"And that should do it!" Doc finished as he pulled back from Church's arm. "Now, I wouldn't go using it to punch anything until the replacement arm armor comes in, but your cybernetic arm is ready to go."
Church lifted the arm, examining it as he stared at the flesh. "Doesn't look or feel any different," he observed idly.
"It shouldn't," Doc explained. "Spec for spec, it's identical to your old arm...except far easier to repair if it breaks again, and unlikely to threaten your life if it gets damaged to that level again. But...try and avoid that? I'm a medical officer, not a mechanic."
"Right," Church allowed, reaching over to pet Maud who was sitting nearby. "Still, you should see the other guy."
"As a matter of fact, I should," Doc agreed as he got to his feet. "I'm providing medical service to both Reds and Blues here, whoever needs it, so as long as 'the other guy' is still breathing, I should see what I can do for him."
"No rush," Church offered jokingly as Doc turned to head across the canyon.
"I go too?" Maud asked curiously.
"Now why would you want to go with Doc?" Captain Flowers inquired curiously.
"Not get shot?" Maud indicated worriedly.
"Well, if you stay here you won't get shot-" Flowers began.
"You're worried the Reds will shoot him because he's coming from our Base?" Church deduced incisively. "Oh, sorry for interrupting sir."
"No, that's very good, Church," Flowers complimented, having seen Maud nod to the deduction. "However, I don't think you need to worry about Doc, Maud. I'm pretty sure the only Red who might shoot first and ask questions later is the one Doc is heading to treat."
"Okay," Maud allowed, cuddling tight to Church's side.
Grif and Simmons stared at the bruised, bleeding, groaning form of Sarge as he lay on the broken door of their base before them. "Uh...what do we do now?" Simmons asked worriedly. "I don't know how to function without orders!"
"Well as I understand it, an absence of orders means we keep doing what we were doing when last we had orders," Grif began logically.
"...wow Grif," Simmons spoke up in surprise. "I'm rather proud of your work ethic. I honestly thought you'd say that being without orders meant you were supposed to stuff your face and take a nap."
"Which is what I was doing when last I had orders," Grif replied logically.
"And pride is gone," Simmons muttered irritably.
"...Medic..." Sarge groaned from the floor.
"I don't suppose you have medical training?" Simmons asked Grif.
"Only mouth to mouth," Grif answered cautiously.
"Come near...my face..." Sarge groaned angrily. "And I...will bite...your eyes out!"
"And I'm pretty sure he doesn't need that," Grif continued quickly. "Pretty sure 'talking' is a good sign they don't need mouth to mouth."
"Well all I know is the Heimlich Maneuver!" Simmons declared worriedly. "I seriously doubt if more compression is any good for him in this state!"
"Well what do you expect me to do?" Grif demanded crossly. "Toss him a Senzu Bean?"
"I've actually got a few of those!" a new voice spoke up, catching their attention.
Doc stepped carefully over the broken door. "Well, the equivalent thereof. Bone regeneraters, cellular accelerators, muscle boosters...nearly as good as a Senzu, if not viable in all situations." He carefully stepped over Sarge. "So who's the corpse, and where's my patient?"
"I still...function..." Sarge managed to gasp out.
"The 'corpse' is your patient," Grif pointed out gruffly.
"Not for long, without my help!" Doc spoke up worriedly as he knelt down beside Sarge. He held out his device, which glowed green. "Let's see...several broken bones, several contusions...yikes! Armor fragments embedded in flesh and bone, and a good amount of blood loss. Church wasn't kidding about doing a number on you."
"...Church?" Sarge gasped out as Doc began pulling out various devices.
"Yeah, I just came from treating him," Doc explained. "Had to replace his arm with a cybernetic one-"
"Can I get one too?" Sarge demanded eagerly, pushing himself up eagerly to look Doc in the eye. "That turns into a chainsaw! No, a shotgun! No...a shotgun with a chainsaw for a bayonet!" Sarge marveled in the mental image for a time before falling to the floor in agony. "Damn my organs..."
"Actually, I'm reading a surprisingly low amount of organ damage," Doc observed. "I should have you back on your feet in a matter of hours. So no cybernetic limb for you, sorry."
"I'll cut off my own arm if it'll get me one!" Sarge declared hotly.
"I'd just reattach it," Doc answered easily. "Besides, I'm fresh out."
"Blasted Blues getting the best of everything," Sarge grumbled as Doc began his treatment. "The cybernetic arm, the pony..."
"Excuse me," Simmons interrupted diffidently. "I don't believe we got your name."
"Yeah Doc, who are you?" Grif demanded.
Doc sighed ruefully. "Medical Officer Frank DuFrense...but you can just call me Doc. That's what the pony calls me, so I know it's going to stick."
"The pony?" Sarge asked insistently. "You work for the pony?"
"I...wouldn't put it that way-" Doc began nervously, a trifle intimidated by Sarge's sudden intensity.
"And you treat Reds and Blues, do you?" Sarge demanded incisively.
"Yes," Doc replied helpfully. "I treat anyone who needs medical attention."
Sarge sank back in thought for a time. Just as Doc finished treating him, Sarge leapt to his feet. "I've got it!"
"Got what, sir?" Simmons asked hopefully.
"I know what we're doing here!" Sarge declared eagerly. "I know what Command is planning! They knew the pony would show up...and she's a brand new Superweapon! This battle between Reds and Blues isn't about control of the canyon, it's about control of the pony! Whoever holds Maud holds the key to victory!"
"She's pretty attached to Private Church," Doc pointed out. "Calls him Dad."
"Then we just need to convince her that Reds are better than Blues!" Sarge declared hotly. "Shouldn't be too hard. Reds are inherently better! Otherwise, why else would the Blues be getting first pick of medical if not to even the playing field? All we need to do is get Maud here for a while without the Blues or her kicking up a fuss!"
"And how are we going to do that?" Grif demanded sourly. "Ask nicely?"
"Never!" Sarge countered angrily. "But that is surprisingly close! Command has provided the solution by sending a medic that will treat both sides! If we're to gain Maud on our side, we have to do it - as much as it pains me to say it - without killing the Blues! Otherwise we'll just have her gunning for anything red like an angry bull with superhuman strength and giant guns!"
"Do you mean to arrange some sort of non-lethal contest between us and our mortal enemies for custody of the pony, sir?" Simmons gasped in shock.
"Precisely, Simmons!" Sarge declared smugly. "However, if I'm to do that, then I need to meet with the Blue leader to...parley." He shuddered at the last word. "The sacrifices I make for the Red cause..."
Sarge is trying to crossover into Gears of War now? or is it more evil dead due to his intelligence?
Oh, well... Things certainly could have ended going in a much more... lethal direction. I did not anticipate this. I love it.
THIS made me facepalm so hard I slapped myself in the face. That said........ow.
I know Sarge makes Grif look like Simmons in intelligence but THAT is one HELL of a leap of "logic".........and I just realized how stupid that sounded right after writing it.
8418066
I have only one thing to say in response to Sarge: God...Dammit...Sarge. You have entered Abridged Nappa levels of idiocy now.
MY GOD! Sarge makes the supervisor I had two or so jobs ago look like a Savant.
8418075
......................To quote Tucker........."That's scary on a whole lot of levels dude."
8418072
-snrk- At least Sarge is not making Homer Simpson look like Stephen Hawking in intelligence....................damnit that is probably going to happen sooner or later.
8418077 Oh was piece of work (as well as POS!) alright, let me tell you! He was one of those that proud that he was born that way we lowly plebeians\degenerates could bask in his glorious gloriousness! For his birth meant that he was meant for great and wonderful things, never realizing that the rule of law was the only reason he was not introduced to gates of hell (not they’d want him either).
I really like this, the characterisations are great!
8418066
Delusion and nonsense escalate really quickly here.
Church was armed this chapter but I don't think he's too dangerous. Yet.
8418151
Damn it Sans! This got out of "hand' To fast!
At this point should anyone that has watched RvB really be surprised at Sarge's insane and idiotic sense of logic. But let's not forget the quote Carolina said in the latest season:
8418202 Can't imagine the bills for that medical though if he had to pay. Probably would've cost an arm and a leg.
Can Maud rip out Sarges skull?
So Sarge thought he was Megatron there for a moment!......I do NOT see that ending well if it happens often!
Yeah, and I can't imagine having a buster arm, metal or otherwise, is very fun.
To be fair, it's not an UNreasonable assumption to think that someone coming from Blue Base is a Blue.
Well, it means Sarge can breathe, so yeah.
Those things ARE pretty useful.
To be fair, Church busted up his arm beyond repair, it was that or he'd be 'armless.
... As Carolina said, "The world's best swordsman doesn't fear the second best, he fears the worst because he can't predict what the idiot will do next." And Sarge is the living embodiment of that.
Easy to forget that as insane as Sarge is, he's not an idiot. OK, scratch that, he isn't a TOTAL idiot. He can do basic deductive reasoning.
This should be good.
8418217
Nah. It'd cost him a body or two.
Well, Sarge's logical deduction about Maud, makes plenty of sense.
(Spoilers for various RvB seasons in my comment below.)
I mean Sarge declared war on gravity, when he was desperate enough, for an opponent. When the Red and Blue teams, left Chorus. And he was the one, that suggested turning the Warthog into a cannon to fire Grif and make a Grif-sized hole in a wall. He once held a competition to decide who would be his right hand man of the Red team, which included the mysterious skull a wrench and Donut. The skull somehow winning the Q&A section. One of Sarge's brilliant plans, involved running in a single file line, screaming at the top of their lungs, to attack O'Malley's base of operations. All in all, this has been pretty faithful to the series so far. Hopefully you'll be able to juggle more additional characters. Like Lopez, Donut, Caboose, Sheila, Tex/O'Malley, Andy etc.
8418218
I'm pretty sure she cant. Not without some teaching aid from Tex.
8418218
Only if she's going to beat him to death with it.
Welp, Sarge might be put into more intensive care depending on how well his plan goes...
That Transformers reference
8418044 Thought of the latter at first, but it might be both
Somewhere not so far away, maybe a few light years away or even on the same planet a Red pats his shotgun leg.......
8418380
Maud would shot-put Andy THROUGH the Red Zealot that arrived at O'Malley's fortress, sending a stray bullet to knock Lopez's head off the mounted gun, which would then spin wildly causing a ricocheted bullet to turn on Gary and play Church's message from the past.
I think it would be best if she was kept as far away from Andrew D. Kaboom as possible.
Oh boy. This is gonna be interesting.
Woot, Shennanigans ahead! I'd like to see the Reds win... only for Maud to say if her Dad can't come she won't come and none of them being able to make her. I'm eager to see how the negotiations between Sarge and Flowers go, but will Sarge be able to resist the chance to go for aggressive negotiations with the Blue commander right in front of him?
8418044 I can actually see him with a normal Lancer... it's a scary but cool image. a shot gun version
8418751
Imagine if he got his hands on FF.
Sarge, you need help
Sarge, you are a fucking idiot.
8418696
Actually, that's a fault in Sarge's sense of time.
Make of that what you will.
8418879
No.
Doc told Sarge he'd be up in a matter of hours.
Sarge thought hours had passed, therefor he was up.
8418883
So sarg has ability close to captain quark
8418897
It's not supposed to make sense.
8418897 The old “mind over matter” thing
8418971
That's RvB in a nutshell
8419001
The physical capabilities of the characters (or lack thereof) rarely had logic behind them.
I just realised this is completely decimating Project Freelancer's plans. The Reds and Blues were Sim Troopers specifically picked to be in eternal stalemate so that Freelancer agents can come in to be tested in a CTF scenario. Maud has arrived before the very first episode of RvB, meaning she has completely changed the course of history. For all we know, Captain Flowers will never get an aspirin overdose from Church, which means Church never went back in time, which means he never exploded; which means a whole lot of canon never happened. I wonder what direction the story will take. Will it still follow canon despite Maud's interference? Judging by The premature arrival of Doc, if it does follow canon it will be a sped up version. If it's a sped up version then Flowers dies soon. Unless of course this story keeps Flowers alive. But that's a pivotal point in RvB history.
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8418897
8418971
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Dude, at one point in RvB, they do CPR on Sarge to heal him of a bullet to the head. It works.
Don't question the logic of RvB. Especially Caboose and Loco.
This isn't going to end well, is it?
For a RvB universe, this is going well. Not only have the 3 deaths in the 3 deaths from season 1 not occurred, but it looks like Doc has more expertise than in the show.
8419351
When it involves these mentally unstable bunch of crazy soldiers, when does it ever end well?
8419488
Good point!
8419322
Actually, the eternal stalemate in Blood Gulch was specifically to protect the Alpha, aka Church. Freelancers were never meant to be tested in Blood Gulch.
8419368
One, we haven't reached the start of Season One yet.
Two, Doc doesn't have more expertise. Just more resources since he was sent to treat Church - aka, the Alpha - specifically, instead of Texas who was never supposed to be there in the first place.
I could've sworn I saw an ancient Transformers reference and a Gears of War reference.
I could be wrong.
I'm probably wrong.
This ought to prove interesting!
8419517
Well, not entirely. He was supposed to be hidden nowhere would find him. But the group was supposed to be a test bed before Church showed up. See season 15, Blues and Reds.
8419831
Uh, no. The Blues and Reds were supposed to be the test batch. The Reds and Blues of Blood Gulch were specifically assembled to mimic that group because it was the only batch of sim troopers that had ever stayed a stalemate for any appreciable length of time, which made the makeup of the units useful for non-testing purposes. Season 14 shows that the Reds and Blues of Blood Gulch were specifically assembled - by Agent Florida (Captain Flowers) personally no less - to protect Alpha/Church, as shown in the 'Private Jimmy' episode.
8418218
Don't see why not. It isn't like there is anything in there anyway.
8419517
Ok, so Caboose, Donut, and the vehicles haven't shown up, and the humorous moments of philosophical conversation haven't happened. But Church lost all feeling for a while and Sarge has suffered a major injury involving blood loss, And Doc had to take off something bloodied and inoperable.
8419849
I thought Season 14 wasn't canon?