Epileptic-autistic eldest of four, artist, creative, and horse crazy girl who is obsessed with entertainment media and history among other things.
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Daybreaker and Nightmare Moon have taken over Equestria and the nation is in ruins. Ponies are starving. Unicorns are forced to entertain the rulers. Pegasi are forced to do aerial stunt shows on command for their entertainment as well. Everything is basically hell on earth. The only pony doing something about it is Twilight Sparkle. The only princess who has not yet been corrupted. She is destined to be Equestria's Savior. That much she knows to be true.
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cell phone potion
Did you get that from the movie? Whatever its good!
8545204
Yes I got that from the movie since it was the best piece of comedy in the entire movie in my mind.
8545231
Is this a series of yours? Like more stories that explain these characters? I'm just wondering you know like how they look... call me a hypocrite because sometimes I can be vague at times.
8545256
I wasn't planning on making this a series. Why?
8545293
Just a question m8
*shrugs*
The only thing I really like from this is the cover art.
And that's it.
8548311
Have you even given the rest of the book a chance?
8549193
Yes. And it still wasn't good.
8549429
Why don't you think it's good???
8550692
The writing is just sorta... Blah. Not enough zest... Just... Kinda... Flat I guess.
You need an editor and a pre-reader,
sir.edit: Ma'am.The chapters are ridiculously short, the plot itself seems interesting but it's moving far too fast to entertain. The emotions aren't clearly conveyed as one could expect and it's simplistically forced out and not sticking to anything or making any relatable connections.
You're telling what the characters are doing and saying but you're not showing through words what they're doing and how they're feeling.
The idea is interesting, it just needs more expansion on the detail.
8550845
I'm a Miss. Manners are important. Just a tip.
8551338
Again, nicknames and screens make it hard to tell the difference between a mister and a missus.
Also, I'm giving criticism, not rude manners.
8551832
I'm not mad at you about this I'm just telling you to be careful next time. My OC is clearly a female so that implies hat I am probably a female.
8551886
Most people who are male have female OCs.
8557884
Yes but mostly females have female OCs. I'm one of those where I'm a female with a female OC!
8557885
But no one would be able to know that unless you told them beforehand.
Must be very uncomfortable given her equine nature and all that.
Which are in the cell apparently given that this is the same paragraph. New paragraph for a new subject.
Nightmare Moon kind of exists to bring about eternal night. That's kind of her whole schtick. I can't see her and Daybreaker getting along in the slightest. Just saying, there must be a tonne of friction between these two.
They didn't shoot the mane six because the plot told them not to.
Didn't take much to break you, did it AJ?
You know, I'm rather torn on whether or not this was a good idea. On the plus side you don't run the risk of creating a group of martyrs. On the negative however there's also a significant chance of great demoralization if the worlds greatest heroes are publicly executed. Since I can't decide however I'll just add that shooting them would have been quicker and easier.
I guess prison cell checks were among the first things to go when Daybreaker and Nightmare Moon came to power. Also, with what? Cells generally don't contain dirt floors. Did she dig with her bare hooves?
An interesting development in the story would be Twilight finding that she enjoys the life of a tyrant. The ease with which things are done, not having to worry about anything, getting anything she wants at any time, and being torn between her enjoyment of the lifestyle and her loyalty to the rebellion ultimately culminating in a moral decision whether to stay with the tyrants or to betray them for the rebels. We'll have to see where things go from there. This story seems pretty rushed as you've covered what could be a good five to eight chapters easily in one very short chapter.
Umm, Creativa, dearie, we need to have a little talk about technology. Specifically the schizo tech of Equestria. While there may be things like movie theaters and ovens there generally aren't guns. The weapon of choice for royal guards is spears. That's the level that weapon technology is at. While yes, you could make a vague argument of 'alternate universe so anything goes' you haven't made any real indication of a different technology level outside of 'guns exist now'. More to the point why would they need to have invented guns if Equestria was pretty much Equestria until the Daybreaker incident? Aside from the friendship defeated villains things are generally peaceful. Gonna need some backstory to justify your guns is all I'm saying.
Wow, for a second there was almost something resembling tension. Glad that got nipped in the bud.
Actually you're the product of two ponies getting a little too happy in bed and popping out a kid. Seriously, not everything has to be prophecy or some big plan.
"Earth Ponies can suck a big fat dick though. They aren't cool like the magical or flying ponies!"
Twilight, sweetie, go back to being a book obsessed nerd, clearly being effective at anything isn't the calling for you. That wasn't even a try and the dude gave up almost instantly.
How are they STILL freezing? If they're so cold that traveling a good chunk of a continent and having blankets doesn't warm them up then they should have all died of hypothermia.
Isn't Flurry Heart kind of a baby at present? I doubt she'll be ruling the local kindergarten let alone Equestria.
And good, you're going to need those other rulers helping with your logistics because you now have three peoples piled into one area and that's going to put a serious strain on the farms to keep up with. Even with hired help they can only produce so much crop.
Wooow, it's been what? two, maybe three weeks? And he has an entire thriving kingdom? If I wasn't 100 percent sure that this is a troll fic I'd probably be irritated as opposed to just sarcastic.
"I could just transform them into Alicorns because I already stated that we have the power to do that, but I like watching them sweat for it."
Oh you know, the famous The Hiding Hole from my favorite mlp episode! I love seeing the pony internet being used!
How'd they ALL catch it at the same time? There's a good deal of separation between the two sets of alicorns.
I know it's asking too much of a blatant troll fic but could we at least get a plot with some stakes? Everything's either fixed immediately in a single chapter or it's stupidly inconsequential like Daybreaker and Nightmare Moons prison stint.
8569475
Why do you like to pick everything down to the bone??? Why not give me some ideas on how to deepen the chapters instead?
8571936
Don't let the twelve year olds get you down. I think they disliked because they don't agree. Look over the beginning because everyone starts from there. I'm not saying it's bad. I just give advice ja?
8551338
lol
A guard slits all of their throats... damn... how did Twilight know? If he did it so precise? There was no. "Oh shit they dead!?" Or anything it was just like Twilight knew they died...
Time to fly! (Superhero music starts playing)
I guess you just need filler.... and details....
Where is all of the food coming from?
Shit got to have been destroyed so like less food and stuff
his name sounds like Romeo, hopefully they don't end up like Romeo and Juliet
8579039
He's going to sacrifice himself at the wedding to save Twi from an assassin.
Okay, what the everlasting heck..........?!
i was expecting her to blow her lid like chernobyl
I wish she would join Day Breaker and Nightmare Moon. It sure would be entertaining!
Rebel Ex Machina!
8569421
We are fucked huh?
8569429
Every comment you make me laugh. God dammit. xD
8569444
One point you missed.
Over the next few days, Twilight pours all her effort into getting several hundred more houses built while the Crystal Ponies continue to stay in the Palace of Friendship.
Wouldn't they be in Canterlot?
No comments? Well, I can change that!
"Yes, and banished her evil half to Limbo," Twilight responds.
Wouldn't that need a large amount of power and would also trap Twilight in said Limbo?
8589490
No because of fear of the possibility of the retransformation of Celestia and Luna back into Daybreaker and Nightmare Moon.
8589498
No. She used the portal spell like she did in the finale of the current season.
8589469
One thing: SHE'S THE SAVIOR!!!
i get the feeling that there's more where they came from
namely the fear that twi could snap the same way celestia did
8589498
She combined it with the portal spell like she did in the season 7 finale.