• Member Since 5th Oct, 2014
  • offline last seen 14 minutes ago

anonpencil


I write bad AiE stories. No. Seriously, they're terrible. If you can't laugh at vomit, blood, and exploding testicles, don't read my work. It's safer that way.


T
Source

When a man needs a shave in Ponyville, there isn't really anywhere to go. After all, horses don't shave! So, you have no choice but to go to the most stylish pony in town for assistance: Rarity. Lucky for you, she's the helpful type, and is willing to make you look good as new. But at what cost?




...
Oh, and by the way, thanks for the idea Enigmatic Otaku. I hope you choke on a pineapple. :heart:

Chapters (1)
Comments ( 48 )

Anon's hands in the cover art looks horrifying.

food gets stuck in it…

That's how you save it for later.

Holy shit… ponies don’t have eyebrows!

I would like you all to turn your attention left to my profile picture, specifically above it's eyes.

I expect that one day Anon will have enough of ponies shit and become villain. He will kill all the ponies then piss and dance upon their graves.

8029855
Given how much I go out of my way to torture him, yeah, I would not be surprised.

Who would have thought that as I was brow-sing, I would have found such a clean cut story!

You're a cut above the rest, Pencil. 10/10

Why darling, I am nothing if not a high brow pony.

owwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww
that pun physically hurt me
y u do dis anonpencil

8029887
Well. Shit. Back to the closet I go.

Absolute madwoman

come for the lulz stay for the puns!

8029969 That's a good point! My comment sections haven't been nearly as full of puns as they used to be. I could certainly use more of that in my life.

Rarity would totally draw a dick on your forehead

8029981
Another story for another day! :duck:

8029973

id help if i could, but im terrible at puns, im actually terrible at humor too!

8029997

If you ever tell it, I'll pour you a stiff drink.

A friend of mine accidentally shaved off his eyebrows. He couldn't express himself for while.

Also, Anon is an ungrateful bitch in this one. Rarity did her best.

8030073
I'd argue that my anons are always a bitch in some way. Sometimes physically...

It's not that bad of a thing. Sure, it would probably itch to regrow them, but it's not like he asked for a wax and they used magic to wax away the only tree in his forest or something equally absurd like that.

8029973 The situation is a bit hairy. You might say that your comment section is getting a bit bald. Seems like some of your more recent stories might have sheared off a few commentors. Hopefully, they didn't dye. I hope I'm not waxing on about the past. It's just that reading some of these better puns is the probably the ultimate form of headonizm. Your stories are the mane attraction, but the comments are definitely worth combing for.

Is that good, or would you prefer a review? I know I could deliver some cutting remarks.

8030102
...those puns.
The rush.
It's like cocaine.
Fffffffffffffff....

“Oh good, you’re awake!” she says. “You seemed to tired after that first towel treatment that I just let you sleep. I was ever so careful as I did the shaving, I hope it is to your expectations?”

*too

8030145
Should actually be "so" but your point is made, heh.

What in the everliving FUCK did I just read!? I come to your stories looking for vomit. This is fucking horseshit. A cute, cuddly story with vomit notably absent!?

You are on thin ice, buddy. Keep this up and you will pay the price. :trixieshiftleft:

The story was cute, too.

8030172
RIGHT? It was even rated TEEN! Makes me feel all dirty doing something like this, and not in the fun way.

> Rated T
> No blood
> No direct Spike Abuse
> Holes intact apart from small butthurt

The fuck is with this shit Pencil? I actually like this fic.

8030202
You LIKED it?? Oh god what have I done!

wait high... HANG YOUR HEAD IN SHAME :twilightangry2:

The chapter title...
OH MY GOSH!!!
*rubs out eyes... with soap and lemon juice*
MY EYES!!!
WHY DID YOU HAVE TO GO THERE?
(I joke)

*reads end line*
*laughs*
*takes out gun*
Now, then, tell me where you are so I can inject you with anti pun venom.

I didn't know that enigma shaved his eyebrows.

Yeah, but they don't tell stories about Star Swirl's clean-shaven twin, do they?

Somethings wrong here - there is no vomit, abuse, or sex.

Are you okay anonpencil?

8030585
Right?? It's almost more distressing that I DIDN'T do something terrible here.

As a being composed of roughly 80% beard, I find this story offensive.
As a brony, I find it hilarious.

So what you're saying is, in order for the magics to work for me, I have to shave my eye caterpillars?

8030925
Exactly. If you want to get a mare, ya need to go browless. They like them some smooth men in more ways than one.

8029861

Do I dare read this out of fear for my great red beard?
Should I risk the titillating slicing of PencilHumorTM?
Should I go to a doctor over the sharp, cutting pains i've been feeling in my chest lately?

I know I'm coating much of what I say in a layer of waxy, enigmatic ramblings but I can't help but feel like it's the smoother way through this nicely shaved story.

Did this without reading it yet.
You're welcome Pencil.
Love Ya Bitch!!!
♥♡♥

8031238
Lova ya too, bitch, and don't worry. It's really very tame.

8031240
I had my entire body waxed once on a dare when I was younger.....

There was much blood, threats of bodily harm, cursing and screaming involved once I was through with the easiest parts.
Maybe this story is less painful then Nair▪ across my entire body and Mannequins?

P.S.

It had Mannequins. Ponikins?
Fuck it.

When Anon gets home he will find out one of the phone numbers is Rarity's.

I'm now imagining the green anon character with both facial hair and no eyebrows. Sadly, the second one is normal. The former though...

And poor spike has eyebrows and tries to impress with more facial hair...:moustache:

Started to get a sneaking suspicion halfway through. Scrolled down. Yep, entire thing is a premise for a joke.

Huh. It was a good story.

i swear to my bald taint if you wrote this story just to have an excuse to use that fucking pun. i will be so freaking nettled

Ha, I liked it! Good job! :twilightsmile:

This definitely wasn't something I'd expect from you, Pencil. But I liked it. :rainbowkiss:

I completely forgot about the impending pun. Serves me right i guess :rainbowlaugh:

“What the shit, Rarity!” you practically shriek.

I laughed out loud at this moment. Good tonal shift.

Anon knows where Syd Barrett lives.

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