Grif gripped the handlebars of The Dragonlord eagerly, feeling the engine - whatever powered it - revving and roaring in eagerness. "Okay, this is just too awesome," he purred happily. "I almost hope someone attacks us, just so I can put this thing through its paces-"
A blast of energy shot through one of the holes in the walls, blasting apart a large part of the structure and making the debris fall towards the group, only for Tucker and Tex to use their energy blades to disrupt the larger chunks while Donut took out the others with a weapon Drunk Simmons had made for him...an energy lash. "I guess you can just call me Queen!" he chuckled playfully as the lash withdrew into the handle and the dust fell around him.
<"Charge!"> Lopez called out as an army of 300 robot copies of Lopez rushed towards the base, firing rifles, energy cannons, and arm-mounted rockets at the group.
"I only said almost!" Grif screamed out as The Dragonlord reared back on the back wheel with a roar before charging straight for a large group, lobbing plasma mortars out the mouth as it went. "Okay, that's not bad for ranged combat, but what about-WAH!" Just as he passed through a group, the handlebars came off the head of the bike as chainsaw katanas, slashing through the robots to either side as Grif flailed to retain his balance before returning the handlebars to their proper place, staring back at the 30 robots that were now so much scrap, and the one the tail had grabbed to hurl at ten more and sending them falling like bowling pins. "Okay, forget almost. Let's take this to the skies!"
The Dragonlord let off another roar as the wheels parted, squatting down before springing upward into the air. The wheels locked in place and unfolded into claws, extending on limbs. The wings unfolded with a snap to catch the air as the head on the front extended on a long neck. The two chainsaw katanas came away as one in Grif's hand as a new HUD appeared on the inside of his helmet, showing him how to command The Dragonlord in the air with thought, eye movements, and the grip of his legs.
"...I think I just climaxed from sheer overwhelming awesomeness..." Grif finally managed to gasp out as The Dragonlord swooped down and seized two more robots before carrying them into the air to drop them on another group.
"Open fire, men!" Sarge barked out as he leveled his own weapons and began to attempt to mow down the assaulting army. Simmons quickly joined in with his own ranged weapons, while Tucker and Texas each moved to the sides of their fortified position in case any of the robots got close enough, energy swords at the ready. Donut climbed onto Manticore Prime to make use of its heavy weaponry.
Church moved to the console. "Gary, doesn't this base have any special defensive systems?" he demanded.
"It has lock down security doors, meant to activate when the Weapon is brought into the base," Gary explained readily.
"That doesn't exactly help when the enemy is charging in through a great big hole in the wall!" Church snapped. "What about something more offensive?"
"Knock Knock," Gary offered.
"Weaponry, not jokes!"
Gary was silent for a time. "The plans call for tower mounted point defense Tesla Blasters."
"Ooh, those sound nice!" Church purred. "Activate those!"
"I cannot," Gary explained. "According to the records, they were installed Gftrblag."
"...which means?"
"Roughly translated, 'Next Tuesday'," Maud offered as she braced her own weapons, in position to counterattack if necessary...although it didn't seem to be as the army of 300 had already been reduced to 100.
Church let out a frustrated sigh. "Yeah, I know what that means. Are there any other defense systems that will be useful that weren't installed 'Next Tuesday'?"
"Checking..." Gary began, processing the data.
"How long until you've checked them all to have an answer?" Maud inquired calmly.
"...Next Tuesday," Gary offered apologetically.
"We'll all be dead by then!" Church snapped out.
"Or they will," Maud observed as she saw the attacking army reduced to 50.
"Your robotic army is useless!" Omega snapped at Lopez. "They charge and fire and blast away...and are slaughtered by the dozens!"
"But they're certainly impressive until that time!" Doc offered helpfully. "I give you an A for effort!"
<"I did not fully take into account the changes to their armaments and coordination thanks to Maud's influence,"> Lopez offered apologetically. <"That is why it appears that we are taking such a heavy beating.">
"Well why didn't you?" Omega demanded angrily.
<"I cannot do that anymore than I can divide by zero,"> Lopez pointed out flatly.
"Why you-"
"What do you mean, appears?" Doc asked, briefly interrupting Omega.
Lopez watched as the last attacking robot was cut down. <"Wait for it..."> he offered calmly.
"Wait for what?" Omega demanded angrily. "They've slaughtered your army! And now they are celebrating-"
<"Activate Second Wind Protocol,"> Lopez commanded into his communicator.
As Omega watched, all 300 robots reassembled themselves, the first to reassemble renewing the attack even as the others were still self-repairing. "...that'll do, Lopez," Omega purred eagerly. "That'll do..."
"Okay, this just sucks!" Grif snapped out as he was reduced to punching the robots that had grabbed hold of The Dragonlord in the face to try and get them off while in midair, only for them to sprout jetpacks to keep up. "How are we supposed to deal with all of this? There's too many, and they just keep getting back up again!"
"I'm open to suggestions!" Church called back as he used a lead pipe he'd picked up to strike down the robots that got too close. "I mean, the only one of us doing any appreciable damage is Maud, and that's by kicking!"
"We need more pony power!" Sarge snapped out. "Unleash the M.A.U.D.-okens!"
"We can't, sir!" Simmons called out despairingly. "They were damaged in the explosion that sent us here, and I never got around to repairing them! If we tried to fire them, they'd likely explode on us."
"Then use them as bombs!" Sarge snapped as he unshouldered his M.A.U.D.-oken pack, pulled the trigger, and hurled the device into the group of attacking robots. The resulting blast sent dozens of them flying to pieces and dozens more bouncing off the walls. "It's not enough! We need more pony power!"
"Right!" Church agreed. "Then I'll go pony and take them out from the air!" His body shifted into pony configuration...with a horn. "Aw, come on!" he snapped. "This form's physically weaker and can't fly! What am I supposed to do?!" In a rage, he swung his head...and stared at the laser beam that shot from the tip of his horn and punched a hole through seven robots in a line. "...oh, that's what this form's good for."
"Good idea, Church!" Texas called out as she also took a unicorn form. "Use the telekinesis to hold them all together so they can't fight! Help me out there!"
"Right!" Church agreed, focusing his mind. The joined telekinetic field surrounded the army, pushing them together and attempting to crush them all at once, the confined space not giving the robots room to break free.
"I see what you mean about being unable to take it all into account," Omega observed calmly. "But now what?"
<"Activate Legion protocol. Goliath mode engaged.">
"Wait, what?" Omega gasped out as all the robots broke down into parts...and then began assembling themselves into a single machine which slowly stood up, breaking free of the telekinetic grip through sheer force. "How did you make such wonderful toys?!"
<"I translated Drunk Simmons blueprints,"> Lopez offered calmly.
"Now what the fuck are we supposed to do?" Grif shouted as The Dragonlord pulled back for distance to avoid being swatted out of the air. "And no, I don't care that Maud just heard me swear, this one calls for it!"
"You're the one who wanted to go giant hunting, 'David'!" Sarge snapped out. "Use your slingshot!"
"I already tried!" Griff called back. "It caught it!"
"That's still the only weapon with a chance of doing damage, though!" Simmons called out. "Everything else is bouncing off the sheer bulk, or it repairs before the damage can really accumulate. We just need to boost its effectiveness somehow."
"Kinetic amplifier still functional," Gary pointed out as a large ring extended upward on a platform from a nearby roof, energy swirling within it. "Amplifies the kinetic energy of anything passing through it by a factor of 12."
"Here's hoping it works!" Grif called out as he guided The Dragonlord to swoop around to have the ring between it and the giant robot. Just as the angle was right, he fired. The sphere shot through the ring...and light seemed to shatter as the ring exploded in an outward expanding circle of rainbow colored light as the sphere slammed into the robot and carried it off the Ring World the group was based on to float off into space. "...whoa..."
"The kinetic amplifier is no longer functional," Gary observed calmly. "Repairs scheduled for 'Next Tuesday'."
I believe you meant leash not lash.
Second
9033187
No, I meant lash. A 'lash' is a whip-like weapon similar to a scourge.
9033187
No, lash is correct. It's a type of whip, or the long flexible part of a whip.
...ah...uh...Didn't know that a plasma shot was capable of doing a Sonic Rainboom.
9033195
Oh ok. When I tried to find it at Google it always came as mistake or a different thing, like eyelash.
9033197
Not a plasma shot. A rail gun.
9033208
...That makes more sense.
Sonic Ringboom. Neat.
I really wanna make a Raul Julia's M. Bison joke about all the Tuesdays mentioned but for the life of me I can't think of one.
Wow, there is a LOT going on Next Tuesday!
Kinda surprised this chapter wasn't called "Next Tuesday" lol
I'm oddly having memories of Storm Hawks and Dragon Flyz.
Hmm.... Decapitation? Bisection? Pulverization?
Should we be worried Lopez can translate Drunk Simmons?
9033195
Speaking of leashes, what about throwing in the one from Bulletstorm? ;)
9033268
Not really. What we should be worried about is that as an AI, Omega should be able to translate it.
.................You essentially weaponized a SONIC RAINBOOM!? Sure it was a one off right now, but how much are you willing to bet that Drunk Simmons will figure out a way to make it a reusable attachment for Grif Rail Gun?
9033197
So Drunk Simmon's creation is capable of firing Rainboom Shot? Kinda wish Simmon would say that sooner, so Grif could announce "Eat the Rainbow, mother f**ker" before firing.
So Pacific rim and Star trek reference. Nice.
9033347
Maud built a Motorcycle that has a railgun built in. The railgun shot was fired through a kinetic accelerator, thus speeding it up and creating the Rainboom. Drunk Simmons had nothing to do with it.
They fall in line
One at a time
Ready to play
(I can't see them anyway)
No time to lose
We've got to move
Steady your hand
(I am losing sight again)
Fire your guns
It's time to run
Blow me away
(I will stay, unless I may)
After the fall
We'll shake it off
Show me the way
Only the strongest will survive
Lead me to heaven, when we die
I am a shadow on the wall
I'll be the one to save us all
There's nothing left
So save your breath
Lying in wait
(Caught inside this tidal wave)
Your cover's blown
No where to go
Only your fate
(Lonely I will walk alone)
Fire your guns
It's time to run
Blow me away
(I will stay, unless I may)
After the fall
We'll shake it off
Show me the way
Only the strongest will survive
Lead me to heaven, when we die
I am a shadow on the wall
I'll be the one to save us all
Wanted it back
(Don't fight me now)
Don't make me beg
Blow me away
Only the strongest will survive
Lead me to heaven, when we die
I am a shadow on the wall
I'll be the one to save us all
Save us all
9033433
I see. That is perfectly reasonable and acceptable.
9033433
9033470
Actually, it was the hand-held rail gun Simmons made him (the one he referred to as a 'glorified slingshot') fired through a kinetic accelerator, which pushed its speeds to hypersonic as well as overcharging the imbued magical energy that lets the weapon work at that size that caused the Sonic Rainboom.
So much for López's "unstoppable robot army"!
Tuesday...
9033576
Someone caught my reference!
We just need to boost it's effectiveness somehow
1. Its.
9033208
9033219
9033492
Actually, both Modern Conventional Chemical Firearms as well as Rail Guns already fire at Hypersonic Velocities. Chemical Firearms reach a muzzle velocity of around 2 Km/s while Rail Guns can get up to 3 Km/s, so it's low Hypersonic, but still Hypersonic velocities.
But this is the Future, and Drunk Simmons has Washu-chan stuck in his headscape, so, let's assume that Griff's Slingshot fires at around the middle High-Hypersonic Range just to give it that little bit of Oomph over the plebs, and the Muzzle Velocity is actually closer to around the range of 6 Km/s.
Now let's multiply that by a factor of 12:
6,000 m/s*12=72,000 m/s
That's about as fast as your average meteorite entering our atmosphere, and those tend to burn up when they do that thanks to all the air-friction, so it's only the largest or densest that actually manage to make landfall without completely incinerating...
UNSC Standard Issue Gauss and MAC Rounds are made from Tungsten, and it's theorized that it, along with a lot of other really heavy metals arrived on Earth thanks to these meteors, but a Gauss/Railgun round would only be a few mm worth of material, so there isn't a whole lot of mass to shield that pellet once it reaches that 72 Km/s, and it would likely vaporize itself almost instantly. The matter itself would still maintain its velocity and firing vector, but unless it was fired in vacuum where it wouldn't have the heat generated by atmospheric friction, it would now be in a plasma-state, so really, once that pellet hit the acceleration ring there wasn't a difference.
9033820
You are forgetting the arcane factor to all of Drunk Simmon's tech. It's be clearly pointed out that exposure to a pony, specifically Maud in this case, causes distortions in reality allowing for some arcane functions to manifest in typical scientific functions while under the influence of such distortions. Humans by nature are very paradoxical, and Tats has used that to his advantage with some characters such as Griff, who is a lazy fatass that becomes a beast thanks to Minecraft, and Simmons a man of science that was driven to drink by the absurdity of his life with the Reds and Blues. Arcane functions take a more "spiritual" aspect in addition to their scientific base, so when he drinks to escape the limits of scientific logic, he stops being a Scientist and instead an Arcanist and subtly embues arcane functions into his creations, and one of the most basic of concepts of the Arcane in weapons is turning physical matter into energy and vise versa, so the round from the slingshot would likely be able to retain a force to impact even if only as a slab of concentrated Kinetic energy. Also I will say that is the most tame reason for why it would still work at that level of speeds along with the energy nature to cause the photon emmision of the full visible spectrum of light for the Rainboom since it could have theoretically broken the sound barrier twice during that flight.
9033970
Ya'see, though, I'm of the camp where Wizards just are Magical Scientists, so I don't actually make the distinction between Magic, Science and how they apply in the creation of usable Technology. It's all semantics as far as I'm concerned, just different people approaching the problems from different directions given the context of how they are able to most easily observe the collective phenomena known as "Magic".
Further, from the chapter Jumping Around we know that Simmons does in fact have a Washu-Chan banging around in his head-space as an aspect of his personality that's most easily able to outwardly manifest when he gets drunk enough, and Washu-chan dabbles in meta-science quite regularly, so bridging the gap between classic Arcane Science and Quantum Physics would be right up her alley.
Got to admit the `chainsaw katanas` made me snicker. I know it suppose to be `awesome` but in all truth it made me think of how things are in the game Far Cry 3 Blood Dragon, you know things taken so far to the awesome extreme that it becomes a little silly in how it tries to make everything awesome.
Good chap though, it made me laugh.
Lobbing
To lob is to throw, typically with a clearly parabolic or ballistic arc.
To lop is to cut or bend. Lop-eared bunny, Lop off a head.
Hmmmmm, has Omega's minute of triumph passed already or is it still coming???? Because all the bots combining into a giant one makes me think:
and Lopez would need to be working directly with Drunk Simmons to beat that.
I will never get tired of the humor in this fanfic. Ever. That is all.
9034037
I'll be honest the only real difference between science and magic as far as Scientific formula and Arcane formula for the most part is the math, and the arcane formula has a component we haven't been able to actually quantify as of yet that is known as the "spiritual" or "mystical". And I was just pointing out you forgot to take into account the Arcane element in your earlier observations, as both the Arcane Formula and Meta-science are the same thing just different view points.
Is it just me or did the chapter, "You weren't prepared" reset for anyone else?
Your wish is granted.
Now I'm imagining a chainsaw except the teeth are all tiny katanas.
Also, the bike is now a MECH SUIT. I love this.
HAH!
Oh that's good.
Try obliterating them so they have nothing to come back from.
Never underestimate head lasers.
Oh...
That'd do it.
Did, he just make a rock, do a SONIC RAINBOOM so hard that the robot went OFF PLANET?
So... Lopez made Timberlopezes?
can't wait for the next chapter to come out on "Next Tuesday"
Glorious robot battle. This gave me Revenge of Cooler vibes
It's official: Out of all the PWNY's, Maud is the biggest story-breaker in terms of how much she effected the canon storyline. Rarity would be second place.
(grabs all of grif's home made licker & drinks it all)
......Shut up Gamma
also why the hell do I want to pull out Dragonforce and listen to them? Also how ruined am I that the first things that came to mind during the fight was Star Vs the forces of Evil and Kamen Rider Faiz?
I kept wanting to go EXCEED CHARGE particularly during the sonic rainboom.....Also Chorus is doomed.
Should probably keep Drunk Simmons away from the tank. Otherwise, Church really will blow up the whole world with it.
9035031
Really? I would have thought that would have gone to Pinkie Pie.
9035424
Bwah dah dee dah, dah dah dah, d-dah dah...
Heh heh. (Though Cold Winter Night is also one of my favorites and Through the Fire and the Flames is perhaps more suited...)
"Next Tuesday" is hilarious. Admittedly, contractors normally say Thursday, but given the "weirdness is always on Tuesdays," it works even better. I also like the fact that the estimate was also due next Tuesday.
9037690
Pinkie single hoofedly prevented the appearance of BOY.
This fic is descending fast into "trying too hard" territory. The wacky ridiculousness of the earlier chapters is being left behind in favor of tiresome incoherence.
The dragon lord reminds me of the Macross battle bikes.
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