Once everyone finished laughing - and had ice cream, at Caboose's insistence - Tucker decided to raise a point that had concerned him from earlier. "So, what was that about the glowy weapon you mentioned in your message?" he asked, flourishing his energy blade. "You mean this, right?"
"Yeah," Church confirmed. "Apparently, it's a relic of supreme importance to the race that built this place. That's...all I really know."
"Then I know I'm going to like this race," he purred happily as he waved the blade through the air. "If this is their idea of a sacred relic, then they know what they're talking about."
"They're also terrified of Maud, apparently," Texas pointed out.
"As he said, they know what they're talking about," Maud added flatly.
"I don't suppose you could tell us anything else about them, Gary?" Grif asked curiously.
"Negative," Gary apologized. "I know nothing about the race that programmed me. They filled me only with information about the Great Destroyer and the race that would accompany them, the race that would bring ruin to existence. They called them Shisno."
"Well, I can guess that's an insult," Church observed calmly, "but...what does it mean?"
"The mess and destruction caused by the uncleansed leavings of the vile beast, more or less," Maud translated calmly. "The closest in English would be Bonnacon droppings."
"...Bonnacon?" Simmons asked in confusion.
"It's a mythical creature that's a cross between a horse and a bull," Grif explained readily. "It's pretty much immune to physical harm from weapons, and attacks with flaming poop. In the myths and Dungeons and Dragons, it's one of the worst creatures to encounter simply because of how gross it is to deal with."
"...Bonnacon droppings is an accurate translation of Shisno," Gary observed calmly. "...100% accurate, as apparently the race that programmed me dealt with Bonnacons."
"Next you're going to tell me they rode on the backs of dragons and crafted the Rings," Grif offered jokingly.
"Only mechanical ones," Gary corrected. "I have no information on any connection with the Rings."
Grif stared at the computer for a time. "I really want to be angry at that...but all I can manage is envious, because riding a mechanical dragon sounds totally awesome! And it even fits to use a slingshot from the back of one."
"Well, Simmons' ice cream is rum cake flavored, so..." Church began carefully.
"If I'm going to make Grif a mechanical dragon to ride, I need a motorbike to start with," Simmons grunted a little tipsily. "But I don't see a motorbike around-"
Church held out his arm and the matter converters in his body constructed a Mongoose quad-cycle out of ambient energy. "Get to modding!" he instructed eagerly. "I want to see what you make."
"Geronimo!" Simmons declared excitedly as he charged the vehicle.
"I hope it ends up looking a little more awesome in bike mode when he's done," Grif murmured thoughtfully.
Omega growled as he finished reattaching Lopez' head to his body again. Whatever had caused Doc to go flipping end over end like that had sent the robot's head flying off his shoulders, bouncing off the nearest wall, and slamming into his own foot. As humorous as it might have been to see from the outside, it wasn't humorous to Omega as he struggled to get his bearings after finding himself buried in spicy ice cream...for some reason. Cleaning it out of Lopez' circuits hadn't been fun either.
"Well, this has been an unpleasant setback," Omega growled angrily. "Not only are the accursed Reds and Blues reunited, they still have Maud and now they can apparently attack us at range without warning! We must find a way to negate this advantage!"
<"Perhaps the robot army we discussed previously, but were careful not to do so whenever narrative focus was on us so Maud wouldn't become aware of it before they were complete?"> Lopez suggested helpfully. <"They are ready for final tweaks before deployment.">
"I have no idea why you're putting it that way, but that is excellent news!" Omega crowed excitedly. "At last, my time of victory is at hand!"
<"What time frame would you prefer for your victory?"> Lopez inquired courteously. <"I need to know for the final tweaks.">
"Frame? You can give me an exact time frame for victory?"
Lopez nodded. <"Would you like a minute of victory? Hour? Day? Year?">
"I will celebrate this victory for centuries to come!" Omega declared emphatically.
<"...and?">
"You aren't talking about how long I'll enjoy the victory for, are you?"
<"Negative.">
"Then make it a minute of victory that will be the longest in those miserable fleshlings' lives!"
<"Affirmative.">
Texas frowned as she felt something niggling at her awareness, as though her enhanced sensors were picking up something important but couldn't translate the data. "Anyone think we're missing something possibly important?" she asked curiously.
"I honestly don't think anyone cares," Church responded as everyone gazed at what Simmons had crafted.
The vehicle stood on two wheels, one right in front of the other, like a classic motorcycle. Closer inspection, however, revealed that what looked like double-wide wheels were actually two wheels pressed up tight against each other on a mobile axle, able to shift easily for any sort of terrain or landing. Braced over the front wheel were two spoilers stretching to the sides with what looked like fabric folded up inside them, but was actually a reactive energy material that used ambient energy to achieve lift when spread. Over the front wheels was a massive reptilian head design with glowing eyes and a plasma mortar launcher braced in the open mouth. The seat stretched up in the back with straps that automatically extended or retracted when the vehicle started or stopped. An even larger spoiler that was plainly a tail stretched back from the back, waving on its own.
"That...is...AWESOME!" Grif squealed out excitedly.
"But why is it Blue?" Sarge demanded angrily.
It was true, the cycle was a bright sapphire blue.
"Maud insisted," Simmons explained readily.
"Fair enough!" Sarge agreed. "What's it called?"
"...The Dragonlord..." Maud breathed calmly.
"So...awesome..." Grif purred as he got into the seat and grasped the handlebars.
Is Grif turning into Rainbow Dash?
Wait, is the new bike supposed to be a reference to Ember? It's blue, it's called the Dragonlord....
The Dragonlord
*Instantly thinks of Spiro*
Did he make the gem from the Dragonlord’s scepter? Just how far into the past did Maud get sent?
Grif, one of my most favorite characters in Red vs blue, just became even more badass. If he got even more badass, he would defeat the Meta in a one on one fight.
9019615
I think it might be Torch, actually.
Guess it's just a matter if Church to hold out his hand to materialise awesome.
I'm surprised Omega and Lopez didn't get any brain freeze with how much they spiced up their life.
Lopez need to inform Omega what would happen at the end of said victory time frame.
9019664
Nah. Torch is more of a greenish/greyish blue, Ember is distinctly blue, though. (Well, cyan, and her spikes are a blue that could be called "sapphire".)
Edit: "Nachos" would also be a valid name for a dragoncycle.
Okay one Smart sarge two ....ooooh foreshadowing
What next there is a staff that comes out that shoots out lasers or fireballs.
And I suppose that through the fire and the flames plays while you're riding it?
9019668
You my good sir/madam are gold
9019794
it HAS to play!
Ember WarDragon cycle. Nough said
Each time you fire the plasma mortar The Dragonlord screams "Weaklings not allowed" or something to that effect
9019724 Excellent SvtFOE reference
As fun as this is, the random silliness is starting to get a bit stale. I think it's time to let it rest for a little bit and start moving the story along. It needs some time to become fresh again.
I often like to think of a good story as having balance between opposing sides. It's fine to lean on one side or another, but you should never go too far to one side. With so much silliness all in a row, this story is starting to feel unbalanced. The pacing is also starting to drag a little. We need to start moving things along and getting back on track. Perhaps this improved robot army will inject some seriousness and story progression to balance things out again.
Don't get me wrong; this was a fun chapter. I liked it. This story hasn't let me down yet. I'm just letting you know of some red flags that may cause the story to go downhill in upcoming chapters if left uncorrected.
9019724
I was also expecting Nachos.
Looks like Girf is going to... RIDE THE DRAGONLORD INTO THE NIGHT! Definitely want to see Embers reaction.
9020023 .... I want him and Ember to get together just for this specific universe. That way he can ride the dragonlord while riding The Dragonlord.
9020097
Dat vast und bad pub and ya shoud be ashamed...
Hey Lopez? Omega?
Boot to the head.
She's not wrong.
Yikes.
He has a point.
Dude. It's a MECHANICAL FUCKING DRAGON. What do you care if the Bike Mode looks cool?
This is gonna be fun.
That is so fucking metal.
Oh my god it's Ember.
So, what will Ember think about this tribute to her glory?
I thought of Saphira, from Eragon, but Ember makes too much sense.
And this is going to be hilarious. Robot armies vs. OP mechanical drunk-science dragon...
Whatever (or whoever) the likely-terrible pun/reference is.
A most awesome ride for Griff... though I half expected Seto Kaiba's Blue Eyes Plane instead... but I guess that would need a pelican, Longsword, Sabre, or Broadsword to get that. Still, Dragonbike rocks!
I also can't wait to see Omega's minute of victory... and then eternity of defeat!!!!!
When I first read that the bike was blue, I immediately started thinking of Saphira from the Inheritance cycle. It being a reference to Dragonlord Ember instead makes much more sense.
If you wanna be my lover, gotta get with my BLUE-EYES WHITE DRAGON
Need artwork of the Dragonlord!
Grif is ghost riding an Ember motorcycle.
Neat.
9020516
She would probably be fanning herself. Seriously, a motorbike that can become a Mechanized Dragon, that can also fire plasma bolts?
Awesome.
Also, for some reason, I Thought of Drakengard at Grif mentioning the 'Riding of Dragons', when he was being Sarcastic.
9033190
So much awesome shite is happening and we haven't even gotten to the epic fight showdown yet
Looks like Ember showed up. (At least in representation)