• Member Since 14th Feb, 2012
  • offline last seen Sep 17th, 2018

Sugar Moon


Brony form Northern Ireland. Think that kinda says it all really. For now at least

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Twilight is everyponys favourite egghead. She's a mare of more thoughts than any single pony could possess.
Big Mac is Sweet Apple Acres gentle giant. He may not speak much but he's got more feelings trapped inside than anypony would guess.
When a change in her schedule occurs will the two viewpoints clash? And will sparks fly?

A Ship-fic written from Twilights point of view.

Chapters (1)
Comments ( 13 )

Decently written, though it's in need of some proofreading; grammatical errors and stylistic quibbles pervade. I also never would have thought of this pairing, but you make it work.

Story's pretty decent, but your grammar really needs work.

I really like this. The narration in the middle is slightly corny, but it doesnt take away from the story. Very nicely done :) i didnt ship these two before, but this story is so sweet.:pinkiesad2:

This was cute. And you had Twilight characterized perfectly. :twilightsmile:

1411258 I assume you mean the "breakdown" scene. Yeah perhaps I did go a little over the top on cheesiness. I'm glad you liked it anyway.:pinkiehappy:

1411269 Thanks, I was worried a lot about trying to capture her right. :twilightsmile:

1411245 Yeah, I really should have proofread this or tried to get someone to edit it. :twilightblush: Well that's what happens when you have an idea that just won't go away till you post it. I hope you enjoyed it despite my poor grammatical skills.

1411214 Thats always great to hear. I think it's an under-appreciated ship but there are a few out there. Such as fixing up miss smartypants. Possible the most famous (and greatest) fic to star twimac. Like I said I really just wanted to get this posted and it was about 4am where I live. I should have at least proof read it. Maybe you could point out some of the mistakes so I could make corrections?:pinkiehappy:


:eeyup:

1412714
I'd say that most of the problems lie with comma use and capitalization. Here are some rules of thumb:
1) If you're in a quotation, and the sentence ends, capitalize the next thing you write.
Example:
"Oh, Mac, I've never loved somebody as much as you before," said Twilight. "Do you love me?"

He chuckled. In his deep, warm voice, he said, "Ee-yup." An enormous grin split his face.

2) Appositives are separated by commas from the rest of the sentence, provided that they are superfluous information:
Applejack had one sister, Applebloom, and one brother, Big Macintosh. - In this sentence, the names can be taken out, and the meaning can still be understood.
My brother John went to the store. My brother Peter didn't. - It matters who did what, so the commas are gone.

That's all the comma issues I can remember. There are some spelling mistakes here and there, but not many (the ones jumping out are that "fillies" is the actual plural of "filly" due to the "y -> ies" rule; "times a-wastin'" should be "time's a-wastin'" due to the contraction rule; "Ms" is actually an abbreviation of "miss", so it needs to be spelled "Ms."). And the only stylistic issues I had were with uniformity of tense in the discourse. One thing that comes to mind is, "In fact today is probably the most I've ever heard him speak let alone smile so much." Technically, it would be correct to say, "In fact, today was...." English discourse is ridiculously messy, and it takes a lot of work to master.

Again, in all, the story is well written. I liked your descriptive word choice, and your characterizations are pretty good. I think you really sold this pairing. It may seem unorthodox, but at least I don't need brain bleach like I did after seeing one fanart. (Blueblood + Twilight. I need brain bleach just thinking about it.)

Interesting and enjoyable story.
Good job sir.:moustache:

YAAAAAY! this was AMAZING! :twilightsheepish: :heart: :eeyup:

1412872 thanks. As soon as I get the time I'll try to fix those mistakes in the fic. Bluebllod and twilight? really?:pinkiegasp: Wow I honestly don't think there is any good pairing with him. (except possibly the groundhog day fic staring him.)

1417913 Glad you like it. :pinkiehappy: If you really liked it try out my other stories. (Shameless self-promotion :twilightsheepish:)

1425359 Big fan of twimac then?:rainbowlaugh: Thanks.

MORE DAMMIT!!!!!!!!!!
YEAH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!:flutterrage::flutterrage::flutterrage::flutterrage:

Herrrm. A good narrative experience.

A very good story...with shit grammar.

No easy way to put it, but you need an editor. Apostrophes and commas are your friend, not your enemy.

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