Captain Flowers stared over the setup that Red team had crafted for the 'cookout' for that week. Hanging over a large metal plate on the ground, dozens of skewers holding up hunks of raw meat and selections of uncooked vegetables swayed in the air, somehow not drawing insects. A few standard picnic games like frisbee and soccer were set up, along with a few non-standard ones like 'Shoot the Spy' and '20 Bullets'. A few tables had also been set up, though no plates or cups as everyone had brought their own mess kit. A few large casks were also set up, one labeled 'For Real Men!', and the other labeled 'For Blues, Pansies, and the Pony!' "This is...an interesting setup," he murmured as he took it all in.
"I know, right?" Sarge declared proudly. "Everything's ready for the cookout to begin once everyone gets here!"
"That doesn't look like anything you requisitioned," Flowers observed as he looked over the food.
"Didn't requisition!" Sarge corrected. "Every bit of food here was provided by Red Team itself! Beat that, Blue sissies!"
"You got...meat here?" Flowers asked awkwardly.
"That's from Grif!" Sarge declared smugly. "No idea where he got it, and as long as it tastes good, I don't care!"
"Where...did you get it, Grif?" Flowers inquired, turning to the orange-clad soldier.
"You...really don't want to know," Grif told him awkwardly. "Trust me, you really don't. But it does taste good!"
"Did you provide the vegetables too?" Flowers asked, deciding he didn't really want to know any more than that.
"No, that was me," Simmons spoke up. "I planted a vegetable garden in an out of the way corner of the canyon as something to do to pass the time and help reassure myself that the laws of nature were still intact to some extent. Sarge allowed it because apparently horses eat vegetables, so he assumes Maud will too."
"But horses will also eat meat!" Sarge declared eagerly. "So I'm going to offer Maud some of my family recipe using the meat Grif provided! If she likes it, then plainly my cooking is superior! If she doesn't, it's Grif's fault for providing sub-par meat!"
"Of course it is, Sarge," Grif allowed sarcastically.
"So once everyone gets here, I'll demonstrate the family cooking techniques!" Sarge proclaimed proudly. "But only Maud gets to watch!"
"That should be interesting," Maud murmured from right next to Sarge's feet.
"Sweet Fanny Addams!" Sarge yelled out as he leapt back. "How do you keep doing that?"
"Awesomely," Maud replied flatly.
"Dam straight!" Sarge confirmed. "Now where are the other Blues?"
"Here they come," Flowers observed as Church and Tucker approached. "And it looks like Doc's already here."
"Cookouts and picnics can result in all sorts of unexpected injuries," Doc observed happily. "I'm ready to treat them!"
"Alright!" Sarge shouted as he tied on an apron. "Time to begin! Maud, watch closely!"
Flowers had just enough time to see that the apron Sarge had tied on read 'Kill the Cook if you Dare!' before Sarge led Maud over to the hanging meat and vegetables.
"Now pay close attention," Sarge told Maud quietly as he worked his way down the line. "The first step of the family cooking style is to arrange the food like so. The next step is the careful, delicate seasoning with the secret family mix of herbs, spices, and booze." He liberally soaked the meat and vegetables with the contents of the cask labelled 'For Real Men!' before sprinkling on a spice mix. "Now don't worry, the alcohol gets burned away in cooking, so your stick-in-the-mud pops doesn't need to worry about getting drunk before you're old enough! Personally, I don't see the problem with giving you a small cup, but unfortunately I'm not the one you're calling Dad!"
"You are not getting my daughter drunk while she's still measuring her years in single digits," Church growled angrily.
"I just finished saying that!" Sarge snapped back. He then turned to Maud. "And now the final stage of the family secret cooking techniques..." He pulled out a flamethrower. "Insanely hot flames for instant roasting!" He pulled the trigger and proceeded to wave the wand so the flames coated the meat and vegetables, searing and cooking them with the high intensity heat. A few potatoes Grif had added also puffed up from the heat roasting and baking them, making mashed potatoes, baked potatoes, and french fries in an instant.
Sarge took in a deep breath through his nose as he shut off the flamethrower. "Smell that tasty cooking!"
"It smells like gasoline, turmeric, tarragon, saffron, oregano, paprika, cumin, thyme, and booze," Maud observed idly.
Sarge slowly turned to Maud in shock. "You...you can smell the spice mix?"
"It smells delicious," Maud added calmly. Moving forward, she grabbed a skewer of meat, one of vegetables, a potato, and a rock and began to eat.
"So how about these games?" Grif suggested. "Most of them are Sarge's ideas, so I don't know how they work."
"How about Shoot the Spy?" Flowers asked curiously. "Is it anything like 'I Spy'?"
"Very similar!" Sarge agreed happily. "Grif, why don't you lead off to demonstrate?"
"Oh, I love that game!" Grif declared happily. "I Spy-"
"Shoot the Spy!" Sarge screamed out as he pulled out his gun. "Shoot him!"
"Yipe!" Grif yelped, pulling out a shield to block as everyone opened fire on him. "Let me guess...'20 Bullets' is how many chances everyone gets to shoot me?"
"Exactly!" Sarge declared happily. "Fun for the whole family!"
"Let me just get something to eat first, okay?" Grif asked as he started to load his plate up with nearly half the cooked food.
"You exercise some portion control, you glutton!" Sarge snapped out. "I don't care about the rest of these idiots, but leave some for the little pony!"
As laughter and arguments went back and forth, Flowers calmly filled his plate. Maud was orders of magnitude safer now with the present arrangement, which by connection made Church orders of magnitude safer. All in all, he felt he was doing an excellent job fulfilling his mission.
Not to mention Sarge is a surprisingly good cook, he mused in amazement as he ate.
How did Griff get the meat? Actually how does his Minecraftness work exactly?
Plants vs zombies for Simmon I see
8503089 And THAT might be part of the
Love it when people know about cooking, or at least as much as I do. I don’t
IF you use the older style of brewing and NONE of what is used to make modern alcohol and there IS a difference, it is supposed to be at least possibly health beneficial.
Also, doing a second malt and you BASICALLY get flavored water Again, olden style brewing which was more a after-dinner drink when with friends if I remember right as well as a breakfast drink so it would(?) be okay. Arguably.
The adorable pony is adorable
8503089
I'm assuming his Minecraftiness was instigated by Pie magic. (It makes as much sense as anything else.)
8503096
I was leaning more towards Harvest Moon, actually.
I am ashamed Sarge didn't have a basic BBQ filled with charcoal briquettes that he doused in gasoline and tossed a match on to make a blazing pillar into the sky. Still, I can totally see his whole family using flamethrowers to cook.
8503089
Some monsters drop flesh, and i think it can be cooked, though some times animals also spawn in caves and chests sometimes have meat in them.
8503108
Especially if his son truly is Boomstick from deathbattle
8503105
You like Harvest Moon too? I never thought id find another person that likes the game like I do!
8503118
Never played it, actually.
I really like this story and I can't wait for Tex to show up.
8503120
Well it isnt a game meant for people that are impatient and unobservative. So it is very hard to find a fellow fan of such a slow-paced game. Either way, I still recommend you try it since I find it to be a destressor with its pleasant atmosphere and fun interactions. Fun and simple.
Gasoline flavoured food... Yummy.
before Sarge lead Maud over to the hanging meat and vegetables
1. Led.
Poor Sarge, always getting flamed no matter what he does by Church.
BONUS!: Wer wusste, dass er den Flammenwerfer eingeladen hat?
8503133
I believe my favorite version was 64. It was one of the few where you could get the Other spouses married making the everyone but your rival for your spouses hand happy.
Edit: and before I forget that was great new chapter.... So can we beg for a hit as to when Donut and Caboose will be entering the scene.
8503162
My favorite version is A Wonderful Life for the PS2 where you play as a guy, can get married, have a kid that grows up to help you, and has a VERY little need to rush unlike the other games which have a short number of days to get everything in order or you get a bad ending.
you know you're there for the food and that you're Lonely just admit it Doc.
8503174
I prefer Grand bazar, there rely is no rush to fix things as it is accumelative ernings so you can go at your own pace.
8503108
Given that his son is Boomstick, I am inclined to agree.
After 19 chapters, we haven't reached canon yet. Will this be very long, cut off very suddenly, or have a lot of time skips?
Hang on...?
As expected from one who has studied minerals all her (previous) life.
... Hold on ... How did she know what booze smell like? ... and something is seriously wrong with the first ingredient.
8503321
I think the Gasoline is from the flamethrower
Flowers being a lazy bastard while doing his job, is he related to Grif
So it's pretty clear by now that the world Blood Gulch is set upon is Minecraftia and that, somehow, they've managed to avoid the mobs by simply never going out at night. But now that Grif has started, it's only a matter of time before a creeper is left lingering or a zombie hides in the cave.
And then the universe decided to shit on Flowers and Tex or god forbid Wyoming lands in the Gulch...
Or some new recruits.
8503397
Caboose: I will drive the tank.
8503096
This must happen!
8503105
What next?
Osu Mania for Church that he plays with a modified Spartan Laser with enemie's heads as glowing dots?
What did you expect?
...
If desperate. They're usually herbivores.
Well alright then.
... HOW?!
... Well alright then.
Yes.
Insane doesn't mean unskilled.
8503843
As Sarge himself once said, "If it's epic enough, life finds a way."
I can't help but theorize that the reason behind Church quickly accepting being a Father to Maud and how Maud can 'teleport' is because Maude is not really Maude but an A.I. of Carolina.
An artificial intelligence that is physically unrestrained due to some unexpected event that happened back in an unrecorded event in project freelancer that prematurely halted the copying process (probably due to the director finally finding the one line he himself would not cross) and caused the A.I. to be half incomplete but with a will to live, a anomaly to that took time to fully come into being in a similar state as Schrödinger from Hellsing, an entity that continues to exist nowhere and everywhere just from believing they are all because 'they think therefore they are'. I mean the forerunners were experimenting with technology to turn matter into data which lead to Cortanna creating a uprising of A.I. against all organics, and the director was using alien tech in his experiments on the A.I. .
I mean it could also explain the minecraft stuff Grif has been getting into since it could be an effect caused by Maude unknowingly that is slowly affecting the surrounding area. And the reason why 'Maude' would look the way she is can be when Carolina was being copied she was a little girl and she could have been a fan of computer games and mlp and a fan of Maude Pie in particular. When the A.I. first tried to find its identity it remembered Maude Pie and assumed it was Maude Pie herself and somehow thinks she's a baby tried to find its parents so she somehow locates Church because he was technically her dad and there you have it.
I want Frif to have a portfolio full of pictures of him with Tucker’s mom. Get the whole Spy getup working more.
Bow Chicka Bow Wow. 😋
8503110
The only "Monster" in vanilla (aka Hostile Mob) that drops "meat" is the Zombie, which drops Rotten Flesh. Rotten Flesh (outside of modded) can't be cooked and is only good for brewing potions or if you're desperate for food, as it has a high chance of causing a hunger status effect. Zombies do drop carrots and potatoes on occasion, though that's a rare drop under the game mechanics. So unless the "Mods" Grif is unknowingly using add mobs that drop edible meat then that isn't where he's getting it from.
As for Dungeon loot, Bread and Apples are really the only things that show up with any consistency. I don't think I've ever found meat in a loot-chest...
Unless Grif has dug straight out of the canyon (which I only now realize would technically be a Mesa Biome) and found himself somewhere where Cows, Sheep, Pigs and Chickens spawn, I'm as puzzled as everyone else as to where he would have gotten the meat.
8503120
8503133
8503162
8503174
8503215
Mine's Friends of Mineral Town. I've never really had problems with the "rush" mechanics. All you really need to do is be friendly to the townsfolk (something I do anyway) and your'e good.
I've also been looking into Stardew Valley, which is supposed to be a lot like Harvest Moon, only on Steam for PC. Haven't gotten around to playing it yet because of time, but I'll get to it eventually.
8504609
Well he did cook it...
This is the best response I have seen to that question yet.
8503397
I read that as: "And then the universe decided to shit Flowers on Tex . . ."
8504775
Rafflesia flowers, of course.
8505182
But of corpse
Sarge's cooking style reminds me of Shadow from the Halo Reach Machinema Outpost: Isil
Good chapter. But I feel like there isn't enough Church-Maud time.
8503118
I play it too. I still have trouble finding all of the sprites in Harvest Moon DS.
8503548
Agreed maud needs her tallnuts and fumeshrooms!
8503102
Teach me your ways, sensei! Of that, I'm referring to brewing. Also, in medical instances (like cleaning disinfecting injuries) is the older method or the newer one better?
Doc is such a good boi, they’re all good bois in some retrospective... is that the word?
This actually sounds hella delicious, screw the laws of reality! I want some of that!
8720395
You want "retrospect". It means "hindsight" and you use "in retrospect" in a sentence the same way you'd use "in hindsight". "Retrospective" is an adjective, so you can't use it that way.
8504609
I was wondering that too. Maybe it's something to do with Spider Eyes, but those poison you.
I guess we don't want to know.