Streets
"So, in conclusion, Anon... I implore you to not worry about your situation..." Twilight Sparkle, having a private audience with the nation's newcomer, pleaded with utmost remorse. She stood at eye-level with the 'human,' as he called himself, and they had taken their conversation to her bedroom for the necessary privacy. "Rest assured, the Princesses and I shall not properly rest until we figure out exactly how you arrived here and what we can do to reverse it and send you home. I have the greatest confidence that we'll be able to."
Anon, to his credit, did not seem overly anxious at his current predicament, though understandably, he was concerned whether or not they would realistically be able to live up to Twilight's words. As much as he wished to return to his world at this very moment, there was one more thing that had to be dealt with right now.
"T-Thank you, Miss Twilight Sparkle... I really appreciate all of this, truly, but..." Anon's words were cut off by a sharp pang in his lower body, and his forearms instinctively crossed over his lower abs. "This may be inappropriate but where might I find a restroom?"
"Restroom...? OH!" Twilight suddenly understood, giggling into her hoof. "Heh, sorry, it appears nature calls at the most inopportune times, huh?" she mused, starting towards the kitchen and reappearing with a roll of toilet paper. The site of the familiar object made Anon feel that much better, and perhaps things would not be so bad after all from this point on. "Here you go, just in case," she said with a friendly smile, handing it to him in her magical grasp.
"Honestly, you're a life-saver," Anon thanked with emphatic prayer hands, juggling the roll in his right hand. "So, would you kindly direct me?"
"Sure!" Twilight replied, perking up as she trotted to the front door... an action which raised an eyebrow from Anon. In reality, if he had multiple eyebrows on one side, they'd all have been raised at this point.
Opening the door to the town and letting in the gorgeous day's air, she pointed a hoof just outside the library and by the nearby park.
"Right out there is the designated street," she remarked calmly. "Just bring back whatever tissue you haven't used if you would be so kind."
Anon's jaw slackened and it was as if the entire world shut its mouth. He could hear a figurative pin drop as he stared into Twilight's very soul.
Twilight was more than keen on this.
"I-Is there a problem, Anon?" she asked, curious at his sudden stiff demeanor. Anon rubbed the back of his neck and chuckled at the ridiculousness of his inference.
"I could've sworn you just insinuated that I do my business in the street..." he voiced, again chuckling. Twilight only cocked her own eyebrow and cleared her throat.
"Ummm... no. That's the proper street for that in Ponyville," she reaffirmed her previous instructions. Anon's facial expression immediately transmuted into utter disbelief.
"...are you serious?!" he yelled, showing no restraint at all as a side-effect of not wanting to believe what he was hearing. Twilight recoiled at his outburst. "You legitimately have designated shitting streets?"
"Well, when you put it that way..." Twilight's words trailed off, pawing at the floor as she marshalled her thoughts. Anon was quickly shaking his head, rubbing his temples as his urge to crap slowly faded away and lost out to his feelings of shock.
"No. No. You can't be serious... you ponies actually shit in the goddamn streets!"
"W-Well..." Twilight attempted to retort, but Anon again cut her off with another one of his rants.
"From what I've seen, this is a beautiful, respected country on this planet of... fuck whatever this planet is... and you shit in the street!"
"We're actually one of the world's superpowers," Twilight mentioned.
"That makes it even worse!!" Anon exclaimed, flailing his arms at the new information. "You're a powerful nation and yet you shit in the streets! I'm not crapping in the open road in front of other ponies, there could be kids walking by!" he reasoned.
"Well how do you think they learn?!" Twilight countered pointedly. "Besides... it's not even that bad!"
"'How do they fuckin' learn...' seriously?! Twilight?!" Anon repeated her statement as if it would help him rationalize any of it. "And no, screw that... I'm not shitting in the street in front of kids. Is there any toilet around here at all?!" he pleaded. There had to be at least one functioning toilet or outhouse; Anon had little qualms with walking if necessary, despite what felt like liquefied Satan clawing at his sphincter.
"Ummmm..." Twilight began to 'think' unconvincingly.
"You don't have toilets... huh," Anon deadpanned.
"No, we do! But... they're not really 'functioning,'" she added. "They haven't been used since this one time, a bunch of fillies were kidnapped and never heard from again."
"...what the hell is that supposed to mean?" Anon asked, though he was not entirely convinced that he wanted to actually know what Twilight meant.
"Centuries ago, a disgruntled unicorn mare cast a spell on several toilets," she explained. "Whenever fillies went to use them, they mysteriously disappeared in a teleportation spell and were never found! The legend of the toilet witch has kinda scarred the minds of the citizens ever since," Twilight reasoned, and Anon exercised no restraint in laughing his ass off.
"So... you guys, one of the most powerful nations on the planet, resorted to shitting in the streets because of a toilet witch?" he attempted to understand and synthesize all the information that was shared with him; he wasn't even sure he had to lay a cable anymore, and despite his greater judgement, the desire to know more intensified beyond his wildest imagination.
"That... actually summarizes it pretty well," Twilight confirmed, nodding. Anon only buried his face into his hands.
"Oh fuck me..."
"Look, right out there!" Twilight pointed, garnering Anon's attention and pointing out a unicorn mare, with toilet paper floating next to her, that was scoping out an appropriate place on the aforementioned street. "You'll see... nopony cares!"
"Twilight, why are we watching h—OH MY JESUS CHRIST!" he screamed, covering his eyes just in time as the mare squat down. He didn't see the end result, but he had a pretty good idea of what it looked like and had no inclination to confirm. "Twilight how are you watching this!?"
"Seriously Anon I don't see how this is a big deal. Besides, you won't be here for very long anyway; you can deal with it for a little while," Twilight scolded. Making sure it was safe to look, Anon peeked over the veil of his fingers and found the mare casually tossing away some 'used' toilet paper. However, he realized that Twilight was a unicorn... this mare who just defecated in the open was also a unicorn. They both had toilet paper and could utilize it because of magic.
Wait a minute...
"Wait... Twilight, I have a legitimate question," Anon voiced.
"Of course!" Twilight perked up, more than happy to answer any of her guest's inquiries.
"I don't know why I'm asking this... but unicorns can use toilet paper. How do the other ponies, the 'earth ponies' and 'pegasus ponies,' as you called them, use the toilet paper? Can they even use toilet paper?" At that moment, an earth pony stallion happened upon the same, interesting street.
Twilight chuckled awkwardly, glancing over at the stallion having done his business in the distance.
"Well..."
"What..." Anon said, looking at where Twilight was looking and finding the earth pony—having finished baking a hot icicle—plopping down onto his haunches and pulling himself forward with his front hooves, dragging his shit-laden ass all over the street.
"NO! NO! HELL TO THE NO!" Anon pointed, absolutely disgusted, and instantly marching towards Applejack's farm. "Applejack has to have an outhouse, right?!"
"Anon! Wait!" Twilight called, chasing after him.
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The position before second!
Also, way to take the words of Faust way too literally. Goodness gracious eww.
Not gonna fav this, but gonna Thumbs up nonetheless.
Well, you actually wrote it. Shouldn't be surprised. Came out about how I thought it would.
>she trot to
TROTTED
>Just bring back whatever tissue you haven't used if you would be so kind.
FUCKING COMMA
> as she stared
ANON IS SUDDENLY A GIRL
>"Well how do you think they learn?!
COMMMAAAAAA AAAAAAAA
>No we do!
CCCOOOMMMAAAAAA
>he attempted to understand and synthesize all the information that was shared with him; he wasn't even sure he had to lay a cable anymore, and despite his greater judgement, the desire to know more intensified beyond his wildest imagination.
THIS SENTENCE IS A NIGHTMARE
>Anon only buried face into his hands.
FACE CONFIRMED FOR BURIED
>"Oh fuck me..."
COOMMMMAAAAA
>"Twilight how are you watching this!?" "Seriously Anon I don't see how this is a big deal.
COMMAAAS, THE RECKONING
milksnipe rating: i came 8 times.
EDITED BY THE GOOD HIE GROUP
So I'm guessing, from their lack of tampons, that they write their names in blood.
7111451
♥totes♥
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Pegasi:
God damn it, I promised myself I would never read something like this again. Ever since the great anonpencil incident of 2016 I would never read something that would make me laugh my ass off ever again. Sorry people I failed my promise, now make me more humorous stories! Hop to it!
Missing the word 'with' between the words 'dealt' and 'right'.
He's got worms...
Wtf is this? Wha-
Oh ok.
*continues with reading*
I was hungry when I read this.
...still hungry.
7111465
7111451
7111476
"DESIGNATED!" I said, laughing heartily. "A FUCKING WAGON WHEEL!" I added, tears of mirth streaking down my cheeks.
"FUCK YOU!" Rajay scowled back. "We have a fucking space program! We'll be a superpower by 2020!"
I howled even louder in laughter, just as an Indian might howl after as his asshole was burnt by the spicy curryshit he was taking on his designated street.
"Surely you're joking! You expect me to belive that you'll be putting men on the moon when don't even know to put the poo in the loo?"
"You've mocked my country for the last time! We'll show you!" Rajay screamed, walking away. His shoulders tensed, doubtless because he needed to shit in the street for the eighth time today.
Later, I was quietly asleep in my bed, when all of a sudden I was awoken by a sudden noise. It was a wooden-sounding rattling, something I could have swore I could recognize, yet I didn't until it was too late. My window shattered, a giant fucking wagon wheel coming spinning through the scattered shards like a whirling dervish, casting flecks of accumulated poo, no doubt accumulated As it rolled down through the designated shitting streets as it made its fateful way to me. I screamed as the wagon crunched into my torso, smashing my ribs and bursting my organs like the bloated corpses of dead children floating down the Ganges river. I think I soiled myself in that moment, but honestly I couldn't tell, partly because I was in too much pain and partly because the smell was already too bad. As coniousness drifted away from me and darkness closed in, it was almost as if the scattered mounds of shit that had been flung around my room were moving - no, dancing. I could almost swear I could hear their voices as they jigged up and down.
"Take the poo to the loo..." they seemed to whisper. "Take the poo to the loo..."
I want to agree with Anon, but in a setting where magic and mythical creatures are real, the prospect of an actual toilet-witch would be genuinely frightening.
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I lost my shit. No pun intended,
Holy fuck, my goddamn sides are in orbit.
P o o i n a l o o
o
o
i
n
a
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o
o
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I think anonymous should be careful where he steps when dealing with ponies.
I wonder if he caused a shitstorm.
Jeez he should watch it or his name could be drug through the muddy street.
A word of advice. Never go outside when it's raining, you might get a bit dirty.
Ever seen a horrible pun? They are shitty.
Do not forget China. They shit everywhere maybe 30%. Even airplane and mall - Alley... The list go on.
True Story.
I'm crying Flam, that was brilliant!
Equestrindia may be a literal shithole... but at least it's not Smurfmalia
derpicdn.net/img/2013/5/31/337772/medium.jpeg
Well, that was kinda unexpected.
As shameless as I am, I'd probably have issues with this too. Can't change the way you were brought up over a minute.
Unless you can.
Huh.
A fun read anyway!
Eh. Seems legit.
I have been hooked for that description, too. Well next time I will know better.
img.ifcdn.com/images/830ca82d7797439720fd2bd39b2d3cd829b3c8fea1a3eb384cb08272f5909fa4_1.jpg
i.imgur.com/rgphR4F.jpg
i.imgur.com/4Y9rQ3f.jpg
Thank you Jesus for this meme
meh.ro/wp-content/uploads/2016/01/meh.ro12253_2-455x678.png
DESIGNATED
E
S
I
G
N
A
T
E
D
That just did it for me XD
have 10 of these 
and a like and fave.
My jaw hurts and my eyes got watery from laughing so much!
P O O I N L O O
O
O
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O
O
Eww.
That is all I have to say.
So pegasi probably do the same as earth ponies just on nice white clouds and instead of dragging with fore hooves use wing power.
This is beautiful, truly a piece of modern art. Top notch.
poo in loo
7111989
>be pajeet
>2021
>India finally has a space program
>and you have just landed on the moon
>be the first indian on the moon
>so proud
>suddenly feel the need to shit
>nearest Designated shitting street is to far away
>you are smart though
>quickly with your feet you draw 2 lines about 3 meters away from each other
>achievement of being the first Indian to shit on the moon imminent
>be Rajesh
>co pilot to Pajeet on shitbox 1
>2nd Indian to land on the moon
>you see pajeet about to squat on what looks like a improvised street
>oshit.jpg
>An explosion of poo, blood and bone happens
>shit everywere
>all over the space craft
>in you shock you get back in and launch off back to earth
>the poo stains would not come off even in re entery
>after landing back in the ocean you briefed your government about what happened
>he was swarn to secrecy
>be Paul Jackson
>working at the ASIO
>the NSA guys let you watch the live feed from the seppos spy satellites of the landing of poo in loos on the moon
>see pajeet get out and draw too lines
>you knew were this was going
"DESIGNATED"
>an explosion of poo
>An unrivaled amount of keks was had by your co workers
>obtain a copy of video
>post directly to youtube
> 60 million views+
>india was never the same
>AbsoloutlyDesignated.png
Ouch, ouch! This made me laugh so hard I nearly woke my whole family up... Oooh my stomach, and sides.. This was hilarious! Gross.. but hilarious XD
Ice Cream Sandhich and Spaghettios. It's all you can afford because you're from Alabam-o. Poor bumpkin.
What a shitty story.
Have your like.