Divided Forces
Once she was certain that everyone was physically sound, Texas spoke up. "Someone needs to keep an eye on Wyoming and figure out what he's up to," she stated firmly. "Tucker, Caboose, Ferdy, you guys head back to base and let everyone know what's happened...and be certain to tell Church that another Freelancer is involved. I want everyone on their guard."
"Blar-blagh blarga!" Ferdy offered helpfully.
"Oh, that's really sweet of you," Tucker responded warmly. "But are you sure it can carry all of us?"
"Blargh!" Ferdy confirmed, giving a gesture that somewhat resembled the human thumbs-up gesture, but looked quite odd given the shape of her hand...claw...gripper...thing.
"Well, that solves that," Texas stated firmly as she activated her cloak. "Get a move on, and don't wait for me." With that, she turned and headed off.
Ferdy, meanwhile, strapped Caboose and Andy to the outside of the Banshee flier, positioned Tucker between herself and the controls, and set the ship to lift off. Caboose squealed happily about how he was flying, while Tucker gave Ferdy directions to the base.
"Are you sure you don't need to get back to your people?" Tucker asked worriedly as the course was set.
"Blar!" Ferdy responded firmly. "Bla-blargl blah...blargle."
"Oh, I guess it wouldn't be 'friendship' to leave us hanging after dragging us along," Tucker allowed, trying - and failing - to hide his relief that they wouldn't be separated. "Guess this means I can show you around Blood Gulch. It's pretty fun there, though rather quiet."
"Blarblagar, blah blargle."
"Well, Maud certainly always liked-wait, our WHAT?"
Church sighed and rubbed his head as he stared across the Gulch, letting the enhanced sensors of his new body track the antics of the Reds. With Omega and Lopez still unaccounted for and any purpose behind heading for the fortress by the beach gone, Sarge had decided it was time to get back to the usual business...arranging the appropriate level of 'superior Love and Snuggles' with which to hire Maud to the Red Team. Church had pointed out that their last attempt had killed Maud's Mother - sort of - but had been brushed off on the evidence that Texas plainly wasn't dead anymore. Sarge's exact words had been, "Screw that noise, she got better! So now it's time to finish hiring away the adorable equine engine of destruction so the Reds can finally decimate the Blue menace once and for all!"
Church had been sorely tempted to pass on what Captain Flowers had told him about the Red and Blue conflict being orchestrated only to give Freelancer Agents - like Texas - real troops to train against. However, doing so would mean either being brushed off as a 'lying sack of blue shiitake mushrooms' or revealing that Flowers was a Freelancer, neither outcome he was really enthusiastic for.
As a result, he was left watching as Sarge beat out a rhythm on a drum to set time for Grif, Simmons, and Donut. They sat around a massive plush effigy of Maud, and at every beat of the drum they declared 'stroke' in unison and brushed the long mane and tail. This was, apparently, supposed to supercharge the plush effigy with concentrated 'love and snuggles', which they would then present to Maud as payment. ...Church wasn't certain whose idea it was, but it was hilarious and keeping the Reds out of trouble, so he was happy to let it happen...even if it was surreal to watch, even for what he'd already experienced.
Noticing Maud approaching, he turned his attention to her. "How are you doing, sweetie?" he asked affectionately.
"Stop that," Maud chided gently. "It doesn't suit either of us."
"Sorry, don't know where that came from," Church apologized awkwardly. "Dunno why, but ever since we went body hopping to hunt down Omega, parenting hasn't been coming as naturally to me. Guess I've been trying to overcompensate."
"Don't," Maud instructed firmly. "Just be you. That's who Dad is."
"I'll keep that in mind," Church agreed thoughtfully. "So how are you doing, Maud?"
"Mom's going to be gone longer than she said," Maud offered morosely, though it only barely showed in her voice. "Her transponder shows her going in a different direction than Caboose and the others."
"Transponder?" Church asked in surprise. "You can track her-I mean, us?"
"I can track everyone," Maud explained calmly. "Ferdy taught me how."
"Who?"
"The alien. She goes by Ferdy now."
"That thing's female?" Church asked in shock.
"Don't call her a thing, Tucker's got a thing for her."
Church stared at Maud silently. "I...I honestly have no idea how to respond to that." He let that turn over in his mind for a time, then pushed it aside. "So...transponders?"
"Not really. I just say that because the terms to explain how I really do it don't exist in our language, and if I used the closest approximations someone's brain would explode."
"So...psychic transponders, then?" Church offered helpfully.
"...let's go with that."
"So Texas is off on her own, the others are on their way back, and the Reds are...now performing a song and dance of the Cuppycake song while snuggling strands of the giant stuffed pony's mane and twirling around it. I honestly don't know whether to compare their behavior to Lord of the Flies, Disney, Mel Brooks, or Lovecraft." He shook his head ruefully. "Somehow I doubt any of those would explain their behavior."
"Go with Lovecraft, at least Cthulhu's supposed to be part-dragon," Maud observed.
"And...how is that supposed to make sense?"
"To someone else."
Church stared blankly into the distance, trying to make sense of what Maud had just said. Eventually, he found there was only one way he could respond. "...can you take care of yourself until the others get here? I think I need to check with Simmons to find out if this body he made me can process alcohol, and if it can I need to hit Grif up for some Mine Booze."
"I can, it can't, but it has a simulator built in," Maud observed thoughtfully.
"Of course it does..."
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Yes that does make sense.
9287816
Wonder what Ferdy said to get Tucker to react like that. Maybe it's because she mentioned their child and he is about to get an explanation that he pretty much got knocked up.
9287853
Have you read order and chaos?
9287870
I didn't get it until you said that, and ive read it.
I think we are going to get an epic spit take when Church finds out about the Freelancer that they encountered.
OMG Maud expressed her emotion! This is the day to mark on calendar!
Is Junior Still gonna be called Junior? Or is he gonna be given a different name is this? Either way can't wait till everyone finds out he's pregnant rofl
9287893
I'm still not getting it... though perhaps it requires Skyrim knowledge NOT found there? Because if so... yeah, good luck with that.
9288096
It's discord
9288102
Yes, I know that... and I know he's a dragon-ish creature that strains sanity... but I'm missing the part where that connects to this attempted ritual of weaponizing adorableness.
9288109
You initially thought of an Elderscrolls reference to be needed, go read Order and Chaos, Discord raised by Sheogorath
9288132
How do you think I knew Elder Scrolls may be involved? Still can't figure out the "how" though...
9288142
You're looking at it the wrong way.
My avatar is part-dragon.
9288148
Huh. Honestly didn't notice that part.
9288148
So, Justooo to clarify, Maud tried to explain Church that the red behavior was more Lovecraftian than everything else, since you share the part dragon stuff of Cthulhu?
9288195
Because Lovecraft was the closest in his list to say it was my fault.
Pretty sure the Red idea this time around is a stroke of genius. Plush it's almost insane enough to be adorable.
A nice chapter, can't wait to see Junior! But I can totally see some wild animal wandering into the canyon, deciding Junior would make a tasty snack, and getting turned into chunky salsa by Maud saying, "Nobody harms my little brother!" before flipping Junior onto her back and taking him back to his parents.
I would imagine, yes.
It would be kind of a dick move, yes.
You know, these outcomes aren't mutually exclusive.
Kinda doesn't.
That happens.
Sure.
All of the above?
9288227
damn it Sans...!!!!! 
9288148
I didn't think of that. Discord was too easy a connection to make.
9287869
I think she said something along this lines,
9288142
Reread the ending of discord's story and you will see how it is involved
9289428
Look back a few comments, Tats explained it already. And it's NOT specifically in that story.
I'd definitely go Lord of the Flies, myself. All that's missing is Sarge going 'Sucks to your azz-mar!' to somebody. Maybe Grif.
I say azz-mar instead of ass-mar in the spirit of the group avoiding cursing in front of Maud
9289595
While Tats admitted the jab was at him as the author, it does still tie back to discord's story as the origin for the PWNYverse insanity
You forgot Monty Python.
Well, you gotta remember that Lovecraft was a fan of science and a hater of math, which, as any scientist and/or mathematician can tell you, is a recipe for disaster.
Also he was a wimp and the world’s biggest racist but that’s beside the point.
I CAN RUN SOBER.exe WHENEVER I-
> Running SOBER.
WANT! Oh hi Mark.
9292148
He was also terrified of new inventions/discoveries and thought that anyone who wasn't a wealthy and well-bred New England Englishman was out to kill him.
9294307
Thought that was implied in the “wimp and world’s biggest racist” part. Because air conditioning is definitley an eldritch horror.
So, Maud, about that fourth wall...
9294477
I’d debate worlds biggest given he never actively tried to kill anyone (that I know of). Horrible racist regardless.
I noticed you haven’t posted a story for celestial and I wanted to make a suggestion
Warhammer 40k: daughter of the emperor.
Also please let York live so we can see delta’s reaction to maud
9315968
Celestia's slotted for being raised by Captain Picard (Star Trek: The Next Generation).
9316002
How about starlight or sunburst because I could see both being powerful “psykers”?
Also do you have any plans for thorax? I don’t have any suggestions for him I’m just curious.
Mel Brooks