'll post them. Maybe stagger them a little. Expect the next chapter to be out on wednesday at the latest. And I do mean at the latest. I ain't letting this story get so far away from me again.

1984883 Nope. Just procrastination. This story is a bit special to me. It was the first that I had a lot of fun with and didn't butcher by cutting out scenes left and right or by adding unnecessary points to. It won't die as long as I'm alive and hopefully the next chapter will be up in a few days. It's already done I just want to finish the chapter after that first. Why? because they're really just one big chapter split up.

TL:DR It ain't dead and updates very soon. I promise.

:eeyup:

1984952 Oh it was as good as I hoped, just a little short but looking back that's not really a big deal. Can't wait for the next chapter :pinkiehappy:!

this was brilliant really lightened up my day after finals.

Pretty good chapter, though honestly the whole thing with Applejack's mother has been done over and over again, to the point it's just cliche.

...Though I suppose if it's you you'll probably add some originality to what happened, so I'm not too worried.

YAY MOAR! Also :ajbemused: = :ajsleepy: = :pinkiesad2:

2005722 I honestly dont know what to say to that. Except thanks :twistnerd:

2006702 Don't worry. I like Aj far too much to keep her upset. :ajsmug:

2006442 Hmm I see your point. Though I would say its unusal within a ship story. Usually its mentioned but never explored. Obviously it will have some weight later on. I was foreshadowing pretty hard there. :twilightblush: I hope it is somewhat unique, a twist on a classic so to speak.

2006172 And now because of this comment my day is lightened up. Thank you. :twilightsmile:

:eeyup:

I think it would be interesting if Diamond Jubilee were Filthy Rich's aunt and he named his daughter for her. It would be incredibly ironic if Diamond Tiara were Apple Bloom's cousin.

Poor AJ though! She really is a lot like Rainbow Dash - always wanting to be the tough, hard one who bottles up her pain and never openly acknowledges it. When she breaks, though, then she breaks in a big way and I'm glad that Rarity was there to help her. I wonder if Old Bloomberg's fruit was somehow symbolic of something... maybe even affected by a shift in AJ's magic?

Hmm... could do with someone going over it again. There is still a few grammer errors and the formatting is off.

D'awww.... the CMC have officially formed a Herd.

Liking it so far, though I think three plots in one go is fine by me so long as you don't drop them. I do feel though that Scootaloo's bit has diminished somewhat which kinda bugs me considering she was rather important in the beginning. Doesn't take from the story though, I love it. :)

Walking into town on his on

Own

In fact her did most things on his on.

he, own

He never complained about it and in truth he kinda enjoyed it.

This is borderline nitpick, but you should never use the word "kinda" in a story unless it's a dialogue part for somebody who would believably say it, Don't use it for the actually narrating, I'll cover this topic more at the end.

The silence left him time to think about things, like whether or not it was possible to eat 40 muffins in one sitting, or to drink both barrels of hard cider by himself, or if he could fly if he really concentrated? The answers to these questions were yes, yes, and no which

Corrections in green, places where I removed or added spaces in orange

Yep Big Mac was a solo pony, had been as long as he could remember. He wanted the quiet life and as long as he did what Aj asked of him every now and again he got it, this was one of those times. Picking up the Cutie Mark Crusaders.
Lesser ponies would have run in fear but not Big Mac. He knew how to handle them. Stay out of the way and keep quiet.

You seem to be a fan of simple sentences over complex sentences. It might be personal preference but I would suggest trying to connect sentences more often, especially when there's a conjunction. Remember, if a sentence doesn't make sense on it's own like "Had been as long as he could remember," then connect it to another. What had Big Mac been as long as he could remember? He's been a solo pony for as long as he could remember. I don't feel like checking everything, as I actually like the story itself so far and I'm not picky enough to be too disturbed by such errors, so watch out for typing mistakes, capitalization errors, and dependent clauses. (A dependent clause is a string of words that do not make sense on their own, and must depend on another clause. Dependent clauses are a big no-no and don't count as actual sentences.)

As for me making the word Yep red, I put it with the word kinda. Your narration seems much more lax then most others I've seen, in that it uses words I've labelled as "conversation words" which are words you hear in conversation, read in texts, and see in magazines as opposed to more formal words that you usually see in essays, novels, short stories, etc. This is mostly me throwing my two bits in, and it's mostly just me nitpicking, but I'd prefer less text speak in a story. The plot isn't 5 star material, but it's more than enough to make up for the errors, and enough to make this a pleasant read. (For me at least.)

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