• Member Since 24th Oct, 2013
  • offline last seen Yesterday

SpiritDutch


Not really paying attention to any of this anymore, but I keep the tab open... for some reason.

T

Something terrible is lurking in the Bright World. Something great, ancient, and inapproachable. There are things older than ponykind which linger in Equestria.


It is an age of great advancements in Equestria. The power of the knights and nobles is fading, as prosperous cities and increased interconnectedness with the world funnels new wealth and power to the commoners. Feudalism is breaking down. Gunpowder, oceanic trade, and new ideologies have shifted the balance of power and pony attitudes to the powers that be. Empress Celestia rules from her capital of Equestria, but she is not sleeping well. Her enemies are organizing against the peace her predecessors brought.


Celestia sees before her the proud and arrogant aristocracy who believe their chance to take back control has come. They rally to duplicitous and sinister powers whose intentions are far from clear, but are doubtlessly partisan. The unicorns of Canterlot are willing to support any who promise them supremacy, even if it means fracturing the peace between the tribes.


From above, Celestia hears the distant songs of a long lost sister, whose power to twist and seduce the minds of mortals is second to none. The Nightmares, Dark servants of an ancient god are returning to make their play at destroying Celestia where they could not succeed a thousand years past. They will drive the empress to terrible things, she knows. Never is her wrath so hot as when facing the ones she loves.


And from the Past, Celestia feels a cycle turning, and events replaying. Great and old gods and their malicious servants who once haunted the dreams of Ponykind are coming alive again, their grudges against Celestia burning in their foul hearts.


But what drives Celestia to fear most of all is the knowledge that her ponies will be the true downfall of Equestria. They will split along their differences. They will hate, take arms, and join battle against themselves. More than one cherished student will fall to evil, twisted by Darkness or Light.


Celestia can feel her death coming. The Civil War that will inevitably come will be the only inheritance she can leave her chosen successors. It will be up to them to make something of the dreams of ponykind.

Author's warnings: Many original characters, very long story (Probs less than half done), takes a while to kick off, seriously dark at times.

Chapters (80)
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Comments ( 184 )

This is really good :pinkiehappy: I'm loving Twilight Velvet and all of the political intrigue that's starting to really crop up. Keep up the great work!

What does ASOIAF stand for?

Comment posted by SpiritDutch deleted Aug 6th, 2014

Seems quite good! I´ll give it a look later, when I am done with A Dream of Dawn :pinkiehappy:

Spectacular story. Good work.. keep it up. Also, I'd like it if you critique mine? Yours is a bit inspiring.

Aww I was hoping to see more interaction and character building between Nightmare and Twilight.:twilightsmile:

4777823 The conclusion of the pact was just for that particular night. Twilight can expect to return to the dreamscape the next, and every subsequent night, until she finds a way to destroy or stop the altar. :twilightoops:

So, yeah more Twilight & NNM interaction and, spoilers: M6 & NNM interaction.

Oh my.

Why does this only have 19 upvotes?

4543210

A Song Of Ice And Fire; if I'm not mistaken it's the series that A Game Of Thrones is the first part.

SpiritDutch, I like your story; it has a great deal of intrigue and chronic backstabbing disorder. You might want to get a proofreader, though; there are a number of misused words that a spellchecker would not catch as well as misspellings that detract from the story itself.

4808940 Depending on how far into the story you are, you ain't seen even half of the backstabbing. I'm basically beating the reader over the head with displays of how contrary to the Elements of Harmony everypony is, and why their society is doomed to fail.

On the point of a proofreader, I don't really know where to ask. I try to do it myself, reading and editing dozens of times, but I get sloppy on occasion I'll admit.

Thanks for your comment!

Comment posted by SpiritDutch deleted Aug 7th, 2014

I just want to see more of the Twilighjt/Nightmare Moon chappies.:twilightsmile:

So, I'm guessing that Twilght's interaction with Nightmare Moon is form a Pact for one night, and continuing until Nightmare Moon no longer has a use for Twilight save as a corporeal focus for her spirit's return to Equestria.

your going at a reasonable pace, also you need a reason for somepony to die.:twilightsmile:

I'm starting to wonder if the opera scene was completely necessary, so I rewrote it to provided a bit more closure between the two characters.

its a very interesting story i am liking it so far. ^_^ very underrated.

its not that your story is bad. its more along the lines of bad luck. it was random chance that i found this story. maybe you should offer your story to a group dedicated to underrated stories? i know there is one i just can not remember its name off hand.

good job. another lovely chapter. ^_^:twilightsmile:

another good chapter. keep up the good work. ^_^:twilightsmile:

Have you ever considered submitting this story to Equestria Daily? You can find out how to do so here.

i bet. when i used to RP it was very hard for me to play more than one character. since i can only spit my personality so many ways. a very good chapter here. am still holding out for a good ending. keep up the great work. ^_^ :twilightsmile:

another good chapter written. keep up the good work! :twilightsmile:

I hope it will all work out. There are people who like a feel bad story, but not me. Yet I find myself writing one. I really want the characters I like to be happy. I don't want them to suffer or cry. What kind of a sick, demented person would make the characters suffer?
Does it make you feel good to toy around with a life like that? Sure its not a real life, but you're hurting the idea of a person. Does the power please you? You like hurting those you don't like, huh? or even those you do like, huh? Is this your way of showing affection? Hmm, you'd like to hurt me, wouldn't you. It wouldn't be in malice, just your way of showing you care. Perhaps its the only way you can.

very interesting path you are taking so far i wonder how this will all work out? can not wait for the next chapter. ^_^ :twilightsmile:

5134600 I'm curious what path you though it would take. I'm just doing whatever makes the most sense to me. :twilightsheepish:

5134611 not sure at this point. i know what i want or maybe need but not what you will do. ^_^
lets just say i hope for a happy ending but by no means will i stop reading or even hate your story if i do not get what i want. i am an adult i know you can not always get what you want. plus i do not wish to dictate what another person can and will create.

I said the word 'Celestia' 109 times in this chapter. That's about 2%, compromising every 50th word. :twilightsheepish:

Another good chapter well written for the most part. as said before very under rated.

5147935 For the most part? :raritycry: Oh dear, I'm I too eager to rush this out, sacrificing quality?
Well, I'm going back and fixed the parade of spelling errors. Maybe now I won't be such a huge disappointment to my parents. :pinkiesad2:

Just Kidding! (About the disappointment part. I really did fix most everything.)
Thanks for your feedback. :twilightsmile:

Oh wow. That ended poorly for everybody. :pinkiesad2:
Luna was ended shockingly quickly. You were broadcasting Celestia's fate pretty loudly, but with Luna it came right out of left field. Please tell me you won't end it for her like that. :fluttershyouch:

I get it's a Morrowind reference, but your chapter titles are confusing.

5134429 That's too bad.
It's a bit weird how much you mix ponies having their plans realized and being foiled. I guess it's not unrealistic (the best laid plans of mice and men, and all that), but definitely a little bit jarring. Also I'd recommend you delete your authors note and reveal that in the story.

I hope you make something of the obscene amount of ranting world build you'r doing in the world outside of Equestria.

5179627 Wow, lots of comments. I'm having a hard time telling if you like the story or not. :twilightoops:

i do not think luna is dead my self. she is the embodiment of the moon and the moon is still there.... whether she comes back the same is an entirely different question.
As for your question in the Author's Note i would say give it a try. i will tell you if it turns out bad or not. do not think it will but you never know.

5179819 It's... nice. :yay:
But really, would I keep reading and commenting if it didn't like it? It needs work, though. Feels like a first draft.

5179828 Brutally honest criticism there. Maybe you'd like to edit for me. :trixieshiftright:

I assume you read that I'll be doing some rewriting of the older stuff. I started as an objective oriented writer in this story, and now I'm not so sure. I have an ending and some points along the way, but otherwise the plot is just kinda gunna grow on it's own.

Wow.

5179842 No thanks on the editing.
I think is was GRRM who said authors are either gardeners or librarians either structuring or pruning their narratives. You sound half and half. Look forward to seeing more. But please change your author's notes,they suck.

Wow. :rainbowkiss:

Comment posted by TyroidMary deleted Jul 8th, 2017

5183190 I know I asked for it but I think you could be a little nicer. The writer is always the one who's the hardest on what they've written. :fluttershyouch:

And yes, I know I'm not good at subtlety.
"Oh, I hope you like metaphors, because I'm going to ram it down your throat." It goes about as well as an oversized supertanker in the Panama Canal. Wet, forced, lots of holes, and nobody is happy cleaning up the mess.

Things I've learned since I started writing this fic:
The difference between where and were.
What a 'plot' is
The meaning of 'nonplussed'
How to spell
How to be lazy in descriptions
Phrasing
What 'foreshadowing' is

Say what you will about the virtues of writing ponyfics, but I'm learning the English language all over again.

So Twilight's soul has been split in half, or her soul was split when she fled to Nightmare Moon in space, and now there are two Twilight's, the one that is innocent and untainted by the events involved in her origional death, and the one that is Completely changed by the events and semi undead.

and now there are two Twilight's, the one that is innocent and untainted by the events involved in her origional death

This is Forlorn Spark, nightmare with memories of Twilight Sparkle but without her soul, which fled to Moon (and Twilight had no reason to leave pieces of her soul behind). Spark was mindraped by Celestia into thinking she is nice and innocent Twilight Sparkle.
I wonder what will happen if that mindrape gets cancelled partially or completely... Even if it doesn't happen, having memories of being all nice and good doesn't necessarily translate into actually being nice and good. It's entirely possible that Spark's actual personality will force her to behave wildly different to what she remembers of herself despite all her efforts. Or the differences will be subtle yet alarming, making her question herself and become more paranoid with every day, at some point making the correct conclusion that she has been mindraped, following with wrong conclusion about probable perpetrators and their reasoning.
Much potential for all kinds of plot twists here, considering she still has full power of Forlorn Spark at her beck and call.
---
Great story overall, I have no idea why it's so unpopular. Maybe it's because of horrible cover image? I cringe every time I see it.

5201555 I changed the cover art, just for you. I kinda liked the one I had, in the way a mother likes their ugly child, but I traded in that child for a Muscle Car. We'll see how much of a difference that makes.

i really like the new cover image. ^_^

I hope I'm not unnecessarily obfuscating things with my narrative order.

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