chapter nine
Walking into town on his own was not unusual to Big Mac. In fact, he did most things on his own. Harvesting, reading, budgeting, and pretty much everything there was for him to do on the farm, he did by himself. Solitarily.
He never complained about it; in truth, he kinda enjoyed it. The silence left him time to think about things. Like whether or not it was possible to eat 40 muffins in one sitting, or to drink both barrels of hard cider by himself, or if he could fly if he really concentrated. The answers to these questions were yes, yes, and no, which he found out one unforgettable night. His ribs still hurt thinking about it.
Would have worked if not for that dang steeple.
Yep, Big Mac was a solo pony; had been as long as he could remember. He wanted the quiet life, and as long as he did what Aj asked of him, every now and again he got it. This was one of those times. Picking up the Cutie Mark Crusaders.
Lesser ponies would have run in fear, but not Big Mac. He knew how to handle them. Stay out of the way and keep quiet.
‘Course, this was his way of dealing with anypony. Except one, maybe.
Big Mac always thought himself a feeling kind of pony. Perhaps a bit more sensitive than the ordinary pony. So he always trusted his feelings. And besides, when your ideas make you squawk like a chicken while aiming for Cloudsdale, it might be time to stop listening to those thoughts.
Thinking never seemed to work out for Big Mac. Feeling, however, worked out well. Following his heart led him to his own special somepony. Even if they weren't exactly going out. He once urged her to let go and just follow her feelings, but now... Thinking had taken over. They would meet every now and again and talk. Just talk. About life, what they were up to, books, etc. There was one thing they didn't talk about though.
That day at the farm. Her helping him with the harvest, and them kissing in the orchards. It went on for hours, but ended all too soon for Macintosh. They agreed to meet up again, but something was stopping them from talking about the griffon in the room.
Feelings, Mac decided, give you the guts to go for it. But sometimes you have to think about it after, about what you want, and how you're going to get it. In the end, it’s feelings that make you understand what you want, but the thoughts and plans are what help you make it.
OOF!
Thinking led him astray again, it seemed, as he walked straight into the very ponies he was sent to find.
“Hey Big brother.” Applebloom beamed. “Here to take me home fer supper?”
“Eeyup,” he said, and motioned his head toward Sweetie Belle.
“Sweetie Belle’s invited too? Is Rarity there then?” Applebloom asked.
“Eeyup.” He looked around confusedly.
“Is someone trapped in a well Big Mac?” Sweetie Belle asked somewhat excitedly.
“Eenope.”
“Looking for Scootaloo? Is she invited too?” Applebloom asked again.
“Eeyup.”
“How do you do that? Is it like a mental connection, or is he secretly speaking a language I don't know?” Sweetie Belle questioned Applebloom.
“Naw,” the bow-maned filly laughed. “You just gotta know what he’s like.”
Huffing a little, Sweetie Belle and the Apple family started looking for the missing crusader before Applebloom spotted her coming out of the library, her head hanging a little low as if in thought.
“Scootaloo!” Applebloom called, causing her to look up. At the shout, Big Mac looked towards the library, a slight twitch of worry crossing his face.
“Huh? Oh, hey Applebloom. Guess you guys found me. Did I win?” Scootaloo's face sported a crooked grin at the idea.
“Yeah Scoot, but the game’s over now. We're all going back to the farm for dinner. Me, you, Sweetie Belle, and Rarity. You coming?”
“Duh! Will there be pie? Winner pie for me, the best hider in all of Equestria!” She said, subconsciously mimicking her idol.
“Eeyup.” Big Mac's brassy tones rung out.
Slowly walking through the town towards Sweet Apple Acres, the Cutie Mark Crusaders fell into conversation as Big Mac walked ahead of them, his own thoughts still preying on his mind.
“So where did you hide, oh master of stealth?” Sweetie Belle giggled.
“The library.” Big Mac's ear twitched.
“The Library? But how come you didn't stay there if it was such a good hiding spot?” Applebloom asked.
Scootaloo visibly squirmed. She didn't want to lie to her friends, but Spike deserved his privacy today of all days.
“I think Twilight needed some private time,” Scootaloo said. It wasn't a lie, but it wasn't quite the truth either. Still, Spike deserved her to keep the thing secret until he was ready.
Big Mac stopped dead in the street. Something wrong with Twi'? Why the hay am ah still here then? He thought. Sometimes he had to follow his feelings and not his head.
Turning back to the three fillies he looked at them.
“You girls head straight to the farm and don't go nowhere else, you hear?” They nodded. “Now ah have an errand to run and ah might be some time. Tell Granny Smith to keep me some dinner. You understand that?” Again the girls nodded.
Off he galloped towards the Golden Oaks library.
“Applebloom?” Scootaloo said.
“Yeah?”
“Your brother is one weird pony.”
***
“He did what?!” Applejack screamed at nopony in particular.
“He said he had errands to run, sis. What was ah supposed to do?” Applebloom said defensively.
“She's right, Applejack. She is just a filly and he is a full grown stallion. He'll be back soon enough.” Rarity chipped in.
It didn't sit right with Applejack. Leaving three young fillies to walk home by themselves. He was in for a world of trouble when he got home, that much she knew.
“Ah guess you're right. Ah'll tan his hide when he gets back though.”
“And I will help you. Leaving them there was very ungentlecoltly of him.” Rarity agreed.
“Ahem.” Granny Smith cleared her throat. “Now that we know where everypony is, can we get to the eatin’? Ah didn't slave over this here meal for it to go cold.”
“Granny, me and Rarity cooked it,” Applejack deadpanned. “You fell asleep with your hoof in the stew.”
“We all cook in our own ways, little missy. Dontcha talk back to yer' granny ya hear?”
“Yes ma'am,” AJ replied, properly chastised. “Well now. We best get down to eating this grub then.”
With that, they all tucked in. The Apples shovelled their food into their mouths in a way that only family can; with wild abandon, not caring who's watching. Even Sweetie Belle scoffed down the food as if it was her first meal in days. Rarity was obviously a bit more refined in her eating, delicately spearing each morsel of food with her fork. What struck her as odd was that Scootaloo was almost as careful as her. Clumsy, but well mannered.
Something must be troubling her. Rarity thought. She knew Scootaloo was a careful eater, but around her friends she always ate like them. Though for a different reason, she added with chagrin. No, something must be wrong if she's just toying with her food.
Scootaloo, for her part, was barely paying any attention to the meal. She ate mechanically, her thoughts consumed by her earlier meeting with Spike. She is his mother, but not. She thought. She didn't lay him. She just looked after him is all. She's not his real mother. Except, what is a real mother? Somepony who takes care of you. Who tucks you in at night and tries to make you happy. Always asking how you are. Maybe she is his mother. His adopted mother, I guess. But isn't that unfair? He's replacing his own mother with Twilight. How could he do that? I couldn't do it. Pretend that she didn't exist; that mom was... gone.
“What do you think, Scootaloo?” Applebloom asked , staring at her.
“Hmm? Oh sorry I must’ve zoned out a little.”
Applebloom just giggled. “Ah said we could probably get our cutie marks in pie throwing maybe. What do ya think?”
“Oh no ya don't, sugar. You ain't throwin' any of my good pies around. Its for eatin’, not clownin'.” Applejack butted in motherly.
“But sis, what if this is it? Pie throwing could be our destiny! At least this way we wouldn't end up covered in tree sap.”
Sweetie Belle nodded emphatically while Scootaloo just sported a grin. Pie throwing could be a lot of fun, she decided. Least it'd take her mind off things. Applejack shot them a glare that'd put Fluttershy to shame.
A derisive snort arose from the matriarch of the Apple family, causing them all to turn to her.
“Pie throwing. Like yer cutie marks would be like that. Why not just throwing, or food throwing if ya hafta be specific?”
Rarity and Applejacks blood ran cold. They knew what was going to happen next. They could see it on the forming grins of the little fillies and the already present pleased smile of Granny Smith. She may be old, but she still had a few tricks up her non-existent sleeves.
“Gran-” Before Applejack could even complete the word a sickening smack of sloppy food collided with the left side of her face.
“FOOD FIGHT” came the bellowing chorus of the cutie mark crusaders as they launched food at each other and Applejack. Predictably, no one dared throw a crumb of food at Rarity or Granny smith.
SPLAT.
SMACK.
SQUELCH, was all that could be heard as wet food was chucked around the room. Chairs were knocked over by the jubilant fillies careening around the room for any piece for food they could lay their hoofs on. The entire kitchen wall looked like an explosion in an Istallion restaurant, as ketchup and bolognese sauce was messily splattered across it.
Trying to duck for cover behind her beloved hat, Applejack saw Sweetie Belle quickly taken out by a hoof full of mash potatoes and corn by Scootaloo.
Who in the hay made corn? a part of Applejack noticed. Nevermind, Ah gotta put a stop to this.
Standing up on her hind legs, Applejack drew herself to her full height and shouted. “Everypony stop now!”
The effect was instantaneous. Sweetie Belle jumped up quickly to look at Applejack as the rest of the Cutie Mark Crusaders was shocked into stunned silence. Beans slid off Appleblooms outstretched hoof.
That's better. Applejack thought as she internally nodded. Now to put a cork in… Beans? Now ah know we didn't make no...
Applejacks internal rage at things was cut short by a almighty THWACK as the cooked stew smacked moistly like a wet rag to the right side of her face. From that angle it could have only come from one pony.
“Rarity.” Applejack said coolly as the rest of the onlookers turned to the alabaster unicorn trying to be inconspicuous while levitating a pot of stew.
“Yes?” she said feigning innocence.
Applejack looked to the centre of the table. There sat an exceedingly large marrow, the centrepiece for the meal. Taking it in her front hooves, she climbed the table and turned towards Rarity, murder and mischief blazing in her eyes.
“You wouldn't dare.” Rarity said confidently.
“Try me.”
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he, own
This is borderline nitpick, but you should never use the word "kinda" in a story unless it's a dialogue part for somebody who would believably say it, Don't use it for the actually narrating, I'll cover this topic more at the end.
Corrections in green, places where I removed or added spaces in orange
You seem to be a fan of simple sentences over complex sentences. It might be personal preference but I would suggest trying to connect sentences more often, especially when there's a conjunction. Remember, if a sentence doesn't make sense on it's own like "Had been as long as he could remember," then connect it to another. What had Big Mac been as long as he could remember? He's been a solo pony for as long as he could remember. I don't feel like checking everything, as I actually like the story itself so far and I'm not picky enough to be too disturbed by such errors, so watch out for typing mistakes, capitalization errors, and dependent clauses. (A dependent clause is a string of words that do not make sense on their own, and must depend on another clause. Dependent clauses are a big no-no and don't count as actual sentences.)
As for me making the word Yep red, I put it with the word kinda. Your narration seems much more lax then most others I've seen, in that it uses words I've labelled as "conversation words" which are words you hear in conversation, read in texts, and see in magazines as opposed to more formal words that you usually see in essays, novels, short stories, etc. This is mostly me throwing my two bits in, and it's mostly just me nitpicking, but I'd prefer less text speak in a story. The plot isn't 5 star material, but it's more than enough to make up for the errors, and enough to make this a pleasant read. (For me at least.)
2081188 Oh don't worry. Scootaloo will have a lot more happen to her later in the fic. I'm just a little worried about her stealing the show so to speak. It is a ship fic primarily. She still has a few issues to overcome and the ending that I've written so far deals a lot with her issues and just her in general. Ditto for the chapter that takes place just a few ahead from now. I just want to try to actually try to write some Rarijack for a while since it seemed to get pushed back a little.
2081384
Wow. I miss a lot. I really should start rereading and checking my chapters if I'm going to be that dense and miss such simple mistakes.
Thanks for pointing them out and hopefully I'll fix it and learn from my myriad of mistakes.
Only point I slightly disagree on is in the narration. The reason I use 'kinda' in the narration is that even though it is primarily told from a 3rd person perspective, the characters do change the writing style. For example if Rarity is the main focus I tend to use larger, fancier (pretentious) words and not use contractions. If say Scootaloo is the main focus the sentences become simpler,fast paced and tend to be more childish all round.
I'm probably not doing it all that well but thats the intent.
I agree with the diminish part, I think an easy fix is more words per chapter but it is not my story. 2081188
Yes, (once more with feeling) YES!!!
Didn't Pinkie and Twilight have a thing in the beginning?
Oh, she would!
Oh, Scoots has some inner struggles going on. Family food fights are the best.
2081475
I suppose that makes sense. I don't associate the word "Kinda" with Big Macintosh, and Eeyup would work better for Big Mac words than Yep, but to each his own.
2082194 ? Um nope. Not even a little
"Applejack shot them a glare that'd put Fluttershy to shame." I don't think you can do that. Fluttershy is the Stare Master Sombra wishes he was, Fluttershy could look at Voldemort and make him calm down. Really love this story, thank you so much for writing it.
ah food fights
When was that