Didn't There Used to be a Plot?
"Simmons, please tell me you can do something so Griff's slingshot can do that on its own!" Sarge called out in eager excitement. "At this point I don't care that you're making Grif awesome, the Slingshot Rainboom is just too awesome not to be reusable!"
"Interesting name," Church observed calmly. "How'd you come up with it?"
"It's a sonic boom made of rainbows launched from a slingshot!" Sarge explained excitedly. "What else would you call it?"
"I don't think I'm - hic - drunk enough for that," Simmons pointed out as he chugged more of Grif's mine booze. "But gimme a bit-"
"The end is near! The Great Destroyer has arrived!" Gary suddenly called out without explanation. "The end is near! The Great Destroyer has arrived! The end is near! The Great Destroyer has arrived! The end is near! The Great Destroyer has arrived!"
"Gary, I know that kind of fire power is pretty intimidating," Church pointed out flatly, "but everything's fine, and-wait, if Maud isn't the Great Destroyer of the Prophecy, then who is?"
Gary fell silent for a moment. "Knock Knock."
Church promptly spun around, leveling his horn at a strange blue and grey skinned being with claw-like hands, a low-slung body, and an odd horn protrusion at the back of its head, the front of its face looking like a helmet faceplate until it opened up to reveal a three hinged jaw. Church quickly fired off a warning shot from his horn, a lance of energy that scorched the ground at the creature's feet. "You stay there," he instructed firmly.
"Blargh?" the creature gasped in surprise, leaping back. It then looked Church over as it held forward an odd purple weapon covered in bright pink needles. "Blar bla blargh! Bla bla blarghy blargh?"
Church stared at the creature for a time. "...what did it say, Gary?"
"Roughly translated, 'WTF? OMG, is that a talking robot unicorn?'" Gary translated. "Or something to that effect."
"You know, Maud's not around, so it's okay to translate the curse words," Church pointed out.
"It did not use curse words."
"...of course it didn't," Church groaned. "It's probably the Caboose of its race or something. I don't suppose it understands what I'm saying?"
"Of course it does," Gary offered flatly. "Human languages are among the easiest to parse, especially since English was purged and rebuilt to have cohesive rules." The alien gave another string of odd grunts that sounded like some variant of 'Blargh'. "He has just asked you to show him the way to the Key of Harmony so he may bring it back to his people and teach them the Magic of Friendship as is his destiny...or something like that."
"Please tell me you're joking," Church groaned ruefully.
"You're joking," Gary responded helpfully.
"There is no way the energy sword Tucker picked up is actually called the Key of Harmony!" Church snapped defensively.
"Actually-" Gary cut himself off as the alien being began letting off a much more heated string of noises, along with smashing its empty hand against the nearest wall and shooting off several needles from its weapon at nothing in particular. "...apparently now that Tucker has picked up the weapon, it has bonded to him and will work for no one else so long as he lives, but it is against the precepts of the Key for a Quester to kill to retrieve it, and so his Destiny has been stolen and his hopes of greatness dashed."
"Gee, that sucks," Church offered sympathetically. "I mean, it's not like he can just drag Tucker back to his people and hope something on the journey kills him so he can take the sword."
"Blargh!" the alien declared excitedly, only to then slump. "Blargggghhh..."
"He says he could do that, but it would be against precepts to drag him against his will, and he does not know how to convince this 'Tucker' how to come with him," Gary translated.
"Oh, that's easy," Church stated humorously. "Tucker will do anything for some pussy hungry for his meat-"
"Bow Chicka Bow Wow!" Tucker declared happily as he stepped in. "So what are you talking abouoh my god there's an alien!" Tucker quickly leveled his weapon at the creature.
"Blargh blar bla blag blargh!" the alien offered swiftly.
"He promises fifty hungry pussy eager for your meat if you will accompany him back to his people so he can complete his mission," Gary translated readily.
"Sweet, I'm in!" Tucker declared eagerly. "Lemme just go tell everyone what's happening." He quickly dashed back to the others.
"I'll go check on Maud," Church mused idly as he changed back to his humanoid configuration accidentally. "Damn, I really need to figure out how to get control of that. Don't go anywhere, okay?"
The alien remained where he was until he was alone with the computer. He then tapped something on his wrist. "Blargh bla blah blar?"
"I have found seven pet stores near you," a feminine voice offered helpfully.
Captain Flowers watched thoughtfully from his cloaked position. Alien with a quest for an artifact...that was a scenario Freelancers were tested with in Sim Trooper locations. But there were a few problems with this scenario that cast doubt on it being a simulation scenario. First, Gamma had translated a little too readily...although that could have been because Alpha was asking. When not following a specific scenario, it was in Gamma's nature to obey those it saw as its superior in the chain of command, with Wyoming being higher up than Alpha but Alpha being in there. The second issue was the alien's lack of offered violence...though ponies seemed to screw with the amount of violence present quite a bit.
The biggest issue, however, was the alien having a Siri. Flowers hadn't thought those things even existed anymore. One thing was clear, he would need to follow the group and watch carefully, just in case something was amiss. Besides, it wasn't like he had anything better to do, and this was entertaining. It was just a pity he didn't have any popcorn.
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Flowers will really want that popcorn for this journey. Then again I wonder how he is going to react to how certain other former “friends” of his showing up.
You should ask drunk Simmons to install a portable popcorn machine in your armor. Since your main task now is just observation, it would be good to prepare for popcorn emergency.
Flowers = Pinkie Pie
No questions needed
Key words boys and girls, key words! "USED TO BE"
This is the right attitude to have towards a Railgun Rainboomer.
Not interested in that first part, VERY interested in that second part!
can do that on it's own
it saw as it's superior in the
1. Its.
2. Its.
Amusing that Flowers thinking the alien having that weapon is a Sirious problem as it most likely responds to commands half the time.
I agree with Greenhorn about Flowers just approaching Drunk Simmons and asking him to install a popcorn maker and maybe a beverage dispenser, that somehow have unlimited supplies of both at proper temp in them and a summon-able lounge chair, for his long string of observation. That way in case the other Freelancers show up, in the area he is observing from, he could greet them while sitting on a chair, eating popcorn and drinking a soda. Much to their confusion for how he has such things in the middle of wherever the hell the Reds and Blues currently are.
Hahahaha I KNEW Tucker wasn't going to get the 'pussy' he was hoping for. So, kittens, or something a bit...bigger?
Maud is going to get one of the kittens, i just know it
9048210
Tats, make it happen!
Fuckin' Siri.
Uh oh.... this won't end well...
There we go
9048219
So like a lion or a tiger? Or are we talking about a puma. Or maybe a chupa-thingy?
Never mind, I’m hooked on the puma.
Meow Chicka Purr Purr!
9048210
8370916
Please do. I wanna see that. If for no other reason than, 'Wut' being their first reaction!
Plot? What plot? We chucked it out the window before the story!
As no alien repeatedly beating Tucker, that was one of my fav scenes.
9048418
More like shot it out of the party Canon.
...........PFFFT Oh poor Tucker. He just CAN'T catch a break!
Oh my god, this is going to either end hilariously or horribly...I'm betting on the first one.
And I was right!
And it's attacking!
Seriously, anyone remember those games? Show of appendages, here?
9048366
Cougars would be the most thematically appropriate, and ironic, large cat to use...
A fair point.
Hey, it's JR!
He's not wrong.
Oh. I get it now.
Eh, popcorn's overrated.
Queue Pinkie Pie appearing next to him to offer him a bag?
what.
What are the chances that Tucker will learn the Cat-Fist/Cat-Fu martial art from Ranma 1/2?
9048877
Wrong, that is Jr's dad. Remember Tucker gave birth to Jr after meeting an alien who was searching for the key.
9048568
That game looks awesome!
9049220
Right, right.
9049223
Yeah. When someone else is playing.
So in other words... all the Elites are Bronies???? I can see clan wars starting over which pony is the best one.
9049272
So it’s like Mario Run before Nintendo made an official Mario Run game.
...or was the flash game Mario Jump? Potatoes tomatoes potatoes tomatoes.
9051348
You mean "Tomay-to tomah-to potay-to potah-to", don't you?
9051164
They paint their armor in honor of their favorite.
can DO something
pussIES
9052194
The first is correct, but the second is deliberate to show translation issues.
9052238
Either way, happy to help.
9051421
I guess you didn’t see Megamind.
On second thought... Is that movie still popular? Probably not.
9052744
I did, actually. And played the game.
But that was several years ago at least.
9052089
I can also see fans of Rainbow specializing in using Jet packs and plasma rifles, Applejack's clan using hard light shields and gravity hammers, Pinkie Pie's clan using explosives and fuel rod cannons, Rarity's clan specializing in energy blades, carbines, and armor forging, Flutter Shy's clan using vehicles and active camo, and Twilight's clan using various armor abilities, equipment, and dual wielding needlers with plasma pistols for versatility.
9052829
I’m out of touch with reality these days. Megamind? Years ago. Frozen? Years ago.
9053133
And the Reds and Blues are the Maud Clan.
Horn on the back of its head? So "Crunchbite" isn't a Sangheili in this fic?
9066472
I went by a visual read of his appearance in the show. That might have been armor.
9066484
Their helmets Do sweep back a bit, but its more for artistic emphasis, like fixing claws to a shoulder pauldron, or fixing gemstones to a sword hilt. Their are other helmets the Elites use that show they lack horns, like the Heretic's atmosphere helm and goggles.
9066982
Well, I was describing his armored appearance, and he hasn't been out of the armor yet.
9066999
Ironic, considering the jokes made about him being naked.
Muhahaha, soon there will be tiny alien