• Published 16th Aug 2017
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The Rock in the Gulch - Tatsurou



Maud is raised by Church and Blue Team, in Blood Gulch and beyond.

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You Weren't Prepared

Grif gripped the handlebars of The Dragonlord eagerly, feeling the engine - whatever powered it - revving and roaring in eagerness. "Okay, this is just too awesome," he purred happily. "I almost hope someone attacks us, just so I can put this thing through its paces-"

A blast of energy shot through one of the holes in the walls, blasting apart a large part of the structure and making the debris fall towards the group, only for Tucker and Tex to use their energy blades to disrupt the larger chunks while Donut took out the others with a weapon Drunk Simmons had made for him...an energy lash. "I guess you can just call me Queen!" he chuckled playfully as the lash withdrew into the handle and the dust fell around him.

<"Charge!"> Lopez called out as an army of 300 robot copies of Lopez rushed towards the base, firing rifles, energy cannons, and arm-mounted rockets at the group.

"I only said almost!" Grif screamed out as The Dragonlord reared back on the back wheel with a roar before charging straight for a large group, lobbing plasma mortars out the mouth as it went. "Okay, that's not bad for ranged combat, but what about-WAH!" Just as he passed through a group, the handlebars came off the head of the bike as chainsaw katanas, slashing through the robots to either side as Grif flailed to retain his balance before returning the handlebars to their proper place, staring back at the 30 robots that were now so much scrap, and the one the tail had grabbed to hurl at ten more and sending them falling like bowling pins. "Okay, forget almost. Let's take this to the skies!"

The Dragonlord let off another roar as the wheels parted, squatting down before springing upward into the air. The wheels locked in place and unfolded into claws, extending on limbs. The wings unfolded with a snap to catch the air as the head on the front extended on a long neck. The two chainsaw katanas came away as one in Grif's hand as a new HUD appeared on the inside of his helmet, showing him how to command The Dragonlord in the air with thought, eye movements, and the grip of his legs.

"...I think I just climaxed from sheer overwhelming awesomeness..." Grif finally managed to gasp out as The Dragonlord swooped down and seized two more robots before carrying them into the air to drop them on another group.

"Open fire, men!" Sarge barked out as he leveled his own weapons and began to attempt to mow down the assaulting army. Simmons quickly joined in with his own ranged weapons, while Tucker and Texas each moved to the sides of their fortified position in case any of the robots got close enough, energy swords at the ready. Donut climbed onto Manticore Prime to make use of its heavy weaponry.

Church moved to the console. "Gary, doesn't this base have any special defensive systems?" he demanded.

"It has lock down security doors, meant to activate when the Weapon is brought into the base," Gary explained readily.

"That doesn't exactly help when the enemy is charging in through a great big hole in the wall!" Church snapped. "What about something more offensive?"

"Knock Knock," Gary offered.

"Weaponry, not jokes!"

Gary was silent for a time. "The plans call for tower mounted point defense Tesla Blasters."

"Ooh, those sound nice!" Church purred. "Activate those!"

"I cannot," Gary explained. "According to the records, they were installed Gftrblag."

"...which means?"

"Roughly translated, 'Next Tuesday'," Maud offered as she braced her own weapons, in position to counterattack if necessary...although it didn't seem to be as the army of 300 had already been reduced to 100.

Church let out a frustrated sigh. "Yeah, I know what that means. Are there any other defense systems that will be useful that weren't installed 'Next Tuesday'?"

"Checking..." Gary began, processing the data.

"How long until you've checked them all to have an answer?" Maud inquired calmly.

"...Next Tuesday," Gary offered apologetically.

"We'll all be dead by then!" Church snapped out.

"Or they will," Maud observed as she saw the attacking army reduced to 50.


"Your robotic army is useless!" Omega snapped at Lopez. "They charge and fire and blast away...and are slaughtered by the dozens!"

"But they're certainly impressive until that time!" Doc offered helpfully. "I give you an A for effort!"

<"I did not fully take into account the changes to their armaments and coordination thanks to Maud's influence,"> Lopez offered apologetically. <"That is why it appears that we are taking such a heavy beating.">

"Well why didn't you?" Omega demanded angrily.

<"I cannot do that anymore than I can divide by zero,"> Lopez pointed out flatly.

"Why you-"

"What do you mean, appears?" Doc asked, briefly interrupting Omega.

Lopez watched as the last attacking robot was cut down. <"Wait for it..."> he offered calmly.

"Wait for what?" Omega demanded angrily. "They've slaughtered your army! And now they are celebrating-"

<"Activate Second Wind Protocol,"> Lopez commanded into his communicator.

As Omega watched, all 300 robots reassembled themselves, the first to reassemble renewing the attack even as the others were still self-repairing. "...that'll do, Lopez," Omega purred eagerly. "That'll do..."


"Okay, this just sucks!" Grif snapped out as he was reduced to punching the robots that had grabbed hold of The Dragonlord in the face to try and get them off while in midair, only for them to sprout jetpacks to keep up. "How are we supposed to deal with all of this? There's too many, and they just keep getting back up again!"

"I'm open to suggestions!" Church called back as he used a lead pipe he'd picked up to strike down the robots that got too close. "I mean, the only one of us doing any appreciable damage is Maud, and that's by kicking!"

"We need more pony power!" Sarge snapped out. "Unleash the M.A.U.D.-okens!"

"We can't, sir!" Simmons called out despairingly. "They were damaged in the explosion that sent us here, and I never got around to repairing them! If we tried to fire them, they'd likely explode on us."

"Then use them as bombs!" Sarge snapped as he unshouldered his M.A.U.D.-oken pack, pulled the trigger, and hurled the device into the group of attacking robots. The resulting blast sent dozens of them flying to pieces and dozens more bouncing off the walls. "It's not enough! We need more pony power!"

"Right!" Church agreed. "Then I'll go pony and take them out from the air!" His body shifted into pony configuration...with a horn. "Aw, come on!" he snapped. "This form's physically weaker and can't fly! What am I supposed to do?!" In a rage, he swung his head...and stared at the laser beam that shot from the tip of his horn and punched a hole through seven robots in a line. "...oh, that's what this form's good for."

"Good idea, Church!" Texas called out as she also took a unicorn form. "Use the telekinesis to hold them all together so they can't fight! Help me out there!"

"Right!" Church agreed, focusing his mind. The joined telekinetic field surrounded the army, pushing them together and attempting to crush them all at once, the confined space not giving the robots room to break free.


"I see what you mean about being unable to take it all into account," Omega observed calmly. "But now what?"

<"Activate Legion protocol. Goliath mode engaged.">

"Wait, what?" Omega gasped out as all the robots broke down into parts...and then began assembling themselves into a single machine which slowly stood up, breaking free of the telekinetic grip through sheer force. "How did you make such wonderful toys?!"

<"I translated Drunk Simmons blueprints,"> Lopez offered calmly.


"Now what the fuck are we supposed to do?" Grif shouted as The Dragonlord pulled back for distance to avoid being swatted out of the air. "And no, I don't care that Maud just heard me swear, this one calls for it!"

"You're the one who wanted to go giant hunting, 'David'!" Sarge snapped out. "Use your slingshot!"

"I already tried!" Griff called back. "It caught it!"

"That's still the only weapon with a chance of doing damage, though!" Simmons called out. "Everything else is bouncing off the sheer bulk, or it repairs before the damage can really accumulate. We just need to boost its effectiveness somehow."

"Kinetic amplifier still functional," Gary pointed out as a large ring extended upward on a platform from a nearby roof, energy swirling within it. "Amplifies the kinetic energy of anything passing through it by a factor of 12."

"Here's hoping it works!" Grif called out as he guided The Dragonlord to swoop around to have the ring between it and the giant robot. Just as the angle was right, he fired. The sphere shot through the ring...and light seemed to shatter as the ring exploded in an outward expanding circle of rainbow colored light as the sphere slammed into the robot and carried it off the Ring World the group was based on to float off into space. "...whoa..."

"The kinetic amplifier is no longer functional," Gary observed calmly. "Repairs scheduled for 'Next Tuesday'."

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