Gun Safety
As the Red Team won the match this time, Maud was to spend a week at Red Base as per the agreement. Church wasn't happy about it, but being allowed to actually enter Red Base to check up on Maud and spend time with her smoothed things over somewhat. What little peace of mind he'd managed to gain went right out the window when he saw what was happening. "What are you teaching my daughter?" he screamed out.
Sarge turned to him, taking his eyes off where Maud sat amongst an example of every gun in the Red arsenal. "Gun safety!" he explained firmly. "We've got tons of them lying around, so we need to be sure she knows what to do with them, and by that extension what not to do with them!"
"She's way too young to be holding a gun!" Church argued intensely. "She's just a little kid!"
"She's the same age I was when I held my first gun!" Sarge countered firmly. "She's more than ready to learn which end to point at Grif!"
"That's not-" Church began, only to pause as his brain actually heard the second sentence. "I don't...what?"
"See? Even you don't know which end to point at Grif, or you'd have hit him a lot sooner during the first match!" Sarge then turned back to Maud. "This is the safety," he explained, pointing to the part on his weapon. "Before you shoot Grif, you need to make sure it's set to Off, like so." He demonstrated turning off the safety. "Otherwise, bullets won't come out!" Turning, he pulled the trigger at a distant target, spraying it with bullets. He then switched the safety to On, demonstrating how pulling the trigger only resulted in the gun clicking uselessly. "Do you understand the Safety?"
"Yes," Maud confirmed.
"What is the purpose of the safety?" Sarge quizzed.
"To make sure you don't shoot yourself," Maud replied readily.
"That's a smart girl," Sarge purred happily. "And this is the magazine. It holds the bullets. Without it, you'll only have one bullet in the chamber, which means you only get one shot. You need to be careful with that. Now, watch as I strip this weapon down to parts, and then reassemble. This serves two purposes. The first is to be able to check each part for any flaws, and the second is to be able to disassemble your opponent's weapon so he can't use it against you!" He then proceeded to strip his weapon down, checking each part before reassembling it and firing at the target once more to demonstrate its functionality. He then switched the magazine out for an empty one, popped open the chamber to evacuate the bullet there, and closed it up before handing the empty gun to Maud. "Now you try! Don't worry about speed, that comes with time and practice."
"How is she even supposed to handle-" Church began.
Maud turned and sat on the gun, causing it to disappear into her tail. She then shook her head, causing each of the parts to fall out of her mane one by one. After checking each one over, she laid on the pile before sitting up to reveal the fully assembled gun. "My hoof is too big for the trigger," she pointed out as she pushed it over to Church.
Picking the gun up, Church turned towards the target and fired. Bullets flew out, although none came close to hitting the target. "I...I saw you empty the gun before handing it to her," he told Sarge. "I...I saw it."
"Reassembled guns must fire to test," Maud pointed out logically.
Sarge sniffled. "I'm...I'm so proud!"
"I am far too sober for this," Simmons groaned from where he watched. "I'm a man of science! None of this is physically possible!"
"Simmons, you need to let go of preconceptions!" Sarge ordered firmly. "Plainly, things have begun to happen that aren't supposed to make sense by our traditional mindsets anymore, and you need to accept and embrace them!"
"I can't!" Simmons cried out in despair. "I'm not allowed to drink on duty!"
"Dam straight you're not!" Sarge proclaimed firmly. He leaned in towards Maud. "As in 'straight as a dam'," he explained firmly. Louder to Simmons, he continued, "You have to be Sergeant rank or higher for that privilege, and I don't see you shining on the battlefield like Grif!" He shuddered. "Ugh, that still feels dirty to say."
"I took out the enemy Captain!" Simmons complained.
"Falling on the enemy doesn't count unless you're able to get back up afterwards!" Sarge roared out angrily.
"I'm back!" Grif called as he entered the room holding a gun in one hand and a rock sample in the other. "Thought Maud might be getting hungry, so I brought her a snack."
"Good thinking, ugh, Grif!" Sarge declared with a groan as Grif fed Maud. "Where did you, uh, think of that from?"
"I have a younger sister," Grif explained. "I know how little kids can be. With how exciting things are, I figured she would forget to eat until she was hungry enough to start hitting you with a locker to try and get candy out of you."
"...I am conflicted!" Sarge declared angrily. "On the one hand, part of me wants to see if she could actually make candy appear out of someone by hitting them with a locker, since it makes as much logical sense as everything else that's been happening, like Grif being effective! On the other hand, she'd probably hit me first since I'm in charge, and I don't want her hitting me with a locker!"
"Compromise and tell her Simmons has the candy next time?" Grif suggested.
"Hey!" Simmons complained.
"I know!" Sarge declared. "Next time she starts getting hungry, I'll tell her Grif has the candy! What an excellent idea! Glad I thought of it!"
"...of course, Sarge," Grif replied grumpily. Seeing Maud had finished her snack, he handed her the gun. "I've removed the covers for the finger grips. You should have room to brace your hooves to hold the gun now."
"Are you...sure she's ready to hold a gun?" Church asked Grif worriedly as the orange armored troop stood back up.
"Don't worry," Grif replied readily in a whisper. "The magazine is empty."
"Now remember everything I've taught you about shooting!" Sarge declared firmly to Maud. "Do you remember?"
Maud nodded.
"Good! Now there's one last rule!" He clutched his shotgun tight to his chest. "If you only have one bullet left and you have no way to reload...make absolutely sure you use that bullet...to shoot Grif!"
Maud promptly turned and shot Grif in the nuts.
With a scream of agony, Grif collapsed to the floor clutching at his crotch. "Why did you shoot me?" he wailed out.
"The magazine was empty," Maud pointed out. "I only had the chamber bullet."
"Hah!" Sarge laughed. "Your own fault for not keeping proper track of ammunition!"
"But why there?" Grif cried in pain.
"I can't aim any higher," Maud replied readily.
"Why not my foot?!"
"I'm not supposed to waste ammo on non-debilitating targets."
"She's learned her lessons so well!" Sarge purred proudly.
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Not much point in aiming anywhere else.
I don't even know why Grif always takes it to the balls when it's Tucker that's a pervert.
The Pie Physics truly runs in the family.
No surprise there.
tatsurou, you have captured the tonal voice of Sarge splendidly!
*remove trigger guard*
*hooves can now depress trigger*
*blammo*
all those hoof sized trigger guards ive seen in pony warfare AU fanart suddenly seem pointless in light of Tatsurou's genius!
Sarge is being a legit grand-uncle to Maud...
To think he gave up being a father to Boomstick...
Huh, you actually made Sarge a proper soldier... Or I had forgotten how he acted in the series. Note to self: re-watch all the seasons on my spare time.
8473715
He's the show's designated punching bag, he has no unique weapons or fighting style so he has to be the guy who gets his ass kicked and stands back up afterwards, I mean Tucker has the sword,
Sarge has the shotgun, Simmons has any vehicle mounted weapon/ the rocket launcher, Caboose has his strength, Church has his……………… something(I don't count the sniper because let's face it he only hits things when it's impossible to miss, the Wyoming clone, or with ricocheted shots, Meta), Donut has his grenades, and what does Grif do in a fight he uses a weapon he doesn't know how to operate(the cone, the "Grifshot", and the Charon Industries Suppressor) or jumps on the opponent and hopes for the best (technically the Tex fight, the Maine fight,
and the dog piling of the Space Pirate).
8473715
If you complain about it. It is bound to happen again for each subsequent time you do so.
I'm with Church on this one. Bad idea.
Nice work so far man. Nice to see sarge is being a great gruncle (I can call him that, right?) and still hate grif despite him having his newfound minecraft powers.
One question though, will every character get a different weird game-based power? If so, that would be pretty cool.
8473788
Haven't decided yet.
I've seen suggestions of Shovel Knight Caboose that intrigues me...
i0.kym-cdn.com/entries/icons/facebook/000/003/829/product_1277994256f.jpg
8473789
Shovel knight caboose? Ha! Whoever came up with that needs a pat on the back.
Another idea to pass around, 'healer' doc. Imagine him running around with a medi-gun from TF2 of Lucio's healing/haste speaker gun.
Um, not to nitpick, but since Sarge wants as much time to convince Maud to see at least one Red as Family, and since the contest ends when Church decides Maud is ready to carry a gun, then wouldn't teaching Maud about firearms on day one be.... counterproductive?
Then again, this is Sarge we're talking about; arguably the dumbest member of the cast that doesn't have brain damage.
Simmons is having an existential crisis, Griff is taking the initiative and putting in work, and Sarge is being, uh, Sarge. It's official, madness has engulfed the Red team even more than usual. Next you're going to tell me Donut makes all of those innuendos on purpose just to screw with everyone.
8473801
My back is ready for patting.
Wait. What?
8473771
Grif is the driver, and is fairly competent at it....as long as it has wheels.
Wow, Sarge. You are an asshole. And a bad influence. And for some reason, i love it!!
My reaction to Griff getting shot.
Some might think those gun lessons started at the tail end for Maud but she came out a head manely due to Sarge's teaching.
8473715
It's obvious my dude, Tucker would like getting hit in the nads
It's totally his fetish or something, maybe...
My heart goes out to Grif.
That damn cockbite!
Griff's meat and two veg getting abused by a woman. And thus a bit of normality is returned to the world...
Sarge may be an insane lunatic, but when it comes to guns, he does know how they work, or at least enough how to teach you how to operate one, and Gun Safety. Granted, if Grif is around when he's teaching, except great pain in his future, but still.
... It is disturbing to see Sarge being rational and smart.
And that, dear Simmons, is the brilliance of Pinkie and Maud Pie. They are walking middle fingers to the laws of physics. They are Toons, they operate on Rule of Funny/Cool.
It's STILL surreal to see Sarge being somewhat rational.
Tell me about it.
Sounds about right.
And there's Grif's usual luck.
Shooting someone in the foot can prevent them from running, and it'll slow down their walking speed immensely, that's debilitating. Not as painful as getting shot in the nuts, but the damage will stick for longer and be even worse over time.
Should I feel bad for Grif constantly getting injured in the nuts?
...
...
...
NAAAHHHH
8474002
For an instantly crippling shot, it's better to aim for the nuts. The pain and psychological impact will stop a guy just as quickly as if you shot them in the foot, and they'll be far too distracted to be able to shoot back. Plus the groin doesn't move nearly as quickly/often as the feet, making it a much easier target to hit. There are only two major reason why you would want to aim for the foot rather than the groin.
1) You're trying not to cause permanent/lethal injury. A groin injury is difficult to fix and can cause someone to bleed out quickly. A shot to the thigh is risky as you might hit the femoral and they'll bleed out even faster. And shooting out a kneecap is permanently crippling. Meanwhile a bad gunshot wound to the foot will only require the use of a cane, at most.
2) You're trying to cause as much extended suffering as you can. A shot to the foot might not be as imparing or threatening as a groin, knee or thigh hit, but trying to walk on such a wound is AGONIZING. That being said most people when in full 'run for your life' mode will still try to hobble on it. Thus you force them to either crawl slowly, or deal with the torment of trying to put any weight on the injured foot. This of course only works if you just shoot the one foot. Shoot both and they're more likely to give up on walking and just crawl.
8473789 Well, I hereby nominate Doc for mentioning hyper-realistic sequels to either Harvest Moon or Stardew Valley as his knowledge base for sustainable gardening.
I also nominate Sarge unlocking the ability to create highly-modular weapons for Maud and teaching her the ways of Fallout 4's Lone Survivor. Bonus points if, at some point, Maud casually field-strips an alien weapon and puts it back together in an even more deadly configuration.
I also second the notion of Donut trolling the crap out of everyone with the constant innuendos and purposely mis-translating Lopez.
8473771
Actually, Grif is good with the Grifshot. He's definitely better with it than Church was with anything he ever used as a weapon.
I thought Grif would like getting a shot from a girl... this is a stretch. A very, long stretch.
...oh wait. Bow Chicka Bow Wow!
Why can't I up vote every chapter?!?!?!
If the kid is able to sit a table, the kid is able to sit through gun safety. Deal with it people!
Also, SO MUCH YES regarding this chapter!
8473771 Technically speaking, Grif is the Reds' and Blues' designated vehicles operator. He's the one who's spent the most time either in a cockpit or driver's seat.
I still take issue with Grif's changes to suit the introduction of the pony. It makes him out of character and COMPLETELY alters his future development to the point where he is unrecognisable from the character he is SUPPOSED TO BE.
Sarge, Simmons, Church, Doc, Tucker and Flowers are still fully capable of developing in their regular fashions.
Also, I believe this is the appropriate time for Sarge to start building Lopez.
Thank you Tatsurou, for this incredibly amazing story so far. I can hear the Reds and Blues voices in my head so clearly. Well done capturing there personalities. It really does feel like I'm watching an episode of RvB with every chapter.
8474070
Lets face it, the only people who suck with grenade launchers are the people who aim it at their feet.
OMG Maud is as bad or worse than Pinkie!
8474069
Actually, being able to easily modify Covenant technology to be better than it already is is canon to the Halo games, so it makes perfect sense.
I'm guessing this is the part of RvB where Tucker hasn't appeared yet. I've gotten used to Pinkie being a living middle finger to conventional physics, but Maud's not as experienced. Grif must have strong armor if he can handle being shot in the crotch multiple times, otherwise he would be dead at worst or sterile at best.
8474070
Well I do have one correction for you,
YOU WILL FEAR MY LASER FACE!
Ah, all's right with universe as Grif get's it in the balls moving on.
No matter how many times I click the like button it only goes up by one!
8474514
>As stated
As stated where?
*scrunches, begins to scrutinize ALL THE COMMENTS*
8473733
The purpose of a trigger guard is to prevent accidental discharge from holstering, and from objects bumping the trigger while set down or stowed. Because people can be stupid and forget to engage the safety. A trigger guard large enough to accommodate hooves would somewhat reduce its effectiveness to do so, but not eliminate it.
8474161
If more kids understood gun safety, maybe there'd be less "shootings" involving children accidentally shooting their parents with firearms that were left out... That and more parents responsibly stowing their firearms out of reach of their children outside of closely supervised activities meant to teach their children firearm safety...
This chapter was beautiful
The blues and the reds razing and teaching Maud by THEIR standards!? That scares me
Now I'm wondering when Flowers is going to die?
8474376 The only thing I like about Halo is that it spawned Red vs Blue. I know literally nothing about anything in the actual games that isn't named Cortana because of the shared name with the Windows 10 'assistant' program, and that Grifball apparently became a real thing.
Halo sucks, give me a game like Serious Sam any day where I'm fighting hordes of enemies with fun weapons that I don't have to constantly run around and pick up more for a sense of variety because the developers knew that limiting an FPS game to only two weapons at a time makes things less fun. Don't even try to pretend it does make things fun to constantly have to juggle weapons and scrounge for ammo for the only two you happen to be carrying because they're the best ones.
Don't try to pretend it makes things more strategic either, since even games as early as Doom for DOS had strategy elements like using the chaingun against Cacodemons because it stunlocked them. Even the horrible 32X version retained that element... Yeah, I went there. Doom on the 32X is a better game than Halo.
8474658
I lost my capacity for terror at Tats' stories moths ago- after I read that Pinkie had been raised by Kratos.
This is just like tossing grenades at a city leveled by Twilight's RHYNO- not nearly as damaging as what came before it.
8474716
Strategy is a bit of it. The other part is when a series is trying to ground itself more in "hard"(er) science fiction and "realism". People have limits, even super soldiers like Spartins, and like it or not, carrying around a dozen guns that you never have to reload, some of which are as big as the person carrying them, isn't something physically possible in real life unless you get Sub(hammer)space pocket technology involved.
Now, whether or not the Reds and Blues will somehow gain access to Hammer-space due to Maud's influence remains to be seen, though Griff has taken the first step with his Minecraft powers... Now all he needs is an Ender Chest and Shulker Boxes to maximize his inventory potential.