Tucker groaned as he slowly sat up. "What...happened...?" he managed to stammer out as he shaded his eyes against the bright sun reflecting off the ocean. "...where are we?" He managed to recall what Omega had been babbling about, somewhat. "Or...should I be saying when?"
"No, Church absorbed all the temporal energy when he leapt to shield Maud from the bomb," Simmons explained, his voice...somehow feminine. "The rest of us just got blasted through space, and the mixture of magics in Church's pony-bot body resulted in us all being hit by the effects of quantum warp, which is why we all look different and have different equipment...except for Maud. She just absorbed the warping energy, but she's super pissed that both Church and Texas are somewhere else - well, pretty sure Church is somewhen else, actually - so we're all steering clear of her for a bit until Grif's managed to calm her down. He apparently has experience dealing with irrationally emotional younger sisters."
Tucker stared at Simmons for a time. "You sound...different."
"Oh, that's because I'm completely sloshed and my inner mad scientist is in charge!" Simmons answered excitedly. "Side effect of being quantum warped. It should wear off in an hour or so, and in the meantime I've been upgrading everyone's armor and weapons, which is why that looks different too."
"I still don't get why I don't get a laser gun," Grif pouted off to the side.
"For the last time, Grif, the handheld hyper-rail cannon is 50 times more destructive, 30 times more energy efficient, and you can load it with any pebble you find on the beach!" Simmons snapped back.
"...it's still just a glorified slingshot," Grif countered irritably. "Nowhere near as cool."
"If you want cool, use the lightning flail with cryogenic modifications!" Simmons countered. "It only has a 30% chance of electrocuting you on use, and only a 15% chance of freezing you solid to the point you shatter explosively...and I could put you back together!"
"...I'll stick with my slingshot, thanks all the same."
"Weren't you supposed to be keeping Maud calm?" Tucker demanded irritably of Grif as he stood up.
"Donut, Sarge, and Caboose are taking care of that," Grif explained ruefully.
In the distance, Sarge could be heard shouting, "ONE MORE TIME NOW!"
We're Men...in powered mail!
"That's the seventh time the three of them have performed that musical," Grif continued. "I got sick of being the punching bag for it after the fifth...even if I did stop feeling the impacts to face, shins, and crotch by the third."
"So once they stop performing, we explore and try and find evidence of Church and Texas, right?" Tucker asked carefully as he stood up. "Don't suppose we have any idea where to look? Or where we are?"
"Oh, I know where we are," Grif explained readily. "This is where Maud hit me to when she used our base as a bludgeon." He pointed to a nearby ditch in the sand. "That's where Caboose caught me, causing the sand to sink under his feet as he scooted back to absorb the impact. That's how we know we weren't actually thrown through time, because if we were in the past then it wouldn't have appeared there yet, and if we were any appreciable distance into the future, it would have filled in by now."
"...since when are you so intelligent?" Tucker demanded irritably.
"Oh, that's a side effect of starvation," Grif explained readily. "My brain works a lot faster when I'm not eagerly eating anything I can find, and I haven't had anything to eat for the past three hours. Speaking of which, did I ever mention how that particular shade of blue armor makes you look like a giant ice cream cone?"
"Let's find some food quick," Tucker told Simmons urgently. "The last thing I want to see is Grif turning cannibal."
Church stared around in confusion as he found himself in a strange area. Everything seemed fuzzy as though it didn't entirely exist, or was being rendered through outdated hardware. A pool of lava - or possible strawberry jello, it was hard to tell the difference visually - sat behind him, and distant stone walls could barely be made out. An alert message appeared on his helmet's HUD.
Alert: Quantum instability detected. Nearby computer system has access to quantum manipulation technology. Exercise extreme caution. Alternate pony forms unavailable. Enhanced sensors unavailable. Attempting to compensate...fail. Processing visual data of temporally flux station to the best of sensors capabilities. Details inaccurate. Reducing res to compensate...
The area became a bit clearer...but it still looked like it was rendered on poor hardware. However, a text box now floated above the pool in his vision, telling him it was most definitely lava and thus a hazard he could not handle. "...this is just too weird," Church grumbled. "What the heck happened, anyway? Where am I?"
Processing Inquiry.
Calculating possible answers...75% certainty attained.
Magical energy was discharged into an explosive device, charging it with a time-space warping spell. This unit absorbed most of that energy, resulting in allied units only being propelled by a shockwave. This unit's temporal signature became unstable, and thus was drawn to the nearest source of temporal instability that could stabilize unit's temporal coordinates.
Recommended action: Seek out machine controlling quantum manipulations in this facility.
"And just how am I supposed to do that?" Church demanded angrily.
Scans indicate useful equipment in nearby storage containers.
Turning, Church saw the containers in question and moved to open them...only to find nothing inside. "This is some very useful empty boxes..." he growled irritably.
Error: Improperly classified items. Useful information in data storage containers downloaded.
Map data for facility acquired.
Significant Locale detection acquired.
"...I found a map and compass?" Church asked in disbelief.
Confirmed.
Church groaned ruefully as he stood back up. "Yeesh, it's like I'm inside a video game or something." He then paused to think about the kind of world he lived in, and the sort of people he'd encountered before Maud. "You know, back in Blood Gulch that would have explained a lot."
Gee, Church is getting Meta...wait big guy I didn't mean yo-OH GOD PUT DOWN THAT BRUTE CANON!
"And then a step to the riiiight!"
... Neat.
Also neat.
Careful with the Fourth Wall there.
He's catching on!
THE ALPHA HAS BECOME SELF AWARE! I REPEAT ALPHA HAS BECOME SELF AWARE!
8881200
Yeah we just finished fixing it.
8881249
Don't suppose you know a place where we can get stuff to better fix it?
If only he knew
8881177
Is that a rifle? Knife? Knifle?
Did Church just end up in a Metroid game?
I don't know if the best part is the knocking on the fourth wall, or the fact that he meant it, so it might actually make him 4th wall aware...
8881288
Prior to Halo, Bungie made a completely different FPS. RoosterTeeth (the people who made RvB) used that fact in the episode being referenced here.
Grif might want to try starving himself for the next match, become a tactical genius to kick ass.
Also Caboose speed is damn impressive if he was able to run to that spot and catch someone before they landed, especially since he helped put the base down first.
8881300
He is effectively mauds father with makes him also pinkies second father or third depending on universe on the virtue of them being sisters. that kind of thing is kind of inevitable
Maybe that's why Sarge is having trouble calming Maud down. For one, SHE is not Men, and two, Texas is not male (although she has more manliness than the rest).
8881192
Put your hands on your hip.
So, when Simmons' mad scientist takes over, does he become a woman physically as well?
8881301
Oh, right. For a second I thought that he had been blasted multiple seasons into the future. You know, because nearby time machine.
Let's do the TIME WARP AGAIN!
EDDY!
Sweet Trans.....
Oh man, Church got shunted into Marathon again.
I could die happy if someone wrote an actual crossover with Marathon, but I'd be one of maybe three people to read it...
8881288
Sounds more like zelda
8881271
XD just recently rewatched that episode!
8881980
I know right?
AND THE NEW EPISODE IS WATCHABLE NOW!
8881426
And bring your knees in tight.
Yes, yes it does.
I guess the big question is WHAT game is Church in and has Tex been forced into the role of a kidnapped princess and breaks herself free, tames any dragons guarding her as her new mount/pet for Maud, and kicks the evil king's butt before Church clears the first level.
8882175
Then it's the Pelvic Thrust
8882297
That really drives you insaaaaaaaane.
8882398
Let's do the time warp aga~in!
You can TASTE the meta. On multiple levels, even, considering Grif's Minecraft mining in earlier chapters.
8882033
:0 (5 Hours Later) :D
Oh I have no doubt that he will be changing his tune VERY quickly once he sees the devastation just a SINGLE shot of his new "glorified slingshot" does. If anything, he could shoot a tank with it and when he sees what happens, he will LOVE his new "slingshot" and name it, the Grif Shot.
Railgun + Griff = Painful Nut Shot. Just sayin.
8884150
Right up to the point he keeps a finger raised and pulverizes it with a pebble.
Yes, we're close... we're near "Deceit"
Well crap