Maud calmly approached Church, sitting back and watching as he continued to babble in Spanish. She waited calmly for a break in his babbling, but it did not stop. Sighing, she grabbed hold of him by his leg and began to drag him along behind her.
<"Maud?"> he asked immediately, breaking out of his own distress as he felt her pulling him along. <"I'm so sorry. I was so distracted by my own-">
"Idiocy?" Maud asked thoughtfully.
<"...well, I was going to say despair and grief, but if it makes you feel better let's go with that,"> Church allowed. <"But I completely forgot to tend to you. I'm so sorry, I know your Mom's death must have affected you greatly-">
"Like yours did?" Maud asked flatly.
<"...okay, that's a valid point, you didn't grieve for me either,"> Church observed thoughtfully. <"But you knew I was still around and-"> Church's voice stopped completely.
"Like I said," Maud pointed out with a slight quirk to her lips that almost qualified as a smirk. "Idiocy."
<"Are you telling me Texas is a ghost now, too?"> Church demanded in shock.
"No."
<"...is that 'no, she isn't', or 'no, I'm not telling you anything'?">
"One of those."
"That's my girl," Texas purred happily from Maud's shoulder, making sure only the filly could see or hear her as Church proceeded to make garbled sounds of frustration in Spanish.
Maud came to a halt close enough to Red Base to be seen, but still far enough away that they couldn't come out after her if they happened to have a new weapon to use against her. She doubted if they actually had such a weapon, but she wasn't about to take chances. Her lights were all the same color, after all, so she doubted if she'd 'become a ghost' if she got killed. Beyond that, she really didn't want to cause her 'ghost' parents to go into a frenzied bloodbath to avenge her and decorate the landscape with the entrails of every living thing for a hundred miles while animating skeletons to sing horrendous dirges to lull her to her rest and/or call her 'ghost' back to the world.
...as entertaining as imagining it was.
"Reds," she said into her communicator, formulating the signal to only connect to the Reds and not the Blues. "I have come for you."
"Please don't kill us!" Simmons squealed out in terror. "It's not our fault! We didn't mean to-"
"I care not for excuses, explanations, or blame," Maud growled out to silence Simmons. "I care only for reparations."
"See?" Sarge declared to the other Reds. "The adorable Death that comes for us is that of an angry god, and we can buy her off with offerings to appease her! And you thought me sending Grif to his mine for those candy rocks was a stupid idea Donut!"
"I think you're remembering that backwards, sir..." Donut began uncertainly.
"Be quiet before the angry pony unleashes holy atomic fire on you so she can have a pillar of salt to lick!"
"Do...do you really think she can do that, sir?" Simmons asked fearfully.
"She's an adorable, talking, brightly colored - relatively speaking - pony that can shatter boulders and dig through mountains with her bare hooves, eat guns, spit bullets, and teleport!" Sarge countered hotly. "Unless and until we somehow manage to get her to be on our side, I'm going to be under the assumption that she can do anything unless or until she shows she can't...and even then I'm going to assume she's faking to lull us into a false sense of security!"
"...can't really fault his logic there," Texas allowed thoughtfully. "I honestly wouldn't be surprised at this point if you could unleash holy atomic fire to turn someone into a pillar of salt. Suitably impressed, squealing in excitement, and inordinately proud of you...but not surprised."
"And that's something else to experiment with, alongside flaying someone with their own spine before putting it back in so they feel what I did to them," Maud stated...her voice having just a hint of longing to it.
"Simmons! Get Grif and my gutting knife!" Sarge yelled out. "Her vicious streak has been revealed, and if we are to buy her off there is only one way! Blood for the blood pone!"
"...I like the sound of that," Maud and Texas murmured at the same time and in the same intonation.
"But no," Maud spoke up firmly. "I did not come for blood. As entertaining as watching you butcher each other in an attempt to appease my wrath and thirst for blood while singing my praises would be...I have more use for you all alive, if you can give me what I want. What I want...is machines."
"Uh...I'm not really sure how much we can do there," Sarge spoke up worriedly. "I mean...I can see from here that you've got Lopez. ...please don't break him, he's like a son to me..."
"If you want him back and to have all of you be in one piece, you will build two more robots for me to my specifications," Maud instructed firmly.
"What sort of specifications?" Grif asked curiously. "Sorry I wasn't here sooner, but I thought you'd want some candy rocks to feel better about what happened to your Mom until you either killed us all for vengeance or you found the gate to the Underworld and led us on an insane rampage against Hades or Hel or whichever God we found there to drag your parents back into the world of the living."
"...that sounds so bad asp..." Sarge and Church said simultaneously, though Church said it in Spanish.
"...let's call that Plan B," Maud allowed thoughtfully. "As for my specifications...I want two robots, one male and one female. They must be fully functional and anatomically correct under the armor."
"I'm not sure-" Simmons began awkwardly.
"Write it down for now, figure out if you can actually do it when you're drunk!" Sarge snapped out. "Go on, Maud. What else?"
Maud tapped her chin thoughtfully. "Both need to have superhuman strength and reflexes, able to keep up with minds that aren't restricted to biological limits. Don't bother installing such minds, though. I'll take care of that. Make the female super hot by human definitions."
<"So Tex is around and you're making that body for her?"> Church asked curiously.
"Make the male bot look like a total dork," Texas whispered in Maud's ear eagerly.
"Make the male bot look like a total dork," Maud supplied with a slight smirk.
<"Hey!">
"Like Simmons on a bad day," she continued.
"Now that's just mean..." Simmons whined.
"This...seems like a lot to ask in exchange for getting one robot back," Grif pointed out thoughtfully. "Especially given 'Plan B' is the whole 'assault on the Underworld' instead of killing us all, from the sound of it."
"Grif, stop making good points!" Sarge declared angrily. "It goes against the laws of narrative causality!"
"If you don't, then I will use your base to bludgeon you all into submission until you do," Maud stated flatly.
"...I am conflicted!" Sarge declared ruefully. "On the one hand, I am genuinely curious if Maud can pick the base up and use it as a bludgeon, and if we could survive such a beating. On the other hand, I don't want to find that out first hand!"
"How about I trade Lopez for the male robot, and using the base to bludgeon Grif for the female?" Maud offered curiously.
"DEAL!" Sarge declared eagerly.
"Oh come on!" Grif whined angrily.
...this story is going strange places. And I'm out of popcorn.
...and why on earth do they need to be fully functioning? Does Maud want a little brother?...
...oh no.
I kinda want to see that.
This is an understandable conundrum. Damned if you do, damned if you don't
YAY! Maud has the solution! Now let us see her use the base!
That I go with. (But no crotch wounds, that still seems like a misplaced joke to me.)
That. . .is the WRONG futuristic sci-fi videogame series involving super soldiers using Power Armor.
Points for the reference anyways!
So close. ('on' not 'one')
And Grif proceeds to be the literal punching bag of the Reds.
8698444
Also the wrong pony. Pinkie is the one who likes blood sacrifices *coughcupcakesuncough*.
8698547
But it is Maud, Pinkie's sister. And she has already displayed Pinkie-like powers.
I thought you didn't have feeling for Church?
"Blood for the Blood Pone"
...that is going to result in more art.
Poor Griff he gets no respect.
Oh Church, don't be such a drag to Maud.
I can imagine that the whispers Maud hears really Texas her smiling muscles.
For some reason, this song came to mind.
8698554
That doesn't mean she gets the blood sacrifices. Pinkie demands the tithe of blood, Maud gets the offerings of jewels and precious metals, Limestone takes a portion of the harvest, and Marble has the ritual orgies.
It's all in the book, ya heathen.
8698595
What do their parents get? (As in Igneous Rock and Cloudy Quartz, not whoever's adopted them)
8698632
Whatever the f they want.
You think Grif will get a break if he bonds with Maud?
8698692
I think he already has bonded with Maud. Hell, I think most of Red has bonded with Maud. Sarge seems to be the only one who hasn't done so. He's terrified of her, and greatly respects her strength... but no real bond yet.
Okay, so...
Am I the only one suspecting that Church will take the female robot body, just to get back at Tex?
<"Maud?"> he asked immediately, breaking out of his own distress as he felt her pulling him along. <"lo siento tanto . estaba tan distraído por mi propia-">
Estupidez ?
<"...bueno, iba a decir dolor y tristeza, pero si eso te hace sentir mejor digamos que eso,"> Church allowed. <"Pero me olvide de cuidarte por completo. Lo siento tanto, se que la muerte de tu madre te afecto muchisimo- ">
"Like yours did?" Maud asked flatly.
<"...okey, ese es un buen punto, no te deprimiste por mi"> Church observed thoughtfully. <"pero sabias que estaba aquí y-"> Church's voice stopped completely.
"Like I said," Maud pointed out with a slight quirk to her lips that almost qualified as a smirk. "Idiocy."
<"me estas diciendo que Texas es un fantasma también ?"> Church demanded in shock.
"No."
<"...eso es un 'no, no lo es' o un ' no te diré nada'? ">
(---in the next one I'm using a childish usage of the " chingon" we use in my country---)
"...eso suena tan fregon..." Sarge and Church said simultaneously, though Church said it in Spanish.
(---)
<" asi que Texas si esta aquí aun y estas haciendo un cuerpo para ella ?"> Church asked curiously.
(--by the way thanks all those that take their time to read this , i dont really know how good i am doing in translating the few phrases that tatsurou here writes . or if I'm being read even , but tats , you are an awesome writer and don't you ever let to be told otherwise. And to the user here that told me he/she would get his teacher to revise this , please tell me the result
i laughed my way through the whole chapter
This, uh, this story is taking a dark turn. Yes, I mean that seriously.
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Its Grif, he has to mess up somewhere
8698547
This Pinkie would be more appropriate for "Blood for the Blood Pone" than that Pinkie. (At least within the context of the PWNY-verse stories.)
Texas makes the best shoulder devil.
Oh so she getting human bots. I figured that she'd have them build Igneous Rock and Cloudy Quartz models to house her surrogate parent ghosts.
Or maybe I suppose they'll just have a transform-into-pony-shape function a la Nefarious.
Ahh Grif getting ripped on by Sarge phew balance has been restored
Ditto.
A sexy mom and a dorky dad. You don't see many couples like that.
Can we see an alternate universe where Plan B takes place???? And it is wrong I'm wishing Plan B is Plan A instead???
That works.
Er...
I love Maud.
I don't think that's how it works. But, considering Maud's frequent blatant disregard of how physics work, and the general what the fuckery induced by whatever's going on in the canyon, that MIGHT work.
Valid logic for once.
I love this so much, I needed this laugh.
Are you proud of yourself?
That sounds really cool.
It does.
Why anatomically correct?
I am OK with this.
You surprised?
Maybe, but it's funny.
You know, so am I.
And there's Grif's luck.
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Rooster Teeth uses Google Translate Spanish anyway, you're fine.
Those Robot bodies are going to be Transformers. And they are going to have Pony modes. This is going to be hilarious.
I'm sorry, but I have to do this.
The daemons of Maud are gonna eat you out like ice cream sandwiches when ya red rage starts.
I'll be leaving now.
Oh, God, I'm having flashbacks...
SMART BOY! You've trained them so well Maud.
What you know I can do the Joker laugh reasonably well. Who knew!
This IS Pinkie's sister so that is disturbingly possible.
...
I don't inherrantly like HALO or it's lore. And I never was a fan of Maud in the show.
...
But this?
This I like.
BLOOD FOR THE BLOOD PONE!!!
Rocks for the rock throne!
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I translate as close as I can being of a Spanish country, so while my translation isn't like rooster teeth it's readable , unlike his Spanish translation of Lopez .. God I tried once to understand what he tried to tell without subtitles, and believe me , getting your language butchered so bad can make you cringe ..
Also edit because my phone is a dumb one and sent the comment before it was ready
8700023
Yeah, Lopez's Spanish is intentionally Google Translate bad.
This is why no one ever trusts the quiet ones. They're scary.
Well that has all kinds of implications one would think were beyond such a young kid.
this is the most confusing yet most funny chapter yet. I feel like sarge right now.
Somewhere in blue base, Caboose is drawing half shark maidens on the walls. Dramatic music starts playing as Tucker falls on his face from the shift in balance. He turns to his back as his body spasms, seemingly unleashing a portal to the gates of Hell. The music grows louder, drums intensify and dueling guitars screech in the air as Tucker’s pelvis lifts high enough into the air, you’d think there was paranormal activity going on.
Caboose draws Texas with crab claws, surrounded by other Agent Texas’s covered in blood. There’s so much blood on the wall that Caboose switches to a pink crayon to convey how much gore is on the wall.
Then everything stops. Caboose is drawing happy pumas and Tucker is panting.
Tucker: “I really want to go to Red Base...”
Caboose: “Why?”
Tucker: “I heard they’re experimenting with body mechanics. Bow Chicka Bow Wow.”
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Red Team, I’ve come to bargain!
Red Team, I’ve come to bargain!
Red Team, I’ve come to bargain!
Red Team, I’ve come to bargain!
Red Team, I’ve come to bargain!
Red Team, I’ve come to bargain!
Red Team, I’ve come to bargain!
Red Team, I’ve come to bargain!
Simmons: “How is she doing this?!”
Sarge: “How is she doing what? She just wants to bargain.”
Grif: “I really want a corn dog for some reason.”
*Suddenly, there’s a large group of Mauds which includes one yellow Maud.*
Sarge: “She’s multiplying!”
8700359
No that's when she meets Gary.
8701129
Ah, I see.
You know, back when this all started, I believed that the two Ai on the cover art were our Church (as opposed to Carolina's) and the Papa Wolf Ai that has yet to splinter off. Tex's not quite death has thrown that theory out of whack.
8698428
She already has a little brother. One with a willpower score lower than Kane Highwind from Final Fantasy 4.
...and a big sister, come to think about it...
Anatomically corre- (0^0) Well dang.
*Giggles uncontrollably*
I sense a WH40K reference.
...Will there be any orkish camouflage in the future? "Purple is for stealth" or somesuch*, and have it actually work because of the sheer physics buggering going on?
There's a Emperor gets a TTS crossover elsewhere on this site where an ork actually demonstrates that. I think it might be fun to have it happen here.
I swear Tats is hinting at a WH40k story in the future with all these references.
And he has so many options for such a story.
Orks, Eldar, Maybe not Space Marines, Inquisition, or even 31st Millenium and have papa Emperor raise a pone child while searching for his lost sons.
.... you are free to use this if you want
If I have to describe everyone's relations with Maud:
Church is the father
Tucker is the creepy uncle
Flowers was the supportive old man/grandfather-figure
Caboose is the little brother
Texas is the mother
Sarge is the grizzled but friendly uncle - friendly toward Maud
Grif is the abused but helpful big brother
Simmons... is a mix between an acquaintance and friend of the big brother
Donut is the pet
And Doc is the babysitter
8980461
Making a Tats story using the the Emperor has a Text-To-Speech Device as the plot of the story would be a good crossover for WH40K