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Everypony knows alicorns are immortal, right?

Well...yes. From a certain point of view. Specifically, the secret to alicorns alicorn youth and vitality? Sex. And Luna? She hasn't had a proper partner in 1,000 years.

Done for FoME's Imposing Sovereigns Contest.

(Cover Art was commissioned for this piece and created by Aquatic Sun)

First Published
20th Mar 2017
Last Modified
20th Mar 2017
#1 · 4d, 17h ago · · ·

As you can see, by tying the increases in tax to inflation, the debt burden of the Apple Family[1] has not deceased in moons

Is the Apple family being specifically taxed to keep them in debt?

:rainbowlaugh:

#2 · 4d, 16h ago · 2 · ·

>>8036640

Yes. Yes, they are.

#3 · 4d, 16h ago · 1 · ·

well explains all the royal guard who are white pegasi...

#4 · 4d, 16h ago · 1 · ·

>>8036690

I feel as if this entire story was entirely made out of dad-jokes.

#5 · 4d, 16h ago · 1 · ·

>>8036717 Just the Royal Guardstallions! They are living Dad Jokes.

#6 · 4d, 15h ago · · ·

Hahahaha!!!!!

#7 · 4d, 14h ago · · ·

I came...for the lulz and lulz were had.

#8 · 4d, 8h ago · · ·

Younger sister nodded her head, and punctuated it with a tearful sniffle and a small flap of her wings. It was pathetically adorable. Somewhere, a kitten died of envy.

ARTL would have commented... but we think he just died...

#9 · 4d, 8h ago · 1 · ·

Reading the footnotes was a chore, especially on mobile. I would strongly recommend placing them at the end of the paragraph​ in the future.

#10 · 4d, 8h ago · · ·

I kind of think the title would be better if you used a word you didn't need the asterisks for. "Mount", "buck", "play leapfrog", etc.

#11 · 4d, 8h ago · · ·

You know, I was going to comment on how happy Sergeant Parts must have been when he first got promoted, but then you mentioned his full name. And his family.

Also, I have to wonder if Cadence knows about this aspect of alicorn magic. And let's not consider Flurry Heart for some time. :pinkiesick:

In any case, a lovely bit of raunchy silliness. Thank you for it, and best of luck in the judging.

>>8037511

I just opened the story in a second tab and scrolled down. Though yes, not having to do that would be nice.

#12 · 4d, 6h ago · 2 · ·

>>8037511

>>8037535

I have taken this suggestion and interspersed them into places!

#13 · 4d, 4h ago · · ·

What if two alicorns have sex with each other? Does it still work?

#14 · 4d, 2h ago · · ·

I are intrigued horse!

Okay, so Private Parts, the Princess of Friendship with Benefits, and the completely random, repeated deaths all gave me a chuckle. I think you were going for a light, amusing romp here, and I would say you accomplished that :twilightsmile:

I admit, I had a hard time following this story and got lost a few times. What caused Luna to pass out near the end, and what are the numbered notes for? They seemed to break things up in a jarring way. I'd suggest either putting all of them at the bottom or just removing them as separate notes entirely, and integrating the information you want the reader to have into the story itself, to preserve the flow. I also wasn't sure how the hippy phase thing contributed to the story, or what was meant by 'Standing Room' in this context. (I know what 'standing room only' means, but I wasn't sure how it fit here.)

(Also, I'm guessing the Apple Family being deceased by their debt burden was a typo, but it's the kind of typo I just can't resist :pinkiehappy:)

Thanks for the read :heart:

#15 · 3d, 17h ago · 1 · ·

>>8038120

What caused Luna to pass out near the end, and what are the numbered notes for? They seemed to break things up in a jarring way. I'd suggest either putting all of them at the bottom

Somepony didn't read the other comments.~

But yes, they are disruptive... in part because there is nothing really setting them apart from the narrative. While having them at the bottom is a pain in the [DONKEY!!] for readers using a mobile device as >>8037511 and >>8037535 said, blending in with the narrative is a pain for all readers. Conversely using a smaller size for the text and putting it in a quote box gives it that proximity for convenience and separation for clarity, with the quote box having the added benefit of making it look like an actual 'note'.

#16 · 3d, 12h ago · · ·

>>8036690 They are the source of all taxes of the entire country!

Possibly.

Maybe.

No.

Yes.

Square.

#17 · 3d, 6h ago · · ·

>>8039650

Eh, I try not to base my comments on other ones, so I don't always read them first. I figure it'll give me a more unbiased view if I don't read what other people are saying first. Unless it's impossible to ignore, like every single person saying the same thing as I scroll down :twilightsheepish:

I think for me, it's not so much how the notes were done, it was having "notes" at all. An author's note is one thing, but the idea of including notes like that in the body of a work of fiction kinda throws me. I think it would have worked better if the things the author wanted us to know were just sewn into the actual text of the story. For example-

Luna thought but a moment. “We are alicorns, sister. Our innate magic is what gives us our resilience and endless youth.”[4]

Celestia shook her head. “It’s sex, Luna,” she said matter of factly. “You and I are still alive because of sex.”

[4]Moreso in Luna’s case than Celestia’s. Luna, it seemed, had never quite gotten out of her ‘moody teenager’ phase, whereas Celestia seemed to stop right around the ‘Sexy neighborhood Mom’ phase of her adulthood.

Rather could be something like-

Luna thought but a moment. “We are alicorns, sister. Our innate magic is what gives us our resilience and endless youth.”

Celestia shook her head amusedly. She knew her sister had never quite gotten out of her 'moody teenager' phase, whereas Celestia seemed to stop right around the 'sexy neighborhood mom' phase of her adulthood. “It’s sex, Luna,” she said matter of factly. “You and I are still alive because of sex.”

#18 · 2d, 19h ago · · ·

Footnotes should probably come at the end of the story rather then spattered in the middle of text. It's kind of distracting.

#19 · 2d, 12h ago · · ·

Man, this military machine has a whole lot of Parts.

#20 · 2d, 8h ago · 3 · ·

>>8042666 Their distant ancestor Spare Parts really took "Go out and multiply" to heart.

#21 · 1d, 12h ago · · ·

“Huh,” Luna said, and again there were quiet. Then…”Wait,” she began. “So when did you tell Twilight Sparkle that she shall have needed to become the Princess of Friendship with Benefits?”

Celestia’s subsequent silence was quite telling.

No problem! She's got a portal to a whole different world, including one high school where everyone worships her (especially after her counterpart floated with a miniskirt).

#22 · 21h, 58m ago · 1 · ·

>>8037535

As she's the Alicorn of Love, I doubt that Cadance has had quite the spread of partners that Luna has, but with it being 80 years per partner, I'd imagine that upon finally getting around to bedding Shining Armor (or couching, walling, flooring, tabling, teacher's-desking, or whathaveyou) she'd have at least a couple hundred years worth of lifespan. Possibly more, considering that her alicorn magic would be attuned to... y'know... love. Or she might be borrowing life from the Crystal Heart (Sombra leeching off of it too might explain why he didn't just fuckin' die a thousand years ago, and would also be a reason for Flurry Heart to heal from things without... you know... infantophilia).

Even if she was a virgin before marriage, though, I think Cadance might still have some deaths in her. Luna's time on the moon only killed her a dozen times, instead of the hundreds of thousands or millions of times that it would have been if she spent up a whole lifespan with every death. And Cadance didn't immediately keel over upon changing from a pegasus to an alicorn, so I propose that her normal pony lifespan was turned to alicorn years in the same method as if she somehow had sex with herself. This happening to Twilight too would also explain why Twilight became taller upon becoming an alicorn (most earth ponies we see are normal pony sized, so it can't be because of the earth pony in her. Heck, a large portion of the bigger ponies we see are unicorns...).

...

(If an alicorn used time travel to actually have sex with herself, would she still only get eighty years?)

#23 · 19h, 47m ago · · ·

>>8046566 You are thinking about this much more in depth than I have! The only thing I would say is Luna, on the moon insofar as I am concerned, is sealed within in - bodiless essence essentially bound to the rock itself. So her 'deaths' are all age related. Even if she were walking about, though, she can keep herself alive via magic or whatnot, or the Elements keep her protected or whatever!

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