• Member Since 15th Nov, 2012
  • offline last seen Wednesday

Timaeus


"Tim, you're just so nice nobody could hate you. We all are secretly in love with you." ~bats

T
Source

For the Heartstrings family, Saint Paddy Wagon's Day is the most celebrated day of the year. They have long believed that the luck of the Neighlish flows through their veins, and that on Saint Paddy's Day anything is possible.

This year, Lyra decides to put that luck to the test.

Her target: local candy maker and longtime mare of her dreams.

Her tools: the indisputable luck this day will bring her and only the finest, corniest, holiday-appropriate, and most-guaranteed-to-woo pick-up lines around.

Bon Bon doesn't stand a chance.


Preread by Fahrenheit and Carabutt
Edited by auramane and Jondor
Cover by the amazingly talented Rossby Waves

Chapters (1)
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Comments ( 95 )

You got a like on that pun alone XD

Coincidentally, I just saw a pic on another site of Lyra hugging BonBon with a pot of gold and a rainbow behind them with the caption "hug me, I'm Lyrish"

7040941

I saw that, too! This one, right? It was a fun picture, but by the time I saw it I already had this one picked out.

Oh well, the more Lyra the better!

7040949 The very same. Except I saw it on a brony social netork called Philomena Magikz. Fun site, I recommend it

Saint Paddy Wagon’s Day.

I see what you did there.

Anyone dislikes this, send them to me,:twilightangry2: I'll deal with them

7041360 I would dislike this out of spite-If it wasn't such an entertaining story! I was raised by someone who loved Irish, Scottish, and Gaelic culture, so St. Patrick's day was always a fairly big deal for us. Not to mention this story has pick-up lines I'd use. I love "bad" puns that are so bad they're good! :rainbowwild: This whole story was also very sweet, and I had the feeling early on that the jokes were putting Bon-Bon off. So, I loved it!

I think adding what time it was on the clock as the left, like 11:50pm, or something would of tied it up nicely

7041472 Now Lyra can be Bon-bon's little leprchaun, hope Bonny lass finds the pot of gold at the end of the...

7041631 Romance!...was gonna say R.O.M.A.N.C.E.:twilightsmile:

What is the "Neighlic" word a pun of?

7041769 Gaelic i think it's spelt

7041776 So is that another word for Irish (me no talk other languages)?

7041641 I was hoping for At the end of the LyRAINBOW!

7041272

:twilightsmile:

7041472

D'aww, thanks! I thrive off of bad puns and have received many a swat upside the head from my friends for them. I started this little story as a joke for a couple of those friends, but then one of them (*cough*ZOMG*cough*) insisted I make it into something real. I'm very happy to hear that you enjoyed it!

7041565

You and I. We think alike.

7041793

To answer your question, yes! Ireland was once inhabited by the Gaelic people, or at least that's what wikipedia and my Irish friend tell me. :rainbowwild:

It was the same Irish friend that suggested "Neighlic" as a play on words of "Gaelic," so I rolled with it.

This was nice.

This is probably one of the best Lyra and Bon Bon, one shot shipfics I have read. Very well written and punny. Also I really liked the idea you had for this story! :scootangel:

7042024

Thank you! :heart:

7042086

I have found that there's a lack of LyraBon one shot romance stories around the site, and by extension there could be more LyraBon chaptered romance stories, too.

tl;dr we need more LyraBon.

7042095 Agreed. LyraBon among best ships.

I am reading all of Lyra's lines in Lenny Henry's "Donovan" accent. Because all I can picture is his "Mrs. Johnson" sketch with this

“You look like you’re magically delicious, and I happen to be a cereal lovemaker.”

This is the best worst pickup line ever.

7042324

Pffft. Well, that's not too far from the truth here :rainbowlaugh:

7042360

That one might just be my favourite out of all of them. And remember, Lyra said she needed to start out strong~

Oh, Tim! You'll always be the Lyra to my Bonbon! You can come and harass me in my place of business any day, my love dove!

Can we shed some light on the conversation Bonnie had with Golden and Amy?

7041811 Good word play, I like that one.

im not Irish but a as Scotsmen I love St. Patrick's day ......and October fest im German too:derpytongue2::heart:

7042424

Oh bb :heart:

7042481

I didn't have anything specifically in mind for that conversation. Given the context, I would say that they probably talked about what just happened between Lyra and Bon Bon and what's going on between them. Anything beyond that is anyone's guess :twilightsmile:

7042725

I have no Irish heritage, but I still love the holiday and Irish history is fascinating. This was great to write.

this was very funny, I hope there isn't anypony green with envy that lyra got bon bon first

7043231

"Green with envy."

I geddit.

7043259

but do you Really gEDDIT?
:trollestia:

7042086 Could I perhaps trouble you to read my LyraBon fic then? Sorry to self-advertise like this :twilightsheepish:, but I saw that you seem to enjoy them, so I thought "who am I to deny you more sugary sweetness"? Once again, sorry about the self-advertisement, just thought I would throw it out there if you were interested.

Carry on! :twilightsmile:

7043880

Normally, most writers prefer if you don't advertise your stories in their comments and usually I fall into that camp. At least you have the decency to be apologetic for it, so all is good!

Maybe next time you think someone in a story's comments might be interested in something you wrote, send them a PM as opposed to promoting yourself in the comment section? Might help you avoid a case of an ornery writer :rainbowwild:

Gotta say, this really was a neat piece. I haven't seen a lot of good Lyrabons in the site, and I enjoyed this one a lot. Althought he justification of Bon Bon's acting is a little... sorta doesn't make that much sense? I mean, I guess I can see what you were going for, but it feels a little too forced.

That aside, this was well-written, and I'm surprised at how much I liked this Lyra. The little details to show she liked Bon Bon (the eyes bit in particular, how she actually gets a little distracted in the library when she sees them, without a trace of irony, and how she just off-handedly mentions it at the bar, like it's no big deal) were cool. I might be biased -- I probably am -- because I like the pairing, but I didn't get the feeling that you just told us Lyra was infatuated. We actually saw that she was.

In fact, Lyra and her reactions are what make this fic. Bon Bon feels a little too nonsensical, as I said; first she's interested, then she's not, and overall the way she acts is a little mnergh. If we saw the thing develop further, I think she could get as interesting as Lyra, but overall, that whole "I just don't know if you're serious/what do you see in me" bit felt too cliché. The rest of the fic is not the most original stuff thing ever, but I'd never seen it done in this particular way, and I liked it because of that. Take something that sounds done-to-death, and make it original by execution? Really, really enjoyed that. This is a Lyra I would read more about. The ending, however, was kind of a reharsh of the typical confession scene and "oh-I-really-loved-you-all-this-time" cliché, which is pretty much the opposite of what made the story cool.

But I think that sounds a little too critical. I read the entire thing and enjoyed it -- even the points I'm criticising, I'm just doing that to give some constructive bits. But be fooled not: I liked this, a lot. I might try to be a goddamn reviewer right now, being all "oh, from an objetive point of view this and that scene broke the suspension of disbelief by reproducing a standard romantic scene with no real punch to it, thus taking us out of ht estory and showing not the characters but the strings the author is pulling to move the plot forward" and stuff, but in reality I was just hoping that they'd get together by the end. Then they got together and I went all "hell yes" because I unironically love this couple. Then, in hindsight, I thought of the bad stuff.

So yeah. I guess what I mean is, the conversation bit at the end, and the justification for Bon Bon's acting could take people out of the story by being too standard. It didn't take me out, but it could do that to someone else, so eh. That's the problem with having the main plot be Lyra aggressively flirting, and Bon Bon being aggressively cold towards that: by the ending: the reader is so convinced Bon is not into it that, well, no matter what you do, it'll feel forced if they end up together. Bon being warmer towards Lyra, or having other kind of reaction, would sell it better. Just smiling and looking at Lyra when she walks away and thinks nobody is seeing her is a step in the right direction... But it's not enough to actually give that angle enough oomph.

My two bits, I guess. Prompts for the story, man. Well-deserved feature, even though the ending could've been better.

7044532

First, I want to thank you for taking the time to write this comment. It's constructive, but not harsh or derogatory, which I really appreciate. I also appreciate the critiques you made and the praise you gave.

What you pointed out about Bon Bon's characterization/attitude towards Lyra and the conclusion feeling forced and/or rushed are things I was worried about going into publishing this. I would have liked to have had more time to smooth out the ending and perhaps go back to re-evaluate Bon Bon's actions and what could have been done there, but I was feeling pressed for time. That's my own fault for wanting to publish this on St. Paddy's Day. I should have either tried to work on this earlier or published it later in hindsight. There are other reasons this may not have gone as spectacularly as I would have liked in terms of quality (not that I'm complaining about its reception—it's been quite well received and I'm genuinely happy with that), but this isn't really the place to go into those details.

But yes, if I were to do this again, I'd give Bon Bon's warmer reception to Lyra more oomph earlier in the story and in most likeliness change the conclusion so it would've been less cut-and-dry romance. I am super happy to hear that you liked Lyra. She was an absolute gas to write and I want to return to writing her sometime in the future. Maybe this means I'll have to give LyraBon another go, though perhaps with more of a focus on Bon Bon and more time to settle down and iron out a better conclusion.

Lyra as pony Irish? I like it.

“Like getting out of my store before I file for a restraining order?” Bon Bon arched her brow. “The legal office is just down the street.”

Well, this isn't going well so far.

“Oh, they best be!” Lyra beamed, swinging the door open. “Because it’s Saint Paddy’s Day, and I’m going to shamrock your world!”

Oh lordy.

Of course that plan didn't work, everyone knows that leprechauns don't actually exist.

Honestly, Lyra is pushing way too hard with this, it's on the verge of just being too stalkery, and probably only isn't on account of Lyra being a mare and not a stallion. Put a dude on her place, following some woman around town who keeps saying no, and Bon Bon would be getting that restraining order for certain.

I mean, it ended well, and maybe I was misreading Bon Bon's reactions and she really was being slightly flirty all day, but as I read the story it really just made me more and more uncomfortable rather than make me pull for the ship to launch.

7044780

My intention going in was that Lyra would be over-the-top, because that's how I imagine she is and Bon Bon knows that she is indeed over-the-top. I also tried to hint that Bon Bon kind of likes that about Lyra or else she would have gotten that restraining order ages ago or would've been more serious when she said "no." It was only when Bon Bon got more serious with her nos that Lyra got wise and figured out that wasn't going to work out for her.

And I'm sad to hear it made you more uncomfortable as it went on. Again, I tried to show that Bon Bon wasn't being totally against the idea, but like I said to Aragon, that maybe didn't pan out as well as I would have liked.

I really want to like this more than I ultimately do but I'm sorry, this rendition of Lyra doesn't deserve a happy ending. She was just so inconsiderate and selfish all the way through. Sure you could feel that she had more than a superficial attraction to Bon Bon, but she didn't show any kind of respect for her feelings or privacy. As soon as a main character throws phrases like "You don't mean that!" and "Playing hard to get", its tough to empathize with them. In the end, I didn't want Bon Bon to end up with her, I wanted Bon Bon to be freed of that stalker that has been pestering her for apparently weeks now with shallow pick-up lines. Maybe if Lyra hadn't taken a huge page out of Zap Brannigan's book, I would have wanted her to win in the end.

7043901 I don't think ahead very much :twilightsheepish:. Yes, in hindsight, I should've sent a PM. I will remove my comment if you wish. I am usually not one to "advertise", but I just thought he might enjoy my story... and the reply button was right there and then... yeah... :twilightblush::twilightblush::twilightblush:

(Sorry again :fluttershbad::fluttershyouch::pinkiesad2:)

7045678

She was just so inconsiderate and selfish all the way through

Ouch. I'm sorry that this was what you got out of it. My intention with Lyra wasn't to make her inconsiderate or selfish, just thick-skulled. I think what you might be missing (and what may not have been as emphasized as I would have liked) is the fact that Bon Bon didn't particularly see her as a psycho-stalker. Annoying, yes, but more endearingly so. If Bon Bon wanted Lyra to stop, she would've gotten Lyra to stop.

That being said, your reactions are fair. They may not match my thoughts going in and what I thought I portrayed, but they're your own.

7045791

Don't worry about it! Your comment is fine where it is. Just keep the PM thing in mind for next time.

No apologies necessary. :twilightsmile:

quickmeme.com/img/5b/5b5e516d0c21f3a13be63fd85f913c1ce6d656eea376ad35b75ed8269d5bbe21.jpg

Lyra can thank Celestia for the mysterious magical properties of Guinness! Also, that was a very nice and fun to read story.

7045934

Guinness solves all problems.

It was obviously her drinking some that turned everything around for her.

P.S. I'm glad you liked the story.

7043880 #sellout

Nah, you're fine man! I shall check out your story!:pinkiehappy:

7045864
I am sorry, I would have liked to enjoy it more but I just point to this part:

“Please, if you wanted to do that you would’ve already. You dig me, I dig you, and all these ponies are going to watch me prove it.” Waggling her ears, Lyra leaned down to bring her nose to nose with her soon-to-be girlfriend. She sniffed and her heart did a little conga in her chest.

That is creepy! Imagine a guy throwing around pick-up lines like Lyra does and then just upright sniffing a girl's hair.
Ultimately, I never got the impression that Lyra wanted Bon Bon to be happy with her, but more that Lyra wanted a new toy.

Ouch! That was a cruel punishment!

I think half the reason I even clicked on this is because I was so shocked at seeing someone actually call the day by its correct Irish shortening (Saint Paddy's Day) instead of the incorrect American shortening (Saint Patty's Day). As an actual Irish person the incorrect phrase irritates me to no end.

Unfortunately, I'm not a huge fan of shipping or romance, so I won't be reading it. But I do appreciate someone actually bothering to look up the culture they're using for their story. I like 'Neighlic' as a pun on 'Gaelic'. I've never thought of that one before.

An féidir leat labhairt as Gaeilge, a chara?

7046951 it's more of a crack shipfic honestly, not an extreme crack fic more... Just that little bit wonky that makes em great.

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